by Tiya Rayne
“Apparently the last time we talked you didn’t get the warning.”
The smug smile disappears off Buck’s pudgy face. The two men with him look on nervously between me and Buck.
“You threatening me, son?” Buck’s hands rest on the hilt of his gun.
I laugh in his fat face. “You think because some dumbass gave you a badge and a gun I’m supposed to be afraid of you?” I toss a couple of bills on the table to more than cover Zora and my coffee along with a tip for the waitress. I stand up causing Buck to step back. “Next time you see me, walk the other way.” I turn to leave him standing at my table.
“That new fiancée of yours sure is beautiful.” I pause in the doorway when Buck mentions Melissa. “I wonder what she would think of you if she were to find out you were a coon lover back in the day.” He laughs at his little threat to me.
I turn to fully face him, crossing my arms over my chest. “That’s your ace in the hole?” I laugh at his confused face. “You and this town are the only inbred morons that would have an issue with that. Nobody, outside of your small ass world, gives a shit that I dated a black girl.” I take a step towards him and Buck takes a step back. “And if you ever use one of your racist bullshit words to refer to Zora again, I’ll give you a matching limp for that other leg.” I nod at the other cops beside him and head out the door.
I hate this fucking town.
Chapter Nine
“I
t was my sister’s wedding and Zora was the flower girl. She must have been about five or six. Right, Honey?”
“She had just turned five, Charles.” My mom smiles proudly as my dad tells the discharge nurse another story about my childhood.
“She had just turned five, and my wife had her all dressed up in this expensive gorgeous white dress with a pretty pink bow at the back. Her hair was in two cute pony tails with pink ribbons. She looked like an angel. Then my wife tell her……what did you tell her, Honey?”
“I told her not to get dirty.”
“That’s right. Not three minutes later she comes back inside and looked like she had been in a fight with the ground. Dress was all messed up, ribbons missing, and hair had come undone.”
“Oh no!” The nurse, who’ve had to listen to three stories just like this one, says. She’s a great sport, because the stories are about me and I don’t even want to hear them.
My dad roars with laughter. “At this point my wife is spitting mad. Zora just looks at her with those innocent eyes, one hand on her little hip and says, ‘Well, I’m supposed to be the flower girl, and nobody thought to give me flowers.’”
The nurse laughs out loud and looks at me shaking her head.
“Do you remember that, Zora?” Dad looks over to me with laughter and good times dancing in his eyes.
I wanted to tell him, of course I remembered that day, but I remembered the switch mama took to my legs a whole lot more than I remember my reply. However, I don’t ruin the moment. Not for my dad, but for the little girl sitting beside me that has found every story funny so far. I didn’t talk about my past with Peyton—for obvious reasons. I can’t talk about my youth without thinking about Luke. Even with this story all I can remember is that I wore my hair in those same ponytails that first day of first grade when I met Luke. I knew that this was giving my daughter the opportunity to meet the girl before I broke my own heart. I don’t ruin it for her by telling my dad I had no interest in going down memory lane with him. Especially when he wants to celebrate my independence and free spirit, knowing how he eventually resented it.
I smile weakly at my dad and say, “I’m going to get something to drink.” I turn to my daughter. “Do you want one, Peyton?”
She shakes her head no and my dad immediately goes into another story. This one is about me getting lost in the mall.
I couldn’t get out of that room fast enough.
I find a vending machine on the other side of the third floor. My bottle water had just fallen from the machine when I hear a familiar voice.
“Zora? Zora Henderson?”
I turn around and come face to face with Clarissa Matthews, my childhood best friend.
Clarissa and I were like two peas in a pod. I met her in Sunday school class at my church when I was three. We went to all the same schools together and was often in the same classes. I thought of Clarissa as a sister. Until Luke. When my relationship with Luke went public, Clarissa—like many others—pulled away from me. However, it was Clarissa’s actions that hurt the most. Not long before I started dating Luke, I was going out with a guy name Tyrik. Tyrik was tall with smooth cinnamon brown skin. He always wore his hair in a low fade with the sharp edges and beautiful waves. He was handsome. He and I dated off and on for years starting when I was 14. Tyrik’s uncle was my godfather and my daddy’s best friends. Everyone thought he and I were the perfect couple. Clarissa was Tyrik’s biggest fan. She was always rooting for him and me to stay together. When we broke up that last time, she was dying for us to get back together. Never happened. He turned out to be a bigger monster than Buck Mitchell. I shake my head, blocking the memory of that horrible night. The night the woman in front of me put the nail in the coffin of our friendship.
“Oh my goodness! I thought that was you.”
Clarissa’s light brown skin and down turned eyes look just the same as it did when I last saw her. She was a lot skinnier than she use to be. In fact, she bordered on damn near malnourished, and her eyes aren’t as bright with ambition and dreams as I remembered. Although, they weren’t very bright that night either. Her make-up was a little heavy for my taste also, but otherwise, time has been good to her.
She pushes her long brown weave behind her shoulder and her huge diamond wedding ring catches the light and nearly blinds me. She was probably wearing in jewelry, clothes, and hair more than I make in a year.
“Hey Clarissa!” I say as I tuck my wallet back in my cross body purse. My reply was just as short as her loyalty turned out to be.
“Wow!” Clarissa steps back looking me up and down. “You look amazing. I love your hair. I’ve thought about going natural, but I’m not sure how it would look on me.”
I only nod as I twist the top off of my water and take a swig. Clarissa watches my every movement.
“I can’t believe you are actually back in town.” She continues to say. “I heard you were, I just thought it was another rumor.” She shakes her head. “The rumor mill went crazy when you disappeared after that guy broke up with you.”
My only response to her words is a raise of my eyebrows. First, I want to smack her ass for pretending she didn’t remember Luke’s name. God knows she said it enough times back then to remember it. “I can’t believe you let Tyrik go for Luke. Black men have it bad enough in this country and you just turn your back on your entire race for Luke?” Those were her last words to me right before I walked into an ambush.
“Is that what happened?” I cock my head to the side staring at her like Peyton does when she’s curious.
Clarissa’s eyes widen before she starts stammering over her words. “I mean….it’s just….that’s what they said.”
“Hmmm” Is my only response. “It was nice seeing you again, Clarissa.” A lie.
I turn to walk away and she rushes to stand in front of me. Her heels clicking against the white tile floor.
“Wait,” She holds her hands out in front of me, her long fake nails are pointed on the ends like witch claws. Fitting. “I said the wrong thing, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought Luke up. I can imagine it’s painful for you.” She pauses and her eyes cut to the floor before looking back up to me. “Look, I just want to sit down and talk. Maybe catch up with each other? We use to be able to talk for hours about anything.” She chuckles at her trip down memory lane.
I wonder on her trip did she visit all the sights. Did she stop at the memory where she watched Tyrik and his best friend break the windows out of my car, or did she skip past all that stuff to the ‘g
ood’ stuff.
“I’ll start it off,” She offers. “I’m married.” She beams showing off the wedding ring that not even a blind man could miss. “It will be eight years in September. Little Tyrik junior is seven going on…….”
“Wait, you’re married to Tyrik? My ex, Tyrik Smith?”
Her smile slips a little as she nods her head. “We kind of bonded senior year.” She goes on to explain her reasons. “He was just so hurt after……you know. And he needed a shoulder to lean on. And I kind of always had a crush on him…….but I never acted on it until you guys broke up, Zora, I swear.”
I can’t help but laugh. I double over holding my belly as I laugh. Damn, it’s so obvious now. It explains why she was always on his side, why she was so mad after I broke up with him, how she always talked about how great of a guy she thought he was. All the signs were right there in my face and I was too blinded by our friendship that I didn’t see it. When I can’t laugh anymore I wipe the mirth from my eyes and stand up straight.
“Are you mad?” She asks, eyeing me skeptically.
“Girl, no!” I wave her off. “I wish you would have told me. I would have let you had him sooner.”
Her eyes widen and her back stiffens at my words. I wasn’t saying it to be rude, but whatever, she can take it how she wants to.
“Well, we are doing fine. In fact we are only in town to visit his parents. Soon we will be on our way to New York. Tyrik was asked to come to try outs for the Knicks.”
I watch as her entire demeanor has changed. She went from, ‘I just want to catch up,’ to ‘I want to show you how awesome my life is’ in a split second. I knew Tyrik had went off to college to play basketball. He was a decent player in high school. I hadn’t heard of him being drafted for any NBA teams, but I also didn’t care enough to keep up with him. All the feelings I might have had for Tyrik was ripped from me the night Clarissa set me up.
I smile at her snooty tone. There is nothing she could say that would make me envious of her life. Tyrik only loved one thing in life, and that was himself. Well, and women. Tyrik loved women. Which was another problem I had with him, that boy had a wondering eye, mind, and penis. I can only hope he has grown out of it.
“Well I am happy for you guys and I wish you both the best.” I could really give a shit and they both deserved each other.
“What about you, are you married? Any kids? What’s been going on with you?”
“Not married.” I show her my bare ring finger that I know she has already examined. “I do have a daughter and I live in Chicago.”
“Wow! You have a child?” Her face lights up and she’s back to being friendly Clarissa. “I would never be able to tell. You look so fit.”
“Thank you?” I wasn’t sure how to respond to that.
“Tyrik and I have been thinking about having another baby.” She rolls her eyes. “At least I have been thinking about it. He’s just been so focused on his career. Ever since he got cut from the Hawk’s and then hurt his knee, he’s been trying to find a new team.”
This time her voice isn’t snobbish. She must have forgotten that we have years and betrayal between us, because she is pouring her feelings out to me like we were best friends catching up.
“I sometimes wish he would just come to terms with this being the end of his basketball dreams,” She goes on to say after glancing down at her manicured nails. “All of this moving from state to state trying to get back on a team is tiresome. My dad said he didn’t think Tyrik would make it in the NBA in the first place. He said Tyrik should have stayed in college.” She laughs humorlessly. “I told Ty that he should be proud, he went two years longer than most people ever will. When the Hawk’s cut him he thought he would get picked up right away. He ended up playing overseas for a year and a half before he messed his knee up. Everyone thought it was over after that. He believes he still has it. After two years, he’s ready to go back to the NBA.” She takes a deep breath as if those thoughts were weighing heavy on her shoulders.
I only listen. Sometimes that is all people need, an ear to listen to their shitty problems. I couldn’t offer her any advice or kind words, because I didn’t give two shits about Tyrik or her problems. I didn’t feel bad about how I felt. Tyrik put me through hell my last year in high school. His cruelty knew no ends and were at times criminal. He smashed the windows out of my car twice—once with me inside. He pushed me down the stairs at school—I walked with a limp for two days after that. He sent naked pictures of me to everybody at school. I wasn’t actually naked in the picture. One summer Tyrik and I met up at his uncle’s house to go swimming. I wore a strapless bikini top. He asked me to pose for a picture and I playfully placed my arm over the top covering the material. It made it look as if I had no top on and the camera cut off my bottom so to the unknown eye, I looked naked. The caption he added to the picture—“When you think you’re getting a virgin, but she’s really a slut”—didn’t help either. He sent the picture out when he saw scratch marks on Luke’s back during gym. It was right after Luke and I had had sex for the first time. Those pictures circulated the school so fast, by the time I got home, Langston was there and he was pissed. Nothing more embarrassing than having the “Don’t be a whore” talk with your big brother.
Clarissa was no different than Tyrik. Although she never physically abused me, she had her faults. She stood on the sidelines as I was bullied and tortured at school—often times laughing at some of the pranks that was pulled on me. She even stood by and watched when I was jumped in the bathroom by four girls. Then there was that night. So, even though it may be water under the bridge for Clarissa, and this seems like the best time to catch up like old pals, I have nothing to say to her.
“I’ve missed you over the years.” She starts. “I know I hurt you, I just……. really hate we ended the way we did…...”
“Yeah, well whose fault was that?”
An awkward silence circles us. Clarissa places an arm over her stomach rubbing the elbow on the opposite arm. I start to feel a little bad. I admit I went through a lot because of my love for Luke—and if it had been Clarissa going through it I would have stuck by her side even if I didn’t agree with the relationship. I understand not everyone could have dealt with what I went through. Maybe she foresaw the shit storm coming my way and opted out of the storm. I’m pretty sure if she had had my back she would have been just as much a target as I was. And maybe she was that in love with Tyrik that she couldn’t see how wrong she was. Hey, I can’t knock it, I understand true love more than anybody. Maybe her actions had nothing to do with her prejudice after all, maybe she was just a fool for love and that was why she stood by and watched as I was nearly raped.
“I’m truly sorry for my part that night. I really did think I was doing what was best for you.” She goes on to say. “And I really hope that you and I can repair our friendship. Especially now that you see we were right about Luke.”
My head jumps as if I’ve just been nudged in the forehead by her words. My eyes squint as I look at her to clarify just what the fuck she is saying.
“Excuse me?”
“Oh come on, Zora. You can admit it, Luke used you. He got what he wanted from you and left you before he went off to college. Now he’s making all that money and getting married to some white chick. I hate to say this, but we told you so.”
This time when I laugh, it isn’t because anything is funny. “You know what, for a split second I almost forgot how much of a bitch you turned out to be.” Her mouth opens on a silent O. “You know nothing about Luke and me. Do not EVER mention him to me again. Have a great fucking life with your rapist husband.” I turn on my heels and march off leaving her staring behind me.
**********
I peek in the back seat over my shoulder watching my daughter laugh at something my father says. The way she looks at him reminds me of myself. I once thought everything my father said was funny too. I use to love everything he did. I was truly in every sense a daddy’s gi
rl. Until the day I wasn’t. I turn back around in the front passenger seat of my mom’s Lincoln Navigator. The soulful sounds of The Temptations greatest hits telling me to ‘Get Ready’ plays through the speakers. I look out the window, my mind a million miles away. I close my eyes and Luke’s hazel ones pop in my head.
I can’t believe how good he looks now. I had mentally prepared myself for if I ever saw him again. I had assumed he would be angry with me, rightfully so. I had even prepared myself to get a brush off or him throwing up his success in my face. I told myself that no matter what I would be strong, I would take whatever he dished out. I was not prepared for him to be so kind. I could still see the anger lying behind his eyes. I know what happened between us still bothers him, but I never expected him to want to spend time with me. Luke is not mine, he has a fiancée, and I have Peyton. I know I have to be careful. Seeing him again is dangerous in so many ways. I was able to walk away from Luke one time, I don’t know if I can again. Even though I know all this, the thought of him not calling me has my stomach twisting in knots. The knots probably would have remained if I hadn’t noticed something outside my window.
“Ummm, Mama, this isn’t the way home.”
I cut my eyes over to Vanessa Henderson. I can tell by the tight line of her lips that she’s about to say something I’m not going to like. Her manicured nails tighten around the steering wheel as she cuts her eyes to the left.
“I have a stop to make first.” She explains.