by Chloe Carley
“You must have been very relieved?” Carl suggested.
“I was. I was crying. He rode up, putting himself and his horse between them and me. I scrambled up onto his lap as fast as I could. I really thought I would never see him again. Or Gideon or Shawn. Or my ma. I thought they were going to kill me.”
“Was there a fight?”
Sara Jane shook her head. “No. I remember Pa trying to talk to them, and at one point, Gideon rode up and tried to take me from Pa’s lap, but I was wrapped around him with my arms and legs and wouldn’t let go. In the end, Pa told Gideon I was fine where I was.”
“So, the Indians just let you all ride back out of their camp? Without a fight?” Carl asked, confused because that didn’t sound like any of the Apache stories he’d heard over the years. They were a fierce people and riding into their camp without an invite and with weapons drawn would have been seen as a threat and act of aggression. One they would have most likely retaliated against in the coming days.
Sara Jane took a calming breath and then nodded. “Pa tried to talk to them some more. Shawn said the Indians took some cows, but I don’t remember much else. I just knew that I was in Pa’s arms and he was going to keep me safe. I remember not being able to leave the house or the area right around the barns for several days after that. Everyone seemed nervous, maybe even scared, but after a few days, that disappeared, and everything went back to normal.”
“I can only imagine your pa was worried the Indians would come to the ranch and try to stir up trouble.”
“Maybe. They were really careful about what they said around me after that.”
“I’m sure they were. What you did was incredibly dangerous and could have resulted in your death or you just disappearing with the Apache as their captive.”
“That’s what Ma said, over and over, until Pa told he she didn’t need to keep reminding me. Pa always knew when I’d heard enough.”
“Your pa was still trying to protect you.” Carl squeezed her hands and then asked, “Do you still believe your pa can keep you safe?”
“Of course, but I can take care of myself now. I felt so weak and scared … they made me cry and laughed at me … I promised myself I would never feel like that again.”
“Weak and scared?” Carl asked.
She nodded. “Unable to take care of myself.”
“That’s why you work so hard to be the best at everything.” Carl suddenly understood this amazing young woman. Her brothers had been partially right, but none of her family fully understood how scared she’d actually been or the great impact the experience had made on how she viewed herself. She’d been very young and evidently, they’d all assumed she’d gotten over the incident. They had been very wrong.
“If I’m better than everyone else, I won’t ever be weak.” She gave him a rueful grin and then added, “But that doesn’t seem to be working very well for me lately. There are some things I can’t do on my own.”
Carl smiled softly. “Sara Jane, that doesn’t make you weak, it just shows how smart you can be. It’s okay to need help. You’re beginning to see that, right?”
“I am.” She took a breath and then released it. “Thank you.”
“For?”
“Listening. I’ve never told anyone some of those things. My folks were so upset, and everyone was treating me like I was made of glass, afterward. I never told them about the nightmares or how many nights I couldn’t sleep because I was too scared.”
Carl frowned again and squeezed her hands even tighter. He searched her eyes for a moment, seeing the hurt and fear that she’d lived with over the years. She’d kept it all bottled up inside of her, dealing with it on her own instead of sharing her burden with those around her.
He cocked his head to the side and then asked, “You got over that, though. Right?”
“I did. Mostly. I still have an occasional episode, but they are very few nowadays.”
“How did you get rid of them?” he wondered aloud.
“It took a while, but eventually, as I got better at riding and shooting, the nightmares faded away.”
“You were only five,” Carl said, wondering how many years she’d suffered at night.
“She could outshoot most of us by the time she was seven. She could outshoot you when you first arrived here,” Gideon said as he walked out of the shadows. He gave Sara Jane a sad smile and apologized. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but you’ve never talked to any of us about those things. For goodness sake, Sara Jane. Why would you keep all of that from us?”
Sara Jane pulled her hands free, wrapping them around her torso in a defensive gesture. She stared at the sky for a long time. “I knew you were all worried and didn’t want to add to that. Besides, I handled it.”
Carl shared a look with her brother and then gave a single nod to where they were sitting. Gideon came forward and sat down on her other side. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her closed, despite the fact that she held herself stiffly. “Sara Jane, you’re our sister and we love you. You didn’t need to handle it by yourself. You never have to deal with things by yourself.”
Silence settled over the trio for a long moment and then Carl sensed the stiffness slide away from her body. She murmured softly against Gideon’s chest, “I know that now … or, I am trying to remember it.”
Gideon released her when she pushed against him a moment later. She sat between them with her hands in her lap and Carl couldn’t resist reaching out for her once more. He wanted to hug her close but settled for less out of respect for her feelings and the fact that her oldest brother sat on the opposite side.
He reached for her hand again, bemused when she tugged a bit and then a blush climbed into her cheeks as she glanced at Gideon. The light of the moon was enough to see the pink in her cheeks and the way she kept trying to gauge Gideon’s reaction to Carl’s actions.
Carl acted as if holding her hand was perfectly normal. Everyone had made sure he knew they would support his pursuit of Sara Jane. He wasn’t quite ready to give up this alone time with her and he told his friend, “We’ll be in for supper soon.” Carl was grateful when the other man took the unspoken hint.
Gideon nodded knowingly and then chucked Sara Jane under the chin. “Don’t be long. Ma and Riley made apple pie for dessert.”
She nodded and watched her brother leave before trying to tug her hand free once more. “Why did you do that?”
“Hold your hand?” he asked for clarification.
“Yes. Gideon saw.”
Carl smiled at her and then tugged again, pulling her off balance and into his arms. “Just be glad he didn’t see this.” He lowered his lips to her own and kissed her briefly. When he lifted his head, he saw the confused look in her eyes and grinned. “Guess I just discovered how to make you speechless.”
“You … you … kissed me,” she murmured, lifting a hand to her lips. “Why?”
“Because I wanted to, and you liked it. I already told you that you are going to marry me one day. I also told you I was going to court you …”
“… but you haven’t done anything of the sort.”
“Allow me to correct that oversight.” He dipped his head and kissed her again, this time taking a bit longer and letting his lips softly massage her own. He wanted to wrap her up in his arms and carry her off someplace where they wouldn’t be disturbed by man, beast, or weather, but he also knew it was too soon for that.
He released her lips, smoothing her hair back with one hand and keeping her close with the other. He told her, “Sara Jane, I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for more years than I should mention. I intend to marry you as soon as you’ll have me, but first, I want to prove to you that you can trust me and count on me to always be by your side. I won’t try to change you, except when it comes to making you see two is better than one.”
“I don’t even know what to say to that,” she told him.
“You don’t have to say anything right now. Just keep talking to me
and I will help you conquer all of your fears.” He heard Pearl call them to come and eat and released her before he stood up. “We should go in.”
She allowed him to hold her hand as they walked back to the house. She stopped at the doorway and pulled her hand free, only to have him reach for it again. “What do we tell them?”
“The truth.”
“Which is?” she asked for clarification.
“That I am officially courting you. And I’m not going to stop until you’re mine in the eyes of God and everyone else.”
Chapter 18
Sunday morning
Sara Jane and Riley entered the boarding house half an hour before church services were to begin. Sara Jane found the women gathered in the back room. “Good morning, ladies.”
They all turned at her voice, and Sara Jane frowned at their looks of concern. “What’s wrong?” she asked, coming into the room and lowering her voice.
“Why do you all look so worried?” Riley whispered, looking equally confused and concerned.
Polly spoke up, “Mrs. Lawry overheard us getting ready this morning and …”
“What did that woman say to you?” Sara Jane narrowed her eyes.
“She told us that we were an abomination and that God would surely strike us dead if we set foot inside the church,” Stephanie told her in a wavering voice.
Sara Jane was instantly livid. “God is not going to strike anyone dead. And you’re not an abomination.” She turned to leave, her intention to go have a few words with Cecelia Lawry, but Riley stopped her with a hand on her arm.
“Don’t. Sara Jane, think before you go confront Mrs. Lawry. Today is about them,” Riley nodded toward the group of women. “They look so pretty and were so hopeful … who cares what one woman thinks?”
Sara Jane took a steadying breath, forcing aside her irritation with the meddlesome woman. She strove for calmness. Riley was right–today was about the women facing her. This was a new beginning for them and a chance to show the other judgmental women of the town the true meaning of charity and forgiveness. “So, let me see how your dresses came out.”
Jasmine stepped forward. “Aren’t you concerned about …”
“… a busybody who thinks she’s entitled to judge everyone and everything around her? Not at all. It’s her attitude and that of others in this town that have prevented you all from taking this step sooner. That ends today. Besides, she’s not even from this town. You are, and you are all a necessary part of this town and it’s time everyone started to acknowledge that. Now, let me see your dresses.”
One by one, the women stepped forward and did a small turn, giving Sara Jane and Riley a complete view of their attire. Sara Jane clapped her hands. “You all look very proper.”
The women had turned their previously risqué dresses into proper, Sunday-going-to-church attire. None of the busybodies in town would be able to fault them for how they presented themselves. They had fixed their hair, and with their matching bonnets, they would blend in very nicely.
At her praise, the atmosphere in the room lightened.
Sara Jane asked, “Where are Marybeth and Tara?”
As she spoke, those two women stepped into the room. “We were just putting the finishing touches on supper and getting it into the oven. I hope you and Riley will consider joining us after church?”
Sara Jane nodded, “Count me in. Riley?”
Her friend politely declined. “I promised my husband I’d ride home with him.” A blush covered her cheeks and Sara Jane hid a smile.
Marybeth nodded and patted Sara Jane on the shoulder. “This is a good thing you are doing.
I’m just headed upstairs to get my dear Walter’s Bible. It’s only fitting that it should come along with us.”
“Walter?”
“My beloved husband, may he rest in peace.” Marybeth bowed her head for a moment and then looked up to see several sets of curious eyes. She explained, “Walter was a circuit preacher before he died.” Her statement created astonishment in Sara Jane.
“I don’t understand,” Sara Jane told her. “Your husband was a preacher and yet you chose to stay here in a brothel?”
“Boarding house,” Riley murmured.
Sara Jane gave the women an apologetic look. “Forgive me, but your announcement took me by surprise. By the way, what is your surname? It feels strange calling you by your first name now.”
“Marybeth Perkins, but I prefer being called Marybeth and I would be pleased if you both continued to do so.”
“Of course.” Sara Jane nodded. “But, really? You chose to stay in a brothel? I don’t understand.”
“Yes, dear. My Walter suffered from a weak heart. We were on our way to Rio Arriba when he suddenly clutched his chest and keeled over. I managed to get the reins from his hands and stop the horses.”
“I’m very sorry,” Sara Jane told her.
“Thank you, dear, but that was many years ago. I drove the rest of the way into town and after seeing that Walter received a proper burial, I met Tara and decided to take her up on her offer to use one of the rooms upstairs.”
“Didn’t it bother you, what this place was?” Riley asked softly.
“Not really. After meeting the young women living here, I realized that we were all alone and trying to survive. Besides, the girls had already stopped entertaining men by that time. The only entertaining they’ve done since I’ve been here is a friendly conversation and a meal or two.”
She gave the younger women a fond look and then added, “I felt right at home here. These youngsters are like the children I was never able to have.”
“And we are so glad you decided to make your home with us,” Polly told her, giving her a hug. “She taught me how to cook.”
Stephanie moved forward and hugged both Marybeth and Tara. “They’re like our aunts.”
“That’s really nice,” Riley commented with a smile. “Church services will be starting soon. We should head on over.”
“I agree. Ladies, shall we?” Sara Jane headed for the doorway, slowing her steps when she encountered Cecelia standing in the foyer, pulling her gloves on.
“Mrs. Lawry.” Sara Jane inclined her head, only to receive a sour look and then a narrowed glare when the older woman saw the others coming up behind her.
“Tell me you are not supporting this ridiculous notion of those women attending church services,” she hissed.
Sara Jane pasted a bright smile upon her face and nodded. “I certainly am. “
“I am utterly shocked that you, the daughter of one of the most prominent men in the town, would seek to embarrass your parents in such a fashion.”
Sara Jane forced her lips to stay in a polite smile as she bit out, “My family is fully in support of these women becoming a more active part of the community. They happen to support the notion that God’s love is for everyone and that forgiveness is more than just a notion the pious use to browbeat those they see as beneath their own status.”
Cecelia had clasped her chest as if in pain before Sara Jane had finished her first sentence, but Sara Jane didn’t care. She finished, hearing the footsteps behind her and not wanting the other women to have one more minute of worry from this particular source. She turned, giving Cecelia her back, and spoke to the women as they filed into the small foyer.
“Ladies, I believe we’ve just enough time to walk to the church and greet the pastor before the service begins. Shall we?”
She opened the door and walked down the porch steps without giving Cecelia another glance. The women all followed her, with Riley bringing up the rear. Mark was leaning against the side his wagon, but when he saw the women exit the house, he stood up straight and tipped his hat to Sara Jane.
“Miss Lawson, you look very lovely today,” he told her with a mischievous smile.
Sara Jane returned it, her irritation with his ma momentarily forgotten. “Why thank you, kind sir. It’s a lovely day.”
The other women filed past he
r and Riley gave her an inquisitive look as she asked, “Shall we continue to the church?”
Sara Jane nodded. “I’ll catch up to you.” She could feel Mark’s eyes on her and, after the other women were far enough away to not overhear their conversation, she turned back to find him watching her. “I should go …”
“How about having lunch with me again after church?” he asked.
Sara Jane shook her head. “I will be coming back here to have supper with the ladies.”
“Wonderful. I’ll look forward to the pleasure of your company. Perhaps afterward we might take a stroll or even a wagon ride?”
“I think not,” Sara Jane told him bluntly. “I have my own wagon, as you can clearly see, standing by the side of the building there. As for a stroll, it is much too cold for that sort of activity.”