Hell Hath No Fury

by Annabel Chase

  He balanced an olive on his nose and then launched it into the air before snatching it with his powerful jaws. “Tell me where and when.” He’d obviously mistaken the olive for one without a pit because I heard a cracking sound and he winced in pain. “My tooth.”

  I bit back a smile. “The barn behind my house tomorrow at nine.”

  He winced. “Nine sounds very early.”

  “The carpenter comes at ten, so we need to clear out before he arrives.” John had a tendency to sleep late on his boat, not that I blamed him. He was living the dream.

  “And what do we do once we resolve the issue?” Husbourne asked. He plucked a toothpick from one of the olives and gnawed on the end.

  I swiveled toward him. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, once the chief is back to normal—whatever that may be—do we enlighten him about us?”

  The council members exchanged wary glances.

  “What if he isn’t a secret shifter?” Aggie asked.

  “Then we should have a vampire wipe his memory of these events,” Hugh said. “Let those fangers be good for something in this town.”

  I wiggled uncomfortably. Now was the ideal time to broach the subject, no matter how anxious it made me. “What if we didn’t wipe his memory?”

  “Why wouldn’t we?” Aggie asked. “Human law enforcement has always been ignorant of our kind.”

  “But I think he would be an asset,” I said. “Why keep him in the dark?”

  “That’s obvious,” Husbourne said. “Because he’s human. It’s too much for them. They can’t handle someone tearing away the veil. Be like snatching a child’s security blanket.”

  Except Sawyer had already proven that he could handle it. “I propose that we put it to a vote. Husbourne, you’re our eyes and ears on the town council. Why not let Chief Fox be our eyes and ears in law enforcement?”

  “Because you’re our eyes and ears in law enforcement,” Hugh said. “That’s the whole point of the FBM outpost.”

  “No, the whole point of the outpost is to monitor the portal,” I said. “Looking out for supernatural interferences is secondary.”

  Adele stroked the pearls around her neck. “He’s been involved in a few supernatural incidents already without his knowledge and he handled himself remarkably well.”

  “What about his deputy?” Hugh asked. “We’re going to expect him to keep it secret from that gonad, aren’t we? He’s too stupid to share information as important as this.”

  “Deputy Guthrie is a hard pass,” Husbourne drawled, making a sideways chopping motion with his hand.

  “I think we can trust the chief,” I said, “especially after we rescue him from whatever situation he’s gotten himself into. He’ll feel indebted to us.” I figured it couldn’t hurt to throw an extra reason in there.

  Aggie rubbed her hands together in a nervous gesture. “Oh, my. This would be unprecedented. We’ve never had a member of law enforcement in the know.” She drew a breath. “But I agree with Eden, I think Chief Fox would be an asset to the council, as well as to the supernatural community at large. Think about it. He’ll be able to assess a situation and recognize whether he can handle it or whether he needs to call for supernatural reinforcements. Chief O’Neill didn’t have that luxury.”

  “If he had, maybe he’d still be alive today,” Adele said. “I think it’s in everyone’s best interest, including the chief’s.”

  “All in favor?” Aggie asked.

  I watched as each hand went up. Hugh hesitated for a fleeting moment, but I was pretty sure it was only to be difficult.

  “Perfect,” I said.

  My phone vibrated in my purse and I rooted around the black hole of small belongings until I found it. “Hello?”

  “Eden, it’s Sean.” He cleared his throat. “It’s Deputy Guthrie.”

  Speak of the gonad. “Is everything okay?”

  “Not really,” he said.

  I closed my eyes and prayed to every deity in existence that Sawyer was all right. “What happened?”

  “It’s about that snake.”

  I perked up. “What about it?”

  “Meet me at that lady’s house. The one who reported the sighting.”

  “Eloise Worthington?” I asked.

  “That’s the one. Do you remember the address?”

  “I do.” I hesitated to ask my next question. “Did you find the snake?”

  “No, but it looks like the snake found her,” Sean said. “Eloise is dead.”

  Chapter Eleven

  I gaped at the scene in the foyer of Eloise Worthington’s house. A baseball bat lay next to Eloise’s body and shards of broken glass covered the floor. It looked like she’d tried to throw everything within reach at her attacker. I even noticed pieces of kibble mixed in with the shards. Even amidst the chaos, I couldn’t help but notice Eloise’s appearance.

  “Why is she wearing a hot dog costume?” I asked.

  “She was known for it,” Sean said. “I didn’t actually realize it was the same woman until I got here.”

  I studied the hot dog on the floor. A yellow line of mustard ran up her middle. “She was known for dressing like a hot dog?”

  “She’d wear it in front of businesses to protest stuff like poor customer service.” Sean shook his head. “I got called to the bank once to cite her for harassment.”

  “Well, I have to agree with her there. The bank’s customer service is terrible.”

  Sean looked at me. “She was protesting the fact that they’d run out of grape lollipops and could only offer orange.”

  I stuffed my hands into my pockets and observed the dead woman. “Orange is the devil’s work.”

  “You two would’ve been a nightmare together.”

  I ignored him. “Are you sure it was the snake that killed her?”

  He pointed to her arm. “Puncture wounds equals snake bite. Poisonous too.”

  “You mean venomous.”

  “Same thing,” he said dismissively.

  “No, it isn’t.”

  “Whatever, Professor Fury,” he scoffed. “I have a degree too, you know.”

  “In massive douchebaggery?”

  He glowered at me.

  “Oh, that was your minor. Got it.” I shifted my focus back to Eloise. “How did you even know to come here?”

  “She called to say she’d seen the snake and asked me to come,” he said. “I guess I wasn’t fast enough.” He shifted a few shards of glass with the front of his shoe.

  “What ever happened to Animal Control?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “They haven’t had any luck finding it. Seems smart for a snake.”

  I crouched down for a closer look at the puncture wound. Sean didn’t realize that more than a snake could cause a mark like that. There was no evidence of blood and Eloise seemed to have retained hers, so a vampire was unlikely.

  I returned to a standing position. “Where’s the cat? Mischief?”

  Sean shrugged. “Who cares? We have a dead woman in front of us.”

  I gasped. “Who cares? There’s a killer snake on the loose and that cat is the right size for a snack.”

  He observed me. “Why is the cat’s fate more pressing than the woman’s?”

  “For starters, the cat is still alive.” I hoped. If Mischief was anything like Grandma’s cat Candy, then she could handle herself, so maybe the cat would be okay. Then again, Eloise had a baseball bat and still ended up dead on the foyer floor. It must’ve been a sneaky snake attack. “Is there any other evidence? How did the snake get in?” It wasn’t as though Eloise would’ve invited the creature inside for tea and biscuits.

  “I haven’t noticed an entry point.” Sean paled, making his freckles even more prominent. “Do you think it’s some kind of velociraptor snake that’s smart enough to open doors?”

  I fought the desire to smack my forehead—and his. “No, Sean. I don’t think we need to call in Jeff Goldblum anytime soon.” Not that I would ob
ject to actual Jeff Goldblum. He was an icon.

  “We’ll have to ask the neighborhood to be on alert,” Sean said.

  I gazed at Eloise’s lifeless body. “They’re going to be devastated to lose one of their own.”

  “I don’t know,” Sean said. “The neighbors didn’t have very nice things to say about Eloise the last time we were here.”

  My jaw unhinged. “So her death is no big deal?”

  “I didn’t mean it that way,” Sean said. “I just don’t think there will be any candlelight vigils.” He scribbled a few notes on a pad of paper. “Whatever went down here was vicious. That snake was out for blood.”

  “I don’t think that’s how snakes work,” I said.

  “Could’ve fooled me. Eloise fought hard.” He rubbed his hand along his brow. “We need to find this snake before it hurts someone else.”

  “Or their cat,” I added.

  He looked at me askance. “You really need to chill out about the animals.”

  “I’d like to hear you say that in front of Chief Fox.” The chief had single-handedly boosted adoption numbers among rescue dogs in town when he started taking them out on patrol with him. Even Sean had been forced to partake, although it seemed unfair for the dog to be paired with the deputy.

  “I wish I could say anything in front of the chief right now,” Sean said. “I don’t like being out of contact. Is he any closer to getting better? I should call him again and let him know…” He started to tap on his phone and I placed my hand over his.

  “The doctor says he needs to rest more than anything. A phone call like this will upset him and delay his progress.”

  “He has to know about the death of a resident.”

  “It’s an accidental death, Sean, not murder.” I paused. “Why not text him? That way, he can choose to read it when he’s feeling better.” And I knew for a fact that the fox couldn’t access any text messages, so there was no chance of Sawyer the fox freaking out. I’d break the news gently.

  “Good idea.”

  The beginning cords of Back in Black emanated from the back pocket of my jeans and I groaned.

  “Aren’t you going to answer that?” Sean asked.

  “Answer what?”

  “Your butt.”

  I ignored the music. “Nope.”

  “That’s a good song,” Sean said. “I’m surprised you’re into it.”

  “I’m not into it,” I said. “It’s meant to signify the blackness of my mother’s soul.”

  He arched an eyebrow. “I thought you might have changed now that you’re a hotshot FBI agent, but you’re still weird.”

  The song stopped and started three times before I finally answered the call. “What’s the emergency?” I demanded. “I’m in the middle of an emergency.”

  “So am I.” My mother’s voice sounded frantic. “The lightbulb’s gone out on the paddle fan and I need your man hands to deal with the screwing.”

  “I would’ve thought the screwing part was right up your alley,” I said.

  “Don’t you sass me while I’m in my final witch form,” she threatened.

  “You’re not back to your old…I mean, young self yet?” I smiled at Sean, so that he thought I was simply teasing my mother.

  “Your grandmother is about to buy a one-way ticket to the burial ground,” my mother ground out.

  “Please don’t,” I said.

  “I’d call Anton, but it happened after he left and you know that Verity won’t let him come back to help his poor mother.” She blew an annoyed breath into the phone. “She’ll do anything to keep my baby boy away from me.”

  “Your baby boy is a grown man with a wife and two kids. I’m sure she’d like help putting the kids to bed.”

  “You wouldn’t understand, Eden,” she said. “You don’t have a family of your own to love and cherish.”

  “Why would I? I’m too busy avoiding the one I have.”

  “Don’t you start with me, young lady. I’m more than happy to add more money to the murder jar.”

  Sean squinted. “Did she just say something about a murder jar?”

  I covered the phone with my hand. “She said she needs me to look at her scar. She had a mole on her butt biopsied this week.” I figured an embarrassing comment about my mother’s body would be enough to distract him.

  Sure enough, Sean’s lip curled. “Hope it’s nothing.”

  “I can’t come home right now,” I said. “The lightbulb will have to wait until tomorrow.”

  “But it’s dark,” my mother complained.

  “Then use another light.” I shoved my phone back into my pocket. “I guess you’re going to deal with the body and I’m going to hunt for the snake?” And the cat.

  Sean raked a hand through his hair. “I don’t think either one of us gets the better end of the stick.”

  “Because there is no better end.” Only a bitter end for Eloise. “I’m going to search the house for Mischief before I look for the snake.” The thought of checking under the beds freaked me out. I didn’t want to come face-to-face with a set of fangs.

  “Maybe we shouldn’t split up,” Sean said, looking around anxiously.

  I arched an eyebrow. “Why not?”

  “It’s starting to feel like a horror movie, but instead of a rabid dog, we’re dealing with a rabid snake.”

  “Well, that’s impossible because snakes aren’t mammals,” I said.

  Sean’s brow creased. “They can’t be rabid?”

  I groaned in exasperation. “I’d wonder about your education if I hadn’t sat next to you in science class.”

  He adjusted his belt, seemingly to give the appearance of having everything under control. “It’s getting late. I’ll call the Chief Medical Examiner’s Office now.”

  I tiptoed through the foyer, avoiding the broken glass and the body. “Here, kitty, kitty.” I walked slowly through the house and made the whispering sound reserved for cats. I checked in closets and under beds. I even checked inside the kitchen cabinets but no dice. It was time to search outside. I took a flashlight from the junk drawer next to the refrigerator and headed out the back door. It was possible the cat was staying close to the house, but staying hidden.

  “Mischief,” I called softly. “Come here, girl. You don’t want to stay out here with that nasty snake roaming free.” I rifled through my purse to see whether I had anything that would tempt a cat. My fingers slid over my wallet, my badge, a packet of tissues, a tampon, and a half-eaten granola bar. Nope. Nothing for Mischief.

  Darkness washed over me as I left the house and I switched on the flashlight. I crept along the perimeter of the yard looking for eye shine and listening for the sound of a slithering snake. At this point, the discovery of either one would be a bonus. The scattering of leaves grabbed my attention and I directed the light into the cluster of trees behind the house. A deer stared back at me, its dainty tail flicking back and forth.

  “Carry on,” I said. “Nothing to see here.”

  I moved to the bushes along the side of the house and came up empty-handed. There were no streetlights in this neighborhood, so I was glad to have the flashlight. I continued to the neighbor’s house and found more snakeskin in Mrs. Langley’s yard, but no actual snake and no cat. I proceeded to scan every yard on the block without success. As much as I hated to give up, there was nothing more I could do tonight. I left Sean to handle Eloise and went home to break the sad news to the chief.

  I snuck into the house as quietly as I could and hoped that Princess Buttercup didn’t alert anyone to my arrival. I tip-toed upstairs to the attic and found Alice hovering protectively over the fox that was curled in a tight ball on my pillow. He raised his head when he saw me.

  “I got scared when you weren’t in the barn,” I said.

  “I urged him into the house when I heard your family decide to sneak a peek in the barn,” Alice said.

  Because of course they did.

  “I tried to hold the doors shut to
keep them out,” Alice said. “Olivia nearly caught her finger and cried, so everyone went back inside.”

  I frowned. “How did you communicate with Sawyer? He can’t see you.”

  “No, but he’s not an idiot. I made sure he felt my presence first and then encouraged him to leave the barn. When I opened the doors for him, he was smart enough to walk through them.”

  “Thanks, Alice,” I said. “Sawyer, I’m afraid I have sad news.” I positioned myself beside him on the mattress. “We’ve lost a local resident, Eloise Worthington.” I stroked the fox’s soft fur. “You don’t have to worry. It wasn’t murder. Just the wrong place at the wrong time. Deputy Guthrie is handling it.”

  The fox looked at me with concern in his dark eyes and I wondered whether it stemmed from the death or the fact that Sean was in charge of handling it.

  “I told Sean to text you so that I can answer him and pretend to be you,” I said. “Hopefully we won’t have to keep this going much longer. Tomorrow morning we’re going to test another theory and see if we can bring you back.”

  “You haven’t asked your mother to get involved, have you?” Alice asked.

  “Do I look insane to you? There’s no magic involved this time, just a werewolf and his indomitable will.”

  The fox yawned.

  “You seem awfully tired for an animal that spent the evening on a mattress,” I said.

  “We watched television earlier,” Alice said. “I thought he might like CHiPs.”

  I shot him an accusatory look. “More potato chips?”

  “No, CHiPs,” Alice said. “The show about police officers on the highways of Los Angeles. They wear uniforms like his.”

  I burst into laughter. “If he were a cop in the 70’s, sure.” I smiled at the fox. “I bet he really enjoyed that. Thank you, Alice. You’re very considerate.”

  “He seems lonely.”

  “Of course he does. He’s been transformed into an animal and he can’t communicate. It sucks.”

  “Maybe Clara can read his emotions,” Alice suggested.

  “That’s not a bad idea.” I cut a sideways look at the fox. “Except I don’t think I need help reading his emotions. He’s worried and scared. He wants to figure out what went wrong so we can make it right. I know because I feel the same way.”