by Cydney Rax
He fell silent. This was her first time talking to him about the “incident.” Ever since Alita had come to their home and practically kidnapped Elyse last December, Burgundy had barely mentioned what happened. It was too painful to think about him having sex with her sister. She wondered how long it had been going on and told herself that it had happened only one time. And no way she’d ask Nate. All he’d do is lie and make up excuses.
It was so very hard to love a man whom you thought you knew but didn’t.
And these days, repulsion was the best she could give him when it came to intimacy.
“I don’t want to sleep next to you, Nate.”
“Why not?”
“Are you kidding me? You know exactly why; don’t act stupid.”
“Sis,” Alita interrupted. “I’m sorry but you’re the one that’s acting stupid.” Her voice loudly rang out. “You don’t fuck the man anymore; you’re making him sleep on the couch, which is totally understandable, yet you still want to be married to him? That makes no damn sense.”
“It’s complicated,” Burgundy answered in a wistful tone. She lowered her voice. “I-I don’t want to get divorced. I just want us to take some time out to work on our relationship. When that will happen? I honestly don’t know. Right now I need to stay focused on the girls and on our businesses. And being like I used to be: the good wife, the perfect yet stupid wife, is dead last on my agenda.”
“You sound bitter,” Alita responded with a knowing laugh. “You sound vengeful too. Just like your big sister. Maybe it runs in the family.”
For once Burgundy could not argue with Alita. For the trials and tribulations that she’d gone through, the struggles, and the disbelief that her husband could have it in him to exhibit inappropriate behavior toward Elyse—it was beyond her comprehension. Why did people think they knew other people like the back of their hand just to find out they were living with a stranger? Nate’s behavior disgusted her. She wanted to kill him, not forgive him. Yet she felt that letting go of the anger and offering him some semblance of forgiveness could happen, just not overnight.
So she’d given Nate the silent treatment at times. And that would send a shock to his system and caused him to plead with her to stick by his side. But every time her husband begged her to look past his “crazy ways,” as he called them, she shrank back in disgust. Each time he tried to play off his behavior as just temporary poor judgment, she wanted to weep. And when he stooped so low as to even blame his indiscretions on her, saying that if she had not withheld her wifely duties from him, he wouldn’t be so desperate.
In those moments Burgundy was one step away from changing the locks on the front and back doors and blocking him out of her life for good. She hated the lies, the disillusionment, and the misplaced blame for his unwise, felonious actions.
“Look, B. Take it from me,” Alita continued. “I’ve been where you at right now. Trying to make that decision. Should I stay or should I go? Should I stick with him for the sake of the kids? Or should I kick his ass out and put my life back together again?”
“Look, Alita,” Burgundy told her. “I appreciate your advice, but truly, you’re the last woman that I’d take relationship advice from.”
“Oh, yeah?” Alita said feeling insulted. “Then why don’t you tweet Iyanla Vanzant and see if you can go on Fix My Life. ’Cause your life sucks, B. It’s fraudulent as hell. And I never ever thought I’d see the day that those words came out of my mouth. Bye, bitch.”
Feeling frustrated, Alita hung up. She hated that so many of the Reeves sisters were going through terrible situations. It was as if the family was cursed. It made her angry and sad. But soon, Alita dismissed those thoughts from her mind. When a woman purposely chose to be in her situation, she’d always get what she had coming to her.
After thinking and praying for ten minutes, Burgundy decided to unlock the door. When she opened it, she saw Nate seated on the floor outside their bedroom, his back pressed against the wall, head slumped over. She heard him snoring, the noise resembling a tiger.
And in spite of herself, she giggled. He looked exhausted, yet endearing.
“Nate,” she whispered. “Get up.”
“Huh?” He struggled to open his eyes. She nudged him with her toe. “What’s wrong?” he said groggily.
“You fell asleep. I’m sure your butt must be hurting by now.” He wiped his eyes with rounded fists and stood to his feet.
“That’s not the only thing that’s hurting.” He actually grabbed the front of his robe.
“Don’t start. Don’t play the sympathy card with me, Nate.” She walked to the kitchen, and he followed behind.
“You may not want to make love to me,”—he yawned—“but the fact that you’re still talking to me gives me some hope. I guess showing love is more important than having sex.”
“You got that right,” Burgundy said and opened the cabinet to reach for a box of tea bags.
“Wait, let me do the honors.” She gave him a dubious look then shrugged. He proceeded to pull out the tea, sugar, a bottle of honey, and fresh lemons that he set aside on the counter.
“Go right ahead. Knock yourself out. But my letting you make me some tea doesn’t impress me. I’m not as easy as that, Nate. You have a long way to go before you impress me again.”
“Ouch,” he said. He looked around at their large beautiful home, which he’d paid for with his hard-earned money. The expensive furnishings with custom made drapes. Her tasteful clothes and jewelry that she still enjoyed wearing. Compared to other wives, she didn’t have it so bad.
“I don’t know that I deserve that judgment.”
“Are you serious? You deserve jail, Nate. Don’t you get it?”
Soon Burgundy was talking to the back of his head. Because every time she tried to tell him what was on her mind, he turned away from her. He covered one ear with one hand and tried to open the refrigerator for a cold bottle of water with his free hand.
“You may not want to hear it, Nate, but for us to move forward in our marriage, in this family, you have to listen to me and listen real good.” She paused, carefully selecting the tender yet firm words she needed to express.
“In some odd way, I still care about you for whatever reason. I can’t turn love on and off like it’s a water faucet—”
“Thank you, Burg. I needed to hear that.”
“Hold on. On the other hand, you must realize that you hurt me deeply. Not just me, you hurt my family, Nate. My sister. You embarrassed me with your actions. Do you understand?”
He nodded and poured cold water into two large mugs. “Go on,” he mumbled.
“You have daughters. Girls that you adore. How would you feel if a grown-ass man did to Natalia and Sidnee what you did to Elyse?”
He walked to the microwave, popped open the door, inserted the mugs, then slammed it. He set the timer to three minutes and listened to the hum of the oven as it boiled the water.
“You wouldn’t like it, Nate. I know you wouldn’t. Not as much as you dote on our girls.”
“But she’s not a kid. She’s grown. She only did what grown-ups do.”
“What? I can’t believe you said that.” Burgundy eyed both of the cups of water that were bubbling inside the microwave. “Surely you can’t think that age is what makes it okay to sexually force yourself on a woman? You wielded power over Elyse even if she is almost twenty. If a woman was sixty-five and a man strong-armed her into sex, do you truly believe the fact that she’s old doesn’t make her feel violated? Or powerless? Every woman has the right to choose when she wants to make love. When she’s not given a choice, it’s rape!”
This time Burgundy did not ask Nate if he got it. If his predatory actions were unwanted, then that’s what mattered the most.
Burgundy continued. “Furthermore, let’s get something straight. Even if she had said yes—”
“She wanted it, Burg. She did not mind at all. That’s the part that no one knows.”
&nb
sp; “Oh, save it, Nate!” Hearing him speak those words hurt her deeply. The idea that Elyse, shy little Elyse, could lust after him and beg her husband to make love to her was totally unfathomable.
Or was it? Why, anyone could see that the girl dressed like a seductress these days. But still, Burgundy did not want to imagine that scenario.
“The end result is that that girl is traumatized. She is trying her best to get through this situation. Thank God for the psychotherapy sessions. And believe it or not, Alita has stepped up to the plate. She takes damned good care of her. And I think that Alita is right. She told me—”
“The only thing Alita can be is wrong. She fills your mind up with all kinds of crap. And you fall for it every time.”
“That’s my sister you’re talking about.”
“And I’m your husband. You don’t owe her a thing. You haven’t made any vows to her—”
“And I don’t have to.”
“Then you’re stupid, Burg. Because last time I checked, that sister needs a psychiatrist too.”
“You know what. Be quiet. I don’t want to hear anything you have to say, Nate. As intelligent as you are, you still don’t get it. And until you stop putting the blame on everything and everyone else but yourself, this conversation is over.”
Burgundy thought long and hard as she stared into the cup of tea that he’d made for her. Finally she poured the liquid down the sink and walked out of the kitchen.
Chapter 8
Basic Training
The key of imagination allows you through doors that you’ve never gone through before.
“Come on, Elyse,” Dru said. “Repeat after me. ‘I’d think twice about doing that if I were you.’ Go ahead, say it.”
Elyse tried hard to speak as intelligently and precisely as Dru. But she felt frustrated. Some days she could get into talking like she was powerful, other days she felt defeated.
“I don’t want to talk like that, Dru. It’s too hard.”
“It’s not hard, sweetie. The words you hear and the way I pronounce every syllable, you need to do the same thing. You’re going to get yourself good and ready. And stay ready.”
Besides Alita, Dru was the other person that Elyse trusted with her secrets.
“You can confront Nate and never allow him to put his creepy hands on you again. Do well in your job and one day, Sis, you may end up getting a better paying job in the Texas Medical Center.”
“What?” Elyse said, looking aghast. The TMC was where Dru was employed as an occupational therapist. It was much larger than Morning Glory. There was no way she could imagine herself working around so many people.
“Come on over here,” Dru demanded. Elyse followed her to the bathroom and was instructed to face the mirror. Brilliant lights shone upon each delicate feature: Her large doe eyes that looked afraid. The downward turn of her mouth. The deadness of her eyes.
“We’re going to change all of that,” Dru said. “We have to.”
Dru was starting to sound a lot like Gamba. He was at work. And oh, how she missed him.
Elyse allowed Dru to fix her hair and they practiced enunciating words. But Elyse had a lazy tongue. Anytime she got nervous, she would lapse into her former self. But she tried very hard to do exactly as she was told.
“You don’t have a right to speak to me like I’m nothing. I’m not scared of you. I won’t let you abuse me anymore,” Elyse said, pretending she was talking to Nate.
“Hey, a long time ago I used to be like you. When I was in high school I lacked self-esteem. Afraid of my own shadow.”
“You? I don’t believe dat.”
“It’s ‘that’ Elyse, ‘that.’ Don’t be so lazy.”
“I can’t help it.”
“Yes, you can. If you want a better life you’ll do whatever it takes to have it,” Dru told her. “And if you want to keep Gamba interested, you need to step up your game. He’s a good guy. He’s been around the world. If you have nothing to offer him, he’s going to go about his way. Because you’re not giving the man any reason to stay.”
At that Elyse’s little ears pricked up. She could not imagine Gamba losing interest in her. And she could have kicked herself for not letting him know that she was starting to truly care about him. But she was scared. What if he laughed at her? What if he didn’t feel the same way she did?
Life and love could be so confusing, and Elyse desperately wanted to do things right.
“I will give him a reason to stay,” she defiantly told Dru. “Watch me.”
Dru smiled and high-fived her sister.
* * *
The time had come. Elyse wanted to be nervous but couldn’t do it if she tried. She felt very prepared and ready to do battle.
Dru dropped her off at Morning Glory. Elyse felt at ease when she noticed Burgundy’s car sitting in the parking lot.
“He’s not here now,” Dru read her mind and quietly assured her as they walked inside. “But there’s no telling when he’ll be back. You just want to remain professional and do your job. You are now a hostess and that’s good. That means you’ll be up front and center, and never really have to be anywhere alone in the restaurant.”
Elyse nodded. She was in full makeup. And as she walked inside the restaurant, she could feel all eyes upon her. She walked with confidence, not slinking around the way she used to.
“You are black girl magic, Sis.” Dru gave her a hug and told her goodbye.
“I know it. I know.”
Dru departed, then made sure she had Elyse on speed dial and that video chat was ready at all times.
Elyse placed her things behind the counter and greeted the other girls.
“Hi, Elyse,” said her shift manager. The other coworkers stood back carefully observing the girl who used to switch out salt and pepper shakers.
In no time at all, Elyse grew comfortable greeting the guests, handing out menus, and deciding which tables they’d sit at.
Standing all day on her feet took a lot out of her. By the time she was finally able to take a break, she kicked off her shoes and found an empty booth in the back.
Elyse was fiddling with her phone, answering Dru’s texts, when she felt a presence hovering over her.
Nate stared at Elyse as if she was a dazzling beauty. And she was. Elyse felt more feminine and womanly than she ever had in her life. Even though her body was covered by the hostess uniform, her makeup was impeccable and her hairstyle made her stand out.
“You look good, Elyse,” Nate told her. “Way different than you used to look.”
“Did I tell you it was okay to speak to me?”
“W-what did you say?”
“You’re not even supposed to be here. And why are you talking to me? Will you please leave me alone?”
He felt indignant. The girl had never spoken to him in such a manner in her life. “Need I remind you that I am your superior? Don’t take that tone with me.”
“Don’t talk to me and you won’t hear this tone.”
“How dare you—”
“And how dare you do what you did to me! I never liked it and I never asked for it, so stop going around spreading rumors about me.” She felt righteously angry at him. Thankfully, there were no customers around to witness their confrontation. Elyse’s transformation seemed amazing, but it was also draining. She felt like she was playing a role. She felt like she was drowning and throwing out her own life preserver to save her life.
Shame him! That’s what Dru told her. The abuser needs to hear the truth, the facts about what he did and how those things made you feel. Shame him!
Elyse walked over to Nate and said in his ear, “If you ever try to touch me again without my permission, it’ll be the last thing you ever see yourself do.”
She stormed away and told him she needed to go to the ladies’ room.
Her heart beating wildly, she had to get Gamba on the telephone.
“Gamba,” she said. “I’m sorry to bother you.”
“Wha
t’s wrong? What happened, Elyse?”
“He showed up again and I told him how I felt.”
“Okay, and how did he respond?”
“He didn’t say anything. I dunno. He might be mad. I don’t care.” Her voice was filled with stubbornness. “I do my job and I don’t mess with anybody. He should leave me alone.”
“Where was Burgundy when this happened?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to be around her either. I-I hate working at this place, but in a way it’s good because I felt I had to confront him. At the same time, it’s hard to be around him and her. I wish I had another family.”
“Sweetie, you’re just upset right now. You get off in, what, forty minutes? I’d like to come pick you up. I’ll call Dru to let her know.”
Her face lit up. Just knowing she’d see Gamba made her heart swell with happiness. He was the brightest of sunlight after the darkest of days. Oh, how she loved him. She only wished that he loved her too. Sure, she could rely on Gamba to look out for her. He was always there when it counted, but why didn’t he ever tell her that he loved her? Why didn’t he voluntarily kiss her? Wasn’t she pretty enough? What more could she do to get him to care for her?
Once she finished using the restroom, Elyse returned to the front station. By then she felt better and more confident. She allowed herself to be extra outgoing, laughing with the customers and giving them a friendly smile. A little while later, Burgundy entered the restaurant. She had left that morning to attend to some business and had not yet crossed Elyse’s path. But now she noticed how the young lady seemed to be the center of attention at the hostess station. Several electronic pagers were clutched in Elyse’s hand. She proudly walked the male guests to their booth. Her ponytail was set high on her head. Burgundy watched the girl’s hair freely swing back and forth while she traipsed through the restaurant. All the men enjoyed being served by Elyse equally, and Burgundy steamed with envy as she watched them laugh and joke.
“Who the hell does she think she is?” Burgundy asked under her breath.
She waited for Elyse to return.
When she got back, several other men, including some older gentlemen, were waiting.