He shrugged. “I dunno. I just feel kind of…satisfied. You know?”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t know. This is just a friends with benefits thing, Wade…” I said, but I sounded like he wasn’t the only one I was reminding.
“I’m aware. I just didn’t realise they weren’t exclusive benefits.”
I could lie and say I didn’t like the sound of that. I could say that it went against everything I believed we were and should be doing. But I wasn’t going to. Exclusive benefits sounded pretty cool. It also sounded like dangerous territory, so I pulled a typical Norah.
“I’m not a country club, Phillips,” I huffed.
“No,” he chuckled. “That you’re definitely not.”
I waved that away. “Just… Lisa’s noticed your distinct lack of womanising lately and she’s getting… Just do me a favour and flirt with someone who’s not me, please?”
“If that’ll make you happy?” he said like he was asking if that would actually make me happy.
Look, I didn’t love the idea, but… “Yes,” I told him.
“Okay. But I’d like it noted it won’t mean anything.”
“When does it ever?” I asked him.
“Right now,” he said, as he took my hand lightly.
It was so simply said. Like it was just a natural fact. Same way the sky looked blue or grass was (usually) green. I couldn’t argue with him. Not even for the sake of arguing with him.
I pressed my lips together to stop myself from saying the wrong thing. I just wasn’t sure if the wrong thing would be me antagonising him or me agreeing with him.
“Okay. Good. Thank you.”
He nodded. “No worries.”
I hurried off to class, feeling like I’d just done the stupidest and most sensible thing in the world. I was getting pretty sick of feelings warring within me. It was tiring. I wanted to just go to bed and never leave it again until I was thirty-five and had already won the Draper Prize. My head was a muddle of confusion and it seemed easier not to think or feel anything. Wade had warned me about that, though, and I recognised it wasn’t ideal.
“Norah, kind of you to join us,” the teacher said, indicating I take my seat.
I slid in next to Erin.
“Where were you?” she whispered.
I just smiled and gave her a shrug as I got my books out, hoping that I hadn’t just given Wade permission to hook up with the whole school.
At lunch, he fulfilled his promise.
I’d purposefully avoided looking at him since we’d last spoken for fear of what I’d see.
Luckily, Lisa and Erin didn’t have any such hang ups.
“Aw,” Erin said sadly and I looked up at her.
“What?” I asked.
“It’s like, just by talking about it, Lisa made it happen.”
Lisa and I followed Erin’s gaze and saw Wade in full on charm mode with Tess.
He was leaning in close to her and giving her that smile. The one that made you feel like you were the only person in his universe. I’d seen enough of it in the last few weeks to recognise it without seeing it in full.
My stomach did this weird thing and my reaction was to chew the inside of my cheek.
“See,” I gritted out. “Nothing’s changed.”
For a moment, Lisa looked at me like it was my fault somehow. Then she just shrugged casually and sat back in her seat. “That could be anything.”
“Does it look like anything to you?” I asked. I didn’t have to fake how disappointed I was, I had to fake I was less disappointed than I actually was.
“Even if it wasn’t, one girl in eight weeks does not a player make. Something’s changed. I’m telling you. Something good.”
“I wouldn’t exactly call exams good,” I said.
Lisa smirked at me. “It’s not exams.”
“How do you know?” I asked.
She shrugged again, but it was more coy this time. “I just do.”
“That’s hardly an answer.”
“Trust me on this, Norah Lincoln,” she said, enunciating very clearly. “Something’s come along and changed Wade Phillips for the better.”
The hope on her face was killing me. I had so thought we were over this blindly believing Wade was a good person business. I thought we were on the way to getting over him. But we weren’t. Obviously. She was still just as hung up on him as ever. Maybe even more so now she thought he was magically a good person.
It put me in a mood. A mood that was already hovering after seeing Wade with Tess.
So, when I got Wade’s text a few minutes later, I wasn’t really in the right frame of mind.
Wade
How was that? Up to standard?
I knew it was difficult to tell over message, but it felt like Wade was angry with me. I felt like I was a bit angry with me. I was also a bit angry at Wade.
Norah
It was futile. It didn’t change anything.
Wade
What was it supposed to change?
Norah
Lisa’s mind about you.
Wade
Why?
Norah
She thinks something good’s happened to you and you’ve changed.
Wade
And that’s bad?
Norah
It is if she’s falling more in love with you.
Wade
Why does that stink of jealousy?
Norah
I’m not jealous.
Wade
Really?
Norah
No. Not about Lisa. You told me where you two stand.
Wade
Ah.
Norah
Ah, what?
Wade
You’re jealous about Tess.
Norah
No, I’m not.
Norah
Why would I be jealous about Tess?
Wade
Is it really so difficult to admit you didn’t like seeing me flirt with her?
Norah
It wouldn’t be if it were true.
Wade
And you’re going to stand by that, are you?
Norah
…
Was I? Was I going to be a petulant arsehole and refuse to admit, when it was glaring me straight in the face, that seeing him flirt with Tess had made me jealous? It was the only logical explanation. It was a dangerous explanation. I shouldn’t have been jealous. I had no right to be jealous.
But then…in many ways, what right had Wade had to be jealous at the idea I’d been out with another guy? If we were talking strict rights, he had none. I had none. Maybe, then, jealousy didn’t work that way. Maybe it was one of those things that you didn’t have a right or not to feel. You just did. Whether you wanted to or not. Whether they wanted you to or not.
Wade had been man enough to admit he was jealous. I could be, too.
Norah
Okay. Fine. Yes. I didn’t like seeing you flirt with her.
Wade
Is it okay if I don’t flirt with anyone other than you from now on?
His words shouldn’t’ve made me feel good. I knew that. I couldn’t help it, though. They did.
Seeing him – just thinking about him – with someone else made me jealous. I liked him. I wanted him to only flirt with me. I wanted it to be just him and me. I didn’t know how long for; the idea of something serious and long-lasting was something I couldn’t bring myself to consider.
Norah
Yeah. That’d be okay.
Wade
Well, thank fuck :D
I put my phone away and ignored his very bright and shiny presence on the other side of the Common Room. I ignored the goofy smile my face was trying to break out into. I ignored Lisa trying to convince me Wade was changed.
I didn’t need convincing Wade was changed. I knew now that Wade had never actually changed. Not where i
t mattered. Not really.
Not that I could tell Lisa that without creating way more complications where there were already too many.
e
That night, I did the dutiful thing and went to Lisa’s opening night. Erin and I got all unnecessarily dolled up – the way a night at the theatre was supposed to go, according to Lisa – and vowed I wasn’t going to fall asleep this year.
I sent Erin in to find our seats and lined up for a few overpriced bags of lollies. Usually, I was less partial to wasting money so flagrantly, but the Drama department made money on all front of house sales so it was the supportive thing to do.
“Well, don’t you scrub up nice,” I heard a voice at my shoulder say and I smiled.
“We made a night of it. Full support and all that.”
Wade placed a surreptitious hand to my hip. “And does your neck pillow have full support also, or…?”
I elbowed him softly. “I’m not falling asleep this year.”
He leant his lips to my ear. “Famous last words. Where are you sitting?”
“Why?” I teased. “So you can keep an eye on me?”
I felt his smile against my ear. “Maybe.”
“Next,” the happy little front of house elf cried, looking around.
I nudged Wade back a step. “Not happening.”
As he chuckled, I got my overpriced lollies and went to find Erin. After the number of times we’d been in the Performing Arts centre for Lisa over the years, I knew exactly where I was going.
“Thank you,” Erin said happily as I handed her the M&Ms.
“Most welcome,” I answered. “Your turn in intermission.”
She nodded, her mouth already full. “Duh.”
I laughed and opened my Skittles.
The stage was dark and I was trying to make out the shapes in the shadows as we waited for it to start. All I could make out was an archway and what looked like columns.
“Hey, Wade,” I heard Erin sing-song and looked around quickly.
“Hey, Erin,” came Wade’s deep, amused voice.
I finally found him edging his way along our row.
“Hey, Norah.” He nodded towards me as he paused in front of me.
“Wade.” I nodded back.
“Seems Fate’s decided you don’t have enough chances to be mean to me,” he quipped, looking very pointedly at the seat next to mine.
The empty seat.
I looked at it, then up at him.
“Are you kidding me?” I asked, looking to Erin like it was some big joke on her part.
She shrugged. “I just took the tickets Lisa gave me.”
Wade nodded to her as he dropped into the seat beside me. “Hey. Me, too!”
This had to be a purely coincidental fluke.
Lisa would have got a bunch of tickets in her name and of course they’d have been together. But, if that was true, where were her parents? Maybe they couldn’t make it? No. They’d never missed opening night. They had to be here somewhere. But there weren’t empty seats on either side of Wade or Erin.
My brain felt like I’d ingested too much Farmer’s Union. Everything fizzed and sparked like I’d just mainlined straight caffeine all day. My thoughts were racing, chasing each other through my head one after the other.
I felt Wade’s hand brush against my leg as he put his cola bottle on the floor under his seat. I took a deep breath and relaxed.
It was an action that should have freaked me out more. I should have been worried that someone was going to see us, but I wasn’t. His presence was just calming.
It was most definitely just a totally accidental chance that Wade and I were sitting next to each other. Nothing more than that and it was all going to be okay.
I was just going to not worry and enjoy watching my best friend do what she did best.
So, I did.
The play started and there was the familiar scene we’d all grown up with; the celebration of the death of the Wicked Witch of the West.
When Lisa arrived at the university, top to toe in green body paint, you could still see it was her. When she sang her first song, I didn’t know what she was worrying about. In fact, I’d never known what she was worrying about. She’d told me that she was filling the role played by the person who did Elsa in Frozen and had no idea how she was going to live up to it.
“Pfft,” I whispered to Erin. “Elsa, eat your heart out.”
Erin grinned at me.
Lisa owned the stage, as only she could. She shone brighter than the brightest star, albeit a green one. I was entranced by the whole thing. It had taken a childhood favourite and created an amazing backstory that Lisa and the cast brought to vivid life in front of my eyes.
“Not falling asleep this year?” Wade teased.
I nudged him playfully. “Not this year.”
Every now and then, his hand brushed mine or my leg and it was almost like we were on a date, in public, with people all around us. Sometimes I answered his brush with one of my own. Sometimes we had mini finger fights. There was no pressure or stress. We just were. My heart beat from the excited normalcy of it.
Lisa had just rushed off after being made the scapegoat and I was veritably on the edge of my seat when the curtain dropped and the house lights came up.
“What?” I gasped. “No!”
I heard Wade chuckle next to me.
“Loos?” Erin asked and I shook my head.
“Nah, I’m good,” I told her.
“Cool. ‘Nother Skittles?”
I nodded. “Yes, please.”
She gave Wade a nod as made her way out with most of the rest of the audience.
“How’s it hanging, Norah!” I heard the tell-tale call of Doug McGinty and looked around.
He and Lisa’s mum were walking up the steps towards the exit.
I waved at them. “Hey, Doug. Sarah. She got you better seats, I see,” I joked.
They smiled at me. “You know us. We like to be up front with the action.”
“Wade Phillips,” Sarah said with a knowing look.
“Sarah. Doug. How’s things?”
“Good, mate,” Doug said. “Good. You?”
“Good, too.”
Doug smiled widely and looked between me and Wade. “So, you two–”
Three things happened here.
I spluttered the last few Skittles out of my mouth and all over the thankfully empty seat in front of mine in my rush to say, “No!”
Wade said, “Not if Norah’s got anything to say about it.”
And Sarah elbowed Doug with a chastising, “Douglas.”
All four of us looked at each other for a second and I felt the tension. It was all confusion, intrigue, and a little bit choking on my part.
“Well,” Doug finally said. “We should go and get ourselves an expensive glass of bubbly.”
I nodded. “Sure. No worries.”
“We’ll, see you later, Norah.”
I nodded. “Definitely.”
Doug and Sarah spared us a smile before Sarah dragged Doug away.
Wade chuckled again.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
“Not nothing, what?”
His fingers trailed over my hand again. “I just liked how terrified you got there.”
“Liked it?” I asked him.
He nodded, sitting there in his chair all relaxed and at ease.
“What exactly did you like about it?”
He shrugged. “I liked how you doth protested too much.”
I opened my mouth to disagree with him, but heard Erin say. “They only had M&Ms left. If you don’t want them, I can give you the money for mine.”
I turned to her and smiled. “All good. Chocolate is all good.”
By the time packets were opened and Wade had managed to steal some from both of us, everyone was back in their seats and the second act started.
I was so, so proud of Lisa that I had very little room for any other thoughts
Until the point where Lisa and Christian were singing some duet about being each other’s that I noticed something disturbingly parallel about this play and my life.
Best friends.
The introvert.
The bubbly one.
Like the same guy.
He chooses…
Oh shit.
I felt myself sit up straighter.
Talk about bad omens like one of Lisa’s Greek tragedies.
This was all way too convenient and neatly packaged.
I had the sudden feeling that Lisa had orchestrated this whole thing to show me she knew about me and Wade after all. But that was stupid because Mr Rankin was the one who chose the play, not the students, and life wasn’t some romance movie plotted down to the minutiae so it all comes together in a neat little coincidental parcel.
“You okay?” Wade asked me quietly.
What could I say to him? At all, let alone in the middle of Lisa’s second act.
So, I nodded. “Yep. She’s amazing, isn’t she?”
Wade’s smile was pure pride for our friend. “She is.”
I pushed aside my concern and focussed solely on Lisa and her final hurrah. After the closing number, I was the first person out of my seat as I cheered her on, SOILED be damned. She deserved it.
Lisa saw me stand and pointed at me with a big smile on her face. I returned it before throwing my hands in the air. For a moment, it was like we were the only two people in the Arts centre and I knew I had the best friend in the whole world.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The holidays came around and I wondered where all the time had gone. It felt like just the week before that we’d been on Winter break and my life was perfectly the same as normal.
Now, eleven weeks later, it was my last ever school holidays and my world was in upheaval. An upheaval I was coming to accept, even if I wasn’t looking forward to it.
At least, not being at school meant that Lisa spent less time staring at Wade and wondering why he’d changed. It also meant, less fortunately, that there was less chance to get her talking to Matt, or many excuses to bring him up. On the plus side, we just had girl hangs without worrying about or thinking about boys, which made an interesting change for the last few years. Although, now boy talk had been replaced with exam terror talk, which was much less exciting.
the Art of Breaking Up Page 19