“Aw, here, let me get you some,” he said and got up, almost dragging the plate off the table with the napkin.
“No, no, it doesn’t matter.”
“Nah, come on. Pall Mall, is it? There’s a machine just over there. I’ll get you some. It’s the least I can do. Specially since you’re not even eating.”
Before she could reply, he was gone. The lunchtime crowd was thinning out, people pushing past her on their way back to work. She sipped the drink. It was stronger than the last one. It would probably put her right over the limit—probably have her on her ass in five minutes flat. She removed the straws and knocked the whole thing back in one.
When she looked over, he was still at the machine. Probably couldn’t work out how to use the damned thing. She leaned her chin on her hand and rolled her eyes.
What a moron, she thought. He was bound to screw it up. And now he knew her, knew what she looked like, knew what she wanted. A guy like this couldn’t be relied on to keep his mouth shut. Somehow, somewhere, he’d eventually blabber to someone about who she was and how she’d paid him to off her husband. A town like this, word gets around. Before long, that word would find its way to the wrong ear. If her husband found out, she wouldn’t last two minutes. Even if this moron managed to kill her husband, he’d botch the job somehow, leave evidence. Next thing, the police would be involved and she could kiss the insurance money goodbye.
No, if she was going to get rid of her other half and survive long enough to pick up the insurance money, she’d have to come up with another plan.
But what to do about this idiot? She glanced over at him again. He was feeding coins, one by one, into the slot of the cigarette machine. She reached into her bag and pulled out a vial. It’d been sitting in her bag for the best part of three months. She’d originally bought it to poison her husband. But poisoning him was way too obvious. Especially after the last time he’d put her in the hospital. No. If it was going to be done, she needed a cast iron alibi. Someone else had to do it. She’d never found anyone stupid enough, and she’d never gotten around to disposing of the poison. As a result, the crystals in the vial had remained there, tucked down the bottom of her purse.
Until now.
Could she get away with it? Did she have enough time?
He turned and smiled at her while he waited for the machine to chew up the money and spit out the cigarettes.
She smiled back at him and waited until his back was turned again. Hands trembling, she popped the top off the vial and upended it over his mussels.
Bon appetite, bean brain, she thought as she poked them with the fork, pushing them round to stir the poison in. She quickly stuck the vial back in her purse and looked up just in time to find him walking back to the table. She leaned back, trying to look composed, but her heart was thrashing so hard in her chest she was sure he could hear it.
He sat down, almost dragging the plate into his lap again, and held out the open packet to her, one cigarette extended.
She flashed him a smile. “Thanks, but you can’t smoke in here.” She took the pack, carefully pushed the cigarette back down, then closed the lid. “Listen,” she said, stuffing everything back into her bag and snapping it shut, “I really have to go.” And she got up.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?” he asked, and looked up at her.
The payment! Dammit!
Doesn’t matter, she thought. The poison would begin to take effect within the hour. All she had to do was wait outside until he left, then follow him. The minute he went down, she’d swoop, relieve him of the money, and run. If there was a crowd around, she’d tell them she was calling for help. If he was alone, so much the better.
She opened her bag again, still a little peeved, and took the envelope out. “It’s the first two,” she snapped, and tossed it on the table.
“Thanks,” he said. “I’ll let you know when it’s done.”
“What? You think it might slip my notice?” she said.
“Oh, yeah. Of course.”
“See you later, then,” she said and left.
He watched her all the way to the door.
What a waste, he thought. But, man, what a bitch. This whole fiasco was totally understandable, as far as he was concerned.
The waiter walked over to the door, opened it and peered out after her. Then he turned and gave him the nod, as if to say, “All clear, she’s gone.”
Almost at once he was joined by another man who stepped from the kitchen and crossed to him. “How are the mussels?” the man asked as he sat down and pulled up his chair.
“Really good,” he replied and popped another in his mouth.
“So, what’s the story?”
“It’s like you said. She wants you to be in the past tense, if you know what I mean. Kept asking me how I was gonna do it.”
His eyebrows went up. “Oh, very tasteful, I must say,” he said. “Still, no surprises there, I suppose.” He leaned forward. “And, no offence or anything, but she could have got someone with a bit more … you know, credibility.”
“Credibility? Based on what?”
“Price,” he replied bluntly.
“What? Are you saying I’m cheap? Thanks a bunch,” he said, but kept eating.
“So, how are you planning to do it?” the man asked. He picked up the dessert fork and speared a mussel with it. “Have you given it any thought?” He placed the mussel on his tongue and chewed thoughtfully.
“Already done,” he replied as he squeezed a slice of lemon over the last couple of mussels on the plate. “Actually,” he added with a smug grin. “It was Lisa’s idea. Y’know, her sister.”
“I do know who Lisa is,” the man said. “Intimately, as a matter of fact,” he added with a smirk. Suddenly, he frowned down at the mussels. “Do these taste okay to you?”
He looked up mid-chew. “Yeah, why?”
“I don’t know. They just taste … different, that’s all. Maybe it’s me. So go on.”
“Okay, so get this—it’s her cigarettes.” He waggled his eyebrows at the irony. “You always said they’d kill her one day. Well, today’s the day.”
“Her cigarettes? How?” The man reached over and speared another mussel, then stuck it in his mouth. Frowned again at the taste. “These do taste weird. Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m coming down with something,” he muttered.
“I tipped the filters in poison. More poison than they’ve already got in them, that is.”
“Impressive. So, by the time she smokes them, she could be miles from here. She could be up at the beach house, even.” He smiled, leaned back and thoughtfully stroked his chin. “Actually, I like that. I’ll give her a call later and suggest she takes a little time out—get some sun. I think that should fit nicely with her plans, too, don’t you think?”
“Exactly. Plus, I already sent a letter off to the local paper. You know, same old, same old. Crank letter saying someone’s poisoned some cigarettes because of how the writer’s dear old mum died of cancer from puffing up large her whole life, that kind’a thing. They’ll spend months doing a total recall on those cigarettes before they even start suspecting anyone else. I mean, look at what happened that time someone did the Foot and Mouth hoax a few years back. They never got anyone for that. They reckon they can trace letters through the mail, but man, I’m telling you, they wouldn’t have a clue. Seriously, if they could trace back to where the damn letters came from, you think that guy would still be running around out there now? I don’t think so.”
“And, did she die like that? Your mother, I mean.”
“Nah, course not. She’s probably in better shape than me,” he added and laughed. He used the last piece of bread to mop up the remains of the sauce and stuck it in his mouth. Then he frowned down at the plate and belched. “You know something,” he said. “I don’t feel so good.”
THE END
Street Games
by
CATHERINE LEA
(Warning: Some lan
guage in the following story may offend)
Hey, come on, Benny, man. Whattchu doin now?
My shoelaces. They come undone.
Well, come on. Jeez how long’s it take you to tie your fuckin laces, man. Dint no one ever show you how or nothin?
These laces is like, ten feet long, man.
How come?
These is Freddy’s shoes.
Why you wearin’ Freddy’s shoes? You got your own, don’t ya?
You seen mine, man. Freddy’s shoes is way cooler than mine, bro’.
Whattchu doin now!
Other one.
Fuck me! Hurry up, will ya. You look like you takin a dump right in the middle of fuckin Queen Street, man. All crouchin down like that.
Yeah, hang on.
Ready? Come on. All the best machines’ll be gone.
Hey, wait up, wait up.
Come on, get your ass over here. Aw, Jeez Benny, whattchu pushin that for? Look around. Can you see any cars comin? Like, duh! Juss cross the road, man. No one gonna stop you here.
Hey, wait up.
You ain’t in Wanganui now, Brother. You in the big city now, man. You stay wid me and watch my moves, okay?
Okay, Snoop. Where we goin, anyway?
Juss down there. See the flashin lights? That’s where we headed.
You been here before?
Heaps. I’m like the ace here. Peeps see my moves, they step right aside.
Whattchu like best?
Tekken. That’s my specialty. I’ve beat every game they brung out.
Yeah?
Hell yeah, man.
Hey, Snoop. Snoop!
What.
Look what I got.
What.
Look here.
Holy shit, man. Where’d you get that? Jeezus, man, don’t go wavin that roun everywhere for every asshole on the street to see. Givus it here. Jeezus! How much you got here?
Almost two hundred.
Where’d you get that?
The office.
You kiddin me, man.
Nah.
Fuck me You juss go in the office, cool as shit, pull out the drawer, and stick almost two hundie in your pocket. Juss like you was the fuckin king or somethin!
Yeah. It’s cool. It was in a tin - like with a lock on it. But it wasn’t locked. So I took it. Juss reached in there, cool as, and took it. So sweet, man.
I think you juss a nat’ral at this shit.
Yeah, a nat’ral. That’s what I am, Snoop.
Here.
Nah, man. You keep it. I keep it, I’ll juss lose it all. You keep it, if I need some cash, I come over an say ‘Hey, man, I’m all outta dough’, you give me some.
Sure, man. Shit, nearly two hun’ed. Jeez-us! We are loaded. Hey, I know…
What?
Why don’t we get us some suds.
Where?
See over there? We get us a few cans, then we go an show these mothers how to play for real. Yeah?
I dunno, Snoop…
Why. You ain’t scared, are ya?
Nah, Snoop dog, I ain’t scared…But we got no ID. They won’t give us nothin less we got ID.
Leave it to me, Benny. I am your main man here, am I right?
Yeah…
Hey! I’m your main man here. I gottchu this far…?
Yeah.
You leave it to me.
I don’ like this. Why don’t we juss play spacies like we said?
You stay out here.
I’m not stayin out here. I’m comin wid you.
Evening, boys. What can I do for you?
Um…Half dozen cans’a Export.
Can I see some ID?
I tole you.
Why don’ you go wait outside?
You know I can’t serve you unless you’ve got ID.
Aw, dude, I left it in the car.
Well, I’m sorry but you’re going to have to go and get it.
But my car’s, like, fuckin miles away.
Sorry, guys. More than my job’s worth.
Let’s go, Snoop. C’mon.
Lemme go, Benny.
Nah, let’s go, Snoop. This ain’ worth it, man.
You don’t believe me? Well, fuck you. We don’ need your fuckin beer. We’ll get it another place.
C’mon, Snoop. Don’t make no trouble.
Shit! Asshole. Who’s he think he is?
C’mon, man, let’s juss go play us some spacies.
Yo! Snoop! Benny!
Who’ssat?
Ah, Jeez, it’s Hoff.
Where?
Over there in that car.
Hey, Hoff, my man. Where’d you get the wheels?
My cousin. He borrowed it to me for the night.
Sweet.
Hey, Benny.
Hey, Hoff.
You guys wanna go somewhere?
Nah. We juss goin in to play us some games. Man, I wish my cousin got wheels like this. Even if he did, he prob’ly wouldn’t borrow me them.
And listen to this.
Tha’s cool.
Eh?
I said tha’s cool, man.
Wha’?
Turn it down, turn it down!
Is that cool or what?
It’s cool, it’s way cool.
Hey, Benny. You quiet tonight. You ain’t talkin to me or somethin?
I’m juss waitin to go an play some games is all.
Aw, well, ‘scuse me for holdin you up an everything.
Hey, Hoff, he don’t mean nothin. He’s real pleased for ya.
Yeah well, I gotta cruise, man. Wheels like this is huntin material. I’m gonna find me a woman an show her what this baby can do.
Yeah, good luck, man, see ya!
I hate that guy.
Who? Hoff? He’s okay. Juss don’ get on the wrong side of ‘im tha’s all.
He hasn’t got a right side is the trouble.
C’mon. You wanna go do some serious gamin?
Yeah.
Then get inside here an pick out your station.
Whattchu gonna play?
Tekken, what else? What about you?
See the motorbike over there? That’s my ride…but I’m gonna need some cash.
Yeah, okay, okay. I’m givin you some. How much you want?
Give us ten to start.
I’ll give you twen’y. I give you ten, you’ll be up an down so much you give yourself a hernia.
Cheers.
You need me, man, I’m right here.
Sure…oh hey, s’cuse me. I was gonna use this bike.
Well, I’m usin it now. Go an find something else.
But this is the on’y bike.
Listen…
Hey. You got a problem here, Benny?
Aw, Snoop. This guy’s took the bike I wanted.
You wanna make somethin outta this?
Nah, man. It’s all cool.
Benny, why don’ you go play somethin else till this guy’s finished.
I don’ wanna play nothin else, Snoop. I only came to play on the bike.
Hey, you, Snoop, or whatever you callin your dick self. Take your bitch here, an get the fuck outta my face…
C’mon, Benny…
But Snoop, man, I’m…
Benny!
Shit, man, I come all this way juss to play on this here bike an tha’s what I’m gonna do.
Okay, that’s it. You two, outside.
Aw, shit, man. He don’ mean nothin. He’s from Wanganui, Bro’.
Outside!
Jeezus, Benny. We been here two minutes an already half the street gangs in Auckland are stepping us outside. This muss some kinda record or somethin.
Why you givin me lip, motherfucker?
Listen Bro’. My friend here’s…
Shuddup, you. Let your bitch talk.
I juss wanted to ride on the bike is all. Hey, let go! Let go’a me!
Let him go, man. We don’t want no trouble.
Hey Deej…cops. They slowin down.
&nb
sp; You two! One word outta you, your friend here goes home with a knife stickin outta his eye.
Ah, shit. Cops are comin right this way, Deej.
We’re cool, we’re cool.
Any problems here, boys?
Nah, nah. Me my cousin here’s juss havin us a talk.
He your cousin, son?
Well, say somethin’, dickhead.
Yeah, man. Everything’s cool here.
And this is your cousin?
Yeah.
What’s your name?
…it’s…
You do know your name?
Tell ‘im your name, moron!
James Redding.
Redding? And you?
Benny…that’s Benjamin Crocker.
Okay, well, all you boys are causing an obstruction here in the street. Can you take it somewhere else?
Yeah, sure, sure.
You two boys alright?
Yeah, sure. We are, eh Benny?
Yeah…we good.
Okay, well, we’ll cruise back in twenty minutes or so and I want to see the street cleared, okay?
Yeah, sure. Me an my cuz’ll be outta sight an gone.
Why don’t you guys move off now, then? I’d like to talk to these two boys.
Yeah, sure. See ya, squirt.
You sure you boys are okay?
We cool.
How old are you?
Sixteen. Both us are.
Okay. Well, I think you should both think about getting home. It’s not such a safe place here at this time of night.
Yeah, we’re juss gonin, eh, Ben?
That’s right, Snoop, we juss goin.
Take care, boys. And I know it’s none of my business but I’d stay away from your cousin if I was you.
Sure, thanks, officer. Wave to the nice officer, Benny…Jeezus, that was close.
How’s that dude, man?
‘One word outta you guys, you’ll go home with a knife stickin outta your eye’. Shee-it! Like we’re gonna go, ‘Hey, man, I get all the way home and guess what! I gotta fuckin knife stickin outta my eye an I din even notice’. What an asshole.
Yeah, like you’d go, ‘Hey man, look’a me. I get all the way home, I gotta shot-gun stickin out my ass. No wonder I could’n’ siddown on the freakin bus’. Shit, man!
Oh, Jeez, they comin back…
Hey, squirt. Whatt’d the cops ax you?
They din ax me nothin, man. They juss sayin if you was my cousin for real an I said yeah, you was my cousin for real. Aw, c’mon let go’a him. He didn’t do nothin. All we was doin is playin some spacies and mindin our own business here.
The Thrill List Page 20