by Cydney Rax
Watching Gamba with Chance, Coco thought about the words she’d spoken to her son. She had recently been reprimanded by her sister Dru, who told her she needed to stop yelling at her kids so much. Dru told her that children were a gift from above and that she needed to shower them with love, not annoyance.
Feeling guilty, Coco stared at all of her kids then opened her arms wide. The girls raced into her bosom. But when Chance stood up, instead of running to his mother, he tried to climb in Elyse’s lap.
Forgetting just that quickly, Coco snapped at him. “Leave her alone, little man. She’s tired and don’t want you hanging off her like that. She ain’t like me. She’s free and single.”
“You single too,” Elyse said. “Just like me.”
“No ma’am, Pam,” Coco disagreed in a huff. “We may be sisters, but I’m nothing like you. I’ll bet my life on that.”
Coco then turned around and continued offering her kids some much-needed love and attention. She generously gave to others what she hungered for herself.
* * *
January came and went. And now it was several days before Valentine’s Day. Calhoun Humphries took his time getting home to Coco’s that Friday night.
Coco was waiting for her man the second he walked through the front door.
He said hello to her then proceeded to the kitchen.
When he looked around, he saw the gas stovetop bore no pots or skillets. No pilot lights were on. Calhoun frowned and peeped through the window of the oven. Seeing nothing, he dramatically sniffed the air as he gave Coco a hardened look.
“What?” she snapped at him. “You trying to tell me something?”
“What the fuck, Ma,” he said. “You know I’ve been working hard all day—”
“Like hell I do! I don’t know what you been doing, Calhoun.”
“Don’t even try it. I texted you a copy of my schedule this morning. You know I had to do fifteen deliveries today. Do you understand how long it takes to go back and forth all across town driving my truck and dealing with this Houston traffic just so I can get these sodas to these grocery stores?”
“Poor baby. If your job is that hard, then quit.”
“What?”
“You don’t need to be working there anyway,” she said in a soothing voice. “Instead of risking your life driving on these dangerous roads, you can just stay home with me and the kids.”
“Yep, you’re a fool.” He sighed. Sometimes he felt like Coco did not know him well. Calhoun was young, just in his mid-twenties. He had a lot of male friends who had bagged sugar mamas who gladly offered to foot all the bills. These women would buy the men clothes, let them drive around in their cars, they’d pay for it all. But Calhoun wasn’t that type of guy. He had big plans and even bigger dreams.
“Babe,” Coco reminded him, “I get Social Security checks.”
“That little bit of pocket change ain’t enough to take care of three kids plus another one that’s on the way.” Just the thought of him having all these kids at such a young age made the veins in his head pulsate.
“I know that the kids and lack of money must be stressing you out.” She squirmed. “But maybe I can get my sister Burgundy to start paying me under the table. Hell, I’ve been doing a lot of her errands. Running back and forth to the post office and picking up things for the barbershop. I’m like an employee, and she needs to start paying me instead of telling me ‘family first.’ That nonsense pays none of my bills.”
“You damn right it don’t. As much money they got, they ought to be putting you on payroll. But you think they’d be down for that?” Calhoun asked. He knew that Burgundy and Nate Taylor were well off and always acted like candidates for a Black Enterprise feature. But Calhoun also knew how much of a tightwad Nate could be. Calhoun hated rich people who had clenched fists. Why have all that money if it wasn’t going to be spent?
“I swear to God, if I had money like your people, I’d be balling out big time.” Calhoun’s eyes glistened. Luckily, he’d had a tiny taste of how it felt to have money due to his winning cash from a couple of lottery tickets.
Ever since then, he’d been hooked. And Calhoun wanted more.
“All I know is I’m sick of working hard like a dog and barely making any funds, Ma,” he complained. “Seems like I work just to take care of the kids.”
“Well, what else is there?” she asked.
“I’m not complaining,” he replied, not wanting her to grow suspicious. “I love the kids to death, but I also gotta have a life.”
“What you mean by that, Calhoun?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head. “Nothing.” He sighed.
“Looks like I got to go out and spend some money again for some dinner since you didn’t love me enough to cook for me. I don’t get why you been neglecting your man. That ain’t like you, Ma.” Calhoun made a quick move toward the front door.
“Wait a second, hold up,” Coco pleaded as she tried to reach him before he left. “I’m down for you, baby, you know I am.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
She pointed at her belly. “This pregnancy is wearing me out!”
“No one told you to have that child.”
“What? I don’t believe you said that. How could you say that, Calhoun? We’re talking about your seed.” She rubbed her round belly and talked to her unborn child. “Your daddy did not mean that at all. He’s just stressed. We all are, but we do love you, baby.”
Instantly Calhoun felt foolish and had a change of heart. He extended hands in apology, and he hugged her. “Damn. If you had a gun and wanted to shoot my ass, I would not blame you one bit. I’m sorry for saying what I said. You forgive me, Ma?”
“You know I do.”
Relieved, he kissed Coco’s forehead. She let him. Then her pouty lips found his mouth, and she forced him to kiss her as she sucked his tongue. God, why did she have to be so in love with this man? They were like most other couples. Some days it seemed they just weren’t working, and nothing fit together. Other times, when he held a nice after-work drink in his hand and had a decent meal in his belly, he’d be gentle, peaceful, and kind, just the way she wanted him to be.
As Coco released Calhoun from her lips, she could not help herself.
“I think,” she whispered, “the only way to make this thing work the way love is supposed to work is to make things—”
He stiffened. She felt it.
“Why you freeze up?” she asked.
“Ma, don’t flip. I’m tired.”
“I’m tired too. And the way to get things right, to get my mind in a better, normal state is to just go on down to the courthouse.”
He said nothing. But she couldn’t stop talking. “See, baby, you know that there ain’t no other man in this world for me.” She felt her heart beat wildly against her chest.
“Is that right?”
“Shut up, fool. I ain’t checking for no man but you, and you know it. Crazy as it sounds. Plus, we ain’t getting any younger. And if we can just put on our grown-up drawers, and go get that marriage certificate—”
“A piece of paper? Really, Coco? What good will that do?”
“Huh? You got something against marriage?”
“Nah, Ma.”
“Then what?”
“Why you been hounding me about becoming a wife?”
“See, it’s like this. I’ve been talking and telling you what I want for what, two years now? Talk is cheap. And I don’t want to give you no ultimatum. But I will get you to take us to the county clerk’s office, and we could take that first step. Because real couples don’t just talk about it. Real couples that’s real, they be about it.”
He nodded, eyes glazed. “Go on.”
Excited, Coco continued. “And see, all you gotta do is bring them that seventy-two dollars. Bring your driver’s license. You don’t have to have a witness or anything like that. It would be just us. I could get Dru to watch the kids. It won’t even take that long either
if we go first thing in the morning. And we can just get that paperwork out the way, you see what I’m saying?”
“Hmmm.”
“We’re already together all the time when you’re not working or in the streets. Plus I love you and I know you love me or you wouldn’t be sticking around this long.”
“Hmmm.”
“Stop answering with ‘hmmm.’ Calhoun, tell me what you think?”
“Once we get that license, then what happens?”
“Then,” Coco happily explained, “we got ninety days to get married or else it expires.”
“How long can you get married after you get the license?”
“Pretty fast. Within three days. So, it could happen quickly, or we could take a little time and wait a few weeks.” Just the thought of finally getting hitched made Coco want to shriek with happiness. So far she’d felt her life had been tough. Having kid after kid wasn’t easy. She yearned to catch a break, to be in a legitimate marriage and not just be a baby mama.
“Calhoun, baby, if you can just do that one little thing for me. Go on down to the county clerk’s office with me, that way I’ll know you mean business.”
“I see,” he told her.
“‘I see’? Is that all you got to say?” He did not respond. “Why you so quiet, Calhoun? What you thinking about?”
“Nothing.”
“Yeah, right, Calhoun. I know you.”
“If you really knew me, Ma, you would never have to ask that question.”
Coco heard what her man said, but why didn’t her heart agree with his words? She secretly and sometimes openly envied Alita. The girl was a man hater, but at least she knew how it felt to have been married at one time. And then there was Burgundy! Coco was tired of watching other women live their married lives.
Although one time Alita had warned her that things changed once a couple gets married.
“How so?” she asked.
“The fighting gets more brutal, even violent,” Alita had said. “So, you better think long and hard about if you believe you two can make it for the long haul. ’Cause if you decide you don’t want him anymore and try to leave him, he may try to kill you. And the kids. Don’t think it hasn’t happened. Look at the news.”
Coco knew she could not argue, and it gave her something serious to consider.
“Yeah, Sis, take it from me, once shit gets legal there is more at stake, more to lose. Just thinking about that makes some people act the fool. ’Cause in the game of love, it’s all about winning. Nobody likes losing, Coco.”
Even if everything that Alita claimed were true, Coco prayed that her situation would turn out different.
“Baby,” she finally replied to Calhoun after thinking things through, “we’ve been tight for so long, had a few ups and downs, but we still got back together. So I want to think that I do know you pretty well.”
“Okay then, if you know me like you think you do, then you know I ain’t about you staying on my ass like a fucking pit bull. Got enough pressure as it is.”
“I know, baby. I know. I can’t forget that you’re under tons of stress because of your job and maybe even due to the kids. I can be a better woman to you when it comes to that. I honestly don’t want to add to your problems.”
“Then why do it?”
She was silent. The truth was too much of an embarrassment. Could there ever be such a thing as loving someone too much?
“Are you gone answer me, Ma?”
“That’s just me. When I get stressed you gone be stressed too. I share my shit. You know how I do.” She shrugged as if that small gesture would explain her feelings.
“Whatever you do, it always makes things worse, so just stop it, all right?” Calhoun’s voice cracked, a rare thing coming from him.
When he got like this, Coco’s first instinct was to correct the issue and smooth things over. She was tempted to say more, but she was afraid. She knew she had to play her cards right. She had to handle this “love” thing with utmost care because she couldn’t imagine facing the world alone.
Coco knew that to have her man’s kids, but not have him, would truly devastate her.
Chapter 3
Love Hurts
By the time Valentine’s Day arrived, even though it was cloudy and overcast outside, Coco was jovial and more cheerful. Calhoun had surprised her three days earlier when he let her drive him to the county clerk’s office. They signed up for a marriage license, and he slid a modest ring on her finger. Ever since then she’d been singing around the house and treating her kids with love and patience.
And now it was early evening on the most romantic holiday of the year.
Coco was home speaking with Calhoun on the phone.
“So, what’s the latest about our dinner date?” she asked.
“Say, Ma, I gotta work overtime. But I promise to take you out tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? The day after Valentine’s Day is side chick day. I am not a side chick.”
“Look, plenty of good men can’t take their women out on the actual holiday. So be a sweet woman and wait till tomorrow, Ma.”
“I want to eat out today. What time you think you’ll be getting off?”
“Uh,” he hedged. “Ain’t no telling. Because of the bad weather we got way backed up. We kind of busy. I gotta go.” He made kissing noises, which made Coco feel only slightly better. She hung up the phone, a mournful look etched on her face.
“Oh, well. I guess this is what I signed up for when I said I wanted to be with a truck driver. Better get used to it,” Coco told herself.
She gathered Chloe, Cadee, and Chance, and they all assisted her with baking a few dozen cupcakes topped with white icing and red hearts. But an hour and a half later, once they had finished decorating the dessert, Coco received a phone call.
“Hey, Lita,” she answered as she took a tiny bite from a cupcake.
“You sound like you eating again, huh?” Alita said.
“Yep, I am. But what you want? Aren’t you out with your boo?” Alita was still dating Shade Wilkins, a churchgoing man whom she’d met last year. Coco was surprised her sister hadn’t scared the guy off.
“Yeah, um, we are together at a restaurant. I’m sitting here watching all the other couples in love.”
“Must be nice.”
“Humph! I wouldn’t say all that.”
“What you mean by that, Lita? Which restaurant are you at?”
“First of all, you sitting down?”
“No, I’m not. Now answer the question. What restaurant are y’all at?”
“The same one that Calhoun Humphries is at. And he is with another woman. And no, it’s not his mama or his sister.”
“What you say?”
Alita proceeded to give Coco the address of the restaurant where she and Shade had been posted up during the past hour. The joint was super crowded with all sorts of couples scattered throughout the place.
“Yeah, Sis,” Alita continued. “He’s looking mighty comfy too. Like he is booed the hell up.”
“What the fuck?” Coco began to gather her children and her purse and scooped up her car keys. “What is he doing exactly”?
“Chile, I don’t even wanna tell you, you being pregnant and all. I don’t want you to be upset and affect the baby.” Alita paused. “But whatever, you need to come up here and see this clown for yourself. I need to prove it to you that you never should have messed around with Calhoun the Loser. In fact, I feel like going over there and—”
“No, Lita. Don’t. Let me handle this.” Coco racked her brain trying to find a good excuse for why her man would be out in public on Valentine’s Day with another woman. “For all we know it’s his cousin. You know he comes from a big family.”
“Nah, Sis.”
“Or it might just be a coworker.”
“Really? Mmm hmm. Coco, you’re a big fool. Don’t be so blind and stupid over a man. You better than this.”
“I know I am, Lita. I don’t want t
o be anybody’s fool. But I have to consider the source. You hate my man first of all, and nothing he does will ever be right or look right in your opinion.”
“Well, you need to see what I’m seeing, and then we can talk! Bye-bye, dumbass.”
“Wait, don’t hang up,” she pleaded. “I want you to stay on the phone.”
Coco got settled in the car and pressed her foot all the way on the gas pedal. It seemed like every light was turning red by the time she got to them. She imagined all kinds of scenarios for Calhoun’s dilemma.
At one point, she even told Alita to hold on while she dialed Calhoun, but the call when straight into voice mail.
The closer she got to the restaurant, the worse she felt. Her voice trembled. “Lita, I don’t know if I want to see this. I mean, I do, yet I don’t.”
“Why not, Sis? You need to see his lying, no-good ass with your own two eyes.”
“How could he do this to me? He told me he had to work.”
“He working all right. Working hard to make another bitch happy.”
“But, Lita, how is it that Calhoun can’t see you . . . or hear you?”
“Because I have on some of those biker glasses with the rearview mirror on them.”
“No, you do not. Girl, are you crazy?”
“Look, check this out. Shade and I made it to the restaurant and got us a booth, right? And we got seated, and were sipping on our drinks, having a good time laughing and talking.”
“I don’t want to hear all, Lita. Get to the point!”
“Okay. So, Shade, you know he loves to ride motorcycles, and so he showed me these new biker glasses he got, and I asked if I could try them on. He said okay. So, I put them on and I stand up and try to test them. And I look in the rearview glasses, and that’s when I saw your man. I could not believe what I was seeing. And I was like, ‘Shade, you sure these things working right because I see my sister’s boyfriend with another woman.’”
“I just can’t believe this shit. Anyway, I’m pulling up now. I need to find a parking place, though. It’s gonna be a minute.”
“Okay, do that and come on in and go to the left side of the restaurant. That’s where your so-called man is posted,” Alita told her.