His hand was shaking a little.
“Niko…”
“Don’t.” He snapped his hand away from mine.
Niko didn’t like to show vulnerability. He’d grown up alone on the streets, and I knew I might never see that survival tactic, that prickliness leave him if we lived to be a hundred.
But I was still his priestess, and when he met my eyes and I saw the pain in his, he softened a little. He needed me. And he loved me. I saw it in his eyes, and I’d felt it in his touch. We were his family.
Well, us and his long lost mother.
“Tongue?” Gilbert said weakly, putting his left hand protectively over the lost one, like the very thought was giving him phantom pains.
“That’s what I said,” Niko growled, and then he punched the wall.
“Do they know where she is?” I asked. “Can you rescue her?”
“I want to,” he said. “But I won’t be here when…” His eyes flicked to my belly.
“It’s okay,” I said. “It’s your mother! I have plenty of attention on me.”
“It’s your first child.”
“Are you getting sentimental on me?”
“I guess it’s probably Forrest’s, anyway,” Niko said, trying to be a little more airy. “But if it does turn out to be mine, can we name—“ Then he stopped. “Nah, that’s dumb.”
“You want to name him or her after your mom? Perry or Perina?”
“I’m not that sentimental.”
I snorted. “Okay, fine. But…Niko, I think you should go. You have my blessing. You should save her.”
“If I can…,” he breathed. His fingers scratched at the burn scar on his face.
During this war we’d fought, we’d all gotten reminders that we weren’t invulnerable despite our powers. Niko’s burn scars. Gilbert’s lost hand—and Gilbert, in general. We’d thought he was dead.
“If anyone can, you can,” I said. “So if you can’t, no one could have. Don’t blame yourself. She wanted you to be here. However, I really don’t need you right now. I’m already afraid of how many people are going to want to crowd me when I’m having a baby.”
Niko walked up to me, gave me the dead sexy, dangerous look that had made me tingle since the moment I first met his arrogant jerkface, and kissed me full on, tongue in my mouth. It activated our sigils, making me want more.
Then he drew back. “I’ll be back,” he said. “As soon as I possibly can. So try and hold it in, okay?”
“Yeah…right,” I said, melting against Gilbert. I watched Niko’s back, all broad shoulders and lean long legs, walking away down the hall. He was trying to saunter but there was a little touch of panic in his step that wrecked his usual cool. I glanced at Gilbert. “You’re going to have to finish what he started.”
“Tell me about it. He’s hot when he’s upset,” Gilbert said, kind of teasing, although I still rolled my eyes at him.
“Okay, I’m going to scrounge up Forrest or Abel too,” I said. “Bard, I need a man.”
He shoved me against the wall and kissed me. Gilbert was pretty, but he got so much sexier when you riled him up. His hand moved to my collar, popping open a few buttons until his hand found the sigil on my chest and my breasts tingled with desire.
“I think we need dinner,” he said, stroking my nipple.
“It won’t take very long to eat dinner…or to do this.” I clamped his hand down, unwilling to let him go. “You’re not eating a bite until you finish what you started.”
“But, Phoebe, seriously, I’m really hungry.”
I slipped a hand down his pants and stroked him. His eyelids fluttered a little as his cock throbbed beneath my touch. It wasn’t hard to shut Gilbert up.
It hardly seemed possible, but pregnancy had made me even more frisky.
“Oh, fine,” he said. “I’ll tell the kitchens to send a snack up to the bedroom, how’s that?”
“I’ll meet you there,” I said.
“But we’d better be quick. Still about thirty auditions to go.”
I blanched.
“This was your idea to begin with,” Gilbert said, before he turned the corner.
A week later, after another round of auditions, we’d made our final decisions and the Imperial Rose Troupe officially began. We decided on twelve official members and two understudies. Although I hated being harsh with them during auditions, now that everyone was in, I was determined to make this the best act in the entire kingdom.
First, there was the hiring of a dance teacher. He was the former head of the Winter Girls troupe, he went by the name ‘Noblesse’, he was like sixty years old but about the spryest man I had ever seen, and I swear Gilbert got gayer every hour we spent together, but I guess even my priestess powers can’t fight nature. Then there were costumes to consider. Emmaline du Barien, the wealthy heir to the du Barien fortune and Gilbert’s cousin, was notorious for unleashing a fashion designer named Pizazz on the city. Luckily, Pizazz had fallen out of favor, because I wasn’t sure I could handle Noblesse and Pizazz at the same time. Now, the designer of the moment was a very hyperactive young woman who was into geometric shapes.
Gilbert, meanwhile, was furiously composing something that I think was turning into a musical, even though I kept telling him, “It’s not a musical. It’s just a concert.”
“It’s a revue,” he said. “No story, but themes. I’m taking my cues from Lily’s fashion sketches.”
As if all this wasn’t enough, my mom had just settled into the palace at my strong urging, because my northern village and hometown was increasingly unsafe as tensions increased in the north. My mom had never been away from home before, and she had nothing to do, and she was very concerned with me doing so much activity when I was about to have a baby any second, so she was always hovering around, making sure I was eating enough and drinking my herbal tea for strength and fetching me whatever I needed.
That night, I asked for Forrest and Abel.
“I miss you two,” I said. “I feel like we’re in different worlds right now. You guys are figuring out this military stuff and I’m messing around with dresses and dances. And my mom is driving me nuts. She means well, and I’m so glad I got her down here, but oh my gods, Mom, I’m not going to fall down the stairs or forget to eat. And Gilbert’s writing a musical even though he’s pretending he’s not. And all he’s thinking about is showing Bard Keith, whom I’m not sure actually exists. And I hope Ruby doesn’t disappoint me, because, you know, I argued for her, and her dancing is so bad and Noblesse is just eating her alive. Plus the new costumes, I don’t know, Emmaline and Gilbert both seem into this stuff and to me it looks like an experiment. Emmaline said that’s the point but like, I don’t want to be an experiment.”
“Phoebe,” Forrest said. “I don’t know half of what you’re talking about, but you look happy.”
“Do I?”
“Well, aren’t you?”
I flushed. “I am.”
“The day I had to tell you what you really were, I worried you’d never truly look happy again.”
“I am happy. It’s true.” I lay down beside Forrest on the bed, beckoning Abel over to us. He had this habit of standing guard by the door. “You too.”
I curled my hands against Forrest’s chest while Abel sprawled behind me.
“Do we have to watch the musical?” he asked.
I laughed. “At least once. Ooh—“ I took Abel’s hand and put it on my stomach. “It’s kicking again.”
Forrest looked a little flustered. “It’s almost time. I’m not sure I can have sex with you while I’m thinking about a nearly full grown baby kicking.”
“I guess I don’t mind just being close. It’s true that I’m not feeling very…suited to much activity. I feel huge.”
“You are huge,” Abel said.
“You’re not supposed to affirm that, Abel. Gods, sometimes I would think you grew up in a barn.”
“Well, I didn’t grow up around…women, I guess,” he sai
d, looking as sheepish as an ice dragon could look. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”
“Huge in a good way is not a thing.” But I shrugged it off. “I like times like this the best. He or she is all mine right now. And so are both of you.”
“I can hardly imagine what she’ll be like,” Forrest said.
“She?”
“Or he.” He scratched his beard. “Sorry. I’m just better with girls.”
“I wonder how Niko is faring with the dragons,” Abel said. He always seemed a little more distant than Forrest, his thoughts somewhere else. “If he doesn’t come home soon, he’ll miss this.” Well, I guess they weren’t entirely somewhere else.
I started realizing just how nervous the guys were about being dads. And hopefully, they’d each have a child of their own flesh and blood before long.
“The thing is, wherever Niko is, I can feel our connection,” I said. “I know he can feel it too. He won’t miss it, even if he’s hundreds of miles away. Remember how we felt each other?”
“That’s true,” Abel said. “Sometimes I forget…when you are never far from me now.”
I sighed, settling into their warmth, even though the late spring night wasn’t exactly cold. I just liked how safe I felt between them. We’d been through so much to get to this point, and I would never take it for granted.
A week later, we were practicing one of my old favorites, “Carriage Ride”. It was a really fun, bouncy number and the girls just weren’t putting the oomph into it, except Minerva and Ina. Ina was one of Gilbert’s picks, damnit. (We were a smidge competitive.)
“Elena, you remember when we used to do this, right? It was a really big number! Come on!”
“Yes…I do. You were very good at it. I guess I like the ballads more…”
“You’re wonderful on the ballads,” I said. “But don’t be afraid to have fun, too. You’re really good. You could be one of the headliners if you went for it.”
“Who are the headliners?” Ina asked.
“Well…um, no one, because this is the elite Imperial Rose Troupe. You’re all stars! I’m just pointing out that some of you could be more star-like than you’re being right now. I didn’t admit any of you into this troupe to fade into the background.”
“I’m—I’m not—“ Elena looked panicked. “I’m not sure I should be in the troupe, Phoebe. I—I should honestly never have tried out for this. I’ve always been shy, and—I had so much fun in the Strawberry Girls but it was also terrifiying and—I almost talked myself out of it—to come back—but—” She wiped a few tears from her eyes and grabbed her bag.
She was much speedier than me, but I tried my best to hurry after her.
“Elena, wait! Wait!” I rushed into the hall, clutching my stomach, and she stopped, more out of concern than anything, I think.
“Phoebe, I know you only let me in your troupe out of pity,” she said. “Just let me go. The other women are so much more comfortable with performing than I am.”
“Pity? What?”
“There were other auditions that were better than mine,” she said. “You know it’s a fact.” She met my eyes squarely. “And we’re nothing alike. You’re amazing. You’re the empress and the priestess. I would never have guessed, but then, you always had this glow about you. I guess that was it. You’re magical and you seem so happy and even before I came to audition I saw you in projections, and…well, anyway, I don’t want your pity.”
Was she…jealous?
I mean, I guess that wasn’t so crazy. I had five sexy husbands and magical powers and wealth and all that stuff. I was pretty happy, actually.
But the price I’d paid to get here…
“Elena…there are days when I wish I was just back in my own little town. I wish I was a nobody,” I said. “I try not to think about how hard this is sometimes. Everyone’s watching me all the time. It’s…it’s an ongoing struggle. If I didn’t have the guys, I’d lose my mind. Even if I just had one of them. Like…they’ve all lost things because of what we are. But since they’ve all lost different things, they can each comfort me in a different way. Still, this isn’t easy. It…really, really isn’t as easy as it might look. I feel a tremendous pressure to put on a cheerful face. My life really doesn’t feel like my own, and I’m worried that my children won’t feel like my own either.” I swallowed. “I put you in the troupe because you’re a piece of my old life. It’s not pity for you. It was selfish. It was me having some dream of a normal girlfriend…a normal life.”
“Oh…” Elena looked down. Her feet drew together. She wasn’t running anymore.
“But—I mean what I said. You’re talented. Ooh…” I had a sudden pang in my belly.
“Are you okay?”
“Augh…”
“Are you having contractions?”
“I—I guess? Get Gilbert. Well, get Gilbert and tell him to get my mom…”
Elena dashed off down the hall as I leaned against the wall. At this point I honestly wasn’t sure if I was going into labor or I just really had to poop. I wasn’t going to tell Gilbert that.
A minute later, Gilbert was there anyway and so was like, the whole troupe. Gilbert took my arm and led me down the hall.
“Do you want me to carry you to bed?”
“No…no…I kind of want to walk there right now…”
“Isn’t it early?” Gilbert sounded panicked.
“It’s like…a week early. I think that’s okay. Please don’t you dare panic.”
“I’m sorry.” He squeezed my arm.
A minute later, Forrest came running down the stairs.
“Do you want me to carry you to bed?”
“No, no…”
“Isn’t it early?”
“It’s not early! Did you guys coordinate your freak outs?”
It was starting to feel more like period cramps, but more all-encompassing. As I was hobbling up the stairs, my water broke.
Soon, I was in my chambers with my mom, all of my guys, and too many handmaidens and servants. My mom was really good at getting everyone coordinated and calming down the guys, and the handmaidens had been waiting for this moment their whole lives. They were all experts on healing and babies and that sort of thing. So I knew I was in the best hands. Quite literally, when the very moment I reached out a hand to grip someone while I was in the throes of a contraction, I always had someone right at my side.
Sometimes it was Forrest—probably more often Forrest than anyone. He was my gruff soldier, but also my fiercest protector, and a family man. He couldn’t wait to hold our child in his arms.
Abel was often on the other side of Forrest. He had once been at odds with Forrest, but now, more often than not, those two were on the same side in every way. Their character was forged in battle; they understood each other. But unlike Forrest, Abel never had a loving family of his own. He was an ice dragon and didn’t show much emotion, but I knew he was nervous. He was already anxious about how to handle his relationship with his long lost half sister, a gregarious fire dragon.
If it wasn’t Forrest and Abel, it was Rin and Gilbert. Rin was looking forward to the second kid almost more than the first; I knew that much. He was a twin and he missed his sister. Rin seemed to be growing into his role by the day, and when I looked at him in between waves of burning pain, I saw a young emperor losing the last remnants of boyishness. He wanted an heir to the throne, and even though he was stripped down to a loose linen shirt and trousers, he was starting to carry himself like he wore a crown. I was really proud of Rin. I could sort of shirk my duties as empress. It was sort of a weird magical accident that I was the empress at all. But Rin had to embrace his destiny; he could either be a dedicated and fair ruler or a lazy or frightened one. I could tell he was taking it seriously.
Gilbert was part of the reason he could, I thought. Rin was the blade, Gilbert was the song. He was gentle and soothing at heart. He knew how to make both of us happier, how to ease the burdens of our lives and remind us
to enjoy beauty and comfort and relish our love of each other.
But there was still one missing.
Niko…
I could feel him, far far away from me, beneath the surface of the earth, I knew he had reached the dragon kingdom. I knew he was alive and not in deep distress. But from this distance, that was all I got. Mail traveled very slowly between the dragon kingdom and our world. I didn’t know when I would see him again.
But as hours passed and my labor grew more intense, I started to feel closer to him.
Niko, can you feel me?
Do you know I’m thinking of you?
I didn’t hear anything back. Niko was more closed off than any of my other guardians. I trusted his love for me, but sometimes I wondered if he trusted anyone at all. He had always tried to keep the upper hand with me. He hid behind his fortune telling tricks. He never wanted to admit that I had his heart.
But everyone has those moments when they reveal their true selves, if not in words…by their actions. By the way they look at you. By the way they’d do anything for you.
In leaving to find his mother, in a way, Niko had shown me how much he loved me, because he had shown how much he was truly capable of loving anyone. He hadn’t seen his mother since he was a kid, but he would risk his life to save her. I knew he would do the same for all of us.
I just wished, so much, that he could be here.
“Here it comes!”
“Keep pushing!”
“Good girl!”
“That’s a head, right?” Gilbert asked nervously.
“Well, it’s not a foot, so it must be a head,” Rin said more reasonably.
I was screaming and sweating and swearing enough to make my kid deaf on arrival. The sun had gone down a long time ago. I guess I’d been in labor for almost eight hours. The handmaidens kept telling me I was doing great and lots of women took much longer than this.
Gods.
And I would surely be having a lot of kids. Right now I never wanted to to do this again. But finally…
“It’s a girl!”
“A girl?” I gasped. “Is she healthy?”
“She’s beautiful,” Forrest said.
The Kingdoms of Sky and Shadow Box Set: A Fantasy Romance Page 57