by Linda Ladd
Chase stroked the back of her hand. "I know. I drove you away. You hurt me, and I wanted to hurt you back. So I did and said stupid, spiteful things. But all that's over now. I'll never hurt you again, Carly, not if I can help it."
In the days that followed, Chase proved true to his words. He was good to her, thoughtful of her needs, and he held her in his arms at night, close and tender. During the daytime, they'd walk together and talk, more than they ever had before. Often they'd play chess in front of the fire, but she had yet to beat him at the game. Frequently, he put his hand atop her stomach to feel the baby move, and though she was deliriously happy, a cold, hard place in her heart wouldn't melt, for she grieved for Gray and Tyler, and for her little nephew who'd never see his mother's happy smile.
One day several weeks after the funeral, the same melancholy thoughts possessed her.
Both Gray and Chase had gone on an errand, and she sat in the family parlor in a roomy ladder-back rocker. On the lawn outside the window, a deep carpet of snow glittered like millions of diamonds. A scarlet cardinal flew low to perch on the shoulder of a stone shepherdess in the garden, and the scene reminded Carlisle of the day Tyler had shown her a beautiful red bird she'd embroidered on a sweater for her baby.
For the last month while Tyler had recovered, Carlisle and everyone else in the house had tiptoed through the rooms. Gray was with his wife often, but when he wasn't, he became a silent, brooding stranger whom Carlisle hardly knew. He guarded Tyler's sickroom like a dragon, allowing Carlisle and Chase to visit for just a few minutes each day. The only good news was the brief note they'd received from Stone, informing them he was all right and on his way to San Francisco—with a nun, of all people! But at least he was safe, and they didn't have to worry about him anymore.
Carlisle looked up as Harriet Bond came in from the kitchen. She had grown to like the older woman. Harriet was always kind and agreeable, and she was absolutely devoted to Tyler. Actually, Harriet reminded Carlisle of Chase's mother, although Dona Maria had a much more regal, authoritative manner.
"Good afternoon, Carlisle. Isn't it a bit chilly in here for you?"
"No, it's really rather pleasant. The sun shining through the windows makes it feel warm. How's Tyler today?"
"She's feeling much better. We had a nice long visit. In fact, she'd like you to come up and see her. Hildie and I helped her into a chair. Gray will probably have our heads when he finds her out of bed, but Charles insisted it would do her good. She's eager to talk to you."
Carlisle hesitated. "Do you think she'll feel bad, seeing me? I'm so big now. I wouldn't want to make her sad again."
Harriet smiled. "Tyler's a good bit stronger than you think. She won't begrudge you your child, dear. She'll mourn her own for a very long time, but she'll be happy for you."
They walked together to the front stairs. Harriet went to join her husband in the parlor, while Carlisle proceeded upstairs alone. She continued down the hall, pausing at the open door of the nursery. All the glass and debris had been swept away and the furniture righted and repaired. Chase told her what had happened, and she shivered every time she thought about it. Never in her life, through all the years he'd raised her, had Carlisle ever seen Gray drunk.
She knocked on Tyler's door, then entered, finding the invalid in a tall-backed wing chair in front of the French doors that led to the upstairs porch. A bright yellow-and-blue patchwork quilt lay across her lap. Tyler smiled.
"Carly! I was hoping you'd come. Sometimes when Gray's working, I get so lonesome."
Carlisle walked across the room, acutely conscious of her condition, especially when Tyler's gaze fell to her swollen stomach. She pulled a straight chair up close to Tyler and sat down, feeling shy and guilty, for not having lost her baby, too. She looked up as Tyler took her hand.
"How are you feeling, Carly? You haven't been sick, have you?"
"No, I'm fine. It's you we're all concerned about. You must rest and take care of yourself."
"Actually, I've felt much better the past couple of days. I'm still too weak to walk by myself, but it feels good to sit here where I can see the street."
Carlisle glanced out the panes into the bare branches of trees, then down to Lincoln Avenue far below, appalled at how uncomfortable she felt. She couldn't even think of anything to say for fear of upsetting Tyler. She sat in tense dread, terrified Tyler was going to mention the baby.
"He was beautiful, wasn't he, Carlisle?" Tyler asked, her eyes on the trees outside. "He would have grown up to look just like Gray, don't you think?"
Carlisle's throat tightened, and she felt tears well in her eyes much too quickly to stop them. When her own baby moved restlessly inside her, she felt even worse.
"Tyler, please, don't," she began, dabbing at her eyes with the corner of her handkerchief. "You mustn't dwell on it, you know. The more you talk about it, the longer—"
"But I must! Don't you see? No one will talk to me about him. Not Gray, not Charles. And Harriet still grieves for her own children, so I can't talk to her about it. Everyone acts as if my baby never even existed. And he did. He was here. I held him, if only for a few days!"
Tyler sobbed, but her tears stopped almost at once. She leaned down and pressed her cheek against Carlisle's hand. "Please, Carly, I want to talk about him."
Carlisle's heart wrenched, but she stroked Tyler's hair. "Yes, he was beautiful," she whispered, forcing back her own emotion. "I got to hold him for a long time just after he was born, when Charles was tending to you. He was a good little baby."
"He didn't cry much, did he?" Tyler lifted her face, her eyes glowing with gratitude. "I was very sick, but I can remember that." She paused, then went on. "I'm just so grateful that God let me hold him and love him before he died."
"You'll have other children, Tyler," Carlisle said when Tyler began to cry again.
"But none of them will be like him. He was special because he was conceived when I first realized how much I loved Gray. He'll always be special in my heart."
"I know what you mean, Tyler. I really do. I feel that way about my baby, too. And now I know how fragile life is and how quickly things can happen. I don't know why my baby's still alive when yours isn't, and sometimes I feel so guilty about it."
Tyler looked down, biting her lip. "It shames me to say it, Carly, but at first I had such thoughts, too. Thank God, they passed quickly. My baby's gone, and though I know I'll probably envy you yours, I know I'll love him, too, because he belongs to you and Chase. But you must be very careful. You mustn't do anything dangerous.”
Tyler pulled back and looked into Carlisle's tearful face as she went on. "Crying like this always makes me feel better. But when I look at Gray, my heart aches. I can see the pain in his eyes, though he won't talk about our son with me. He won't even discuss having other children. He's afraid to, I think."
"He's afraid of losing you, Tyler. I know he is. I saw him that night when you were so sick, and I'll never, ever forget the terrible look on his face."
"Then you've got to help me convince him that I'm fine now. You must stay here and have your baby. Promise me you will."
Carlisle nodded, unable to bring herself to refuse. "Are you sure my confinement won't be painful for you?" she asked hesitantly.
"Nothing you do can make the pain I feel go away. It'll always be with me. But maybe, if you have your child here, Gray will be able to see how happy a time it can be."
"Then we'll stay, if you're sure."
"Thank you, Carly, for understanding. Can we talk about him some more, just for a little while? Were his eyes blue?"
"Very dark blue."
They spoke together for a very long time, smiling, weeping, and comforting each other as no one else could.
21
Carlisle hurried to the bed and snuggled under the downy bedclothes. The sheets were toasty and comfortable from the long-handled pewter bed warmer which Juana had used only moments earlier, and Carlisle wriggled down farther, watch
ing as Chase built up the fire, then moved about the room extinguishing the lamps. Smiling at her, he undressed, then pulled the bed-curtains together to block out the chill emanating from the frosty windows.
"Oh, you're cold," Carlisle said as he joined her in the bed.
"Then you can warm me up."
Chase pulled her into his arms until they lay very close together, noses nearly touching. He began to kiss her, and Carlisle sighed contentedly, slipping her arms around his neck. They continued for a long time, enjoying the closeness, the intimacy, until the baby began to stir. Chase put his hand on Carlisle's hard belly.
"He's not sleepy," he whispered.
"He never is," Carlisle answered, laughing softly. "And you know what?"
"What?" Chase asked, his lips moving along her neck.
Shivering, Carlisle met his mouth again, their lips mingling in a tender kiss before she could continue. "We have to name the baby. We can't keep calling him 'he,' you know."
"'He' Lancaster sounds all right to me," Chase murmured, making her laugh.
She slipped her fingers through his soft blond hair, her eyes serious. "I thought we'd name him Esteban. Would you like that?"
"Esteban would be pleased and honored." Chase smiled. "But what if he's a girl?"
"I'd like to name her after our mothers. Maria Christina. Do you like that?"
"Sí."
"Oh, Chase, I can't wait to know whether we'll have a son or a daughter. What do you think will happen?"
"I think you need to be more careful. Juana told me you went out to the gate today."
"I only went to meet the letter carrier, and the walk was cleared of snow."
Chase tightened his arms around her. "I'm just so afraid you'll fall or have another accident," he muttered into her hair.
"Don't worry so much, Chase, really. I'm being extra careful," Carlisle reassured him. "And I don't think I'll have much trouble having the baby. Gray says that childbirth came very easy for our mother. He said she had me so fast they didn't even have time to call the doctor. My father delivered me. I hope I'll have that easy a time, too."
"Yes. I just hope you and the baby will be all right."
They kissed again, and Carlisle closed her eyes, feeling so warm and secure in her husband's strong arms that she drifted off into slumber, despite the way her child moved and kicked tirelessly inside her.
A few nights later, Chase sat in the dining room. He drank from his crystal water goblet and listened to Gray explain the details of their newly negotiated contract to Tyler and Carlisle. When Tyler had first come to Chicago, a little over a year before, she had intended to rook Gray out of enough money to buy back her father's plantation. Her plan had been as ingenious as it was dishonest, a scheme she had learned from Chase's own unscrupulous father. Luckily, Gray had seen through her deception, but now, with an ironic twist of fate, her plot had become a lucrative reality for both Gray's railroad enterprises and the government of Mexico.
"So, my love, your idea to lay railroad tracks between Monterrey and the Texas border wasn't such a bad one," Gray said, smiling at his wife.
"It seems so much longer than a year ago that Harriet and I tried to swindle you," Tyler said, blushing slightly. "Instead, I fell in love with you. Whoever would have thought things would end up this way?"
Gray raised her fingertips to his lips. "I'm a lucky man."
"If there's a railroad to the Hacienda de los Toros, you can come visit us without having to take a steamer," Carlisle interjected eagerly. "And Gray's private car would make it a comfortable trip for you. You do intend to come see us, don't you?"
"Yes, but I hope you're still planning to stay here for a while after the baby's born," Tyler said seriously, looking first at Carlisle, then at Chase. "We'd be so pleased if you would."
"We'll stay as long as Carlisle wants to," Chase answered, "though eventually I'll have to return. I've been making some important contacts for President Juarez here, but I'm still neglecting my duties in Mexico City."
"It won't be long now," Carlisle murmured, smiling at him.
Chase looked down to where her slender hand rested on the mound of her abdomen. She was nearing her time, and he wasn't sure if she could grow any larger. In fact, he wasn't at all sure he'd ever seen any other woman quite so big with child. Nor had he seen one who looked so incredibly beautiful during her pregnancy.
Once Tyler had started to feel better and join the family downstairs, Carlisle had settled down and begun to behave like her old self. His dread of the birth had lessened to some degree, but the mere thought of Carlisle going through the excruciating pain shook him to the marrow. And her time was close. On and off for the past few days, she'd had cramps and false alarms. Although Charles Bond was standing by for their call, Chase felt more anxious with every passing day.
He reached for Carlisle's hand beneath the table. She smiled into his eyes and squeezed his fingers. His heart melted, and he struggled with his need for her. He wanted to make love to her desperately, but he didn't dare. Dios, each night since he'd come to Chicago he'd slept with her in his arms, tortured by the feel of her satiny skin and silky hair. But he wouldn't dare do anything to hurt her or the baby. After what had happened to Tyler, he wasn't about to take any chances.
"Now if only we would get another letter from Stone—" Carlisle began, then stopped in midsentence.
Chase sat up, alarmed when her grip on his hand tightened considerably.
"What is it? Cramps again?"
"No, it feels different this time."
When Carlisle suddenly doubled over at the waist, groaning, Chase began to panic. He shot to his feet, quickly helping her out of the chair, while Gray and Tyler both rose in concern.
"Good God, it's time!" he cried. "Carly, can you walk? Should I carry you?"
Carlisle clung wordlessly to his arm as the pain continued to rip through her, and Tyler took charge, coming around the table and supporting Carlisle's elbow.
"Gray, hurry and fetch Charles! And bring Harriet, too! Chase, come on, we'll get her upstairs and into bed. Carly, dear, do you think you can walk?"
"I don't know. Oh—"
Without waiting a moment longer, Chase scooped his wife into his arms. As Gray ran for the stables, Chase hurriedly carried Carlisle up the stairs. She writhed against him as another pain gripped her, and he rushed down the hall to their bedchamber, surprising Juana, on her knees, lighting the fire. He ignored the shocked maid, striding to the bed, which had already been turned back for the night.
"It's going to be all right, Carly. The doctor's coming," he told her, lowering her gently to the bed. "I'm right here, and so is Tyler."
Carlisle clutched his hand. "Chase, I'm scared. It hurts so much."
Her words were swept away by pain, and she held her belly, her face contorted with agony.
"Oh, dear God," Chase muttered, holding both her hands and looking around frantically for help.
Behind him, Tyler calmly ordered Juana downstairs for hot water and towels, then moved to a place across the bed from Chase. Carlisle reached out to grasp Tyler's hand, and her pain seemed to ease. Almost at once, however, she cried out, squeezing tightly.
"Chase! It's coming now, it's coming now, I tell you! I can feel it!"
Ashen-faced, Chase looked across at Tyler and found his cousin's face mirroring his own distress.
"Dios, Tyler!" he cried frantically. "What are we going to do?"
Tyler looked at him, then began to roll up her sleeves. "We're going to get her ready for Charles, I guess, and if we have to, we're going to deliver your baby ourselves."
"Chase, Chase!"
Carlisle's cries made Chase forget about Tyler. He leaned down and held his wife as another contraction racked her. He smoothed her hair away from her forehead and tried to overcome his own fear.
"We're right here, Carly. Everything's going to be all right, sweetheart. Just try to relax." Aside to Tyler, he hissed impatiently, "Send someone else aft
er the goddamn doctor, for Christ's sake!"
"There's no time," Tyler told him as she loosened the buttons on Carly's gown and began to untie the ribbons of her petticoats. "I don't know why it's coming so fast, but apparently she's having it right now! Quick, pull off the top sheet. I'll get her undressed so I can examine her."
"Oh, God, Tyler, do you know what you're doing?" Chase cried, jerking back the top sheet.
"Yes, of course. You know I've helped Charles with several birthings. Usually the pains last for hours, but it looks like Carlisle is going to have her babies as fast as her mother did. Just hold on to her and talk to her so she doesn't panic." As she finally managed to pull away Carlisle's garments, she gasped in dismay. "Oh, Lord have mercy. Hildie!" She turned to her maid. "Fetch me my sewing scissors. Run, run!"
Chase looked down at the foot of the bed where Tyler worked, her face flushed and worried.
"Oh, God, please," he muttered, then shouted at the maid hovering at Tyler's elbow. "Juana! Where's the blasted doctor? Go see if he's coming!"
"No, Juana, don't!" Tyler countermanded firmly. "Stay here in case I need you. The baby's coming right now. He's not waiting for anybody. Talk to Carly, Chase. Tell her it's going to be all right."
Chase felt the unfamiliar pangs of complete helplessness, but all he could think about was the horrible pain racking Carlisle's slight body.
"Carly, hold on to me, sweetheart. We're going to do this together. Tyler's helping us, and Gray and the doctor will be here any minute."
Carlisle tossed her head from side to side, her face lined with perspiration. "It hurts so bad, Chase. I don't think I can stand it—"
"Yes, you can! I'm going to help you!" He breathed easier as the hurt subsided and Carlisle collapsed weakly against the pillows. He quickly bathed her face and throat with the wet towel Juana thrust into his hands.
"I can see the baby's head," Tyler cried excitedly. "But she's going to have to help, Chase! When the next pain comes, tell her to try to push. Charles told me that once the head emerges, it's easier for the mother. I remember him saying that."