by Presley Hall
I want to go back to earth because it’s everything I’m familiar with—but what about it is really good? What about it is better than what I’m being offered right now, no matter how strange and frightening the new life before me might be? Do I really want to go back to dead-end jobs, to looming homelessness, to debt and a mother who hates me? To men who only want me for what they can get from me?
Tordax is a barbarian warrior, an alien, but he’s the kindest and most giving man I’ve ever met. He’s honorable and brave. I have no reason to think he wouldn’t cherish me, care for me, and respect me as his mate. The Kalixians’ reverence for this bond seems almost religious, and I think of what Emma said to me about how she wishes she had someone so devoted to her.
There are worse things than having a man completely devoted to your protection and love, and I know that very well.
So what am I waiting for?
What am I holding back from?
I dress slowly, smirking a little to myself as I see Tordax “dress” as well, which is basically just putting his loincloth back on. Now that we’ve broached this last divide between us, I can think of all sorts of upsides about the fact that he spends most of his time barely dressed…
His hands on my waist distract me from my dirty thoughts, caressing my skin as the shirt slips over my head, and I turn in his arms and look up at him.
“Tell me more about this bond,” I whisper, meeting his gaze. The flecks of gold in his rich brown irises seem to gleam like sparks. “Tell me why it means so much to all of you.”
I see a look of pain cross his face, and he sinks down onto the bench, rubbing a hand over his face. “Sit down,” he says quietly. “And I’ll tell you.”
There was a time when I might’ve sat all the way on the other end of the bench, or at least a few feet away, wanting to keep some distance between us. But right now, that’s the last thing I want. So I give in to the demands of my heart without question for once, settling onto his lap.
Tordax’s arms band tightly around me, a movement that seems almost instinctual. He pulls me close, but I can feel the tension in his body, the anguish in his expression, and I know that part of his mind has gone to another place, another time.
One far worse than this.
I want to reach up and stroke his face, to run my fingertips over his smooth, angular jaw and ease his suffering somehow. But I know that not even my touch can heal this old wound completely. So I simply sit with him in silence—waiting for him to be ready to finally tell me what all of this is about.
“The Orkun had been attacking my people for years,” he finally says, his voice very low. “They raided, sent armies, and carried out well-plotted attacks, but we always repelled them. However, they have always been a technologically advanced species, and they managed to engineer a virus that would target our women specifically. It devastated us, because there was no way to fight it. And our species had always relied on the mate bond for reproduction.”
“The virus worked?” I ask in a small voice, my heart aching as he speaks. Malav made it clear that there were few Kalixian women when he spoke to me on the observation deck that day, but I never knew why.
I hated the Orkun before this moment, but now I truly despise them. Despite the atrocities I’ve already seen them commit, I never could have imagined this kind of horror—what amounts to species-wide genocide.
“Yes, it worked,” Tordax says, looking away from me. “There are only a few women left on our planet, and they are all too old to reproduce. Something about the virus targeted fertile women, primarily, although many of the older and younger ones succumbed to the illness caused by it as well. After that, it’s simply been a waiting game for the Orkun. Wait for the existing warriors to die out, and then our species will come to an end. Our planet will be theirs for the taking.”
It dawns on me then, everything finally making sense. “You didn’t know that you could bond with a woman who wasn’t a Kalixian.”
“We never imagined it,” he confirms, finally turning to look at me. “Our men have had relations with port-side women for years, encountered women off-world in various ways. It has never happened. We believed if it were possible, at least one Kalixian male would have felt it with a woman somewhere else. And so we put our focus on one thing and one thing alone—eliminating every Orkun we could until we finally became too old to fight, in the hopes that we could defeat them and at the very least cheat them of their final victory. For a long time, the day when the last Kalixian was too old to do battle seemed very far away, but we can see it on the horizon now. Except…”
His gaze meets mine, and I see the hope in his eyes. Just a glimmer of it.
And I realize with a jolt that I want to fuel it. I want to give this to him.
“Except now there might be a chance,” I whisper, and something breathtaking blooms across his face at my words.
“Do you mean…” He looks down at me, and alongside the hope, I see fear in his eyes too. The fear that I’ll say no. I can’t make promises yet, and it seems almost cruel to give him hope when I don’t know for sure… not yet. Not quite yet.
But I can’t leave him like this either.
“A chance.” My voice is clear and strong, and I reach for his hand, linking his fingers through mine. “Give me time?” I ask softly, looking up at him with pleading in my own eyes, and he simply nods.
Then he tugs at my hand, standing and helping me to my feet.
“A chance is all I need.” His broad fingers caress my cheek before sliding into my hair as he gazes down at me. “A chance for future generations. A chance for my people to continue. A chance for us to keep fighting, to eliminate the Orkun plague once and for all. A chance for you and me, Rose, to be all we were meant to be.”
And then he bends and kisses me, his lips warm and soft against mine, and I can’t help it. My body arches against him, my arms wrapping around his neck as I kiss him back.
In this moment, I feel utterly safe.
Protected.
I feel as if I belong—and I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere, not since I was a child.
If Tordax is my destiny, how can I keep fighting it?
He scoops me up into his arms as if I weigh nothing and carries me out of the back entrance into a hallway of the ship. I remember with amusement the last time he carried me like this, when I was slung over his back like a sack of potatoes, kicking and screaming and pummeling him, all while completely naked.
A glance at his face lets me know he’s remembering it too. His eyes twinkle with laughter, and his arms tighten around me.
“I like this better.” He chuckles as he strides down the corridor. “Except for the clothes. I do prefer you naked.”
He kicks open the door to his—our—quarters and walks toward the bed, setting me down gently.
Not wasting a second, I reach for my shirt and pull it over my head.
“Well,” I tell him, a glint of wickedness in my own expression, “maybe that can be arranged.”
He watches, his eyes darkening with lust as I strip, tossing each item of clothing aside one by one. I’m sore, my body aching in places I barely even remembered existed, but I don’t care. I want him again, and I can feel myself responding already, arousal washing over me as I stand and approach him slowly, then reach down for the ties of his loincloth.
He’s already hard, and he looks down at me as I sink to my knees, my hands sliding over the smooth, muscled plane of his abdomen before I take him into my mouth.
The deep sound that pours from his mouth is familiar, and I revel in it—in the knowledge that I can do this to him, that I can make this powerful warrior tremble with pleasure. His hands knot in my hair, his hips twitching as he holds himself back, and when he can’t take it anymore, he reaches down, pulling me to my feet and scooping me up again to deposit me on the bed.
He follows me onto it, leaning over me. “I think I’m going to keep you here for quite a while,” he promises, settling bet
ween my legs as he kisses my neck.
“What if your men need you?” I ask playfully.
“They’ll manage.”
I laugh. And then every thought goes out of my head as he begins to make his way down my body.
22
Tordax
The days that follow my claiming of Rose are better than I could have ever imagined. Her acceptance of me fully, allowing me to take her body, has strengthened the bond beyond what I had previously experienced.
For the first time, I feel the full impact of what it means to be mated to my Irisa.
She says she needs time, that she can give me a chance, but no more. But I can feel the bond strengthening within her too. I can feel her emotions, the way her heart speeds up when she looks at me, the desire for me that constantly floods her. And I know she can feel the same in me. It’s the most intimate thing I’ve ever experienced, different even than the first time I claimed her, and I hadn’t known there could be something that made me feel closer to her than that.
If I’d had any thought that being with her physically would curb the urges and desire I have for her, I was wrong. I couldn’t have been more wrong, in fact.
Knowing the pleasure that I can find in Rose’s arms only makes me want her more, and it’s all I can think about, even when I’m supposed to be carrying out my daily duties on the ship with my men. I ache for her constantly, and I suppose it’s a means to solidify the bond between us, our bodies seeking to ensure that we are fully accepting of it.
On the third day, as I’m going over some ledgers in the control room and trying not to think of Rose as I left her this morning—sweaty, sated and naked in our bed—Malav walks in, and I nearly jump out of my skin when I realize he’s just behind me.
“Well, that’s something I never thought I’d accomplish.” He chuckles wryly. “Startling the great warrior Tordax. Perhaps I ought to put that on my list of military achievements.”
“Sorry.” I blow out a breath, closing the ledger and willing my body to not embarrass me in front of my second-in-command. Being distracted is one thing, not being able to control my arousal is another. But krax, I can’t get Rose’s perfect body out of my head, and the way she so willingly falls into my arms every time I approach her…
“You’ve claimed her.” Malav states it plainly; it’s not a question. “She is truly your Irisa.”
“Is it so obvious?” I run a hand through my hair.
“Very,” Malav says dryly. “Not to mention more than one of the men has, um… heard exactly what’s going on.” He laughs at my groan. “My friend, I may not have experienced it, but I can understand. And this is good for our people. It’s hope, and that’s something we are desperately in need of. I’ll keep the ship on course and manage things here for a few days. Spend time with your mate. Enjoy the newness of the bond.”
“That’s not my way,” I say tersely. “I appreciate it, but I’m a soldier first, Malav. I can’t abandon my men simply because I’ve…”
“Been overcome with desire for your Irisa?” Malav laughs. “Lighten up, Tordax. This is my job. I’m your second-in-command. One day, if you retire from service—gods know that will never happen—I will be in command. It’s good practice for me, even if I’ll never use it.” He grins. “You’ve served us well for years. You deserve this. Go be with Rose.”
Finally, I relent. “I’m not going to give up all duties,” I tell him with a stern look. “I’ll still make rounds and meet with the men. But I suppose I can delegate scheduled things to you… for a few days.”
“Good.” Malav grins at me, reminding me of the boy I grew up with. “Now go on.”
I sketch him a mocking salute, the easy camaraderie between us warming me as always. All of my men respect me, and I enjoy their company, but Malav and I are all but brothers. And we’ve always spoken to each other as such, regardless of rank.
As much as I resisted his idea, I can’t wait to get back to Rose. She’s sitting in a chair by the video consoles when I walk in, and in a matter of moments, I have her back in bed. This morning, I took her swiftly, my arousal when I woke too urgent to be patient, but now I can take my time.
And I can see on her face as she lies back on the pillows, her legs obediently opening for me, that she’s anticipating it.
Hoping for it.
Desperate for it.
Of course, during the time that I have away from my duties, my mate and I do more than claim each other over and over.
We talk as well, and those moments are just as precious to me as the ones I spend buried inside her.
She asks me to show her around the ship, and I do, pointing out various aspects of space travel that seem commonplace to me but are dazzling to her. I explain how the long, narrow vessel is constructed, and I warn her about potential dangers and the safety measures that have been built into the ship.
My Rose is curious, always ready with another question, absorbing everything I say with wide, fascinated eyes.
In the evenings, I have food sent to our quarters, and I ask her questions about things on earth, about what she loves, about her life before her abduction, before me. She tells me about pets that people keep on her planet, about a cat that she misses, about foods she wishes she could have again—particularly some kind of hot, flat pie with meat and cheeses on it. She tells me that she doesn’t like the cold and prefers temperate weather, that she likes cities over the country, that she never really knew what she wanted to do for work, but that she loves to create art.
As I have so many times, I think of how badly I want to bring her to Kalix, how I can’t wait to show her our capital city of Jocia. It might not be what it once was, and I may not have as much as some men, but I am the commander of our greatest force. And when I return to Kalix, I hope that I’ll be able to present her to the prince as my Irisa, and as the hope for our future.
I don’t tell her this last part, not yet. I don’t want to pressure or frighten her. I can feel our bond strengthening day by day, and I don’t want to do anything to harm that. I believe that she’ll come with me of her own accord, that the day is coming when she’ll tell me definitively that she is mine.
Because I already know that she is. I can feel it every time I’m around her.
The first hint that there’s some crack in our bliss is an afternoon a week later when I wake from a post-sex nap—gods, I can’t remember the last time I’ve fallen asleep midday—and find Rose gone.
I sit up quickly, my body going tense and alert as my heart rate picks up. I can sense her anxiety and sadness; the bond between us means I have a clear window into her emotions, as long as she’s at least somewhat near me.
It also makes her easy to find. She’s on the observation deck, which is the place I would have looked for her first anyway, since she seems to come here to think. The vastness of space, visible out of the windows, could be either soothing or frightening. I’m not entirely sure which it is to her, but as I approach her, all I feel is sadness.
My chest tightens. Has she decided to leave after all?
“What’s wrong, my Rose?” I ask softly.
She turns to look at me, and the smile on her face reassures me a bit. She’s happy to see me—that’s better than the last time we spoke on this deck, at least. She’s not furious or crying. But I see worry in her eyes, even as she steps toward me and allows me to take her into my arms, tilting her chin up and rising up on her tiptoes to kiss me.
I kiss her back, savoring the warm softness of her mouth for a moment. But I don’t want to let myself be distracted. It’s all too easy with her. “Rose,” I murmur, pulling back a little. “Please, tell me what’s wrong.”
“I’m fine.” She tries to brush my question off, but I shake my head.
“I can feel your emotions, just as you can feel mine. I know you’re troubled. You can share it with me.”
She chews on her lower lip, looking out of the observation windows for a moment before turning back to me. “I’m n
ervous,” she admits, taking a small step back.
“About what?” My brow furrows.
“This is all… so new to me,” she whispers. “I know this seems normal to you, and right, but you’ve known about this all your life. And just because I’ve accepted it doesn’t mean it isn’t still strange to me. Stranger than anything I’ve ever faced.”
When she says that she’s accepted it, my heart leaps in my chest. It’s not her telling me that she’s willing to stay with me, to live with me as my mate—not quite yet. But it’s as close as she’s ever come, and I feel strong emotions welling inside of me.
“We aren’t… taking precautions.” Chewing her lip, she wraps her arms around herself. “When we have sex.”
That startles me, and a jolt of worry hits my chest. “Precautions? What sort of precautions would we take? Have I hurt you, my Rose?”
Her eyes open wide, and she almost laughs as she shakes her head. “No! No, not at all. In fact, you’ve given me more pleasure than any man I’ve ever known. I meant, we aren’t doing anything to prevent pregnancy.”
For a moment, I don’t fully process her words. I’m too distracted by her mention of the pleasure I’ve given her, of the thought that I have successfully erased every other man from her mind, from her body. Particularly this Derek person, who would be lucky to survive a meeting with me with his legs intact.
But then the second part of what she said registers, and I pull my head back, my brows furrowing.
“Well of course not.” I shake my head, confused. “You are my mate. A child would be a natural and happy result of our bond. Or is it that you still aren’t certain whether you want to remain my mate, and you’re afraid of having offspring with me?”
It’s the closest I’ve come to trying to get a declaration out of her, the closest I’ve come to begging for an answer, and I’m not proud of it.