by Cydney Rax
She needed some answers. As she sat on the couch in the room that was so cold that her teeth chattered, Burgundy began to search within her mind.
Nate was in a normal state of mind when I left the house to go to the airport. We said our goodbyes like normal. He seemed fine. I was the one who was nervous. I knew Edmund was traveling to the same airport that I was.
Her train of thought was interrupted. “Nate was found in the guest bedroom,” she recalled Liz telling her.
She wondered about what might have happened during Nate’s last few hours of life.
She immediately fought with guilt.
“He shouldn’t have been banned from our bedroom. I just should have let him sleep with me every night. I should have—”
“B, give it up. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but you did what you felt you had to do, sweetie,” Alita told her. “You didn’t know all this would happen.”
“I know. But I still feel like it’s all my fault.”
“No, mm-mm. Noooo. We are not about to do that. I mean it. I won’t allow you to blame yourself.” Alita’s voice was loud and clear. “That what us women have done so many times. We’ve taken the blame and pointed the fingers at ourselves and suffered over and over. Not this time. Please don’t, B. I think we all have had a hard time dealing with truth.” Alita laughed. “It’s so damned ugly that we don’t want to look truth in its face. And really, who could blame us? But we must learn to do better. Me, you, Coco, Dru, Elyse. All of us.”
Alita knew firsthand about doing better. Because recently, when Elyse came home very upset and told Alita some of what happened between Nate, Coco, and herself and how she tried to fight back in her own way, that’s the moment that Alita decided she could no longer hold it in. She had to reveal what needed to be known.
She took a deep breath and told Elyse that she indeed was her mother. Alita bravely told her the whole story. And Elyse felt shocked then ecstatic at the news. Her reaction caused Alita to feel humbled and thankful that the girl wasn’t angry. The young lady felt relieved to learn the true story about her existence.
With that in mind, Alita felt that it was a start. And that’s all that Burgundy needed. A new and better start for her present circumstances.
“Lita,” Burgundy finally replied. “I know we’re supposed to do better. I clearly hear what you’re saying and I agree with you, but it’s too damned hard. I feel too . . . frustrated at how everything has played out. I feel so, so angry.”
“. . . And you have a right to feel that way . . . for a minute. But after a while you gotta make a decision. You can pout and have a temper tantrum, or you can choose to change your attitude. Being mad won’t solve shit.”
As much as Burgundy wanted to argue, how could she?
“Lita, I never knew you could be so wise.”
“Oh, trust me, I got wise when I shut up and started to listen more.”
“Listen?”
“Listen to that good man that I got to meet and know and learn from.”
“Shade?”
“Yeah, your friend that you introduced me to last year is the wise one. He’s my anchor. He lets me see things through eyes that aren’t mine. And I’ve learned to listen to what my baby tells me, B.”
“That’s the smartest thing you’ve ever done,” Burgundy told her with a grateful smile.
“I guess it is. Now don’t get me wrong. Sometimes I don’t listen, but most of the time I do. I’m glad when I do.”
The two sisters embraced. She wanted to take back previous harsh words, but then wasn’t the time to bring that up.
For now, Alita knew she had to be the stronger one of the two women. She’d never been through anything like this before in her life. Yet she couldn’t worry. She just had to be strong . . . for her family . . . and for herself.
When her youngest daughter’s eyes fluttered the next day, Burgundy felt like she wanted to collapse. The doctors examined Sidnee and cautiously predicted there’d be no long-term effects. After a while Sidnee could talk, eat, and move all her fingers and toes. Her vital signs looked good, and Burgundy felt more grateful than she’d ever felt in her entire life.
During the next day or so, Burgundy’s main focus was to plan a funeral. During the course of setting up the arrangements, she received a telephone call.
“I just want you to know that the coroner had recommended an autopsy on Nate.”
“Nate? Why?”
“Because scratches were found on his body. DNA was discovered underneath his fingernails.”
“Are you suggesting that there was a struggle or some type of fight before he died?”
“That’s what we need to find out.”
“But with whom?”
“We’re trying to find out, ma’am.”
“So is this an official investigation?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
The police told her that he would need her whereabouts as well as other people who would have been inside the house that day.
“Even Natalia?”
“Yes.”
“She’s only seven.”
“We need to talk to her. Don’t worry. We’ll be gentle.”
“Oh, my God.” Burgundy was aghast. She wanted to protect her daughter, not subject her to a police investigation.
“We want to get any security tape that may have been rolling either inside or outside your estate for the past few days.”
Burgundy nearly lost her breath.
Did someone kill her husband? And if so, who?
* * *
Coco and Elyse were seated inside of her car. Coco had just gone to the post office. She always had a duplicate key to her sister’s PO box, and she went there to pick up and drop off packages. Elyse had remained inside the car while Coco took care of business. And now that she was back behind the driver’s seat, Coco’s brain felt twisted and tired.
“Why are you still working for them?”
“Because I am,” she stubbornly told Elyse. “No one knows that Nate fired me except you. And that’s how we’re going to keep things. No one has to know.”
“All right.”
With that matter settled, Coco tried to relax, but it was hard. The whole ordeal took a lot of out of her. Nate was dead. Burgundy was beyond distressed. And Sid would recover. But all Coco could think about was who would believe her story? Who would believe that the gas had been left on at the house and that Natalia was the one given the task to turn it off?
The truth was always hard to believe anyway. But to know that she had nothing to do with her brother-in-law’s death didn’t seem good enough. Her track record was bad. She was known for lying, for harboring secrets, for doing one foolish thing after another.
“Elyse.”
“What?”
“I’m trying to go on like normal, but I’m scared. I can’t think straight. I just want to die.”
“Don’t say dat. Don’t!”
“But he’s dead. B said the police will do an investigation. And they gone think I had something to do with it.”
“They might think I did it too, though.”
Coco stopped crying. She’d forgotten about that. What if the police arrested Elyse instead of her? That would be remarkable. But it would feel wrong. But what if it happened anyway? Police were known for sloppy work at times, and it wouldn’t be the first time they locked up the wrong person.
Coco thought hard. Her mind raced with all the possible ways this thing could end up. But the more she thought about it, the worse her breathing got. She was hyperventilating at one point, in great need of some oxygen.
“Breathe in, breathe out,” Elyse instructed her. “Take a deep breath. You know you got high blood pressure.”
“I know.”
“Then stop trying to make yourself sick.”
“It’s not like I’m doing this shit on purpose.”
“Calm down. You say you did not kill him.”
“I didn’t kill him. And you know it.”
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br /> “Then relax. If you tell the truth, then they’ll let you go.”
What Elyse said sounded good and logical, but Coco still wasn’t convinced. Bad things seemed to constantly swirl around her like an autumn wind. You could never see it or predict which direction it was going to come. But you could always feel it and see its effects.
“Damn it.” Coco took one hand and massaged her nostrils while she tried to control the gasps that threatened to take over. She looked out her car window. Her knees began to knock when she saw a police car drive by. It kept going, and Coco sighed in relief.
“I can’t take this shit,” she said.
“Calm down.”
“I can’t.”
“The good thing is that he’s gone. He can’t bother me or you anymore. He can’t hurt us ever again.”
“Don’t be so sure about that,” Coco said and waited. She waited for what would happen next.
Chapter 21
Survivor’s Remorse
When it came to Nathaniel Taylor plenty of well-wishers came to pay their respects. The restaurant workers, barbers, neighbors, many of the vendors who had worked with Nate, and community leaders who’d known him for years. They felt that his tragic accident was so unexpected, and they had sympathy for him and his family.
Coco stayed in the back as long as she could, not knowing if her odd behavior suggested guilt or grief.
“I don’t want to look at his face,” she said to herself. “I just can’t.”
But when the family line was formed, Coco stood in it. And when they made a trail to view his body, she shut her eyes. She opened them. Then she shut them again.
Natalia had never laid eyes on a dead person before.
“Mommy, is Daddy asleep?”
“Yes.”
“For how long?”
“A long time.”
Natalia gave her daddy a curious look. She softly sang out loud, “ ‘So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night.’ ”
Attendants scurried about handing out obituaries. Others offered fresh tissues to mourners. Organ music played in the background.
Before they knew it, the two-hour ceremony concluded. Then the family gathered at Solomon’s Temple, where a room had been dedicated for the repast.
Burgundy remained stoic and gave the appearance of being strong. Inside her nerves felt like twisted rags. She knew that her husband’s body would not be placed into the ground that day. The inquest had to happen first.
When Burgundy came across Coco at the church, she gave her a puzzled look.
“Well, why weren’t you at my husband’s funeral, huh?”
“What are you talking about? I was there. You didn’t see me?”
“I-I guess not. I don’t remember.”
Coco shrugged. “You may not have remembered, but trust me I was there.” The words she did not say hung in the air. I hope she doesn’t think that I killed Nate.
* * *
In an odd way, death sometimes brought a family together. And when the family came together, sometimes much-needed conversations were held.
All that time Dru kept in her feelings about what happened to Nate. She was alone with Elyse helping to braid the young woman’s hair the Sunday after the funeral.
“Are you excited?” Dru asked.
“Yes, I will finally get to see my man. It’s been a long time since we were together. I’m gonna hug him and kiss him and probably scare him away I’ll be so happy to see Gamba.”
“Good,” Dru said. “I’m glad for you.” She paused. “You’ve been through a lot. We all have. Hopefully, in time, everything will be all right.”
“Hope so.”
“Elyse, I know that both of us were shocked at what Alita told us.”
“About her being my real mommy?”
“Yes.”
“Yeah.” Elyse stared into space. “I did not know what to think or how to feel. But I am happy to know that my mother isn’t dead. All this time I felt bad because I thought I lost my mother. And when times got tough, I really needed Greta Reeves, but she was gone.”
“I know that’s hard, because Greta was the only mom you really knew. But now you have a second chance, with crazy-ass Alita.”
Elyse laughed. “It’s okay. She understands me . . . most of the time. And she helps me a lot. And I’m okay with it all, really I am.”
“But see, I have to adjust too,” Dru told her. “Because all this time I thought you were the baby sis. But really, I’m her. And even though technically, I guess I am now the youngest Reeves sister, in my head and in my heart, you are still Baby Sis. That’s all we’ve ever known. And in my heart, that’s how it’s always going to be.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Because I liked being Baby Sis. I love being spoiled and having all y’all look out for me. But I think I’m getting much better at looking out for myself.”
The two hugged. They felt like sisters. They would always be sisters.
* * *
After the turmoil of the funeral died down, first chance Coco got, she met up with Alita. The two sisters may have butted heads at times, but it did not stop Coco from turning to her oldest sister when she was desperate. She knew that an autopsy had been ordered regarding Nate but wondered why, since it was apparent that he’d died from the effects of carbon monoxide poisoning. Yet and still, her conscience bothered her.
“Lita, I got something to tell you. Now I don’t want you to judge me. Please don’t judge me. But I want you to know that . . . Nate Taylor is Chance’s daddy.”
“Oh, shit, Coco, please tell me you lying or making this up. Please.”
“See, that’s why I never wanted you to know.”
For a long time, Alita could not even speak. She was so angry. So disgusted. And felt so hurt for Coco. But then she grew sober and knew that her being angry would never change the facts.
“What happened? Tell me everything.”
Coco did. She recounted the day that she allowed herself to be sexually intimate with two different men on the same day.
“Did you do it with him more than once?”
“No, Alita, I swear to God.”
“Was it any good?”
Coco burst out laughing. “You wrong for that, Sis.”
“I wish I could be wrong about this whole thing. But it is what it is.” Alita thought about the terrible scandals that she and some of her other siblings, her daughter, had all endured.
“Are we cursed or something? Because nobody would believe that several women of the same family went through the same thing.”
“It happens, Lita, that’s the thing. More than you think. It’s just not talked about. And that’s what these sick-ass men are counting on. That we keep our secrets a secret. That way they can keep doing it over and over to other women. Other nieces and sisters and cousins and aunties.”
Alita knew that what Coco disclosed could be perceived as truth, that as incredible as it sounded, the same type of abuse, physical, sexual, mental, verbal, and the like, could be a common experience within a family, a tragic secret that tied them together even more than blood ties do.
“Nobody should be forced to do something they don’t want to do especially when it comes to their own bodies.” Coco told her about her experiences with Ricky and how she wished things had turned out differently. “When bad things happen to me, it’s like I end up making bad decisions. That’s what I’ve noticed about myself. Like, when me and Calhoun broke up. I should have just focused on myself and getting my head straight. But instead I tried to bury the hurt I was feeling by hooking up with Q. And Nate.”
“You needed love, girl. Nothing wrong with that.”
“But how I went about getting it,” Coco concluded in anguish. “I wish I would have done things different, and better.”
“That’s fine, but it still doesn’t excuse what we got done to us. As far as I am concerned, we have nothing to be ashamed of,” Alita concluded. �
��And it’s a damn shame that we have gone around walking around on our tiptoes, our heads hung in shame as if we did something wrong. We’re the victims. We were threatened and lived in fear year after year. Even though my brother-in-law is dead, I can’t say I’m sorry.”
“Lita!”
“Look, I misjudged him. I thought he was a cool dude at first. But after I learned about the real him, I could not respect him. But I’m torn. All I care about is you and my nephew. And in some ways, I still wish that Calhoun could be his daddy.”
“You wish that? Wow! You really do hate Nate.”
“You have no idea, Coco. I mean, hate is a strong word. But I do hate that something made him act that way. Like, why did he have to mess over people? What happened to him that caused him to be that way? He’s dead now, so it’s not like we can ask him.”
“It’s not like he would have told you the truth either.”
“Sicko! Okay, that’s enough. We gotta get through this somehow, someway. We’re Reeveses. I love you, Sis, and I don’t blame you for what happened. I have to make up lost time with my daughter, Elyse.”
“Huh?”
“Oh, that’s another skeleton that I’m pulling out the closet.”
“Lord Jesus, I sure hope there are no more secrets in this family.”
“But Dark Skin, did you ever tell B about what happened? About Chance?” Alita said.
“No. I just can’t. Why do that at this point?”
“Until you tell her what happened, there are more secrets in our family, Sis.”
* * *
After Burgundy saw her daughter’s health improve and that she’d gradually recover, one thing that helped her resume a sense of normalcy was going to work inside her church’s bookstore. And that’s what she did the two weeks following her husband’s death.
It was almost the end of September. Shade was at Solomon’s Temple that Sunday morning, helping to staff the store along with Burgundy.
“You need any help with the reshelving of these books?” he asked.
“No. I’m good. I’d rather handle the job myself. I need the distraction.”
“I understand.”
She stared into space, blindly removing books from one shelf and finding space on another one.