I turn from the door and see both my best friends looking at me with concern on their faces.
“What?” I raise my eyebrows at them. I should have known that I wouldn’t get away with the way I acted last night. We just haven’t had any time to talk all day, but now that the store is empty, besides us and my boys, I know that I won’t be getting off the hook any longer.
“You okay?” Avery asks. “We were really worried last night when you left the bar upset.”
I sigh heavily and rub my eyes with both my palms.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
I walk toward Auggie and Jayce.
“Let’s start packing up. We need to get home for dinner.”
“Sier, you don’t have to be fine. It’s okay to be sad or whatever you’re feeling right now,” Claire says behind me.
I turn back toward them, starting to feel a little irritated with this conversation.
“Can we please not discuss this around my boys?” Honestly, I wouldn’t want to talk about it even if they weren’t here. I feel so confused right now, and I don’t know how to handle it.
“Come on, Claire. Let’s go clean up the kitchen.”
They both leave me alone with Auggie and Jayce, so I start mindlessly helping them clean up all the books and toys they brought with them today.
I feel like a bitch, after all they’ve done for me. But I don’t even understand how I’m feeling right now. How could I possibly explain that to anyone else?
* * *
“Take your shoes off and then you can watch TV while I make dinner,” I say as we walk through the door a half hour later. I decided when I opened the bakery that I wouldn’t keep us open real late. That way I can spend the evenings with my boys and tuck them into bed at a decent hour.
I head to the kitchen and quickly whip up a few grilled cheese sandwiches and then cut up some fruit for both of them. Once they’re asleep, I plan on eating my popcorn and chocolate bar for dinner. Real healthy. I know.
But that’s what I do when I feel like this. I eat shit and then regret it later when my pants don’t zip. Grandma Rose told me plenty of times that I was “getting a little chubby.” I wanted to be offended, but it was nothing but the truth. I’ve always been pretty small, but ever since losing Miles, I haven’t cared like I used to. I figured I had no one to impress, so what did it matter?
I feed both boys, and then they take their baths and are in bed by eight thirty.
I sigh heavily as I fall onto the couch. I love those two more than life itself, but this momma needs a break. I know my friends want to help me, but I hate relying on others. They’d hate knowing I feel that way, but I don’t want them to ever think I’m trying to take advantage of them.
After I pop some SkinnyPop and grab a beer out of the fridge, I scroll through Netflix, trying to find something that will take my mind off a certain police officer. But I know I’ll never stop loving Miles, and I’m not sure that’s fair to another man. I wouldn’t want to be second place either.
I decide to watch The Waterboy as Adam Sandler can cheer anyone up. I’m laughing hysterically, hoping I didn’t just wake my children, when my phone vibrates from the coffee table. I pick it up and see that it’s a number I don’t recognize.
Unknown: Hey, it’s Caden. Just wanted to make sure you’re doing okay today.
My heart nearly stops. I was trying not to think about him, but then he has to say sweet things like that to me. I have a feeling that my two annoying best friends gave him my number, but I’ll deal with them later.
Deciding not to respond, I shut the volume off on my phone and try to get back to my movie, but the point is moot because I can’t stop thinking about him. I feel like a bitch not responding, because he didn’t do anything wrong, besides treating me better than I deserve.
I switch the TV off when I realize I have no idea what part I’m watching anymore, and I stare at the ceiling. He doesn’t deserve for me to treat him this way. He hasn’t pushed me to do anything I’m not ready for. Even if nothing ever happens between the two of us, I can still be nice. I should be nice.
Me: I’m fine, thank you. And thank you for dropping my car off this morning.
He must have been waiting for my text, because I only wait a mere thirty seconds for his response to come through.
Caden: It’s no problem. I’ll see you around, Sierra Greene.
That man does funny things to me. I don’t like the way he makes me feel. Okay, I’m lying. I love the way he makes me feel, but I don’t love that I’m unsure of what to do about it.
12
Caden
Two months later
“What the hell are you wearing?” I ask Kenz when I look up from filling my coffee mug, noticing that she’s wearing a skirt that no dad ever wants to see their daughter in.
She gasps as she looks down at her attire. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” She throws her hands up in the air. “Dad, I’m seventeen, almost eighteen, and this is what girls my age wear.”
I pour cream into my cup without looking at her again. “Go change,” I say, sterner this time.
“Dad!” she hollers. “Oh, my God!” Fuck. She’s acting like her mother, and this morning I can’t deal with it. “It’s not like I’m going to get pregnant just because I wear this.”
I spit my coffee across the room, nearly choking to death. “Mackenzie Diane, if you don’t march your ass into your room and put on some more appropriate clothes for school, I’m taking your phone for a month.” There’s nothing else I can think of that would piss her off more than being without the stupid thing that’s always attached to her ear.
“You wouldn’t!” she shrieks dramatically. She probably doesn’t believe me because I’ve been a freaking pushover in the past because I felt bad that she didn’t have Jasmine. But right now, I refuse to let her get away with this.
I hold my hand out to her. “Go change or give it to me.”
“Fine!” She storms out of the room and in the next instant I hear her bedroom door slam shut. It’s a fucking miracle that I’ve survived raising a teenage daughter on my own. I really could have used the help of a woman, perhaps her mother, all these years, but I am damn proud of how well I’ve done on my own.
I sit on the couch to put my work boots on and then look up to see Kenz walking into the room.
“Happy?” she asks with attitude in her tone that I choose to ignore or I’ll be late for work.
She still has the same shirt on but now with pants. I’ll call it a win for me.
I look up at her as I tie my shoe. “Very.” I stand and pull her into a hug. “How is my baby girl a senior in high school now?” I kiss the top of her head.
“Ugh, Dad. Don’t get all weepy on me. Please?”
I chuckle. “Fine. But let me a get a few pictures of my princess before you leave.”
She doesn’t argue, so I grab my phone and snap a few shots of her and then pull her into my side for a selfie.
“You’re not cool enough for a selfie.” She pokes me.
I gasp in mock offense. “What? I am freaking cool and you know it.”
She laughs and then grabs her bag sitting next to the front door. “I have volleyball tonight, so I won’t be home until around six.”
“All right, be careful.”
“I will. Love you, Dad.”
I smile at her, knowing that I should take advantage of her acting like this.
“Love you too, Kenz. Have a good first day.”
* * *
I slam my locker shut and head to the break room to grab a bottled water out of the fridge, but I’m halted in my steps when I see the purple box sitting on the table. Sierra Greene hasn’t been far from my mind over the last couple months, but I haven’t seen her since the night I took her home from Ryke’s. She clearly isn’t ready for a relationship, and I don’t want to be the reason she regrets moving on from her husband.
My day is busy, but I can’t stop thinking about her t
he entire time I’m working. Between a drug bust and a robbery we have to take care of, my mind shouldn’t be thinking about anything but the job at hand, but I need to see her.
Before today, I had been contemplating whether or not I should go to her bakery to see her again, but I wanted to give her space. Well, it’s been two damn months. If nothing else, she could use another friend. Right? Yeah, that’s what I’ll keep telling myself.
13
Sierra
I flip the mirror on my sun visor down, checking to make sure I don’t have mascara all over my face. Sure enough I do, so I lick the pad of my thumb and dab at the makeup under my eyes. When Auggie started school, I was the exact same way. I don’t know why I thought that having Jayce start pre-school this year was a good idea. I should have just waited for him to go to kindergarten next year. No, that’s selfish of me. I know I made the right choice, but I don’t think I’m going to like having both boys away from me every day.
After taking a deep, calming breath, I grab my purse out of the backseat before exiting my car. I look like shit, but I’m already later than I had planned to be this morning.
“Hey, girl!” Claire hollers as I walk through the door of my bakery. “How’d it go?” she asks without looking up from the cupcakes she’s decorating.
“Ugh, fine,” I mumble as I walk back to the kitchen.
She finally looks up at me. “That bad, huh?”
“Yeah.” I sigh. “I thought the second time around would be easier, but I think it was actually harder.”
She gives me a weak smile, most likely knowing that I just need to be by myself right now.
I thought, with us moving back to Phoenix, I would eventually be able to find happiness again. I’ve thought a lot about dating, but then things like this happen, and I start missing Miles all over again. I know they say that you can’t put a time limit on grief, but damn it. I’m sick of grieving. It’s been nearly five years, but some days it feels like my husband was just ripped from me yesterday. I know he wouldn’t want me feeling like this, especially after all this time, but with every milestone that he misses with our boys, the hole in my chest reopens.
As they get older, I wonder more and more how I’m going to raise two ornery boys all on my own. They need their daddy. Sometimes I wish that he had only just left us. Not that he would have ever done that to his family, but at least Auggie and Jayce would still have him.
If I could, I’d give anything to have him back with us. Even if just for a day. One more time to tell him I love him. One more time to kiss him goodnight. The things that seemed so mundane are the ones I miss the most. There’s that saying “Always tell your loved ones how much they mean to you.” Well, I never realized how true that was until I didn’t have another chance to tell him. We always assume that we’ll have tomorrow, but I am a living, breathing testament to the fact that isn’t always the case. In life, we all face heartache at one time or another. Some of us much sooner than the rest.
I spend the morning keeping myself busy with some online orders we receive. Avery suggested that we get a website set up so people could request their favorite goodies on there and then we would have them ready before they come to pick them up. So far, it has worked out really well and has increased business massively.
I’m mindlessly decorating a batch of sugar cookies when the bell above the door rings. I look up and my breath catches in my throat. I honestly never thought I’d see him again. Sure, he’s good friends with Ryke and Evan, but it’s not like I ever get to go out these days.
“Officer Harris,” I say, way breathier than I mean to. I’m sure he can tell I’m embarrassed. Why is it that every time I’m around this man, I make a fool out of myself?
“Ms. Greene.” He tips his hat at me. Damn. This man is sexy, and I honestly think he has no clue.
I clear my throat. “I thought I told you to call me Sierra?” I ask with a small smile on my face. I’ve only been around him a few times, but I don’t think I’m capable of not smiling around him.
He gives me his sexy smirk. Damn it. “And I thought I told you to call me Caden?”
Flashbacks of our night at the bar come racing back to my mind. I’d be lying if I said I never thought about him, because I think about him way more often than I’d like to admit.
I’ve never felt safer than I did that night when I was in his arms. It was just an innocent dance, but we both knew we wanted it to lead to something more.
At the thought, I feel a pang of guilt in my chest and for once it’s not because I wanted a man besides my husband. No, I feel guilty for turning Caden down. But I know that I wasn’t ready. Hell, it’s been two months, and I know I’m still not ready for anything involving a six-foot, two-inch sex god.
I inwardly smack myself, willing my inappropriate thoughts to disappear. At least, until I’m by myself later.
“What can I help you with?”
Claire told me that another officer came early this morning to get a box of cupcakes. It seems that word got around about The Sugar Shack after me and the boys took some to Caden. I suppose I have him to thank for my boom in business.
He walks closer to the counter, and right now I’m thankful for the small distance between us. He has a distinct smell of pine and man. God, it’s making my lady parts wake up after way, way too long.
“I’ve been dreaming about those strawberry shortcake cupcakes your boy told me about.”
“You’ve never had them.” I put my hands on my hips, hoping I’m coming across as playful and not a bitch.
“I know, but I bet they’re damn good.”
“They are damn good.” I bite down on my bottom lip, willing myself not to smile.
He doesn’t respond right away. Is he staring at my lips? I release my lip, not sure how comfortable I am right now. He finally looks away from me and into the display.
“Hmm.” He continues to stare at the treats in front of him. “What’s that one with the yellow frosting?” He points.
“That’s raspberry lemon.” I slide the case open and pull one out. “Here, you can try it.”
He takes the cupcake and looks like a little boy who was just given a brand-new puppy.
“Damn, this looks way too good to eat.”
“Well, that would be a waste of a good cupcake,” I say as I stare at him, staring at the decadent treat in his hand.
He eyes it one more time. “Good point.” In the next instant, he devours it in two bites and I can’t help the laugh that slips from my mouth.
“That’s one way to eat it.” I smirk as I go into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. “Here.” I hold it out for him.
“Thanks,” he mumbles around the last bite, and I notice that he has yellow frosting on the tip of his nose.
“You have…” I point at his face.
“What?” He leans over the counter so now we’re only mere inches from each other. “Is there something on my face?” I now realize that he’s teasing me.
I shake my head. “You’re somethin’.” I smile before grabbing a napkin for him. “You can wipe your own nose off. Sorry, mister.”
“Damn, here I thought we were getting somewhere,” he says before wiping at his face.
“What exactly does that mean, Officer Harris?”
He sets the napkin down on the counter and then takes a long swig from his water, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down with each dink. I don’t think I’ve ever found drinking to be so erotic in all my life.
He recaps the bottle and then stares at me with a look I recognize from the last time we were together. Lust maybe? I don’t know, but it stirs awake things inside of me.
“We’re supposed to be friends, right?” That’s not what I was expecting, but I still appreciate it.
“I’m pretty sure friends talk more often than once every couple months.”
As soon as the words come out, I wish I could push them back into my mouth when I see the look on his face.
“I’m s
orry. That was rude.”
He shakes his head. “No, it wasn’t. I’m sorry I never reached out to you again. I honestly just wanted to give you space. I wasn’t sure if being around me upset you more, and I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing you like that again.”
At his admission, I feel an immediate burn behind my eyes. It’s such an unusual feeling, knowing a man cares enough about me to not want to see me in pain. Miles was one of the most selfless people I have ever known, but I had forgotten what it felt like to be looked after like this.
I stare at this handsome man in front of me. Not sure of what to say to that.
We’re interrupted when the doorbell rings and then Avery walks in.
“Hey, Sier.” She’s so dang loud. Never mind the fact that she’s holding her baby in her arms. How the poor girl is still sleeping, is beyond me.
“Hey.” I look back at Caden, who still hasn’t taken his eyes off me.
“Oh hey, Caden. What are you doing here?”
He finally looks at Avery. “Just wanted to try these famous strawberry shortcake cupcakes, but Sierra distracted me.”
I giggle. Freaking giggle like a thirteen-year-old girl with a teenage crush. When I look over at Avery, I see the huge smirk on her face and I want to punch her for it.
“I did not distract you. If anything, you distracted me.”
She clears her throat, reminding us that we’re not alone.
“Obviously, I interrupted something, so I’ll just drop these bags off in the kitchen and be on my way.”
I turn toward my friend. “You don’t have to leave.” As much as I like talking to Caden, she couldn’t have chosen a better time to come in. This man is sweet, but I’m not sure how to handle it.
Reawakened: The Unexpected Series Page 6