by Tiya Rayne
“I’m not going anywhere with you, I want to stay with my daddy!”
Jesus, be a fence. I place my fingers at the bridge of my nose trying to squeeze away the stress headache.
“I’m going to ask you one more time to go and get your things.” I say calmly.
“No!” She screams. “I hate you.”
“Little girl, you take your narrow behind in that house right now and pack your bags. And I swear if you say another word I will forget you are only speaking out of pain.”
Thankfully my warning was enough for my daughter, she storms back in my parents’ house. I follow behind her into the house and half way up the stairs with my family behind me all speaking at once.
“You can’t go.”
“We can help.”
“Don’t run, Zora.”
This time their pleas will fall on deaf ears. I couldn’t stay here and let Luke rip my daughter from me. I couldn’t lose them both. And I know Luke, he was mad enough to do it. I was at the top step when my sister’s voice stops me.
“Zora, be reasonable. Surely you knew this was going to happen. You made the decision to keep his daughter from him.”
I turn my fury to my sister. We’d made progress today, but it seems we were slipping back into our old ways. I march back down the stairs to where my family is standing at the foot of the stairs watching me.
“Yes, a decision you encouraged me to make.”
My mother gasp beside my sister.
“Maya what is she talking about?” Langston asks.
“Oh don’t blame me.” Maya shrieks. “I only told you what I did, because I thought you would do what mom and dad wanted.”
“The abortion, right?” I say, so sick of that damn word. “That was the easy route for everyone. Why didn’t I just get the abortion like everybody wanted? In fact, why not do it now.” I mock.
My family is looking at me like I’ve lost my mind and maybe I have.
“Who wants to do it? Mom? Dad? We can use dad’s .45 and just walk up those steps and blow her brains out.”
“Zora enough.” Langston shouts.
“You’re being absurd.” Maya argues.
I shake my head at my family
“You guys don’t get it. She wasn’t real to you then. She wasn’t a smart, funny little girl that loves to babysit her cousins, and go to museums. She didn’t laugh at your jokes or like to cook with you. She was just a nameless, faceless thing that you could write off with one little sentence. You had no problem with wiping her existence from this world if it meant you got to keep your peace of mind. It took you seeing her, and getting to know her before the baby you wanted me to terminate became real to you. For me, she was real the moment that first test was positive. Just as no one would walk up those stairs right now and end her life, I couldn’t do it then. I gave everyone what they wanted. You were either going to get both of us or neither. And you were pretty clear you didn’t want both.” I take a breath, feeling my tears start to well back up in my eyes. “I was seventeen.” The words come out strained. I try them again. “17 years old. I was pregnant and scared out of my mind. All I wanted was for someone to tell me it would be ok. That it wasn’t the end of the world.” My tears are falling faster down my face now. “But I didn’t get that. I was reminded of how big of a fuck up I was. How selfish I was being for wanting to keep my baby. How wrong I was for falling for a man that loved me and supported me. I love him. I love him so much.” I break down as I say those words.
My body shakes with my sobs. I have to fight through. I need to finally get this off my chest. It felt therapeutic. For so long I kept this inside and it felt like a weight was settling on my shoulders. Now the weight has lifted and I feel like I can breathe again.
I rub my hand under my nose wiping away the tears and snot. I was mess.
“Luke put me before everything else in his life. But you thought he was wrong for me because he wasn’t black or wealthy.” I sigh. “I left. I tore my heart out so that everyone could be happy. I cried, starved, I slept in cars, and in shelters. I worked two jobs to make ends meet. I fell asleep to the sound of gunshots and even woke up to a robbery once, but I gave you your happiness. And I would still do it all over again for my little girl.” I wiped away the tears that were still dripping from my face.
I looked out at my family. Their faces a mix of sadness, shame and remorse. Everyone is crying. Even my brother’s eyes are wet and red. I think we all needed this moment. For me it was releasing the anger and bitterness that I’ve had inside me for so long. I was doing great over the last five weeks with solely mending relationships. However, there was always something stopping me, something preventing me from letting my family all the way back in. I realize now that it was my hurt. I was still hurt from what they did to me. Getting this out and off my chest feels like the walls I had built around me were finally tumbling down.
The silence is broken by my mother’s words. “Will you give us a chance?” Her red swollen eyes are staring back at me. “You are right, Zora. You needed us once and we failed you. We were so set on the plans we had for you that we didn’t take the time to realize you were making your own destiny. I was so blinded by the past and my fears for you that I pushed you away. I made you feel as if you had no one. I made you feel that your only options was to run away and raise a child on your own. I am truly sorry, baby. It is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life.” My mom breaks away from the rest of the family to come up to me. She places her hand on my cheeks wiping away the tears that refuse to stop falling. “We lost focus on what is really important, and that is our kids’ happiness. I didn’t want to see how happy you were with Luke at the time. Looking back, it was always there. I allowed you to face the ugliness of the world alone one time, Zora. But never again. Let us make up for the past. Don’t run this time. Stay, and allow your family to help fight this battle with you.” She pulls me into her and I go happily, wrapping my arms around her waist and burying my tear soaked face into her shoulder. My mother holds me tight and rubs my back as she soothes me. I didn’t know how bad I needed this until I was in her arms. I felt Langston next. His soothing smell wrapping around me from the back.
“I got your back, little sister.” He whispers in my ear and my body shakes with my tears. One by one my family joins in the group hug, all assuring me that this time, I wasn’t alone.
Chapter Twenty
“I ’m telling you, Marshawn. I’m livid.” I pace across the floor in the living room of my suite.
I drove straight back to my hotel after leaving Zora. I’ve never in my life been so angry with her. I knew there was something about Peyton. My baby, Peyton. Looking at her in my arms, I can’t believe I couldn’t tell. She is the spitting image of me. My eyes, my nose, she even has my large ears that slightly sticks out from my head. The only thing she has that resembles Zora is her lips and smile. She’s completely Zora there. As bad as I wanted to keep my daughter in my arms and never let her go, I had to walk away. I was so pissed at Zora that I could imagine myself shaking the shit out of her.
Marshawn’s voice brings my attention back to the phone call.
“Let me get this straight. You got a girl pregnant in high school. She knew the kid was yours, and she never tried to hustle you for child support or some huge cash payout?”
“No!” I argue.
My voice rising at the realization that not once did Zora call and ask me for help.
“She lied to me and kept the kid a secret. If I hadn’t ran into her here, I probably would have never known.”
Marshawn laughs. “I swear this some white folks shit. Bro, do you know how many females try to claim I’m their baby daddy just so they can get paid? Just last week some chick tried to get me with that ‘I’m on the pill’ line. As athletes that shit comes with the territory. But you have a seven year old, and not once did that girl try to get you for your money. I don’t see the problem.”
“You don’t see the pro
blem?” I shout. “The problem is she robbed me of a chance to be in my daughter’s life. I would have given it all up for her. Just to keep them, I would give up all the money I have.”
“If you ask me, she got the raw end of the deal. If I was your old girl, I would sue the shit out of you.”
I grumble at his laughter on the other end of the phone. I finally stop pacing and collapse down in my seat.
“How do you make me feel like the bad guy in this?”
“Because that’s what I do. Look, you’re a millionaire. You went off to college for free. You were drafted into the NFL. Do you know how many little boys dream of doing what we’ve done? Not even 1% gets this dream, Luke. You are able to do what you love, buy what you want, date who you want, and travel where you want. Meanwhile, she was stuck raising a kid, on a waitress’s salary. She did you favor, Man. Instead of being pissed off, you should have told her Thank You! Not many women would do that shit. Hell, if I was a woman I wouldn’t. I would have had your ass paying child support and every other support I could get out of you.”
At this I laugh because if Marshawn were a woman I could see him doing just that.
A knock on my door interrupts my phone call.
“Someone is at my door. I’ll call you back.” I tell my best friend and teammate.
“Cool, tell my niece I said hi when you see her again.” The line goes silent.
I place my phone on the coffee table and head to the door. Standing on the other side is a person I thought I would never see at my door.
“Mr. Henderson.” I say as soon as I open the door.
“Hello Luke. Can I come in?”
I cross my arms over my chest and glare down at the man that once hated me so much he threatened to kick his daughter out of his house.
“Funny, I remember standing on your porch asking you the same thing. However, you slammed the door in my face.”
He looks down and I can tell he’s ashamed of that memory.
“I did.” He admits looking back up at me. “I did a lot of hurtful things back then. One of them was not taking the time to get to know the young man that stole my daughter’s heart. If you let me come in, I would like to make up for that.”
I remain in my spot for a second longer before stepping back and letting him enter. He walks in and waits for me to shut the door. I guide him to the sitting area and take a seat, but he remains standing. I thought to tell him to have a seat, but I wasn’t making him that comfortable. I still remember the welts on Zora’s face when she told them about Peyton.
My daughter. I’ll never get enough of saying those words.
“She looks good doesn’t she?” he asks and I don’t even pretend like I don’t know what he’s talking about.
“Yeah she does.” I admit. Even though I’m mad at her I can’t deny how beautiful she is.
“I always thought that if I ever saw her again that I wouldn’t recognize her, but she still looks like my baby.” I don’t comment. “On the outside at least.” He says this as an afterthought. “But I guess that’s my fault. As a father, you will find that you always want to protect your child. You have this vision of what you want for them. Sometimes, the vision comes to plan and it’s wonderful. Then sometimes, your kid strays and you will have to learn how to adjust your vision accordingly. I wish I’d figured that part out sooner.”
“What are you doing here, Mr. Henderson?”
His dark brown eyes look down to me and I’m struck with how much they resemble Zora’s.
“I lost my daughter, Luke. For years I was plagued with visions of her being afraid and scared. I feared that she was alone, cold, living on the streets, or worse, someone was taking advantage of her.”
My blood runs cold when his words register. I never imagined those things. Were they true? Had Zora suffered any in her time away? Did she need or cry for me while I was away thinking that she didn’t love me? My mind race with all the possibilities that could have occurred.
“I stayed awake many nights wishing that I could just go back and change things. I vowed that if I got a second chance with my baby girl, I would do all that I could to make her life better.”
Mr. Henderson finally sits down in the chair next to the couch. He leans forward resting his elbows on his knees. Those dark brown eyes looks to me with resilience.
“I will do anything to make Zora happy. And what makes her happy, is you. So I’ve come to you, man to man, to ask you to forgive her. I know what she did was wrong. She should have never took off with that baby. But Luke, my daughter loves you. I can’t imagine raising Peyton alone was easy, but she did it only thinking about you.”
I knew what he said was making sense. Zora thought she was doing it for me, but all I can see at the moment is a child that doesn’t know me. A child that thought I didn’t want her. I needed time. I was about to tell Mr. Henderson that when my phone rang. The name across the screen made me answer it.
“Zora, I need…”
“Is she with you?” Her panicked voice made me pause.
“What?”
“Peyton. Is Peyton with you? Please, Luke, don’t take my baby. Please.” She breaks down on the phone crying.
My heart breaks and my anger crumbles at the sound of her desperate sobbing. I was angry when I stormed away from that house. I really did plan on calling my lawyers and fighting for custody of my daughter. Hearing her cry like this changes my mind.
Hold on!
“Peyton is missing?”
Mr. Henderson’s head snaps up and his eyes squint in confusion.
“She snuck out. I can’t find her, I can’t find my dad. She’s so angry with me. I don’t know where she is. My baby is out there somewhere.”
She wasn’t even taking a breath in between her words.
“Zora, calm down.” I stand to my feet. “Your father is here with me. Don’t worry. I’m on my way.”
“Hurry, Luke!”
“I’m on my way, Darlin’. I’ll be there soon.”
I hang up the phone and I don’t even have to wait for Mr. Henderson to jump up and follow me out of the hotel suite.
***
I pull up to Zora’s parent’s house. The moment I walk in the door Zora leaps out of her seat and into my arms. She’s crying so hard her body is shaking. I hold her tight to my chest. Zora and I still had some things to work out, but right now she needed me and she was going to have me.
“Don’t worry, Zo. We will find her.”
“How long has she been gone?” Mr. Henderson asks.
“We aren’t sure. Anywhere from two hours to thirty minutes. That’s when Zora went upstairs to check on her and realized she wasn’t there. We drove around trying to find her, but haven’t had any luck.” Langston answers.
He’s standing over the woman that’s always with Peyton at the park. I’m assuming it’s his wife. I notice Calvin has his hands around Zora’s sister. Why the hell isn’t he comforting his girlfriend? You know what, it doesn’t matter, because I’m here now.
“Luke, maybe you can convince my sister to call the police now.” Maya says.
It’s the first time she has ever spoken to me.
Zora stiffens in my arms and pulls away.
“No!” she demands.
Her sister throws her hands up and rolls her eyes.
“You are being ridiculous. We need the police. Your daughter is out there somewhere.”
“I know that, Maya!” Zora shouts and I wrap my arms around her again to pull her back into my chest. “I can’t call the police.”
“Why?”
Those sad brown eyes look up at me. “Buck Mitchell.”
This time my body tenses. I remember the last conversation I had with Peyton. She told me that a policeman touched her mother.
“Look, Zora, that cop was an asshole. But you can’t let your altercation with him scare you away from seeking help from the police force.” Langston argues.
Zora shakes her head. “It’s not me I’m w
orried about, Langston. The day he pulled me over, when he……touched me.” She cringes when she says the words. “He threatened Peyton. He said that if I came after him for what he did, he would sic his friends on Peyton. Friends that liked little girls.”
“Oh my God!” Maya gasps and curls into Calvin’s chest.
Mrs. Henderson starts crying and Langston swears out loud.
I place a kiss on top of Zora’s head and let her go. She turns to me confused. I head towards the door.
“Luke where are you going?” She calls out to me.
I don’t stop. All I can think about is killing that fucker. It’s one thing to touch and torture Zora, but that muthafucker threatened my daughter. He was going to die this time. I hear Zora’s family coming out of the house behind me. Light rain has started to fall from the sky.
“Stay here, Zora. I’ll talk to him.”
I hear Mr. Henderson say. It was no use. I was sure there was nothing he could say to change my mind.
“Luke, son, I know what you’re thinking.” He says behind me. “I can read it all over your face. But I need you to be smart. He’s a cop, and you have a career.” I turn to look at the man that I once despised. I glare in his eyes. Did he think I gave a fuck about my career when that sick bastard threatened my daughter?
“I know how you feel, Luke.” He continues on as I storm towards my truck. “You finally got her back. Both of them, and you’re going to ruin it. You can’t be a father from behind a jail cell.” Those were the words that registered. I stop as the rain falls into my hair and down my face. “My daughter and yours need you. They need you to have a level head. We will get that cop, I promise you he will pay for what he did to my daughter.”
Mr. Henderson was right. Zora and Peyton needed me. I needed to be smart. I look back at the porch where Mrs. Henderson is holding on to a crying Zora. It was in that moment I realized that I would do anything to be with her.
“We need to find Peyton.” I say.
“She doesn’t know much of the town.” Langston says. “She’s only ever went to the park really and we checked there. We don’t know where else she would have gone.”