giving him instructions on where to put the peddles so he could start off. I sighed dreamily as I watched the exchange between them; the little smiles, the sparkling eyes, the affection. All of it made me happier than I ever thought possible.
We spent an hour down the park before finally getting a McDonalds on the way home. By the time we got to my place, DJ was tired and covered in both food and glitter. Nate was covered in glitter too, because DJ had given him the picture while we ate.
When DJ went to wash his hands and face, Nate and I plopped down onto the sofa. “So, did you speak to Josh today? Is he coming or what?” he asked. His body tensed up when he said Josh’s name.
I shrugged and shook my head. “I didn’t speak to him; I don’t want to call him so I’ll just see if he turns up.”
Nate nodded. “Okay, well I need to leave about nine o’clock so I can get changed and stuff for work. I’m working until six tomorrow, so when I’m done working, I’ll head home and catch a couple of hours sleep. I’ll come back here at around lunchtime, okay? I wish I could come back here instead. I have a key; I could let myself in and come ravage you to wake you up.”
He sounded so sexy that the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.
I’d given Nate an emergency spare key about a month ago. “I like the sound of that, but you shouldn’t come here. DJ’s noisy; he’ll keep you awake while you’re trying to sleep in the morning.” At least if he went home to his place, then he’d get the morning of uninterrupted sleep.
Nate sighed, his eyebrows knitting together in disappointment. “Yeah, I guess,” he grudgingly admitted. “I really need some bed time with you,” he whispered, pressing his lips to mine softly.
I swallowed my lust. “You only want me for my body,” I teased, knowing that statement wasn’t true in the slightest. It couldn’t be true, because no matter how hard I tried, how much I teased him, how many times I’d begged, we still hadn’t done the nasty.
He smiled. “I just miss you all the time,” he replied. DJ came skipping back in to the room then, and Nate smiled at him tenderly. “Both of you,” he added as DJ jumped into his lap.
“Are we still gonna play wars at the ball park tomorrow like you saids?” DJ asked.
“Depends if your dad comes to pick you up for the weekend, Kid.”
DJ frowned. “I don’t want to go with Daddy, I want to go to the ball park with you,” he whined, slipping an arm around Nate’s neck.
Nate’s whole face lit up as a proud smile stretched across his face. Looking at the pair of them, I couldn’t help but wish that Nate would stay here with us forever. I just prayed to God that this was my life now.
As I was expecting, Josh didn’t turn up, which seemed to please Nate. It pleased me too actually. I didn’t want to see him again after the last time I’d spoken to him and he’d told me how much DJ and I had screwed up his life. I wanted nothing more to do with him, but technically, I didn’t have any rights to stop him seeing his child – much to my disappointment. Nate put DJ to bed as per my baby’s request. I could hear them talking in the bedroom about who was going to kick who’s butt tomorrow in the ball throwing war they were planning.
Finally, Nate closed the bedroom door, grinning like an idiot as he walked up behind me where I was making coffee, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder.
“You have a really awesome kid in there.”
I smiled and nodded. “I know. I have a really awesome man out here too,” I countered, tipping my head to the side as he nibbled on my neck.
“Yeah, I’m so great that I should have theme music playing every time I enter a room,” he joked. I giggled and rolled my eyes, pouring the hot water into the mugs.
Nate’s hand trailed under my shirt, caressing my stomach as he pressed his chest against my back, trapping me against the counter. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the attention and the feel of his body pressed against mine. I was seriously going to miss him in the bed tonight. When Nate wrapped his body around mine, I slept like a baby every time.
We watched TV for a little while, flicking through channels, not really settling on anything. I didn’t care what we did, to be honest, I was just happy to sit on the sofa in silence and hold his hand. At nine o’clock, he sighed dramatically.
“I’d better go,” he grumbled. One of his hands moved to cup my face, guiding my mouth to his gently. He kissed me softly then groaned as he pulled away. “I hate the night shift.”
Me too.
“I’ll tell you what, tomorrow night I’ll make up for two nights in one,” I promised, looking at him suggestively as I licked my lips slowly.
His body stiffened as he sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Now I’m going to be thinking dirty thoughts about your mouth all night,” he whined, his eyes locked on my lips.
I smirked at him. That had been my intention. “You keep thinking those dirty thoughts, and tomorrow night, I’ll make them into a reality for you. I want one thing in return,” I teased, playing with the collar of his T-shirt. He nodded encouragingly; it looked like I could ask for anything and I’d get it based on the expression on his face. “Bring the uniform home again,” I requested, chewing on my lip.
He grinned at me cockily. “The uniform is becoming a regular thing now; I think you’ve developed a little fetish for authority figures.” His hands tightened on me, pulling me closer.
I nodded in agreement. “I think you’re right, the other day I started fantasising about my boss…” I lied, trailing off as he practically dived on me and tickling me like crazy, making me giggle and squirm. He stopped when I was gasping for breath and squealing.
He grinned and brushed my hair from my face softly. “This flushed, breathless face is definitely being added to the dirty thoughts that are going to get me through the long and boring night.”
I smiled sadly and stroked the side of his face. “You should go. You don’t want to be late,” I whispered. He nodded, just staring down at me, unmoving. He looked like he wanted to say something, but his jaw was tight, as if he was stopping himself or something. “Go, Nate,” I prompted, when he still made no moves to get off me.
He sighed dramatically and pushed himself off me. “See you tomorrow then.”
I walked him to the front door, kissing him gently and watching as he stalked off to the stairs. I smiled to myself and touched my finger to my lips, replaying his kisses in my head. When I couldn’t put it off any longer, I closed the door and headed back into the lounge, turning off the TV. There was no point in me staying up on my own. After checking DJ was asleep, I headed into my room, changing into my pyjamas and climbing into my cold bed. Pulling Nate’s pillow to me, I hugged it until I fell asleep.
I woke to a loud incessant beeping. So loud, in fact, that it hurt my ears. I jerked up, not having a clue what it was; my heart was crashing in my chest as I struggled to understand what was going on. Was DJ doing that? I gulped a couple of times, and suddenly it hit me like a truck what that was. I sucked in a ragged breath, immediately choking as the smoke filled my lungs.
Fire.
I jumped out of the bed, panicked. The only thing I could think about was DJ. My legs moved of their own accord as I yanked open my door. Immediately, I was engulfed in smoke. I couldn’t think clearly. The flames were everywhere, licking at the walls, spreading across the floor. For a couple of terrifying seconds I just stood there and stared at it, my body not responding to my mind that was screaming and screaming that we needed to get out. I was in total panic mode as I watched the yellow and orange flames devour our home.
Then my mind seemed to flick itself back on as if snapping out of some sort of trance. The only thing I could think about was DJ. Just as I started to run towards his bedroom door, something fell down from the ceiling in front of me, almost crushing me. I screeched to a halt, jumping back as flames immediately started lashing out, scorching the hairs on my arms.
“DJ! Baby, get up, now! There’s a fire
. Baby, get up!” I screamed, pressing my back against the wall, trying to inch past the burning pile of ceiling that was in front of me. DJ’s room was on the other side of the flaming mess that was part of my ceiling two seconds ago.
Oh shit. “Oh God, help us!” I screamed. DJ’s door opened. His eyes settled on the fire first; I saw panic flash across his face. “Baby, it’s okay. Just stay right there, I’m coming!” I instructed. “Grab a T-shirt or something and cover your mouth with it.”
I inched my feet to the right, planning to go around the burning rubble.
“Momma!” DJ screamed, holding out his arms for me.
Hysteria was building up inside me. I was literally terrified. DJ was the only thing that mattered to me. From the first time I felt him move in my stomach I knew that his life was the most important thing in the world. Now that most important thing in the world was standing about eight feet from me, crying his heart out, and a pile of burning wood and plaster separated us. I had never been more scared in my life.
“Shh, get something to cover your mouth, Baby. Don’t breathe the smoke,” I ordered, putting my hand over my mouth, trying to filter the air I was breathing too. The room was getting hotter. I could feel my skin starting to scorch as I forced myself closer to the fire so I could get past and get to my crying baby. It seemed to take forever to work my way from my room, around the fire, and into the hallway so I was closer to DJ’s bedroom. Time was standing still as I felt my way along the wall, coughing, trying to avoid the flames that were rising higher and higher. It was spreading rapidly. The floorboards creaked under my feet as I stumbled along.
There was a gap about ten feet in front of me. The flames were lower there, I would be able to jump them, pick up DJ and then jump back to the other side. DJ’s bedroom was at the end of the apartment. All I would have to do was jump over, grab him and then we could get the hell out. I smiled at DJ, pretending that everything was fine, when, in reality, I could barely move because my legs were shaking with fear.
“It’s okay, Baby. Momma’s coming. Just stay there for me,” I shouted, taking another tentative step forwards again. Looking up, I could see the enormous holes in the ceiling where the upper floor had fallen through to mine. The soles of my bare feet were burning, but I couldn’t feel the pain; it was like I was numb. All I could focus on was the sound of DJ’s sobs; everything else was secondary to that.
When I was about four foot from the gap that I was planning on jumping, the burning bookcase that was next to DJ’s door, cracked loudly, then crumbled in on itself, falling over. DJ jumped back into his room as the bookcase fell across the gap, blocking my only path to him. Coughs racked my body as the black smoke burnt my lungs. Burning ashes floated up into my face where the bookcase fell into the fire, stirring it up. I batted them away quickly when they started to sting my skin.
We were going to die; I could feel it deep inside. People were screaming within the building, sirens wailed outside, the buildings alarms were ringing loudly in the hallways.
I looked around desperately for a way to get to DJ. There had to be some other way. That couldn’t be it. He was trapped on the other side of the pile to me. The room was so bright that I had to squint as I looked at him helplessly. He was standing in the middle of his room, hugging his Woody doll. He had a T-shirt pressed against his mouth and nose as he cried hysterically. I could hear the muffled sound of him calling me. My heart broke at the sight of it. It was useless. There was no way I could get to him without going through the fire.
Making up my mind about what needed to be done, I took a couple of breaths and prepared myself to just run through the flames to him. I knew I would get burnt, but I just didn’t care. I had to get to him. Just as I was preparing myself to run, the front door burst open behind me, and two firemen ran in.
Relief made me whimper. Oh, thank you, God!
“Ma’am, you need to get outside. The stairs are clear, come with us,” one of them said quickly, grabbing my arm and pulling me backwards, away from the flames.
I shook my head and pointed across the room, still coughing on the smoke.
“My son. Please? Please get him! Please?” I choked out, breaking down into sobs.
“We’ll get him, ma’am,” the other fireman assured me, nodding. He stepped forward, looking around as the other one pulled me back a little more. I shook my head and dug my feet into the floor as I realised he was trying to get me out of the front door. I wasn’t leaving without DJ in my arms.
I watched in horror as the fireman stepped forward towards the flames. I could hear him shouting to DJ to get down onto the floor to avoid the smoke. I could barely see through my tears. I watched, horrified, as the fireman tried again and again to get through to DJ, but each time he was beaten back by the flames.
“Ted, we need to get out, the building’s unstable!” the fireman holding my arms shouted.
My lip trembled, shaking my head in horror as the guy ignored his teammate, trying again to get through the flames to my trapped son. When he stumbled and fell against the burning wall, he jumped back, and I saw his shoulders slump as he turned to look at me. Even through the thick mask he was wearing, I could see the sadness and sorrow his eyes. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces as I understood his apologetic expression. He was silently telling me he couldn’t rescue my baby.
“NO! DJ!” I screamed, trying to wrench my arm out of the other guy’s grasp. There was no way I was leaving my child in there, fire or not, I was getting to him.
“Momma!” DJ wailed. Through the haze and the smoke, his red rimmed eyes met mine, and I knew I would never get that look of sheer and utter horror out of my brain. I moved to run towards him, not caring that the flames were everywhere in the room, that even the walls were on fire. I just needed my baby safe.
I made it only three steps before I was literally body slammed to the ground. I screamed in frustration and thrashed, trying to get up.
“Get off me, I can get him! Let go!” I screamed, kicking and punching at the firefighter that held me.
He shook his head. “Ma’am, we need to get out. The building isn’t safe, the floor could give at any second,” he said, looking at me desperately as he pinned my arms at my waist, crushing my body in a kind of bear hug.
I couldn’t breathe; my whole body was going into a state of panic. “Then you get out! Let go of me and I’ll get him!” I shouted, begging him with my eyes. The emotional pain was unbearable as I flicked my eyes to DJ again. He was sitting on the floor of his room as the flames engulfed our home. Behind me, people were running in the hallway, a piercing scream sounded as someone ran past with their arm on fire, waving it franticly as it burnt them alive. The firemen exchanged a look and the one that had tried so hard to save DJ, ran into the hallway after them, shouting for them to drop and roll.
“Please, save him!” I begged, my voice barely above a whisper as the pain of the situation took over. I was dying inside. I couldn’t stand it. It was like I was slowly being suffocated; my body was going into shutdown mode. I couldn’t cope with losing my baby; I would rather die than be without him. No mother should have to go through that.
“I can’t get to him, ma’am. We need to get out, now!” he rasped. “Maybe we can get the fire under control; once the other team get here we’ll have more manpower and hoses.” His voice wasn’t hopeful; I knew he was trying to placate me. It was hopeless, he just didn’t want to say the words. His arms tightened on me and then I was moving out of the door. He was dragging me, literally kicking and screaming as I fought to get free so I could go and be with my baby. I wasn’t leaving him there alone. If I could just get to him, even if I couldn’t get back, I just needed to get to him. DJ screaming “Momma” over and over was all I could concentrate on as my struggles failed. The guy was too strong for me, it was no use.
The noise was getting louder as he dragged me to the top of the stairs. People were panicking, firemen were shouting orders to each other, I could hear the bl
ast of water in all directions. I felt numb. My legs gave out on me. I couldn’t stop screaming DJ’s name as reality of what was happening washed over me. My baby was going to burn to death, trapped in his room, alone, and I was going to have to live with that knowledge. I didn’t think I could. All I wanted was to be with him.
Cool, fresh air hit my lungs, but I couldn’t focus on anything other than the fact that my baby was trapped. People were running around the street, panicking, shouting for loved ones, crying. Fire engine lights were flashing in the dark of the night, casting eerie shadows everywhere. The guy passed me to a paramedic when I was a safe distance away.
I looked back at the building in horror, watching as flames licked at the roof and glass fell from some of the windows as the heat became too much for it to stay intact. All of the rooms were brightly lit; you could see the shadows dancing inside as the flames consumed everyone’s lives that they’d built inside. I couldn’t speak. I could hear the paramedic talking to me as he pinned me against the ambulance. He was telling me that he needed to treat me, that I needed to calm down and stop screaming so I could breathe. But I couldn’t calm down; I’d never be able to calm down. This horror was my life now, and I didn’t want it. I couldn’t live like this. This life was a waking nightmare, and I couldn’t cope with it.
There was pressure on my shoulders; I could feel myself being shaken. I closed my eyes as my head rolled lifelessly on neck. All I could think about was DJ, my baby, my adorable little angel.
“ROSE!”
DJ was dead. My life was over. Part of me had died.
“ROSE!”
I tried to focus on the pressure that was squeezing my shoulders as I looked at the person standing in front of me.
My knees gave out when my eyes met Nate’s. His hold on me tightened as he pulled me into a hug.
“One of my friends is a fire-fighter; he called me and said your building was on fire. Oh God, I’m so glad you’re okay. Shit, I was so scared. So, so scared,” he mumbled against the side of my head as he hugged me way too tight. His body was shaking against mine; unless maybe that was my body, I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know what to think, what to feel. The pain was everywhere and all I wanted to be dead so I didn’t feel it any more. “Rose, where’s DJ?”
I squeezed my eyes shut at the mention of his name as I burst into hysterical sobs again.
“Rose? Where… where is he?” Nate repeated. His voice shook and
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