by C. D. Gill
“It was the last thing Carolena asked of us before she lost her ability to communicate entirely,” Ma said.
“When we dug a little deeper, we found that she’d started using heavier drugs.” Daddy rubbed his face with his free hand. His fatigue showed through. “It wasn’t a constant use, so it made her feel as if she had power over when she used and didn’t. Since Carolena died and Joey left, no one is home to keep her accountable. And drugs have made her dependent. We offered for her to live with us. She declined. She doesn’t need a parent and she resented the idea that we would suggest she live somewhere that she would have company. We lost track of her movements and usage when we had to pool the security resources for protecting the rest of the family from this lunatic. This is my fault.” Daddy sighed, resting his head against the seat back.
The tears streamed down Gia’s cheeks. “I know you were protecting me and trying to keep her confidence, but can you include me in things like this? I’m trying my very best to be here for my family like I wasn’t the last few years. I failed in that. I know. It hurts so bad to find out that I’m the last to know anything, even things that directly affect my life. I’m not asking for gossip. I’m asking to be let in on the real day-to-day issues our loved ones are facing. People aren’t telling me what is going on. Maybe they don’t trust me, because I got Uncle Angelo killed. Or they think I’m too delicate to handle real life. I don’t know, but I can’t go on living in the dark.”
A hiccup stole her breath. “I should have been on the front lines of telling Cara what drugs would do to her, what they did to me. I hid my rehab from her thinking I’d protect her from the ugliness of it. Instead, she missed the danger completely. She thought I had quit without any help.”
The sobs came full force. She was to blame for Cara’s drug use. What she thought was shielding her family had made them more vulnerable. It was the exact same thing Daddy and Ma had done to her.
What part had she played in Cara deciding to take her life?
The nurse interrupted their conversation by taking the bags and handing them juice. They stayed in the donation lounge, silently watching a Hallmark Christmas movie with captions on the screens. Ma was on the phone with someone from the family, telling them what happened.
Gia wasn’t really taking in what was happening. The endless questions cycled through her mind. The movement was something to stare at while she processed this reality. She couldn’t demand that people let her into their lives. She couldn’t ask her parents to break the trust of family so she’d feel clued in.
Why didn’t Cara trust her with her darkness? She’d been there, but Cara must not have known.
She had failed Cara so miserably. The shame washed over her in waves. Perhaps she should take the first step by letting others know her real feelings about things going on in her life. Somehow, that felt impossible.
Andy called her name softly from his side of the lounge. “You’ll want to see this.” He motioned her over. His expression was guarded. She stood slowly to her feet and made her way to him.
As she neared his chair, he pointed at the TV on the wall across from him. Entertainment Insights was on.
“I’m sorry about this,” he said.
There in beautiful color were action pictures of her and Andy from the red carpet that evening. She schooled her annoyance. Telling the world about something as trivial as her going to the ballet was what the press did. Everything was a story.
She started to turn away when the headline scrolled onto the screen. “Carter’s New Love Interest?”
Then, someone she’d never met spent over ten minutes dissecting the pictures that were making their way across the internet, the body language, the smiles, Andy leaning in to tell her something. Someone had started a hashtag for TeamNewGuy which offended the staunch TeamXander, inciting a verbal duel again between complete strangers who decided they wanted to comment on her life.
The nausea rose from her stomach to her throat, so she dropped into a nearby chair. Her phone had no notifications. What had Xander told her he was doing tonight?
She clicked his speed dial number, willing him to pick up so she could explain. He probably hadn’t seen the pictures, right? He didn’t watch entertainment nonsense. They’d laugh about how easily a story could be fabricated to fit a narrative and move on.
Straight to voicemail.
That meant he’d seen them, didn’t it? Or was he dead in a ditch somewhere with that random person coming after him?
She left it a few minutes and called him back. This time, she left a message telling him to call her, because Cara was in the hospital, fighting for her life.
In a fog, she followed her parents to the waiting room. Cara had been stabilized. The doctor had reported the surgery to repair the damage was going well so far despite the hours they had still to go. The medical speak flew over her head, but the doctor was hopeful she’d recover full use of her hands.
Ma would stay the night by her side, and Avó would come early to replace her. While they were making the plans, Uncle Roberto, still in his suit, came in carrying Ma’s overnight bag.
Shock and then pained compassion registered on his face as he saw Judita’s bloodied clothes. She ran into his open arms. They talked quietly for a bit in the middle of the emptying waiting room.
Gia’s heart ached. How she wished it were Xander walking in, instead.
“Car’s here,” Daddy said, pointing to the door.
Gia hugged and kissed Ma goodnight. “When Cara wakes up, tell her I love her and I’m glad she made it.”
Ma nodded, disappearing into Daddy’s arms. Gia followed Roberto who ushered Judita to the waiting car. Andy got in behind her. The car ride home was silent.
When they finally trudged through the door at home, the whole family waited for them. Her movements felt as if she were moving underwater. Everyone got a hug, then Antia led her to her room to change.
Antia unzipped Gia’s dress and laid out comfortable clothes. “Want to take a bath?”
Gia sat on her bed, staring at the wall. “This was my fault.”
“You can’t be responsible for her decisions, like she isn’t responsible for yours.” The bed sank as Antia sat beside her and rubbed her back.
She nodded, partly because it was the right answer and partly because she had nothing left to say. Nothing inside her felt that Antia’s words were true at this moment, though someday she knew she would acknowledge the accuracy of it.
“I think I will take that bath then head to sleep.”
Antia started the bathwater while Gia hung her dress in her closet. She’d never be able to wear that again without thinking of tonight’s nightmare. As she sank into the hot bath, the tears started afresh.
She longed to have Xander here to put his strong arms around her and reassure her that life gave good with the bad. Though, it certainly didn’t feel that way. Would he ever put his arms around her again?
How much damage had those photos of her and Andy done?
Shoving it to the side in order to address the much bigger problem would be justified. Dealing with the fallout when not everything was falling apart at the same time was her preferred method. She’d have to wait for him to call or respond.
When the water got cold, Gia hauled herself from the bath. After dressing in her comfiest pajamas,nshe stopped in the family room, but mindlessly watching something on TV didn’t appeal to her. She walked through to the library.
Amos had Joey’s vault-like security cabinet brought to the house while the offices were being redone. The thing was an impenetrable tank taller than she was. Using the code and fingerprint identifiers, Gia popped the door open.
In the main section, the file folders held original prints and copies for every project Uncle Angelo and Joey had worked on. Some of the more recent files were massive, others thin. Uncle Angelo pared his files down to actual design originals and total cost of the project for each one over ten years old. The newer designs had a few
more added to it, and then Joey’s files were fuller since he didn’t have an assistant or want to take the time to only keep the necessities.
At the bottom of the cabinet was decent-sized box labeled Keepsakes. With a smile, Gia slid it from the space. Uncle Angelo had kept a small item of memorabilia from each of his designs, something he found remarkable about the area or materials used or a thank you note or letter of praise from the client. In amongst the rocks and pictures was a booklet.
The cover was worn and tattered. It rankled something in the depths of her memories. The pages were yellowed and covered with Uncle Angelo’s writing.
His idea pad.
Quotes, names, important dates, rough sketches, and thoughts in his tiny, meticulous penmanship gave her the most idyllic feeling. Really, it had been a memory log. They’d teased him for carrying a pad of paper with him in the era of digital notes and cloud storage. The aging paper and the small dimensions gave the pad a sort of unearthed treasure feel, as if the answers to life could be found within the scrawled wisdom.
Long ago, she and Joey had asked for a page to color on. Uncle Angelo was horrified. “Never destroy the wholeness. It disrupts the magic.”
It always maintained its mystery.
The inside cover listed his name and address. Page after page, his love for others took up every line. A family’s need for money. A prayer request for health. An anniversary date of a friend. A silly quote from Joey. A Christmas wish for Cara. A roof design for a library. A wise saying from a book.
Her name made an appearance with her favorite color at the time, lilypad green. Who could forget the time of your childhood when you discovered colors had two or more names which changed the likability of a color completely? The dream house floor plan took on a new depth with a two-name color attached to its walls.
She cringed to think of how she’d pestered her parents to paint the walls of her room electric purple with a cosmic blue accent. Saints.
On one of the pages, his larger handwriting drew her eye. There was no specific date or quote credit given.
“Hiding from the pain intensifies the suffering when it comes, for pain always will come if you are to experience true and lasting growth.”
Gia let her head rest against the wall behind her. She hurt so much in a way she’d never wanted to feel again after Uncle Angelo died in her arms. Life had unraveled in front of her eyes in a similar way. Here once more, she faced a crossroads.
This time she wouldn’t run, wouldn’t hide her wounds. She’d have learn to deal better with the overwhelming grief, to face the pain with resilience, if she was going to ask not to be shielded from it.
It was an ask she wasn’t sure she was prepared for, but she couldn’t continue on as she was. Something had to change.
Chapter 22
There on the screen was a picture of Gia, laughing and looking up at Andy with admiration in her eyes. The title on the picture read, “Carter Heiress Steps Out with New Beau for Night at the Ballet.”
Surrounding the biggest picture were four other photos of the two, cozy and laughing in each other’s company. To add to the smear, the magazine included pictures of people’s comments on them. “He’s so much better looking” and “Upgrade!”
It was like how she looked at him. Or used to.
His stomach plummeted and his hope went with it.
He cleared his throat as he scrambled for something to say. His siblings didn’t bother to hide their worry.
“Well, that doesn’t look good” was what he managed to come up with.
“Alex, I’m so sorry.” Avri threw her arms around him. He winced. “I shouldn’t have shown you that. It took me by surprise to see her with another guy. I have this alert on my phone set so I can see when her name is mentioned to keep tabs on her and you. It’s weird. Anyway, you know how those gossip magazines are when they need a story. They make anything up to get people to read their content. It’s not even real journalism.”
He grunted, unsure of how to respond.
“Who is he?” Linc said, looking ready to bash some heads in. Xander loved him for it.
“Oh, uh, that’s her bodyguard, Andy.” Xander’s voice wavered a bit. “It’s probably nothing.”
“Bodyguard?” Linc and Avri said at the same time.
Xander checked his watch. He didn’t have anywhere to go tonight or tomorrow. “It’s a long story, but I have all night if you want to hear it.”
“Miss out on my big brother’s real-life drama? No way. Come to my place.” They followed Avri to her apartment nearby. Her two roommates were out of town for the holidays, so they would have the place to themselves.
In the silence of his car, he absorbed the pain of seeing his girl, the one he loved most, on the arm of another guy. It took his breath away.
It didn’t mean she’d fallen for Andy, but he did do the dangerous stuff. He went everywhere with her. He saved her life. He was available and not thousands of miles away fighting secret battles and taking interviews for jobs they’d not discussed.
He was attentive, smart, and a good listener, because he was paid to be. Life had gotten very stressful lately, and, honestly, Xander had not kept up with Gia as he wanted. Now, he was suffering publicly for it.
True, the magazines made stories up, but that smile of Gia’s was hard to forge. He wanted to call her up and let his emotions fly. Why was Andy escorting her in the first place? He was security, not a fake boyfriend. It had to be a breach of Andy’s contract to be touching the client.
And the cameras. If Andy had done his job, he would have known about the cameras waiting to photograph them. Guess he decided paparazzi needed something to see.
He turned off his phone. He’d deal with this tomorrow. Tonight, he’d only do something he regretted.
At Avri’s apartment, they settled into the family room with pillows and blankets Avri brought out in armfuls. It was like she lived in the bedding department of Macy’s. Everything smelled flowery, too.
When she finally plopped into the down nest she’d made on her floor, Xander joined her, leaving the couch for Linc. They were missing one sibling, but it was a picture recreated from their childhood except without the overlords being upset about the pillow and blanket forts.
“Start from the beginning with Gia,” Avri said, hugging a pillow to her.
So he did.
From meeting her to the trouble with her ex-boyfriend, Bronc, to trying to keep the love alive long distance, he spilled as much as he remembered. He tried to envision his relationship as they might, though they listened without saying a word.
She could be just another girl.
A girlfriend, not a wife.
Was he sure she was as committed to their relationship as he was?
How much of this was in his head?
They didn’t know how much she was his actual lifeline, his anchor in the chaos, his best friend, the embodiment of who he wanted to be.
That sounded like proposal material.
When he got to the part about messing things up with the interview, Linc inserted a cringe and a “bad move, bro.” No comment from Avri who was buried under three blankets by the time he finished his long-winded tale.
“So should we break up?”
“Are you kidding? Hard no,” Linc said. “She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
Avri gasped. “Absolutely not. You have to let her explain her feelings first. Yeah, long distance isn’t ideal, but when you guys are together, you are like—” Avri flopped over on the pillows. “Magic.”
“That was a crazy story, man. Don’t do anything until you see her in person.” Linc grabbed a blanket and pillow from the floor. “Hey, Av. I’m too tired to drive home. I’m going to sleep on your couch, okay?”
“Yeah, I’m staying, too.” Xander covered himself with a blanket.
“Aw. It’s a sibling sleepover.” Avri grinned. “It’s been a decade, at least.”
“What are you going t
o do now that you’ve ditched frat boy Chad?” The fatigue was starting to steal over him. He still had a hard time believing Benny had pulled a chip from his body earlier today.
Avri sighed, dropping her head to the pillow. “Maybe I’ll quit dating for a while. My best friend, Kennedy, told me this wasn’t it for me. I tried anyway. He’s going to laugh when he hears I dumped another one.”
Xander raised his eyebrows. “He? As in Kennedy is a he?”
“Yeah. He said Chad was completely wrong for me. He’s predicted the end of every relationship I start. I really want to prove him wrong. Meanwhile, he’s not looking for a girl, confident that his true love will just open her eyes and realize he’s it for her. Fool.” Avri added another blanket to her pile. “Maybe I’m doomed to be single. My taste certainly is questionable.”
Why were everyone else’s decisions about love more obvious than his own?
Reaching up to turn out the lamp, he grinned. “I think the right one is closer than you know.”
“Thanks, Xander. I love you,” she mumbled through a yawn.
The next morning, Xander woke up before the other two and sneaked out to grab them breakfast. Never would he have anticipated that dinner and a sibling sleepover would be just what he needed to put life back in his veins.
He turned his phone on and searched for the nearest bakery to grab some sugary carbs after a really late night. He hopped in his car to drive the two miles. The bakery had an airy feel with an enormous amount of seating that Mother Hen didn’t have. Call him crazy, but it didn’t feel as personal or homemade.
With the box stashed safely on his passenger seat, he pulled into traffic. A gray car moved from where they were parked. Xander accelerated to give him room to get out. Three turns later, the gray car was still behind him at length.
Something struck him as odd.
He was almost to Avri’s with breakfast. It was paranoia, right?
To be safe, he switched lanes, made a left turn, and finally parallel parked in front of a shopping strip. The gray car stayed with him, parking when he stopped.