by Chloe Walsh
"O-ee gone," he whispered, touching my face with his slobbery fingers. "O-ee."
"I know, buddy, but he'll be back soon." Shifting him onto my hip, I moved from door to door, checking each room for the boys. "I'm going to get you some help. I'll take you back to my house where there's no mean shouting – and you can have a bath. A big bubble bath with ducks and everything. We'll get that dirty booze off you."
"Daddy bad," he whispered, stroking my jaw with his chubby fingers.
"I know, buddy," I bit out. "But I won't do that to you."
"Daddy ow," he whispered. "Ow, ow, Daddy."
Keep the head, Kav.
Don't lose it while you're holding a toddler.
"You like Bob the Builder?" I asked, distracting us both from the very real fact that I was about to commit kidnapping. Again. "Me, too. I love Bob. Bob's the bleeding best –"
"Fuck off!" a familiar voice spat from behind the locked door at the end of the hallway when I tried the handle. "I've got a knife."
"Tadhg," I whispered. "It's okay. Open the door."
"Who's there?"
"Johnny," I told them. "Don't be scared, lads. I'm going to get you out of here."
"I want to go," Ollie said from behind the door.
"Shut up, Ollie," Tadhg hissed. "We don't know for sure if it's him."
"It is him," Ollie choked out. "He's got the funny voice, Tadhg."
"It is me," I coaxed, striving for patience when all I wanted to do was kick down the door and drag them out of here. "I'm here to get you out, boys, but I need you to be as quiet as you can. Can you do that? Just whisper and don't make any noise."
I waited a solid minute and a half before a click sounded and the bedroom door cracked open just enough for two blond heads to pop out. "How come you're here?" Tadhg whispered, watching me with mistrustful eyes.
"Shannon called me," I replied calmly. "I know he's down in the kitchen with your Ma, and I'm here to get you guys out."
"Can I come?" Ollie asked, looking at me with a hopeful expression.
"Of course," I strangled out, voice thick with emotion. "I'm here for all of you."
"Ollie!" Tadhg whisper-hissed. "What about Mam?"
"I don't care," Ollie cried as he pushed back the door and slipped into the landing. "I don't want to be here."
"What about my Mam?" Tadhg asked, eyeing me warily as if he was weighing up his options. "Can she come, too?"
"If she wants," I forced myself to say. "But I have to get you out without your Da seeing us first, okay? Then I'll come back for her," I added, trying to find a way to sway him out of that room. "I'll take you to my place and then I promise, I'll come back and get your Ma."
His nostrils flared. "Really?"
I nodded. "Really."
He studied me carefully for a moment. "Will your Mam be there?"
"Yes," I replied evenly, sagging in relief as he loosened his grip on the door.
"Will she give us ice-cream again?"
"Definitely."
He glanced back to his room and released a sigh before turning back to face me. "Okay."
"Okay." I sighed in relief and gestured for them to follow me into Shannon's room. "Listen, the door's locked downstairs, so we're going to have to climb out the window."
My heart was racing so hard, I was afraid the toddler in my arms could feel it. In fact, I was sure he could because Sean pressed his small hand to my chest and whispered, "Bang, bang."
"We can't climb out the window," Ollie said in a hushed tone, when I leaned out the window with Sean in my arms. "You'll drop him. And I'm scared."
"It's okay," I bit out, knowing there was no safe way to get three small boys out of a two-story window without killing them. "We'll figure something else out."
"How are we going to get out?" Tadhg asked, sounding panicked. "Are we stuck?"
"We are stuck," Ollie wept. "Daddy's downstairs and he's going to kill us if he sees you." Sniffling, he added, "He said we were all supposed to go to sleep, and we're not asleep!"
"Something's wrong, Johnny," Tadhg strangled out. "We're in trouble, aren't we?"
"No, no, we're not," I assured him, heart racing. "I promise, I'll get you guys out of here. Your Da's not going to see us. Everything's going to be fine." Searching the tiny bedroom with my eyes, I said, "We just need to find Shannon's house keys."
"She keeps them in her coat," Ollie choked out, visibly shaking now. "She always hangs it on the bannister downstairs."
Nodding, I desperately tried to rein in my emotions as I shifted Sean onto my other hip and held a hand out for Ollie. He came willingly, wrapping his arms around my waist with a death grip. "Don't be scared," I whispered, trying to console him. "We're going to creep downstairs as quiet as we can, okay?" Looking to Tadhg, I said, "Hold Ollie's hand and stay right behind me."
"What if he sees us?" they both asked.
"He won't," I whispered, making yet another promise I wasn't sure I could keep as I moved for the staircase with Sean clung to me like a baby monkey. "Don't make a sound," I whispered. Barefoot and in their pajamas, Tadhg and Ollie both nodded and trailed after me without a word.
As I crept down the wooden staircase that was slippery and wet, I felt the worst pang of remorse in my heart for the way these kids had to live. When I was nine, I'd been playing with Pokémon and building forts. When I was twelve, my biggest concern was scoring a try. I couldn't comprehend what these boys must be feeling.
"Good job," I whispered into Sean's ear. The further we descended down the stairs, the harder he shook in my arms. "We're nearly there." Never in my life had I been so glad to see a khaki coat as I was when my eyes locked on Shannon's one resting on the bannister. Slipping off the wet bottom step, I managed to right myself before toppling over. Regaining my balance, I slid my hand into the pocket of Shannon's coat and almost wept in relief when my fingers closed around her key chain. Glancing back to Tadhg and Ollie who were standing on the bottom step, I gave them what I hoped was a reassuring smile. Both boys sagged in relief when I waved the keys in front of them.
"It doesn't have to be this way," I heard Shannon's mother weep and I froze, heart jackknifing in my chest. Swinging my gaze to Tadhg and Ollie's terrorized faces, I held a finger to my lips. "You know I love you," she continued, voice low and hushed. "We can sort this out, Teddy, but not if you–"
"Marie, Marie, Marie," their father slurred. "It's the only way."
A small whimper tore from Sean's throat and I tucked his face into my chest, praying to all that was holy to help me get these kids out. "Shh," I mouthed, rocking him in my arms. "Shh."
"Not for them," their mother sobbed. "For us maybe, but not them, Teddy."
"They are us," he replied in an eerie tone of voice. "They're all us."
"Please," she continued to sob quietly. "I love you, Teddy. Don't do this. I love you."
"This is the only way," he replied calmly. "Now have a drink with me. It'll take the edge off it."
Holding a hand up when Tadhg started to move towards me, I glanced around the hallway, wondering how in the hell I was going to get these kids to the door without their parents seeing us. The kitchen door was wide open and they would have a perfect view of the front door.
Forcing myself to breathe slowly, I kept my back to the wall behind me and edged closer to the door, gesturing for Ollie and Tadhg to follow me slowly. That bleeding staircase was like a deathtrap. Ollie slid clean off the bottom step and lunged for me. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he clung to me tighter than Sean was. "Shh," I whispered when he hiccupped a tiny sob. "Shh, buddy."
Trembling from head to toe, Tadhg skated across the floor to my other side, burying his face in my side, and my heart cracked clean open. I knew this kid was prideful. He was badass for twelve. To see him fall apart like this was sobering.
Smoothing a hand over his blond head, I carefully moved for the door with the three of them literally hanging off me, wary of the water on the floor, and never once tak
ing my eyes off the kitchen doorway as I moved.
When I reached the front door, my eyes landed on their father slumped in a chair at the kitchen table, with his back to the door. Several empty bottles of whiskey and vodka were lined out on the table in front of him, and I knew if he turned around right now, I was going to kill him. I'd made the decision the minute I heard his creepy voice and I was oddly at peace with it. If he put a hand on these children, I was going to bury the man.
Focusing on keeping my hand steady, I slid the lone key into the lock and slow turned it back, wincing when it clicked.
A loud cough from the kitchen muffled the noise and I jerked my head back to see Shannon's mother staring right back at me.
Holy shit.
My heart stopped in my chest and for a few terrifying moments, I waited to see what she would do.
She nodded.
I hesitated.
She nodded again.
Keeping my eyes glued to her, I slowly pushed the handle down and swung the door inwards. She coughed loudly again, drowning out the creak from the hinges as I pushed Tadhg and Ollie through the small crack in the doorway.
With Sean in my hands, I turned my back to leave, but quickly swung back to face her, hovering anxiously in the doorway.
"Go," she mouthed, looking me right in the eyes. "Go now."
"What about you?" I found myself mouthing back, feeling torn and conflicted.
"I'll have a drink with you," Mrs. Lynch said in a calm tone, eyes glued to mine. "A goodbye drink."
"Good girl," her husband slurred, shoulders slumped.
"I'll close that door first," she added. "We don't want to wake them."
"That's right," he replied, nodding his head. "It's better if they sleep through it."
Standing up, Mrs. Lynch walked calmly to the kitchen door, face void of all emotion, eyes locked on mine. "Get them out," she mouthed slowly. "Take them away from here."
Stunned and confused, I hovered at the front door with her baby in my arms. "Come with me," I mouthed, urging her to just run. "Come on."
She shook her head. "No."
"Why?"
"Just go."
"I can't."
"Go now!"
"I'll come back for you." Feeling at a complete loss, I exhaled a ragged breath. "I promise."
"Don't come back." She shook her head. "Just save my children." Her gaze flicked to Sean who had his face buried in my neck and a lone tear trickled down her cheek. "Tell them I'm sorry," she mouthed and then she closed the kitchen door.
Silently reeling and still clutching her youngest child in my arms, I slipped out of the house, quietly closed the door behind me, and ran for my car.
65
Ah Shite
Shannon
Numb to the bone, I sat in the passenger seat of Johnny's Audi, with his hand resting on mine on top of the gearstick, and my three little brothers in the backseat. The boys were barefoot, in their pajamas, and Johnny had the heater on full blast to keep them warm.
"What about this one, lads?" he asked, cranking up the volume of The Offspring's Why Don't You Get A Job. He'd been playing every explicit song he could find on Gibsie's mix CD since we left Elk Terrace. The more cursing and foul language in the song, the more my brothers' sobs and sniffles turned to laugher. Johnny was trying to distract them and it was working. Singing at the top of his lungs, he bobbed his head like a madman, encouraging the boys to curse and sing along with him.
By the time Eminem's Just Lose It came on, and Johnny threw himself into an enthusiastic rap, even Sean was giggling. His tear streaked cheeks were stretched in a wide smile as he stared in wonder at my boyfriend.
"You should stick with the rugby," Tadhg snickered from the backseat. "You're a terrible rapper, lad."
"You're a terrible rapper, lad," Johnny mimicked a Cork accent, making his voice rise several octaves. "At least I don't sound like I'm singing when I'm talking."
"No," Tadhg chuckled. "Because you can't sing for shit."
"Tadhg." I sighed heavily. "Don't be cursing."
"He said we could," Tadhg argued, pointing at the back of Johnny's head.
"That's 'cause he's got that funny voice," Ollie laughed. "He says shite instead of shit."
"Ollie," I scolded. "Don't say that."
"But he does," Ollie defended. "Say shite, Johnny. Show her."
"Don't, Johnny," I warned.
"Shite," Sean blurted out from the back seat, pronouncing the word crystal clear.
Ollie and Tadhg howled laughing.
"Ah, shite," Johnny muttered, giving me a sheepish look.
"Shite," Sean repeated, clapping his hands together. "Shite."
"Of course," I groaned. "He would pick that up."
"It's a one night only free-pass, lads," Johnny announced. "And you might want to mind your P's and Q's around the grown-ups."
"What about Mam?" Tadhg asked then.
Smooth like honey and not missing a beat, Johnny said, "I talked to your Ma before I left. She said you're all allowed stay at my place tonight."
Ollie's eyes widened. "She did?"
Johnny nodded and I didn't miss the tremor in his hand – the one he discreetly tried to shake out. He was lying. "It's all good, lads," he added, driving through the open gates of his property. "Consider it an adventure."
"I like adventures," Ollie offered.
As we approached Johnny's house, every light in the place was on, making the building look even more impressive than during the daytime. Desperate to keep my mind as empty as possible, I counted and then recounted the eighteen windows at the front of his house, and then I wondered how many times a month Mrs. Kavanagh had the window cleaners out to the house. They were always streak-free and sparkling clean.
The moment Johnny cut the engine of his car, the front door swung inwards and his mother came running outside in her dressing gown, wide-eyed and frantic looking. "Where did you go?" she demanded, hand pressed to her chest. "I've been calling you!"
"Ah, shite," Johnny muttered, unfastening his seatbelt. "Just wait here for a sec – I'll go calm her down." Climbing out of the car, he hurried over to his mother, patting her on the back when she threw her arms around him. "I'm alright, Ma. I'm grand – I left my phone in the car."
"I didn't know what was happening," she strangled out, clutching her son. "I heard tires screeching and checked your room and you were gone." Shaking her head, she reached up and cupped his face in her hands. "You can't do that to me, Johnny." Turning back to the house, she cried out, "John, he's okay. Call Sadhbh back, love. Tell her to let Gerard know he can stop looking. He's home."
Reaching across the seats, I pressed the button on Johnny's door to wind up the windows, not wanting my brothers to hear what was being said.
"Why's Dellie crying?" Ollie whispered, leaning between the seats to watch the commotion.
"Because she was worried about Johnny," I explained, feeling my throat tighten at the sight. "He's her son."
"What was she worried about?" he asked, turning his brown eyes on me. "Is he in trouble or something?"
"No, Ollie, but it's the middle of the night, and she was probably scared for him."
"Because it's so late?"
I gave him a watery smile. "Exactly."
Ollie glanced back to where Mrs. Kavanagh was still clutching her son in a death grip before blowing out a breath. Mr. Kavanagh had joined them and was cupping the back of Johnny's head as they spoke over his wife's head.
"Whoa," Ollie whispered. "His mammy and daddy really love him, huh?"
"Mam loves us, too," I croaked out, feeling the need to reassure my baby brother. "Don't ever doubt that."
Tadhg made a noise from the backseat and muttered something unintelligible under his breath – something that sounded awfully like 'yeah, in your fucking dreams'.
"Sean, are you cold?" I asked, trying to keep the tremor out of my voice.
Shivering, my youngest brother nodded.
"H
e stinks," Tadhg noted with a huff. "He's pissed himself again."
"And he smells like Daddy," Ollie added, scrunching his nose up. "It's not a good smell, Shan."
"Come up here to me, Sean," I coaxed, holding my hands out to him. "I'll keep you warm."
"Hang on," Tadhg grumbled when Sean tried to get up with his seatbelt still on. "I have to free you first, silly goose."
"Shite," Sean whispered, waiting for Tadhg to free him.
"That's right," Tadhg snickered, unbuckling his belt.
"Don't encourage him to use bad language," I warned my brothers as I helped Sean through the seats and cuddled him to my chest. "He's only three."
Ollie and Tadhg shrugged in response before busying themselves with opening every compartment and pressing every button they could find in the back of Johnny's car.
"O-ee," Sean croaked out, shivering violently, as he wrapped his small arms around my neck. "O-ee gone."
"No," I whispered, gently rocking him in my arms. "He'll be back."
My heart was hammering wildly in my chest, my fingertips numb and tingling as I forced myself to remain calm. I was embarrassed, terrified, and ashamed. Ridiculous as it sounded, I didn’t want Johnny to see this part of my life, but he was seeing it all now; the ugly reality that was my family. My reasons for why I was the way I was. All of my issues…they all began and ended with that man I called my father.
I kept my eyes on the Kavanaghs, knowing the exact moment Johnny explained what had happened tonight because Mrs. Kavanagh covered her mouth with her hands and buried her face in her husband's chest. His father's gaze flickered to the car and I could see the concern in his eyes. They spoke for several more minutes in hushed voices, while I sat, still as a statue, feeling like I was on trial, before Johnny jogged back towards us. His mother moved to follow him, but Mr. Kavanagh walked her back into the house. Rounding the car, Johnny opened my door and smiled down at me. "Come on, Shan. Let's go inside."
Oh, thank god.
I blew out a ragged breath. "Are they sure?"