by Sue MacKay
‘I have accepted I can’t change their minds and let it go.’ There was no point staying churned up over what she couldn’t alter. ‘But I still get bitter at times. What’s so wrong in talking to me? And how could my mother not even tell her family about me?’ That had really hurt, deep and hard, a hurt that wasn’t going away so easily. Was she so unlovable her own mother hadn’t wanted her? But her stepmum had accepted her straight away, buck teeth and temper tantrums and all. People did leave her. Some people. She raised her eyes to the man before her. He’d left her.
Yeah, and how hard did I fight to keep him?
She gasped. What?
‘They’re the losers.’
‘Pardon?’ Who were losers? Her and Hunter?
‘Your Aussie relations.’
Phew. ‘I reckon.’ Brenna also reckoned this wasn’t the time to be thinking about where she and Hunter had gone wrong. She was emotionally exhausted and anything she came up with could be utter nonsense. It was something to think about later. Not now. Taking a big sip of wine, she studied the man who’d broken her heart and yet had managed to walk back into the perimeter of her life without too much resistance from her. Meaning what? She had no idea and right now all she wanted was to unwind, enjoy her wine, eat dinner and maybe even enjoy the company. ‘Can we eat? I’m suddenly starving.’
His gaze was steady, but there was a question in his eyes. Had he picked up on her thoughts? Of course he had. He knew her, remember? But all he said was ‘Sure. Everything’s ready. The rice has been steaming for hours.’
Brenna watched as he began plating up, relieved he’d kept whatever was causing that shadow in his eyes to himself. Yet his movements were relaxed, his focus on what he was doing calm, as though dinner was the most important thing on his agenda at the moment. Glad to follow his example, she asked, ‘So Poppy sealed the deal about getting a dog?’
‘Not just any dog. A Poppy dog.’ Hunter grinned. ‘Can you put me in touch with her breeder?’
‘No problem. Step one in settling into that house you’ve bought.’
His grin diminished, became a tight smile. ‘Yes.’
‘You’re not changing your mind about moving here?’ He couldn’t. As he’d told her, this was as much for Dylan as himself.
‘Not at all.’ The tightness backed down a little. Placing their meals on the counter, he reached into the drawer for cutlery. ‘It’s just that I feel bad about the location I chose. It’s your home turf, and I don’t want you thinking I’m deliberately trying to upset you.’
She picked up a fork and toyed with the rice and gravy. ‘At first I was annoyed. It’s a big city, why chose Kitsilano?’ Where we’d been so happy once. Because he was over them. As she was or should be. ‘But then I came to see that it’s the area you’re most familiar with. More importantly, your friends are here, which will make the move easier over the coming months.’ Raising her laden fork, she tasted the food. The flavour explosion from the gravy was delicious. ‘Oh, yum. That’s good.’
‘But you’d rather I’d not landed on your patch.’
‘No, I’m a big girl. I’m over my funk.’
‘Not so big.’ Back to grinning at her.
‘Let it go. Short, slim and big on attitude. That’s me.’
His laughter filled the room, and her heart unfortunately. ‘I’ve been missing that.’
And I’ve been missing you since you turned up. You’re here and yet you’re unavailable because I can’t have you. I’m too afraid. I’m over being left behind by those I love. Except Dad never deserted me. Mum’s still a huge part of my life. My sisters give me grief, but they’ve got my back as much as I’ve got theirs.
If they got back together, would Hunter leave her again when he was needed elsewhere? When his parents called? If something happened to Dylan? Of course, he had to do whatever was necessary to keep his son safe and well. But he could let other people help, share the load, not walk out of their lives without looking back. Gulp. The emotions were building again, this time not about dad. Not good.
She swallowed the heaviness in her throat and filled her mouth with chicken. Savouring the delicious flavours bursting across her tongue, she dug deep and moved on to something light and easy. ‘Eat your dinner or I’ll have it after I’ve finished mine.’ It was that tasty. She was that hungry. ‘When did you learn to cook like this?’
‘Evie was an exceptional home cook and taught me the basics, and then I didn’t want to go back to boiled vegetables and steak every night of the week, so I used what she’d shown me, along with the internet, and found a passion for putting cheese with broccoli and meatballs and making something flavoursome.’
Brenna settled into enjoying her meal, almost effortless now that Hunter had helped her relax by listening without criticism, by understanding her without having to go into details. He’d known her family well. Dad had been thrilled when they’d first talked about a wedding. Then the dementia had begun raising its ugly head and they’d thought about getting married while he could give her away knowing what he was doing, but with her studying, Hunter working long hours, and the family trying to cope with her father’s illness, they’d never got around to organising it.
If they had, the last six years would’ve been very different for one of them. Probably her, as she’d have moved east to be with Hunter while he sorted out his family’s problems. But then he wouldn’t be a dad. Or would he? Would they have had the children they’d talked about sooner than first thought? Children. Her a mum. Yes, that had been one of her dreams.
Hunter was shaking her arm. ‘Go sit in a comfortable chair while I clean up.’
Blinking up at him, she asked, ‘Did I just nod off?’
‘More like you were miles away, thinking about who knows what. You were about to fall off the stool.’ Mischief twinkled in his eyes. ‘I’ve already picked up one person from the table tonight. Must be something about the food I cook.’
‘Leave the kitchen. I’ll fix it.’ In the morning. ‘You need to get Dylan home to his own bed.’
‘Shortly.’ His hand was still on her arm, sending pulses of heat over her skin.
She shouldn’t, couldn’t, give in to those light beats ripping through her. But, hell, she wanted to. More than anything. It had been a long, hard weekend, and this was the balm she needed. Hunter. His touch, his scent, his heat. Some things in life were impossible and turning away from Hunter right now was one of them. Placing her hand on top of his, she squeezed gently before lacing her fingers with his.
He moved closer. Lifted their hands to his lips. Ran the lightest kiss over her knuckles so that she tightened her hold on him. Next he’d... Lick between her fingers on that super-sensitive spot. A shiver ran down her back as desire rose from deep inside. Then Hunter’s eyes locked onto hers, and their silver grey darkened with heat and desire.
Tugging their hands her way, she slid her mouth over his thumb and ran her teeth over the pad, felt the shiver rippling through Hunter.
Then he took her head in those large, familiar hands and, holding her at just the right angle, leaned in and began kissing her blind.
All the emotions swamping her twisted into a new shape—hot, craving, desire for this man. The only man who’d ever made her feel so wanted, so sexy and desirable. It had been a long time, but the moves hadn’t changed. His kiss was like a switch. Every sense in her taut body was on full alert, her mouth on his, their tongues dancing together. She leaned closer, needing his strength to stay upright as everything but the feel of Hunter’s mouth on hers disappeared.
And then his hands were holding her upper arms and that beautiful mouth was slowly sliding away.
As air came between them Brenna jerked her head back. ‘What?’ They couldn’t stop. Not now when her whole body was vibrating with need.
‘I can’t, Bren. I’ve got to take Dylan home.’
�
�You haven’t got time to finish that kiss?’
Poke me in the eye, why don’t you? You can’t just stop kissing me like that—unless it meant nothing.
Concentrating hard, she lifted her shoulders and her chin, stepped backwards. He was right. They shouldn’t be kissing again. The first time had been a mistake, this time foolish. They hadn’t talked about the past, and that wasn’t going to disappear in a cloud of desire. If they’d ended up making love it would still be there to haunt them afterwards. Hunter had been right to stop. She should be grateful his brain was obviously in better working order than hers.
‘Goodnight, Hunter.’ She wasn’t thinking about the other option—that the kiss meant less than nothing to him. That would keep her awake all night.
* * *
At three a.m. Brenna admitted defeat and climbed out of the large, now chilly bed, because she’d forgotten to turn the heating up, and went to put the kettle on for a cup of tea.
Hunter hadn’t hung around after her terse ‘Goodnight’, had simply bundled Dylan into his arms and headed for his four-wheel drive.
While the water came to the boil she opened her laptop. If she wasn’t getting any sleep then she might as well prepare the photos the ski team had ordered to be printed. The job might even make her nod off.
Fat chance with Hunter rampaging through her head non-stop. She didn’t need her photo bank to recall past occasions with him. Wandering through Stanley Park, sitting at the front of the ferry being soaked with incoming waves, partying with their friends, barbecuing in the back yard with her family. The only pictures not on her computer, but just as vivid in her mind, were those like the ones she’d happily have made tonight if reality hadn’t stepped in.
Brenna groaned and jammed her fingers through her knotted curls, pulling at her scalp. So much for keeping him at a distance. Why, why, why had she been so eager to kiss the man? She didn’t even know what she wanted with him any more. Her excuse was that coming home emotionally worn out and talking to him had relaxed her, had made her feel half-human again to the point she’d forgotten to be on guard with Hunter.
Stirring the teabag vigorously, she shook her head. ‘Poppy, your mum’s gone and blown her well-planned life out of the water.’
Not that anything would change. Except her head space, and it seemed that was already messed up.
The dog didn’t move, except to open one eye briefly.
‘You’re agreeing, huh?’ Then, ‘Oh, great.’ The teabag had burst. ‘Maybe I should go back to bed, lie quietly and turn my mind off.’
Like that had worked for the last five hours. She got another teabag and started over.
‘So, Pops, what do I do next? Tell Hunter to leave town before lunch?’ Now, there was a thought. ‘We can’t have one of those pathetic conversations where we say we have to get over what happened and move on pretending everything is the same as it was a week ago.’
A week? That’s all it had been since Hunter had turned up on base and complicated her life. One week.
This didn’t have to be problematic. All she had to do was remind herself she loved her work, enjoyed going on trips with the skiers and riding down mountainsides with the bike group from the hospital, and taking scary photos in situations that fed her adrenalin need. There was no time for a relationship even if she’d wanted one. Forget that she’d decided to get in touch with her girlfriends for a night out. When she wasn’t rostered on the helicopter her weekends were fully booked with one thing or another. Except the next one. A trip to the hairstylist on Saturday and lunch with Em and Lily on Sunday wrapped it up. Very staid for her and it would leave too much opportunity to ponder about Hunter and this need she had going on for him.
The tea and photos were a success. The ringing phone woke her. Scrambling out of the comfy armchair, she dashed across to grab it before whoever it was hung up. The screen showed six-fifteen and Kevin’s name. Uttering an oath, she banged the phone against her ear. ‘Kevin, sorry, I’m still at home, I overslept. I’ll be there as quick as I can.’ A thirty-second shower and no walk for Poppy.
‘Slow down. I was checking you were all right. We’re off to a quiet start, but if a call comes in, I’ll take your place.’
She was never late. Blame Hunter. Why not? He messed with her head all the time. ‘I am really sorry.’
‘Relax. How was the weekend?’ He knew where she’d been, and probably thought the emotions had made her tired. Which was true, but they hadn’t caused her sleep pattern to change so drastically.
‘It went well, lots of laughter and tears. We decided it was the last time we’ll do it. Everyone’s ready to look forward despite the emotional upheaval.’
‘That’s good. Okay, see you soon but, Brenna, don’t rush. We’ve got this covered. Hunter’s here and raring to go. You have some breakfast and take Poppy for her walk before coming in.’
As the phone went silent Brenna burst into tears. Everyone was so damned nice. They were there for her even when she didn’t ask them to be. Except Hunter was now back in the picture. Not as a lover or partner. No, she had to put a stop to that. No more kisses. The number of times his mother phoned him nagged at her, reminding her he could just as easily pack up and disappear when the woman needed him too much. Which meant he still had the power to hurt her, if she gave too much of herself.
But she wouldn’t deny he was here and that she’d like to see him occasionally. Last night, talking about Dad and her birth mother had shown what she’d missed about him almost as much as the loving. Or was it all part of the loving? He knew her, understood her, which was very, very special. Not even her close girlfriends got it as right as Hunter.
Everyone needed someone to offload on, knowing they wouldn’t be laughed at or embarrassed. Hunter was that someone for her. Always used to be, and she hadn’t managed to replace him in that aspect. Not in any way. Except for the adventure and photography, which gave her a sense of fulfilment on a certain level.
Now all she had to do was find a way to make friendship with him work without giving too much of herself away. Without kissing him again.
Loud laughter came from the staffroom when Brenna finally walked into the rescue headquarters. Her toes curled, and her blood zinged. Always a sucker for Hunter’s laugh, her stomach squeezed tight. Just as well she hadn’t managed to swallow any breakfast, or it might be revisiting. Right, time to straighten up, pull on the poker face and go join the crew for a coffee. She strolled in as though this was any normal morning. ‘Morning, everyone.’
‘Sleepyhead’s arrived.’ Hunter didn’t look at all repentant for causing her lack of sleep. Did he know the effect he’d had on her? Worse, he didn’t look as though he’d missed a moment’s shut-eye all night.
‘The morning’s been quiet. The other crew are out attending a motorcycle accident beyond Richmond. A fractured leg and an angry patient apparently.’ Kevin shrugged. ‘Guess now you’re here I get to sit behind my desk for the rest of the day.’
‘I can swap if you want some work experience,’ Brenna said. That way she didn’t have to sit squashed into the tight space in the back of the helicopter, breathing in spice overlaid with rock-solid male testosterone. Taking the front seat in the chopper would show she was avoiding Hunter and he’d pick up on it straight away. He’d probably already worked out that’s what her offer to Kevin was all about. Her brain wasn’t in first gear this morning. ‘I have some medical notices to get through.’
‘You hate those things.’ Kevin placed a coffee in front of her.
‘Doesn’t mean I can ignore them.’ Okay. Partial truth time. ‘I’m very tired so it might be best if you cover for me this morning.’
Kevin nodded. ‘You’re looking peaky.’
The corners of Hunter’s mouth were lifting into a smug smile. ‘Very peaky.’
Instead of yelling at him for being a smart-ass, she gulped a mouthful of cof
fee and stared at the table between them.
I will not let him see how much he’s got to me.
‘I think Poppy’s missing Dylan. This morning she kept going to the bedroom he used to sniff around.’
‘Told you they hit it off.’
‘You’d better get a puppy sooner rather than later.’
He didn’t miss a beat. ‘Got the breeder’s details in your phone? Because I don’t think I’m going to get away with a miniature poodle.’
‘Diamonds on the collar?’ Trying not to imagine Hunter and a poodle because she’d laugh herself sick, she tugged the phone from her pocket and tapped on contacts and found the number. ‘Here, I’ll send it to you. What’s your number?’
One dark eyebrow rose.
Did he really think she was trying to get his details for her own use? When she hadn’t had them while he’d been in her house for the weekend? She slid her phone across the table to him. ‘Put it in yourself.’
After tapping in the number, Hunter handed her phone back. ‘Thanks. I’ll get in touch this week. Though I can’t take a pup while we’re still at Dave and Jess’s. It wouldn’t be fair on anyone.’
‘Have they got a large house, or are you all crammed in on top of each other?’ On top of each other brought connotations she’d rather not think about when stuck in a small room with the man.
His eyes widened. Obviously, he’d had the same idea. ‘Five bedrooms, two sitting rooms and an enormous yard. They got lucky when Dave’s work colleague had to downsize urgently. They snatched the house up and I can see them staying there until their grandchildren are old enough to have babies.’
‘What’s your new place like?’ As long as they stayed on innocuous subjects, she’d handle this.
‘Three beds, one sitting and an average yard.’ Hunter leaned back in his chair and stretched his legs to the far side of the table. ‘It’s a humdinger. There’s lots of renovating to do, including updating the basic kitchen and bathroom. But it was the large, spacious rooms and the windows that let in lots of sunlight in winter that hooked me. Of course, it might be like an oven in summer, but we’ll deal with that when it happens.’ He really wasn’t fazed one little bit by last night.