by S. K. Lessly
I laughed at that notion. Of course, he’s not, silly girl. He hasn’t spoken to you this whole time, why would he now? I scoffed at my own inner thoughts, then answered said thoughts. Oh, I don’t know, I did save his life. He owed me.
I rubbed my belly and put those petulant thoughts aside. I wasn’t sure when he would be home; the message didn’t say. For all I knew, he could be coming home next month or he was already here. It didn’t matter. When he did come home, I had to figure out a way to tell him about the baby and hope for the best.
I closed my eyes and raised my face to the heavens. Mama, I need you. Help me please. I breathed in and out slowly trying to draw strength from my mom. I sent another silent prayer to God to give me strength and guidance as well. After that, I laid my troubles at the feet of my maker. There wasn’t anything else I could do but wait to hear from Billy or Ethan. If Ethan didn’t reach out to me by tomorrow, and I find out he’s home, I’d go searching for him myself. It was time we settled what was between us, or what wasn’t, now.
I shook off the dread that was trying to make its way back into my chest and stepped out of my room. I didn’t want to think about what happened next with Ethan and I. I wanted to bask in the joy that everything worked out. The information the CIA had told Greg was incorrect. It was probably what I first thought, a setup to see if I had anything to do with crashing their system. It was a very tasteless thing for them to do, tell me that Ethan was dead just to get a rise out of me. Unfortunately, we were dealing with the CIA. They never did anything tasteful.
I flung open my door, ready to clear my head and stuff my face, and screamed as a figure stepped in front of me.
“Whoa, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Albert called out after I jumped clear out of my skin. He smiled and rubbed my arms soothingly.
I tried to catch my breath.
“It’s alright,” I managed to get out, my hand still clutching the front of my summer dress.
“I was just coming to check up on you. You’ve been sleep for a long time. Are you hungry?”
My stomach took that time to growl, loudly. We both laughed and I rubbed my belly. “Yeah, let’s order pizza or something. Large, meatlovers please.”
He chuckled. “Okay, will do.”
The pizza came about forty-five minutes later and Al and I ate it while sitting on the back porch, watching the day diminish into night.
The conversation between us flowed as it had last night and any other time we were together. We didn’t talk about anything heavy. We were just two friends sitting on a porch, enjoying each other’s company.
I looked up and noticed the night sky was clearer and the stars were brighter than usual. The night was peaceful. Trees swayed with the summer breeze allowing cool air to caress my skin. Soft melodies from insects and birds did their best to soothe the night. It gave me a bit of serenity in this chaotic thing called my life.
I closed my eyes and breathed in slowly, relaxing. My mind started to drift to Ethan when Albert spoke.
“I had a good time with you today, but then again we always have fun together, right?” I felt him reach for my hand and lace his fingers with mine.
I looked over at him. The softness in his eyes giving me pause. I swallowed hard, hoping he wasn’t about to ruin this night and make things weird. I wasn’t ready.
I gave him a small smile. “Yeah, we always do. Thanks for today.”
Al brought our entwined hands to his lips and kissed the back of my hand. “It was my pleasure.”
Oh, no!
I watched Al’s eyes turn from soft to dark pools of lust.
No, no, no!
I did my best not to show the unease I began to feel. I gave him a broader, friendlier smile and slowly pulled my hand from his. I stood, awkwardly I might add, and stepped away from him. I needed air, err… space. He was definitely about to make it weird.
I took a few deep, calming breaths, rubbed my belly for luck, and turned to let Albert down easy. Except as I turned, he was no longer sitting down. He was standing in front of me, desire drenching his handsome face. I was hypnotized by the look in his gaze. It was deep, penetrating. If I hadn’t been in love with someone else, I would have fallen for him right then and there.
“Al,” I warned lightly and raised my hands up to stop him, but he only stepped closer until my hands touched his hard chest.
Did I say Al had a body? Well he did. It was strong and cut, and tanned and beautiful. It just wasn’t…
Al covered my hands with his, stopping me from removing them off his chest. I felt warm skin through his white t-shirt. His heart pounded against my palm but his breaths were slow, even. I tried to look away from him but his eyes only followed me.
“Alexis,” he called, his voice low, gravelly and… sexy? Gah, this is sooo… “I’ve wanted to talk to you about something for a very long time. I’ve tried to give you time, space to get your head on straight but I can’t wait any longer.” He stepped closer and touched the side of my face with a warm palm. “Alexis…”
Al didn’t finish his sentence. Instead, he leaned in closer, his eyes gravitating to my parted shocked lips. He closed his eyes and… I turned my cheek just in time and warm, soft lips brushed my cheek. He froze, his body going rigid under my touch.
When he stepped back, the softness that once covered his face was replaced with frustration and a bit of anger. Okay, it was more than just a bit.
I gave him an apologetic look and slowly stepped back from him, creating distance that we both needed.
Al ran his fingers through his hair and stepped back, creating more space between us. The tension around us grew. I needed to say something to ease the awkwardness between us, but Al beat me to it.
“You’re still holding out for him, aren’t you?”
I was temporarily stunned by the harsh and bitterness in his voice, but I figured it was warranted considering I rejected him.
My brows drew together and my mouth turned downward as I replied, “Yes, of course I am. Why wouldn’t I?”
“This is insane. You’re insane.” He returned bitterly, then laughed. “Do you have any idea who he is?”
Confused, I kept my brows knitted. “What do you mean? Of course, I know who he is.”
Al stepped closer to me. He slashed his hand across his body. “No! Do you know who he is?”
What was he talking about?
“What are you talking about, Al?”
“Fuck, Alexis! Ethan fucking Wolf! I know he’s the man you’re holding out for and he’s the father of your baby. Now I’m asking you, do you know what kind of man he is? Do you know who you’re holding out for?”
I leaned back from him startled from his outburst and the fact he knew I was waiting for Ethan.
When I told him that I couldn’t go on a date with him because I was waiting for the man I loved, I never told him who that man was. And I damn sure didn’t tell him Ethan was the father of my baby. When I spoke about Ethan, it was only about our past. Our friendship. It wasn’t anything more. How in the hell did he know about Ethan?
Al scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Oh please, don’t look so surprised. It wasn’t hard to figure out you were hung up on him. You told me all about your childhood, that he was a dear and close friend of yours, blah blah blah. The way your face lit up when you said his name was a dead giveaway, by the way. What I don’t understand, and please help me, is that you two haven’t seen or spoken to each other in over a decade. How, all of a sudden, are you’re in love with him? That’s bullshit.”
I shook my head, my brain spinning with this revelation. Al knew about me and Ethan. If that was the case, and it clearly was, who else knew? “Al, you have this all wrong.”
“Do I?” Al stepped closer, slowly closing the gap between us. “Then, by all means, clear it up for me. Here I am, dropping everything to be here for you, like I’ve been doing since we’ve started this little dance of ours. And don’t you dare say it was out of obligation or I fe
lt sorry for you because that’s not true. I dropped everything to be with you because I wanted to. I wanted to get to know you and you get to know me. I wanted you to see that there was someone else out here better for you.”
“And that’s you?” I asked softly, things beginning to click in my head.
He nodded. “Yeah, that’s me. But you’re too blind to see that. You can’t see that I’m a better man than he is.”
“You don’t even know him,” I argued, rather lamely because he laughed at me and it wasn’t a friendly ha-ha “you’re so funny” laugh either.
“Oh please, sweetheart. Believe me, I know the son of a bitch. I know everything about him. I know about the atrocities he’s committed the in the name of freedom and the American way. I especially know about the case he worked involving the Russian mob and an innocent girl from Dover Delaware. I know he couldn’t solve his case without getting close to you.
“He also fucked up and botched the case, which resulted in you almost dying. So, believe me when I say that I know all about your precious Ethan.” He dragged his name contemptuously and I gawked at him in disbelief.
I had never seen this side of Albert and I had to say, I didn’t like it.
I remained silent, searching his eyes, looking for a semblance of my friend of six months and I saw nothing but bitterness, resentment, loathing—for who I didn’t know—and rage.
“He’s a killer, Alexis.” Albert went on. “He’s not the kid you used to crush on in high school. He’s not the bastard you rode bikes with and played hopscotch with.” Hopscotch? Really asshole? “No! The piece of shit is an assassin. He’s a killing machine. Death and violence follow him everywhere he goes. He has no heart and no fucking conscience and you’re stupid if you think he’s coming back for you.”
I leaned back from him, my shock from his behavior ebbing to incredulity. My entire body began to tense up, ready to strike when something started nagging at me.
While he was claiming how much he knew Ethan, he didn’t speak in past tense. It wasn’t, I knew him or he was a killing machine. He was speaking in present tense, as if he was still alive, which told me a lot. Subsequently, I didn’t call him out on his oversight. I went with it.
I folded my arms in front of my chest and narrowed my eyes at him. “Well, I guess I’m stupid then. I know he’s coming back for me.”
“Argh!” His arms gesticulated in the air. “How can you be so naïve?”
“I’m not being naïve, Albert. You asked me if I know the type of person Ethan is and the answer to that is yes, I do.”
Al sucked his teeth at me, which had my blood beginning to boil. “Oh please, Lexie, you think you know him but you don’t. You only know what he wants you to. You were just a job to him. That’s it. He needed you for his case and he used you to get to the people he needed. Then he left you. That’s what he does. If you don’t believe me, ask him, or fuck, ask Jessica.”
God, I was growing so tired of this man telling me all this hateful, petty stuff. He was trying to sow doubt in my heart and it wasn’t working.
I stepped closer to Al, blew out a breath and did my best to educate him.
“I love him, Al.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do. And to answer your questions. Yes! I know who he is, I know what he is and you know what, I don’t care. I love every part of him, from the crazy, the dark, the twisted, the evil sides to the loving, caring, devoted sides. I love it all. I love him, Al. Do you hear me? I love him so fucking much, it physically hurts to be without him. He’s the air I breathe. He’s my soul and damn it, I’m his. These last eight months, hell twelve years have been hell. My heart literally aches for him. Do you hear me, it aches!”
I clutched the front of my dress and met his hard eyes with my determined ones. I fell silent, allowing my words to sink in. I stepped as close to him as my protruding belly could allow to give him one last bit of my heart.
“He’ll come for me, Al,” I said softly. “I know it in my heart. I feel it in my soul. He loves me and no one will ever convince me different.”
I stared deeply into his eyes letting him see into my soul. I tried to read him, hoping that I would see understanding, or resolve in his eyes. However, his brown eyes remained the same, empty, cold and unimpressed. In fact, he actually screwed his face up at me and shook his head in disbelief.
He stepped back and sent pity my way. “Wow! You really believe that shit? You really think that he loves you?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Okay, let me ask you this, do you consider him not contacting you, coming to see you, love?”
“That’s not—” I knew where he was going and I didn’t like it.
“He used you for his case,” Al cut in. “Then he took advantage of you and left you alone in your hotel room and you believe he loves you?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. How did he know that?
“He knocked you up and left for fuck sakes,” he added ,then laughed that not so nice laugh again that made me feel like the naïve little girl he claimed I was.
“Alexis, if he loved you, he would have been here. He would’ve been the one to take you to your doctor’s appointments. He would have been here to take care of you when you were sick, or tired, or hungry. And guess what, he wasn’t.
“But you know who was here? Me. I was there for you. I was the one to comfort you, to feed you, see the joy in your eyes as your baby grew inside you. You didn’t call him to bring you ice cream in the middle of the night. You called me. Why? Because you knew I had your back. You called me to help you put the nursery together. You called me when you were lonely and just wanted to talk. And you say that fucker loves you? If he loved you, he would have chosen you over his job and he didn’t. He left you. If that’s what you call love, then I feel sorry for you.”
I closed my eyes as my heart started to beat less and less. The fire that blazed in me a minute go was slowly dying. I could feel the tears forming behind my eyelids and I did nothing to stop them from falling. His words cut deep, more than a knife ever could because he had a point. If Ethan loved me, he should’ve been here with me, instead of off saving the world.
On the other hand, Albert didn’t know the full story. He drew his own conclusion over the months and I did nothing to clarify it for him. Maybe it was time for me to do that now.
I wiped the tears from my face and opened my eyes to see pity, and hurt in his. I didn’t let that deter me in the least.
“Al, let me explain something to you. When I say that I know Ethan, I’m not saying it for my health. I am fully aware of what he’s capable of, but I also know what he’s made out of. He’s of that good stock. The one that does whatever he has to in order to keep me, you, and countless others safe. I know he has done things—in the name of patriotism—that would probably give me nightmares.
“I should be disgusted by him, repulsed by him. I should be scared of him. I shouldn’t want to be anywhere near him and I damn sure shouldn’t want him around our child. But I’m not any of those things. I know he has a dark side but that’s just something he uses to do what he must. I think he’s brave, and strong and gifted to do what he does every day. He risks his life to keep us safe. That’s honorable in my eyes.” Albert parted his lips with a retort I was sure, but I spoke over him.
“Here’s something else. Because I know the type of man he is, I know he has to find his way on his own. He has to figure out that he can be the man he needs to be for our country and be the man I need him to be when he’s home. I can’t make him see that. He has to see it and know it for himself. In light of that, I decided to wait for him. If that makes me stupid then I guess I’m stupid. Now, will I wait forever? No. However, that doesn’t mean I’m going to give up so easily. I love him too much to do that.”
Al pointed to my stomach. “And what about the baby? Is that fair for him or her? Having a father that may never come home? He left you to raise your baby on your own. Isn’t that proo
f he doesn’t want it or you?
I shook my head and dropped the last bomb. “He doesn’t know,” I admitted on a whisper.
Al paused, stared at me for a very long and uncomfortable moment. He then blinked rapidly and stepped closer to me. “I’m sorry, what?”
I sighed and said a little louder. “He doesn’t know.”
Al shook his head and leaned back from me; his brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean, he doesn’t know? How does he not know?”
My shoulders slumped. “He doesn’t because I haven’t told him.”
“Haven’t told me what?” questioned a very familiar voice that came from the darkness behind me. My eyebrows rose and my mouth dropped as I slowly turned to face the voice that I’d dreamed about hearing every night since he left me. My eyes fell on him and I tracked his movements as he rounded the corner of my house and faced me.
Ethan…
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Ethan
The drive from the airport was quiet. I was too deep in my thoughts to converse with Jessica. She was fine with the silence. She was used to me brooding and managed to occupy herself by texting Billy or listening to the radio.
There were very few cars on the highway, which allowed me to speed along the freeway with minimal obstacles. For some reason the need to get to Lexie was strong. I didn’t think Lacy would do anything to harm her, but still. I had this feeling that she needed me.
I followed the directions on my GPS and in about forty minutes, I was turning into her driveway. I took in my surroundings, loving the location but already thinking of ways to fortify the area without destroying the look and feel of nature. Maybe I could install motion sensors and cameras in the forest and trees around the house. That way I would be alerted if any one trespassing on our home.
Our home?
Fuck, that sounded good but it won’t be a thing if I didn’t fix what I’ve broken.
I came up on a ranch style home painted blue with white trim. There was a flowers, plants and small bushes planted in the front of the house and on the sides. Green grass surrounded the house with a couple of smaller trees planted between the grassy area of her land and the forest.