by Emily Reese
“I know.” We both kept our eyes on the map, finding it easier to clear the air without eye contact.
“I hate it when you leave like that.”
“I know,” I repeated.
“This last time just about killed me. I almost lost you to that bastard, and just when I’d gotten you back, when I thought you were safe…”
“I know. I’m sorry, Ben.” My throat constricted with the acceptance of the pain I’d caused him in my selfishness. “I don’t know why I always freak out and screw things up. I wish I could just stop… stop running, stop hiding… all of it.” Tears burned my eyes as I tried to blink them back. “I’m sorry I’m so messed up. You deserve better than damaged goods.”
“Don’t,” he said harshly and spun me by the shoulders to face him. “Don’t ever let me here you refer to yourself like that again.”
“But it’s true! I’m so —”
“Stop, Claire.” He moved his hands up to cradle my head. Crouching to make eye contact, he squeezed to emphasize his point. “Never. Again. Understand?” I smiled weakly as I nodded, unable to speak. “Good girl.” Ben pulled me to him held me while I cried silently into his shoulder. “God, I’ve missed you, love.”
“I missed you too,” I sniffed. “How’s Mike?”
“It seems dying didn’t cure him of being a pain in the arse,” Ben chuckled into my hair.
“Does he want to see me?”
“Undoubtedly. But he’s not here.”
“He’s not?” I asked pulling away. “Where is he?”
“He accompanied me on some business in Las Vegas. When I left, he asked to stay behind.”
“Is he ready for that?”
“I left him with Tommy.” The mention of one of the few other vampires I counted a friend eased my concern. “He’s acquired a few new fledglings as well. They’ll learn better together. And I’m hardly a good teacher.”
“You did well enough with me.”
“So I did,” he smiled and wiped a tear from my cheek. “Tell me why there’s a Council agent waiting outside my door.”
I drew my head back with the abrupt change of topic.
“Sorry about that,” Elliot said as he opened the door. “I was waiting for a good time to knock.” He looked from Ben to me, taking note of our intimate position. Suddenly embarrassed, I stepped ever so slightly away from Ben and tried to wipe my face as discreetly as possible.
When next I looked at Ben, he frowned in disapproval.
“Something we can do for you, Jumper?” Ben asked, never taking his eyes from me. How can he tell what Elliot is so easily?
“Yeah,” he answered scratching his stubble, “Ms. Wallace and I have some things to discuss before sunrise.”
“Can it wait?”
“Not really, no.”
“I’ll see you later, Ben.” I smiled quickly and went to leave with Elliot. I did not want to stick around and give Ben the chance to ask any more questions. When I reached the door, I turned. “We’ll go to the bar for dinner, okay?” I tried to keep my tone light, unwilling to lose the progress I’d made tonight. Ben and I weren’t back to normal, but we were getting there.
“Of course, love. Wouldn’t miss it.” I couldn’t read Ben’s face when Elliot and I left, him shutting the door behind me.
“You two a thing?” Elliot asked.
“Yes. No. Sometimes. Maybe… oh hell. I don’t know what we are. I mess it up too often to figure it out for myself.”
“Looks like he’d have a different answer if I asked him.”
“Please don’t. I have enough damage to repair as it is. Let’s just focus on something easier. Where are we going to start our search?” I jumped when Elliot laughed heartily at my words; looking up at him, again I found myself momentarily stunned by the transformation. He’d shown me hints of amusement before, but what I’d begun to refer to as his all-face smiles were simply uninhibited mirth. He looked younger, freer, and more human than his Jumper mannerisms belied.
“Proving your innocence to the Council is easier? Your love life must be terrible.”
“Shut up, Pierce,” I griped and pushed him ahead of me down the hall. “Let’s go think up a game plan before the sun makes me pass out.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
True story: coming up with a game plan when you’ve already exhausted every lead — not easy. Not by a long shot.
In the end, I could only sift through the old packets Mike sent us back when this whole mess started. The last girl to go missing that Mike found was named Erica Wheeler. She was a student at the University of Richmond in Virginia, and that was too close to Regulus to not draw my attention.
The information Mike gathered on her was still incomplete, as were the three others he suspected were post-Meghan abductions, so that left me reading every news article I could find on their disappearances. A few hours in and I became a big bundle of unhappy, making our normally cozy common room anything but hospitable; when I entered, there were a few groups of other vampires hanging around, here for that big meeting Khale and Ben put together. A few hours in and I’d cleared the room.
“How’s it coming?” Elliot asked. Oblivious to my irritation, he helped himself to the seat beside me on the couch, bringing with him his homemade coffee mug and a tumbler for me.
“Thanks.” I saluted him with my drink before taking a few deep gulps; I had yet to eat this evening. Verifying Erica as one of Collin’s victims was a miserable way to pass time.
“You’ve been in here for hours, I thought you might be hungry.”
“Keeping tabs on me, Pierce?” I asked with a smile.
“Technically, you are my prisoner.” He winked at me over his mug, but the truth still settled uncomfortably on my already weary shoulders. “So, what did you find?”
“I think this girl might be the last.” I pulled up Erica Wheeler’s picture from one of the news articles. “But I’m having a hard time getting the information I need. It’s not like I can call up the police and ask for details. All I can do is look at what’s available to the public.” I took another drink and stared pensively at the girl before me. She looks so much like us… newest member of the worst club in the world.
“Erica Wheeler?” Elliot asked and leaned closer to examine the laptop balanced on my knees. Once again, I cursed him for his obliviousness when it came to personal space. I also inhaled the warm-rain smell I had come to associate with him. If he catches me, I’ll deny it to my toes. But, damn, he smells good. Like what I remember of the sun.
“You think this girl will lead us to Collin’s hideout?”
“It’s the best lead I can find. She hasn’t been found, so there’s a good chance she’s either turned, or her remains are where Collin left her.” I swallowed the awful taste those words left behind. “Either way, her trail is going to be the easiest one to follow. Other than her, I have no clue.” A chunk of his hair fell forward, sliding to block his eyes from me. I waited for him to push it back while he skimmed the article about Erica. Yet it seemed that the little bit of hair bothered me a good deal more than it did him. Having come to sort of decision, Elliot stood abruptly.
“Give me till tomorrow. I’ll get you the access you need.” He turned and left without further explanation, finally fixing his disobedient hair while passing through the doorway into the hall.
“What am I supposed to do?” I called after him. The answer I got came from Ben instead.
“You were supposed to go to dinner with me,” he griped on his way in.
“Crap!” I smacked myself in the face. “I’m sorry, Ben! I go so caught up in all this, looking for —” I stopped suddenly, remembering that Ben knew next to nothing about the Council mess I was in. I had to keep it that way.
“Looking for what?” he asked walking over to join me. As he neared, I shut my laptop, attempting to be discreet. Ben’s creased brow assured me how miserably I failed. “What’s going on with you an
d that Council fellow?”
“It’s nothing,” I lied, squirming in my seat and trying to hide it.
“Nothing doesn’t make you lose track of hours,” Ben sat next to me on the couch, placing his arm on the back behind me. He studied me and twirled a lock of my hair around his fingers. When I failed to answer, he added, “Nothing doesn’t have you keeping secrets from me. If it’s nothing, tell me.”
“I can’t!” I burst from my seat, sending my super-laptop clattering to the floor. This is why you can’t have nice things Claire! Hastily I picked it up and attempted an escape, hoping to return to the sanctuary of my room. I’d almost made it, but as I passed Ben’s office, he shoved me inside, the door slamming behind us. I glared at Ben, now the obstacle between me and freedom; his look was equally scathing.
“Why? What is so god dammed important that you will trust a complete stranger over me? He’s not even one of us!”
“Because!” I yelled, no longer caring who heard us. “I can’t trust you not to do something stupid!”
“Excuse me?” Ben’s voice dropped in volume while his tone turned deadly.
“Hello! The plane! On the way back from Baltimore!” I flicked his chest with the back of my hand. “That was so idiotic! I can’t even believe you!” I tried to step around him to the right, but Ben moved with me.
“I saved your life, if you recall,” he spat.
“And you could’ve died!” It was all I could do not to cry, this close, remembering how it felt to almost lose him. I pushed him away, but he was back in my face in an instant.
“It would’ve been worth it!”
“Not. To. Me!”
We stood there, glaring, huffing at each other, looking ready to start taking swings. Then the unexpected happened.
Ben kissed me.
Holding my face with both hands, Ben kissed me with everything he had, leaving me breathless. An instant later my back was against the door as Ben’s mouth made me forget my name, much less what we were arguing about. I fisted my hands in his hair, unable to resist the urge to pull him as close as he could get. His hands traveled to my waist, toying with the hem of my shirt while his lips worked up my jaw and down my neck, paying special attention to the sensitive area where my artery was closest to the surface. I closed my eyes, lost to the tingles his mouth left in their wake.
Finally breaking away, Ben kept me pinned against the door. His eyes searched the room, stopping momentarily on the desk before he growled and looked away. Turning back to me, he rested his forehead against mine, our rapid breaths mingling in the small space between.
“Tell me to go, Claire,” he said from between gritted teeth. “Tell me to stop, tell me to leave and I will.” He opened his eyes, the feral look I saw there showing me how little self-control he clung to. Barely.
My attacker, that bastard Collin made up the sum of my sexual experience. Is that really how you want your life to go Claire? If things ended tomorrow, how much would you regret?
The man before me loved me, had done so for decades. He was patient with my flaws and put my needs before his own. He made me laugh when no one else could. Would there ever be a better person with which to erase the past? Seeing the need in his eyes and tired of being a coward, all I could do was shake my head no.
Surprise flitted across his face for the briefest of moments, followed swiftly by elation at my acquiescence. Without a word, he swept me up into his arms, and marched to the other side of his office. He kicked the baseboard on a nondescript section of wall, which miraculously swung open, a hidden entrance to his bedroom.
“I get all the new toys,” he replied in answer to my raised eyebrows. Before I could come up with a clever retort, Ben claimed my lips yet again, entering and laying me gently on his bed.
“Are you sure about this?” He gave me another out and laid down beside me. Once again he twirled a lock of my hair. “I want you, love. God knows how much I do… but I won’t force you into something you’re not ready for.
“You talk too much.” I pulled him to my lips, trying to quiet both his doubts and the ones flitting in and out of my own head. The man kissing me was the person I cared for most in the world. I wanted to make him happy, feel like I deserved him as much as he seemed to think I did.
Finally, I no longer needed to try to convince him. Ben’s hands slid around my waist and under my shirt, his hands caressing the bare skin of my back. Little sounds of pleasure escaped our kiss, and I tried to focus on that rather than the irritating litany of my insecurities in my head.
What do I do? What am I supposed to do? My hands fluttered from his hair to his back, one minute reaching for the hem of his shirt, the next dropping it. What does he like? What if I don’t do it right??
“Shh, I’ve got this love,” Ben spoke against my lips. Leaving me gasping for air, he moved slowly down, kissing his way past my collar bone, coming to rest directly above my sternum. His eyes met mine in a request for permission. Biting my lip, I nodded.
One button at a time, Ben opened my shirt, planting a kiss on each new section of exposed skin. Looking down, I found myself captivated by the sight of him. Whatever I’d anticipated, this was a gradual seduction. It felt delicious.
With the final button undone, Ben’s hands traveled up the sides of my ribcage, spreading the shirt wide as he went. When he reached my bra, he looked up again, fingertips splayed just beneath the front clasp. I gave him another nod, this time closing my eyes as I felt the thing come undone. Bared before him, I waited, expecting to hear some sign of the imperfections I knew he’d see.
When his breath left him in a rush, my eyes flew open. He’d seen it. Whatever it was, he’d found something; something from my past that would forever make me as undesirable as I’d always felt.
What I beheld was a savage hunger on the face of the man before me. He shook his head as if admiring a work of art or a fine meal, then smiled as if Christmas had come early. The adoration I saw took my breath away, and I found myself smiling as well.
Crawling forward, Ben came back to my lips and kissed me again, his smile never fading. I did that. The knowledge thrilled me. Gradually, his hand moved from cupping my jaw lower, across my arm and stopping just below my breast, once again waiting for permission.
I sighed and arched toward him, my head falling back at the contact. Growling, Ben sucked on my lip as he pulled back, teeth and fangs pinching ever so slightly. A moment later I felt the warm, wet heat of his mouth sucking hard at my nipple, causing a passionate sigh to escape my lips.
“Yes?” he asked with a masculine chuckle. His lips whispered just above my skin, the warmth of his breath giving me goosebumps everywhere.
“God, yes,” I hissed, gripping his hair. While he went to work on one breast, then the other, I found I couldn’t get enough of him. There was too much between his skin and mine. Wanting his shirt gone, but unwilling to have him stop touching me for even an instant, I did the only thing I could think of; I ripped it straight down his back.
“I liked that,” he teased, his lips back on mine as he struggled out of the remnants.
“I’ll buy you another one.” This time I bit his lip, only harder; the tiniest bit of blood seeping between us, flavoring our kisses. Growling, his fangs scored my lip as well and he sucked harder, drinking me in. He placed his hand on my back and pulled me up, holding me so I could remove my clothes as well. When it was done, we fell back together, the fire between us scorching every inch of skin where we touched.
Of their own volition, hands went to Ben’s waist, fumbling to get his pants off, needing even more of him touching me.
“Have somewhere to be love?” He asked, pulling back and adding even more cursed inches between us. Ben’s question shocked me and my hands froze.
“No.”
“No urgent appointment, something else that needs your immediate attention?” While I struggled to understand, he smiled and kissed me quickly. “Then slow down. I
’ve waited years for this. I certainly don’t intend to rush it now.” All care and gentleness, he removed my hands from his pants and linked our fingers, slow, sweeping kisses melting me into putty.
“I want to see more of you,” he whispered and planted feather kisses down my jaw. The restraint he forced me to show was almost worse than the rush from before, transforming me into a mindless ball of need. Wanting him to continue, I thrust my hips forward, my breath coming out in a rush.
Grinning like a cat with cream, Ben once again worked his way down, taking time with each of my nipples as he went and drawing noises out of me I didn’t even know I made. When he made it to the waist of my pants, he kissed the skin just above it hard, sucking for a few seconds.
“You look fantastic in leggings,” he muttered against me. A second later his hands dove down the back, palms squeezing my bare ass. “No buttons.”
A second later what remained of my clothing was gone, Ben once again gazing down with appreciation. As if transfixed, his eyes locked on the most secret part of me, hands running up my thighs. Licking his lips, he dipped his head lower.
All my baggage chose that wonderful, erotic moment to make an appearance; my muscles tightened up and I went from aroused to panic in and instant. Feeling the tension beneath his hands, Ben stopped.
“What is it love?”
“I’ve never… he didn’t…” I shook my head in a futile attempt to push the memories away. “C-C-Collin only —”
“No.” Ben’s voice was so harsh it was almost scary. “He does not get to be here. Not for this. This is for you and me alone.”
“But what if he did something? What if something’s wrong… with me?”
“Oh, darling,” Ben leaned his head against the inside of my thigh with a rueful smile. “There is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect, and even that’s not an adequate enough word.” He answered my smile with one of his own before nipping gently at my skin. “Do you trust me?”
“Always.”
“Then stay with me. Let me love you.” Kisses were planted up and down my thighs while he rubbed the outside of them with his hands. Finally, when he worked his way back to the center, he planted a gentle kiss at the top of my sex. The groan that escaped his lips had me trembling, my hands balling the sheets in my fists.