by Cydney Rax
Ricky’s breath smelled like Doritos and a Hershey bar with almonds, movie theater food that was now resting deep in her nostrils. Coco felt like throwing up all over the bed.
“Okay, that’s enough,” she told Ricky and gently pressed her hands against him.
“What?” His legs and hips were still wildly pumping like he was riding a bicycle.
“Get up off me, nigga.”
“What?”
“Are you deaf? Get the fuck off. Now.”
“Nah, nah, nah, baby, we ain’t ’bout to do this. I’m ’bout to bust this nut. Like a whole gallon full. You can’t stop now. Aren’t I doing a good job?”
“I’ll clap when I’m impressed.”
Ricky ignored her sarcasm and kept going.
She yelled and slammed her fist against his back.
“Stop it, please. Get off me.” Tears had now formed in Coco’s eyes. But he kept going.
“Ricky. I’m warning you.”
But he kept going, this time moaning and shaking like he was coming hard.
She stretched her neck, reached up, and bit him hard on his shoulder.
He yelled, smacked her across her face, then laughed.
“You’re a biter, huh? I like that.”
Afraid of getting hit, Coco let Ricky have his way. She wondered if Chance was still sleep and prayed he wouldn’t wake up and sneak into her room. She cried as loud as she could, but she knew it meant nothing to a man like Ricky. To his ears, she was reaching her climax. But Coco wasn’t having a good time. She was having regrets. But to a man like Ricky, the way Coco felt just did not matter.
Coco had been there before.
And she couldn’t believe that she was in that stinking place again.
Thirty minutes later, Ricky finally left. Woozy from his orgasm, he staggered out the door talking about he’d hit her up later.
Coco watched him till he got inside his car. She immediately locked and bolted the door. She blocked his number from ever calling her again. She went and checked on Chance. He was sound asleep.
She showered, got dressed, and put on that leopard print dress. She went into the closet and found her red-and-white polka-dot raincoat. She secured the belt around her waist then grabbed her purse, keys, and cell phone and went out to her car.
It was midnight by now.
“It won’t take long,” she told herself. “Chance will be just fine. He’s knocked out and I’ll be right back.”
Her conscience screamed, “No, no. no.” But she blotted out its voice.
Coco cranked up the engine. Then she dialed Calhoun.
He answered after two rings.
“What up, Ma? The kids all right? You back from that emergency?”
“Hmm, I guess your mama must have called you and told you I had some family issues to deal with.”
“Something like that.” He sounded very drowsy, but she was happy that he answered in spite of being sleepy. Maybe he still had feelings for her.
“Calhoun, we need to talk. Is this an okay time?”
She already knew he was alone. Samira had told Coco a couple of days ago that she was flying back to East Africa. Tanzania, to be exact. And she’d be gone for fourteen days total. Thirty-six hours to get there, and when she flew back out it would take thirty-six hours of connecting flights to reach her husband.
“We good,” Calhoun said. “What’s up?”
“It’s been real tough out here. I don’t know how to deal with it all, and I just needed someone to talk to.”
He was silent.
“I take care of the kids and hardly ever get a break. I love them to death, but a mother needs a life too, you feel me?”
Calhoun said nothing.
“And I-I know you’ve moved on, but from time to time, I get to thinking, see? I think about the life I used to have with you. Sure, we’d fight and fuss, but we’d make up too. We’d work things out. I’d cook a good meal for you that I know you loved, am I right?”
He finally answered. “Yeah. You right.”
“And we’d just do simple shit like hang out with the kids. Don’t you miss that?”
“Coco—”
“Um, I’m just saying how I kind of miss the good times. I miss it when you’d come home after a long day at work and I’d watch the kids, our beautiful kids, scream and yell, ‘Daddy.’ They’d be fighting trying to see who got to you first.” Coco laughed. “And it’s a shame that Cypress won’t have that experience. You aren’t there to see her when she first opens her eyes after taking a nap. Did you know she rolls over now? I gotta keep my eyes on that one. She’s feisty and nosy as hell. Always into something. She’ll be walking before you know it, and after that, oh Lord.”
Coco wanted to keep talking because Calhoun had stopped talking. The silence was so loud it was driving her crazy. Was he reflecting on the kids and how things used to be? Did he miss those times? Or was his mind on Samira? Did he really plan to be a good man to his wife, and if so, why? Why hadn’t he devoted himself to Coco like he seemed to be doing for this woman?
The more Coco thought about how unfair things were, the madder she got. But she forced herself to sound sweet.
“All I’m saying, Calhoun, is sometimes I need someone to talk to. Y-you were my best friend. I thought I was yours.”
Shit. Why’d she say that?
“Naw, my so-called best friend stabbed me in the fucking back when he fucked around and fucked you.”
“Calhoun, don’t be mad.”
“Do you know how stupid you sound?”
“Baby, please. I didn’t mean to say that.”
“It ain’t about the stupid thing you just said. It’s about the stupid thing you did years ago. That you knew all along that that nigga was your baby daddy but you tried to play me and tell me you didn’t know.”
“But Calhoun, that’s the thing. Um, Q ain’t the daddy.”
“What?”
“I said he is not the father of Chance.”
“You lying.”
“No, I’m not. I swear to God.”
“Then who is?”
Coco had been driving, and now she was parked outside of Calhoun’s house. It was after midnight. She got out of her car and hoped to God that he was there. It seemed like he was home; his vehicle was sitting in the driveway. The lights were on in the house. Maybe her phone call disturbed him and he got out of bed, went to the living room, and turned on the TV.
Coco knew she looked good and hoped Calhoun would agree.
I’m about to do some side-chicking, some dick-licking, and some home-wrecking.
She went up the door and rang his doorbell.
“What the hell?” Calhoun said. “Someone at my damned door. I’m ’bout to grab my piece.”
“Don’t do that,” Coco yelled from outside the door. “It’s me, baby.”
“What? Who is me?”
“Stop playing and open the door and see.”
She put her hands on her hip and got ready to greet her ex.
Calhoun opened the door and blinked. She smiled and slowly untied the belt of her raincoat.
His eyes widened when he saw her big breasts and vagina exposed just for his pleasure. She pouted then closed the coat back up and rushed inside his house.
Calhoun quietly closed his door and followed her into the living room.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“I couldn’t sleep. And I wanted to talk to someone. Talk to you.”
“Coco, I know that’s not why you’re here.”
“Okay, I’m busted. I want you too. I miss you. I need you. Love you.”
Ten minutes later they were on the floor. Calhoun was hard as a brick. Good. That’s exactly what she wanted. Coco giggled as Calhoun growled and planted kisses all on her neck, her lips, her thighs, her body.
“Mmm, baby,” she told him. She let him do all sorts of wonderful things to her nipples, her butt hole, her vagina, and her ears.
“You eating those groceries, baby. E
at up,” she told him.
She allowed herself to relax as Calhoun stroked her nice and good on his living room floor. He had gotten a blanket from the hall closet and a bunch of throw pillows surrounded them.
She let him do his thing, playing with and licking her vagina. She loved how he grabbed her pussy between his lips and dug down into it with his tongue like he was searching for treasure. He pressed his tongue against her clitoris then lifted it. Teasing her until she cried out. Her body lapsed into one amazing spasm after another. Coco shivered and shook and laughed and yelled. Even though she was sleepy, she made herself stay awake so she could climb on top and make love to her ex. That’s what Coco was used to.
Being on top.
She grabbed her breasts and arched her neck as she rode Calhoun. Grinding like there was no tomorrow. Making him say her name.
Doing him felt great, yet strange.
Coco closed her eyes and recalled the recent conversation she had had with Samira when she came to pick up her kids from their home.
“You had a good thing,” Samira had told her. “But it sounds like you messed it up.”
“What did you say?”
Looking composed and elegant, Samira had calmly repeated herself.
“I was saying that if you would have been wiser, you would have told Calhoun the truth about Chance from the beginning. About the paternity of Chance.”
“He told you that?”
“Of course. We talk about everything. He’s passionate and a great listener.”
With each lovely word that Samira spoke about the wonderfulness of their relationship, a dagger got plunged and twisted into Coco’s heart.
So she did not feel an ounce of regret as she fucked the hell out of Calhoun while Samira was almost nine thousand miles away being elegant, sophisticated, and happily married.
Coco enjoyed Calhoun’s dick getting shoved deep inside of her. It was hot and hard and it felt damned good. They were making love without a condom. Coco wanted to laugh. She remembered how angry he was when he found out that she fucked Q and thought she got pregnant by him. If Calhoun didn’t wear a condom with her, why would he expect Q to do it?
Coco knew that most men don’t care about safe sex. They just want that raw feeling. They were willing to take the risk, so many risks. And right then Coco felt like a man. She was making love to Calhoun Humphries—something she never thought would happen again. Coco felt like a rock star.
“Whose pussy is this?” Calhoun asked.
“It’s yours,” she said. She knew their sex talk sounded stupid considering the circumstances, but if any woman knew that lust made men and women do foolish things, Coco knew.
Chapter 19
Sleeping with Married Men
Coco’s Bad Deed was done. She raced to get home and went to check on her child. Chance had stayed asleep all that time. She was happy yet miserable.
“That was some stupid shit right there, real stupid. I gotta do better.” Coco took a shower and went to lie down for a quick nap. She woke up a few hours later. It was now Saturday morning, the third weekend in August. The sun blazed across the sky, making Houston feel hotter than hell.
Coco fixed herself and her son some breakfast. When they were done, she drove over to Henrietta’s to pick up her other kids.
“Have you lost your damned mind?” the old woman asked upon answering the doorbell.
Coco stood before her looking despondent. “I’m sorry. So sorry. My emergency lasted all night.”
Henrietta frowned at the girl. She kissed her grandbabies goodbye and wagged her finger.
“I heard your car was outside my son’s house last night. Something bad is going to happen to you if you keep up all this foolishness.”
Henrietta slammed the door in Coco’s face.
After Coco got home she played with her kids and tried to forget about everything that had happened during the past twenty-four hours. But she couldn’t forget. She had had a good time with her ex and was glad that Calhoun had rocked her again for old time’s sake, but she also realized that even though the woman was in Africa, Samira had her ex’s last name and his wedding ring.
The realization that she was alone was unsettling. The notion that the dreams she had for her and Calhoun were gone made her feel hollow inside. Coco needed closure. She decided to give him a call.
When he did not answer, she called back. Calhoun finally picked up after she called him seven times.
“What?” he said. His voice was cold and unfriendly.
“Oh, excuse me,” she replied in shock. “I thought you’d be in a happier mood after last night.”
“No, Coco. I’m not in a good mood.”
“Oh, baby, what’s wrong? You want me to come over there and make you feel better?”
“No, you stupid-ass bitch. What I wish I could do is take my babies from you.”
“What did you say?”
“You heard. My mama told me that you dumped off the girls last night talkin’ ’bout you had an emergency. But she did a drive-by and saw your car parked over here.”
“Well, I told you that I needed to talk to you. To me that was an emergency.”
“You wanted to fuck me. That’s what you wanted to do. Shit!”
It sounded like Calhoun was angry at himself. Like he realized what he’d done and was now sorry about their time together.
“Okay, maybe I was wrong for calling it an emergen—”
“You were wrong for leaving Chance home alone . . . again.”
She grew silent.
“Yeah, me and my former neighbor Sylvie are tight, you know, your next-door neighbor? And I’m just now seeing that she texted me last night while I was dipping with you. Sylvie told me how you leave Chance alone at the crib like you some kind of fool. And she feels you did it again last night because she saw you when you left the house without him. What type of mother does that, Coco, huh? You could go to jail for that.”
“Calhoun, please don’t be mad at me. I don’t know what I was thinking. I will never do it again, I promise you.”
“You don’t have to promise me shit. I am filing for full custody for those kids. And I might even take Chance from you too. Hell, I practically raised him anyway.”
“What? No! Don’t talk crazy like this!”
“You know I could get the kids. My life is stable now. I got a good wife. We both working—”
“You have a good wife that you’re cheating on. And I have a good mind to tell that bitch how your mouth was all on my coochie last night—”
“Coco, if you ever tell her anything about this, I will personally see that you never breathe again, that you never walk again, that you never do anything ever again, you hear me?”
“Calhoun! You don’t mean that. Don’t say things like that.”
“Don’t come over here ever again with your nonsense, Coco. I’ve had it with you. Learn to grow the fuck up. I’m not your man anymore. I’m married. Leave me out of your fucked-up games.”
He hung up. Coco screamed in frustration and threw her cell phone on the floor. Chance took one look at his mother and began to whine.
She shook uncontrollably, finally realizing that what she used to have with her ex was now history. And now he hated her, something that she could not imagine.
“I fucked up, Lord, I know I did. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She went to grab Chance and apologized to her son as she wept.
Coco was so depressed that all she could do was lie around in bed, clutching her pillows and wiping her eyes with pieces of tissue. She managed to cook the kids some lunch then decided to drop all of them off at a twenty-four-hour day care. She knew she’d come pick up her kids the next day. Coco couldn’t deal and she needed some alone time, one complete day of peace for trying to get herself together, then she felt she’d be all right.
After she drove away from the day care, Coco went home and spent a couple of hours sipping on a few glasses of Courvoisier Rosé and listening to more musi
c by SZA.
By seven o’clock that evening her feelings of regret turned to fury.
“I hate Calhoun’s cheating ass. ’Cause bottom line he did me wrong. He did not respect me enough to tell me the truth. That he did not love me enough to marry me. If he had been straight with me, I could have gone on with my life. But he took the coward way out.” She lifted a bottle of cold water to her mouth trying to get rid of the alcohol in her system. “Not only did Calhoun do me dirty, but so did Q, Ricky, and a few other men too. All of ’em did me wrong.”
After a while, Coco’s angry outbursts got interrupted.
Her doorbell rang. When she went to answer, Coco found Elyse standing outside her door. The young woman had caught an Uber and was dressed in her work uniform.
“Hey, girl,” Coco said in a hoarse voice. “What’s going on?”
“I had to leave,” she told her. They walked into the house and stood around talking.
Elyse explained how she had tried her best to live with Burgundy and Nate, but it became too suffocating. “Today I went to work but I was so mad I ended up leaving. So I took an Uber over here. I needed someone to talk to.”
“Okay, no problem, Sis. Where is Nate?”
“Don’t know and I don’t care. I’m ’bout to quit that job. I can be homeless for all I care.”
“Don’t ever let a man keep you from making your paper. You have a right to keep making money till you find something better, Elyse. Just avoid him like you’ve been doing.”
“I do my best to ignore that man, but I just couldn’t take it anymore, Coco. May I stay with you? Please? I promise I won’t be any trouble.”
“Of course, you can. I have plenty of room. I mean, you might have to buy a cot and share the nursery with Cypress, but it’s not a problem. I don’t know why you never asked me in the first place.”
“Lita told me I couldn’t. ’Cause you have too many problems. You too depressed. You too mad.”
“She don’t know what the hell she talkin’ about. I ain’t mad. Seriously, I’m over Calhoun. Fuck that Negro. Fuck all men. I’ma bout to go lesbian on y’all.”
Elyse laughed and rushed into Coco’s arms. The big girl squeezed her tight. This was what love felt like. Elyse felt protected and cared for. She treasured that feeling and was glad Coco was so welcoming. But there was some unfinished business.