by E. M. Moore
His voice is strained so hard it could cut steel. He’s never spoken to me like this before. I pull the phone away to make sure I’m still talking to the right person. Sure enough, the screen reads Home.
That’s not true anymore either, though. Greystone is my home now.
“Right?” my father insists.
“Right,” I respond, matching his own tone. “I’ll talk to you later, Dad.”
Right before I hang up, I hear his long howl that gets cut off when the line goes dead. I groan in frustration and throw my phone on the bed. Those weren’t my dad’s words. He was saying them, but they weren’t him. It was as if he was trying to convey something to me in them. Maybe I should be as steadfast as he is. It doesn’t matter that it’s not fair. If I don’t find a relationship with Jonah, I’m gone. That’s the reality of the situation.
A knock sounds on my door. Mia and Nathan’s voices filter toward me, so I call out, “Come in.”
They enter the room as if we’ve been doing this for weeks. Months, even. Relationships made here are fast-forwarded since you never know when that person might leave. Mom said she didn’t think I should make friends. Is this why? Because I’ll miss them when I’m gone? Or because making friends means I’ve resigned myself to staying here? I wish I’d had the opportunity to ask her before she lost control.
“You look...sad,” Mia hedges.
“Just having an existential crisis,” I mutter.
“Oh, did someone only now realize where she is?”
Nathan laughs while he sits in the chair in front of my desk, and I smirk at Mia as she sits on my bed. Another form follows them into the room, and I cut off my reply and stare at the newcomer. It’s the girl who was crying this morning in the cafeteria.
“This is Nadia,” Mia informs me. “Horizon Pack.”
During Shifter History at Lunar High, I learned about the eight different packs, but I’ve never once traveled to any of them. That’s for the alphas and the higher-ups. The rest of us stay within our own, making sure the pack itself is self-sufficient and sustaining. It would be nice to see some of the others one day.
Nadia waves, and even that is sad. My heart goes out to her. Maybe if I was normal, I’d be broken, too, just like Ms. Ebon suggested.
“What’s this?” Nathan asks, peering into the bag on the desk.
My face colors again, heat creeping up my neck. “New makeup.”
“Forgot to pack it?” Mia asks.
“Nope. Today, Ms. Ebon took me into the salon. Apparently, I’m lucky enough that my mate thinks I’m good looking, but she asked me if I wanted anything anyway.”
Mia blinks at me. “You what?”
“The salon? You know, with the hairstylists and the makeup artists?”
She shakes her head. “There’s no salon.”
I give her a dubious look. “Um, yep. Grace did my makeup.”
Mia flies to her feet and stands in the middle of the room, her hands turning to fists. “You’re kidding me. You got a makeover?” She leans into my face, and I pull away, hitting my head on the wall.
“Space,” Nathan warns Mia.
She automatically backs up. “My advisor never offered me that. What the hell?”
I peer around the room. Nathan’s gazing at me expectantly. Nadia seems interested, too. “Seriously? So, no one gets the same treatment here?”
Mia groans, throwing herself on the bed again. “No, all the advisors have their own way of doing things. Damn. I wish I’d gotten that opportunity.”
I press my lips together, nibbling them in thought. Ms. Ebon certainly seems as if she has her own unique style. Now I feel bad that I brought it up.
“So, what’s this about your mate thinking you’re good looking?” Nathan asks.
Again, my heart swells of its own volition, no matter how much I try to temper it. “He filled out a questionnaire, and Ms. Ebon showed it to me.”
“I bet that felt good,” Nadia offers, speaking up for the first time. Her voice is so low and sweet. My head snaps toward her, and she nearly jumps.
I’ve been trying not to process how that felt because I didn’t like the initial wash of warmth his compliment gave me. My mate thinks I’m beautiful. A twist of pleasure sinks into my chest. I seek out my wolf, wondering if it’s coming from her, and it isn’t. It’s coming from me, which makes it worse.
Nadia’s lower lip wobbles. “I’d kill to have any kind of information.”
My eyebrows draw together as I watch her dissolve into tears. I sit there while Mia goes to her, giving her a hug. I peek at Nathan, and he’s staring at the new girl with pity and something akin to understanding. My wolf sighs, watching the show with a tortured expression. Her own feelings overwhelm me, and I push them down again. Is it wrong to think that I’ve already given my pack enough tears? Spending any on someone who’s supposed to be my bonded one screams wrong.
Eventually, Nadia sniffles, and Mia gives her a little space. She whispers something to the new girl, and Nadia gives a soft smile and nods. “Sorry,” the new girl chuckles nervously after she’s pulled herself together. “I can’t seem to stop crying. My advisor told me to come back when I did, so hopefully that will happen soon. I can’t wait for the first meet-and-greet where I get to see him again.” She swallows.
I harden my heart. It’s as if I physically reach into my chest cavity and squeeze the pumping muscle to keep it from wrenching further apart. I’m nothing like this girl, but that doesn’t mean I’m a heartless bitch. I feel for her. “I’m sure everything will turn out okay,” I offer.
I’ve never had to console someone before, so hopefully my attempt doesn’t ring insincere. I feel for everyone in this place, but it’s not pity or grief—I’m mad on their behalf.
“Let me walk you to your room,” Mia suggests. She leads Nadia out with an arm around her shoulders. “See you tomorrow,” she calls out behind their retreating bodies, waving over her head.
“See you tomorrow,” I agree, frowning at my manual. I guess it’s time to get to work.
Nathan stands. He lingers at the door until their footsteps start echoing down the stone hall. “Nadia’s mate,” he snarls, “…is her best friend.”
“Wait. What?” I snap.
“I know,” he growls. “Fucked up, isn’t it?”
“What a dick.” My hands sink into the sheets. What kind of asshole sends his best friend here?
Nathan sighs, shaking his head. “See you tomorrow, Kinsey.”
I nod as he leaves the room, and I can’t believe that someone would send their best friend here. It just doesn’t compute.
Mentally stewing, I pick the manual up and start from the beginning. The first chapter is basically a long list of rules. Some of them I’ve heard before like, “access to the communal first-floor areas is forbidden after 7 p.m.” There are also rules about the uniform that don’t take long to internalize as they’re pretty basic. Don’t make any alterations. Got it.
The last rule piques mine and my wolf’s interest, though. Shifting. There’s a minor reference that states shifting in the academy is forbidden, and I cringe; however, that’s not the one that pricks my arm. We’re allowed to run in the south lawn until 10 p.m. but going outside Greystone Academy’s perimeter is forbidden.
“Good to know.” My wolf raises her head, panting, as if she’s excited about the prospect of stretching her legs. I am, too. I’ve only shifted twice, and neither one of those instances led to anything fun. Even though I’m at odds with my wolf most of the time, I need to become one with her. Shifting will hurt less, and plus, it would be nice not to fight with myself over every little thing.
There are horror stories about shifters who’ve gone mad because they never bonded with their wolf. I shiver at the thought, and my wolf reassures me with a gentle nudge.
After that, I try to read the manual like a good little Greystone Academy student. I really do. But now that the temptation is out there, it’s hard to ignore. We get restle
ss, my wolf’s back arching as if she’s already limbering up. I read a whole page and realize I was never paying attention, so I start it three more times before giving up.
“You want to run? Let’s run,” I finally say, sighing as if this is the greatest hardship.
My wolf sees right through my bullshit.
Since I was little, I dreamed about traipsing through the woods near my house, chasing after my parents. When they used to go out, I’d watch them shift from inside the doorway, envy pulsing through me. Since I’m here, family outings have been taken away, at least for the time being, but the idea of running for fun shouldn’t be stolen, too.
A quick peek outside tells me it’s still early. The sun hangs low in the sky, burning a bright pink-orange in the tree line. I toss my manual to the side and leave the room, heading toward the main doors. I smile at other students who happen to be milling around the building, and almost unbelievably, they return the favor.
I’m on such a high when the warm air welcomes me as I step outside. Anticipation burrows into my stomach, popping my nerves in excitement. I make myself walk casually to the south lawn. Luckily, a row of little changing huts are lined together. I’ve seen similar things around Lunar back home. They’re places to get naked so you spare your clothes during the shift.
Spotting an empty one, I step inside. A whole set of directions and rules is posted on the interior of the door, most likely so students can’t feign ignorance. Everything the paper says is already explained in the manual I just read, so I carefully peel my clothes off and set them on the bench. My heart pounds. Butt naked, I stand in the center of the room and reach out to my wolf. “Ready?”
Like that’s even a question. By the time we’re old enough for our initial shift, our wolves are panting for it. The only reason there are rules against shifting early is so a true bond can take place between human and wolf. Shift too soon and the wolf can take over and run free, never returning to human form. Try to suppress the wolf and you’ll never be able to shift.
It’s a constant worry I’ve had over the years, but luckily, my wolf is as strong-willed as I am.
She doesn’t let me prepare for the shift before she rushes to the surface. The tingling in my arms from my coat coming out to the breaking of my bones happens in a split second. A scream rips through me as I fall to the ground.
Thanks for that, I grumble.
Tongue lolling, my wolf smiles now that she’s in control.
She pushes free of the swinging door and trots through the grass, claws sinking into the damp earth. The wind rustling through the trees tickles her auburn coat. The blades of grass tickle her feet.
Then, a familiar smell hits her.
My wolf immediately perks, her ears standing at attention. That sweet, sweet aroma captivates her very being.
She smells him.
8
Her copper paws dig into the ground as she races. The wind whips through her fur, making it ripple all the way to her tail. His scent is faint, but she follows it anyway. Nose in the air, she sniffs the wind to gain direction.
There are a bunch of cool things about being a shifter, but one of the negatives is that when human-Kinsey is walking around, I’m in the driver’s seat, completely operating our form. However, when we’re shifted, my wolf is in control. I can try to talk to her like she does to me, but it’s of no use. As we get to know each other, we’ll become one being, one mind, but that’s not the case right now. So, though I’m trying to tell her that Jonah’s scent is most likely from yesterday, she doesn’t listen.
A part of me is worried, too. What if it is fresh? I don’t know if I can take another rejection right now.
Since she’s not listening to me anyway, I quiet and become the audience to what’s happening around me.
My wolf stretches her legs, strength and agility flowing through her. She dodges trees and skillfully jumps over fallen branches. She moves completely on instinct. To be honest, it’s a nice reprieve from having to think all the time.
She scents the air, shifting direction. She’s getting closer.
At the same time she thinks it, I feel it. I try to remind her about the school’s boundaries, but she has a one-track mind. The fated bond is hardest to ignore, which is part of the reason why the academy is so unfair.
My wolf stumbles over a rock and growls. She’s telling me to shut the fuck up and stop distracting her as she gets her feet under her again. A twig breaking nearby makes her pause. Ribcage expanding and deflating rapidly, she waits. If she smelled him, he had to have smelled her, too.
A branch moves to her right, and she spins. Coming out from behind a bush stands a russet-haired wolf that dwarfs us. My wolf whines as he approaches, muzzle in the air. Treading steadily, he moves closer until they’re nearly nose to nose. His eyes are a green-yellow in wolf form—a striking difference from his normal brown with flecks of emerald.
That familiar pull comes again. It’s like high-powered magnetization, tugging them to nudge each other, to play.
My wolf moves in, butting their muzzles together, then resting her head around his mane. He sniffs her, and my heart constricts when his wolf responds with a warm, Kinsey. The sound, masculine and strong, is foreign from my own thoughts but natural at the same time. It’s as if it was always missing from me, and now that I’ve heard it, it’s clicking the last few pieces of my soul in place.
My wolf preens. Jonah.
Mine, he growls, and his wolf rumbles the sound from deep within his chest.
His rough word heats my core, and I can’t tell if it’s wolf-me or human-me that’s turned on. Probably both.
He licks the side of my wolf’s face and then takes off, speeding through the woods. She runs after him, nipping at his legs playfully. He’s fast and strong, but she holds her own, staying right with him. Her chest feels like it’s going to explode as they race through the forest. They bound over streams, calling out their freedom into the night with howls of satisfaction.
When they tire out, Jonah leaps at her, nibbling playfully. They wrestle for a little while, but my wolf is as much of a hussy as I’ve always wanted to be. She doesn’t play for long, it turns into something more. Nuzzling and soft cries emanate from deep within her throat. She’s practically melting in heat, panting with need.
Jonah stands over her as she’s sprawled on her back, her coat mixing into the grass. He sinks lower, resting his body on my wolf, licking her face until our hairy muzzles are gone, and Jonah and I are wrapped in each other’s arms, kissing like we can’t control ourselves.
His tongue delves into my welcome mouth, and I moan low in my throat as the world around us disappears. He lowers his hips into mine, and if I hadn’t become completely coherent before, I am now.
His cock presses against my entrance.
We both seem to realize it at the same time, and he scrambles away from me, crawling back on all fours until he stands. My gaze drops to his dick, and I stare for an awkward amount of time. I’ve never seen one in the flesh. Hell, I’ve never even been kissed until now.
He cups his erection, hiding it from my view. “Kinsey.”
His hard voice breaks me out of my spell. I sit, my bare ass sinking into the grass now, but all I can feel is his lips on mine, begging for more, nudging for more.
And I fucking liked it. Hell, I fucking loved it.
My wolf is watching with bated breath, and a part of me wishes Jonah and I were both in that form where there isn’t all this extra baggage between us.
“You should turn away,” he huffs, avoiding my gaze like he’s trying to protect my innocence.
“Why?” The only thing I plan on doing is standing and wiping the grass off my ass. “We’re mates, right? It’s not as if seeing me like this is wrong.”
“What we just did was wrong,” he replies.
I flinch.
I have to admit, that one fucking stung. My first kiss. My first anything with a guy. Of course it was wrong because it involved me.
I swallow the hurt threatening to pour out.
When you’re a wolf, you can do whatever you want until you’re mated with someone. Then, you’re stuck with that one person. In school, I’m well aware that my wolfpeers had relationships. Like with Nathan’s and Mia’s mates, it was fine for them to have a relationship. You’re just supposed to forget about them when fate pairs you with someone else. Lots of times, you end up with the person you were with, but not always. I envied my wolfpeers for that bit of freedom, that rite of passage of being a teenager. I’ve never made out with a guy, and the first time I do is with my mate who doesn’t want me.
The area behind my eyes heats, tears pricking. I’ve been so good throughout all of this, but I’m at my limit.
“What are you even doing outside the school?”
My hackles rise, and I get to my feet. “We’re allowed to go for a run.”
“Outside the perimeter?” he asks, still pointedly not looking at me.
I know because I can’t take my eyes off him. His chiseled chest and abdomen muscles. His throat working as he tries not to peer my way. The sharp line of his jaw and cheeks. His mussed hair from just shifting is sexy as hell. “I didn’t know I was outside the perimeter.”
“You are,” he barks. “You’re damn near Brixton.”
My eyes widen. I hadn’t realized Brixton and Greystone were that close. “You’re attending there?” I ask even though it should be a no-brainer. It’s where Lunar shifters go for post-primary education. I’d be attending there if I wasn’t stuck at Greystone.
His shoulders tighten. “Yes, partly. Most of my training is with my father, though.”
My wolf whimpers, and a bit of it escapes my human form and fills the air between us. Finally, he turns toward me. He lets his stare drop, taking in my human form briefly before meeting my eyes and not letting them budge. All I needed was that short perusal for my body to heat again and then I say the dumbest thing anyone has ever said in the history of humans and shifters. Hell, I’ll even throw in aliens, but it’s not fair that I’m internally freaking out, and he’s ignoring me. “That was my first kiss.”