by Lisa Hobman
A YEAR OF FINDING HAPPINESS
Lisa Hobman
Start Reading
About this Book
About the Author
Table of Contents
www.ariafiction.com
About A Year of Finding Happiness
Poignant, heart–warming and gorgeously romantic, this is a love–story with pure, unadulterated happiness at its heart. A Year of Finding Happiness shows you that the little things in life can make you smile, even when you think you might never laugh again…
Happiness doesn’t factor on the deliciously rugged but utterly heartbroken Greg’s radar much these days. Only his beloved Labrador Angus seems to understand his search for a way to make sense of tragedy, until he meets new neighbour Mallory Westerman…
Instantly they know that the other understands how they feel, and over time, as romance blossoms, they dare to wonder if they might, one day, be truly happy again…
There are two sides to every story, and A Year of Finding Happiness is Greg’s journey back from the darkest depths to happiness…
A Year of Finding Happiness was previously published as Bridge of Hope.
Contents
Welcome Page
About A Year of Finding Happiness
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-Two
Chapter Forty-Three
Chapter Forty-Four
Chapter Forty-Five
Chapter Forty-Six
Chapter Forty-Seven
Chapter Forty-Eight
Chapter Forty-Nine
Chapter Fifty
Chapter Fifty-One
Chapter Fifty-Two
Chapter Fifty-Three
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
About Lisa Hobman
A Letter from the Author
Also by Lisa Hobman
Become an Aria Addict
Copyright
Prologue
I watched her falling… down… down… down. I was helpless. I could do nothing, say nothing. The woman I loved more than anything in the world was falling to her death and all I could do was stand there…
*
I sat bolt upright and my eyes sprang open. My chest heaved, desperately trying to pull air into lungs that burned. As usual I was soaked in sweat and my legs were tangled in the sheets whilst the rest of my body shook violently, thanks to the images racing through my mind all too clearly…
Chapter One
Present Day
It had been the same damned nightmare again.
I’d been experiencing what the doctor called night terrors ever since receiving the news that Mairi had been declared dead. The love of my fucking life… dead. There were no words to describe the physical pain knotting my insides every time I realised it was true and not just a cruel dream.
There had been no body to bury. But apparently that’s not uncommon when people are lost up the side of a mountain like K2. People can lie undiscovered for years up there, so I’m told.
Sobering thought.
Over and over I asked myself why she couldn’t just be satisfied with bagging Munros here in Scotland. It’s not as if there’s a shortage. But of course that wasn’t enough of a challenge for her. She was a free spirit; an adrenaline junky.
The stupid thing was that I wasn’t even there when her accident happened, but for some bizarre reason my psyche had built up its own series of events and insisted on torturing me with the movie of Mairi’s death every time I closed my eyes.
What I wouldn’t give for a peaceful night’s sleep.
I’d taken on extra work whenever I wasn’t on the water. The boat was only a seasonal thing anyway. And although tourists loved the area surrounding the bridge over the Atlantic, taking a trip out on Little Blue on choppy water wasn’t for faint-hearted, unseasoned sailors. So I’d taken on work as a handyman. I was fixing taps, sealing sinks, unblocking drains. Oddly, all the jobs seemed to be water related. Maybe that was because I had a combination of water and single malt running through my veins. Who knows?
Keeping busy was my intention. Being occupied was the only thing stopping me from slipping into a deep depression, and I knew all too well how easy it would’ve been just to let go and fall into the abyss as Mairi did in my nightmares.
I’d met her when I was out walking. I’d pretty much given up hope of ever falling in love for real. I’d had a shot at it before – Alice was her name, but the less said about her right now, the better. But life likes to throw in curveballs every so often. And so there I was up by the Buachaille, aka the Buckle, Etive Mor in the Highlands, taking in the finest scenery my home country has to offer and the freshest air you could ever wish to breathe, when this fiery-haired girl tripped over her laces and into my arms. She had the most stunning smile I’d ever seen. And her eyes… Let’s just say when she gazed up at me she melted my heart.
We chatted for ages and it was just… so natural. It turned out she and I shared a passion for the great outdoors. The rugged expanses of moorland that stretched out around us in their palette of browns, russets and gold were a pull for both of us. Only her sense of adventure outweighed mine ten to one. Where I loved to saunter along appreciating the warm musty smell of the bracken and heather, she loved to climb anything that had stood still for over a hundred years. And here in Scotland there’s plenty of that around.
It was clear to me from that first meeting that I was never going to be the same again.
Our relationship progressed quickly and was very physical. I was a fair few years older than her but I had no trouble keeping up, if you know what I mean. I loved every inch of her body with a passion I’d never experienced before. It was raw and real. I’d sit watching her as she studied maps and reference books about climbing. Every so often she’d glance up and catch me staring and she’d just smile, climb into my lap, and kiss me.
After Alice and I split – I won’t bore you with the details yet, let’s just say that she was a nasty piece of work who messed with my head and broke my heart, more than once – I swore off love and all it entailed. I didn’t need a woman in my life. Or so I thought. But when I lost Mairi, it was as if someone had ripped out my heart and stamped on it whilst I watched. The pain was excruciating.
Physical, gut-twisting pain.
I felt sure they’d got it wrong. She went to K2 with experienced climbers. She was an experienced mountaineer too
. It’d been her dream for so long. I wasn’t about to stand in her way, and the thought that she might not come back never even entered my head.
Not being able to say goodbye was the worst thing. The small memorial service held by her parents was strangely devoid of emotion. It was as if her friends and family were in some kind of denial.
I think I was too.
Thinking back to the morning she left for the trip broke my heart, but I couldn’t stop myself. It was just like those recurring nightmares, only more painful.
*
Her long, titian curls fanned out on the pillow beside me and she smiled as she slept. She was exposed to me from the waist up and I lay there on my side, willing her to awaken. I wasn’t going to see her for months and I wanted to get my fill whilst I still could. I gently stroked her chin, down between her creamy bare breasts to her navel. It was cruel but I wanted her to open her eyes. Instead she whacked my hand away and muttered expletives. I burst out laughing, trying my best to do it quietly but failing miserably.
She picked up one of the spare pillows and hit me on the head with it, making me chuckle again. ‘Gregory McBradden, you’re a total shit. I was having a really sexy dream,’ she whined, eyes still closed.
I leaned in and, with my mouth next to her ear, I whispered, ‘Open your eyes and let’s make your dream come true, love.’ That got her every time. Goose bumps pricked her skin and she moaned. Her eyes sprang open and she pounced on me, pushing me onto my back and straddling my waist.
God, she was so beautiful.
I gazed up at her. Her pert breasts begging for my touch. I was already hard, but seeing her like this did something to my insides and brought out the animalistic side of me. I gripped her hips as I inhaled a deep breath, trying my best to calm the furnace raging beneath my skin. As she bent to take my mouth in a deep, sensual kiss, her hair cascaded to my chest. Our tongues slipped and slid together in an erotic dance, and every nerve in my body sprang to life just for her. Every fibre of my being was drawn to her; needed her.
I swept the hair back from her face and fixed my eyes on hers.
‘Do you know how much I love you, Mairi? Do you know how much I’m going to miss you when you’re gone? It doesn’t matter how far apart we are. You’re still in here,’ I said, touching my head. ‘And in here.’ I touched my chest over my heart. She stared silently at me for a moment and then closed her eyes. A tear slipped down her cheek and I caught it with my thumb. ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’
She inhaled deeply. ‘Nothing. I’m just… really nervous about the whole trip. K2 has been my dream for so long, but now… I’m terrified. What if I’m not fit enough? What if I can’t do it, Greg?’
I slid my calloused hands up her smooth, taut thighs where they gripped me, to the dip between her hip and waist as my eyes followed the journey of my fingers. I swallowed hard at the feel of her muscles tightening under my caress, and my breath caught in my throat as I replied, ‘Come on, love, you are fit enough and strong enough. You’ve been working towards this for so long, how could you not be? You’re bound to be nervous. But you’re fulfilling a dream, and there’s not many folk can say they’ve done that. You’ll be fine. Absolutely fine. But I might not be.’ I stuck out my bottom lip, trying to lighten the mood. ‘My heart might break into a million pieces when I’m left here by mysel’. What will I do?’
She bent and kissed my nose. And then, with a sexy smile, she smoothed her hands down my chest and it was my turn to shiver.
‘You’ll have to dream of me naked on top of you like this, and that’ll cheer you up.’ She rolled her hips, making me bite my lip.
I inhaled deeply. ‘Aye, I suppose it will. But having you back here so I can do this again…’ In one sweep of my arms I had her beneath me, my body between her silky thighs. I sank into her, pleasure radiating from where we were joined. ‘… is what I’ll be looking forward to.’
A breathy moan escaped through her full lips. She closed her eyes as she welcomed me in and slipped her arms around my neck. I kissed her everywhere I could reach, taking each nipple into my mouth slowly and nibbling on the little buds as they tightened. Gasping, she fixed her eyes on mine as I moved deep within her.
Overwhelming emotions ripped through me as I made love to her. My Mairi. I took in every sensation and every look; my heart aching at the thought of being apart from her for so long. As she pulsed around me and her orgasm took her soaring off into the stratosphere, I kept my gaze locked on hers, hoping I was conveying everything through my eyes that I couldn’t put into words, and I followed soon after.
Afterwards, we lay there in each other’s arms for what felt like hours. I was unwilling to let her go, telling myself I’d hold her for a few minutes more. When she eventually withdrew from my embrace, I lay back and fought the fears niggling deep within me.
Stupid fears.
What if she meets someone who’s more her age? What if she meets someone who loves climbing the way she does? What if she doesn’t miss me as much as I miss her? What if she loves it so much out there that she decides to stay? What if? What if? What fucking if?
A couple of hours later we set off to the airport in Glasgow where she would board her flight and leave me behind, and for the first part of the journey we both sat in silent contemplation. Loch Lomond lay beside us, Ben Lomond visible across the water, reaching skyward. I wanted to stop the car and point it out to her. Tell her she could stay here. Climb these mountains again and again if it meant she stayed. But of course I couldn’t take her dream away like that.
I could see through the intermittent gaps in the trees that the calm glass-like surface displayed a mirror image of the vivid azure blue above. Only a few wisps of cloud like candy floss hung there to break up the vast expanse of sky and I remember thinking how the cheeriness overhead was the antithesis of the black cloud hanging over my heart.
There were so many things I wanted to say, but the words never came and I cursed myself for being so damned useless at expressing myself.
Luckily, she knew what I was like. I’d spent the day before looking for songs to express how I felt and I’d made a CD. The silence in the car was deafening and so I reached over and hit play. I made eye contact with her for a few moments as the opening chords to ‘I Will Remember You’ by Ryan Cabrera filled the small space between us. Turning my eyes back to the road, I saw her in my peripheral vision, wiping her eyes as her lip trembled. At least if I couldn’t find my own words to tell her how I felt I could use those of the songwriters.
At the airport I pulled her into my arms and held her against my chest. I knew she must have felt the rapid pounding of my heart as we stood inside the terminal. Tears threatened. My eyes were desperate to give them up, but I tried so hard not to make the situation more difficult than it already was. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I pulled away and gazed into her emerald eyes one last time.
My voice wavered as I told her, ‘I’m not going to say goodbye because I hate that word and we’ll be back together before we know it anyway. So I’m going to say have a great time and stay safe. And know that I’ll be thinking of you every moment whilst you’re gone.’
Pulling me towards her, she kissed me with a ferocity that took my breath away. I fisted my hands in her hair and returned the kiss with equal passion. When I eventually pulled away, I cupped her face in my hands and stroked the apples of her cheeks with my thumbs. ‘It’s just a few months, love. Go and show ’em what you’re made of, eh?’
She nodded and gripped my hands where they lay on her skin. Relentless tears spilled from her eyes as she let go and turned to walk away. All my fears bubbled to the surface again and I couldn’t hold back. ‘I love you, Mairi. And one day I want to marry you!’ I shouted.
As soon as the words left my mouth I clamped it shut.
Fuckfuckfuckfuck!
We’d never discussed marriage before. But I have a tendency to say what’s on my mind without thinking about the consequences, and this was one of thos
e times. I was filled with dread. Had I just given her a ticket to Get-Out-Ville? Again, fuck! My heart hammered as if it were trying to do a runner and my mouth went dry.
The people around us stopped and stared.
Mairi halted in her tracks and I froze. She turned to face me, her mouth open in what I can only describe as utter, mind-frying shock. I swallowed hard, my mind racing to find something to say to take the words back. But a beautiful smile appeared on her face. She ran towards me and flung her arms around my neck, her legs around my waist. Everyone around us applauded as I hugged her into my body before letting her go and setting her down again. With one last heart-melting smile she stroked my cheek, turned, and walked away.
Chapter Two
Present Day
I untangled myself from the sheets and stumbled into the bathroom. I hardly recognised the gaunt man staring back at me. The dark circles around my eyes aged me beyond my thirty-seven years and the smattering of grey in my beard was becoming more obvious.
I turned the shower on and let it run until I was enveloped in a steamy cocoon. Once under the water I closed my eyes and tried to blank out thoughts of Mairi and the times we’d made love in the very same place. As the water tumbled down my tired muscles, I ran through the list of jobs I had planned for the day.
After climbing out of the shower, I dried, dressed, and then called to Angus. The yellow Labrador crossbreed came bounding up to me, and we set out for our morning walk. The air was chilled and my breath vaporised as soon as it left my body, forcing me to pull my zip up as far as it’d go.
We aimed for the main village of Clachan and set off on our favourite route, which included a brief pause on the bridge over the Atlantic. The views of the estuary and out to sea were stunning from there. The water was framed on one side by a row of whitewashed stone cottages and on the other by the trees of mainland Scotland and, in my opinion, it was a tough view to beat. The bridge has been there linking Clachan to mainland since 1793 and these days it’s become quite a tourist attraction. I can understand why. It really is beautiful. And people usually think it’s a gimmick that we say it crosses the Atlantic. But it really does. Check it out on a map for yourself.