by C. Lymari
“You belong to him,” he said in a monotone voice.
“I belong to no one.” I seethed.
He shook his head. “Answer me this.” He paused, and I held my breath. “Did you choose him?”
“You have to understan—”
“Yes or no?” he shouted. He took a step toward me and grabbed me by my cheeks, tipped my head back, and kissed me. “Did you choose him?”
“Yes,” I sobbed.
He let go of me.
“This was a fucking mistake,” he said as he turned around and walked away.
“Nash,” I yelled after him, but he didn’t stop.
I walked over to one of the trees, and I slid down. Who would have thought that at just eleven years old, I would have sealed my own fate?
I was seated at my father’s desk, and I’d never felt so small. It was vast and ancient, and I felt so unimportant.
We had our weekly lessons. It included anything from war strategy to playing games like chess or timing me on a Rubik’s cube. You never really knew where it would go with my father.
He watched me as I made my next move. We were currently playing chess. He said I always started too strong, and then he would kill my queen and call it a lesson.
“Focus,” he said as he took a drag of his thick cigar. He was so fond of those that the smell was ingrained in his office. It smelled homey.
“Sorry, Daddy,” I said as I contemplated which piece to move next. He looked at me as I stared at the board in deep thought.
“Who would you like to marry?” he asked. And my head snapped back. What kind of question was that? I never thought of marriage or anything of that sort. I was only eleven. I figured I would marry one of the Crull boys and call it a day since most boys were gross.
The Crull brothers were in the family, and they got me. They all loved me in their own way, and in return, I loved them in my own way.
“Marry?” I asked as I moved a knight.
“Yes, I’d like to take your opinion into consideration.”
That made me feel good. Like I was grown, and Daddy was taking my opinion into consideration before he made a decision.
“I can pick who I want?” I asked, a little cheerful.
“It has to be a Crull; an alliance with their family is much needed. Gunner loves Nate as if he were his own, but sadly, that is not the case. So who will it be, princess?”
I scrunched my nose. “Not Duncan; he’s too little. Practically a baby.”
That was a lie. He was a bit more than two years younger than me.
My father chuckled. “That won’t matter in a couple of years. I bet he will be taller than you.”
I refrained from making a gagging sound.
“Hmm, Nashton. He protects me.” I beamed at my dad.
He nodded, then he proceeded to kill my king.
“You know the rules to marry into the family?’ he asked nonchalantly.
I nodded because I knew all about our ways since I was Duncan’s age. I was fascinated with our world, and my daddy taught me all there was to know.
“Um, we don’t marry for love,” I said, but none of that mattered because I didn’t love any of the Crull boys, not like I saw in the movies, so that didn’t matter.
My father nodded in agreement. “Do you know why we don’t marry for love?” he asked as he held onto the king and then grabbed another dead queen.
I bobbed my head. “I don’t know.” I hated admitting it.
When you didn’t know the answer to a question, my father said that one must always try to find a solution. “I don’t know” was not acceptable. People were too lazy to look for answers because it meant they had to open their mind and see beyond their ignorance.
Or whatever that meant.
“We don’t marry for love because once you love someone, the Disciples stop coming first, and the person you ‘love,’ becomes a priority” he said the word love like it was a disease. “Once you love, you will do anything for the one who holds your heart. You cheat for them, lie for them, and steal for them, and with that kind of power comes betrayal. How can we trust those at the top if they are willing to throw away years of hard work for a feeling?”
“Do you see yourself developing traitorous feelings for one of these boys?” he asked casually. “You are a king. You don’t need to be scared of losing yourself in anyone. You do not need to look up to anyone. You must never love anyone more than you love yourself. That would be one step away from your demise,” he said, and then he crushed my queen. “Checkmate.”
I thought about what he said, and I pictured my life with the boys. I liked Nash more than I did Huxley. I could be equal with Huxley or even superior, but part of me was scared that I would get stuck in Nashton’s shadow.
He was grand and scary. He was sweet and protective.
“Huxley,” I said as I arranged the game again.
“She’s just a child, Micah.” My mother glared from where she stood at the entrance of my father’s office.
“She’s not just any child,” he said in a dismissing tone.
“Come on, Finley, we are going out with Eleanor.” She extended her hand so I could take it.
I liked it when I went out with Aunt Eleanor and Mom. We got to shop and eat lots of good food.
Our driver took us to Crull Manor, where Eleanor was already waiting outside with Nash.
She was scolding him, and he was laughing; it made me smile.
The door opened, and I got out of the car so Aunt Eleanor could go in the back with my mother, and I would go in the front with Dion.
“Hey, pretty princess,” Nash said, and I beamed. It made me feel funny when he called me pretty princess.
“Hi,” I said with a wave.
“You know what my dad talked to me about yesterday?”
I shook my head as I grabbed the car handle.
“Marriage,” he said.
“My daddy did that today,” I said with glee. It wasn’t surprising.
My dad and Axton had an agenda, and they shared it with their spawns when they saw fit.
“We should do it. Get married.”
My heart stopped when he said that.
He couldn’t mean that he wanted to marry me, right?
“Marriage is gross,” I said, hiding the fact that I had already picked, and I hoped to God he had not done the same.
Chapter Sixteen
Rain poured down my windowpane. It was light, no signs of the storm yet, but I knew it was coming. You could smell it in the air, a sense of impending doom heading our way.
I sat on the chaise next to my window that overlooked the clearing and the lake. I missed going there to swim. It was one of my favorite places to go in the summer. I loved it when Nash was there because he would always swim with me. Then when he got older, it was like he was too cool to be there with us.
I rested my head on the wall and remembered the way Nash touched me. How every time we got together, it seemed to be explosive, like we were both gasping for air.
That’s the thing about storms—you really don’t see how destructive they are until the next day; and the same could be said for Nashton and me.
My room flashed when the first lightning cracked in the sky. My heart started to palpitate. I went for my blanket and made my way out of my room. I was on the bottom steps when I heard footsteps coming my way. Current flowed through my veins, thinking he’d finally come back to show his face. I hid behind the stairwell, wondering if he was really making his way up to my room.
Disappointment coursed through me when I saw it was Huxley and not Nash. I sighed when I saw him make his way upstairs.
There were many rooms in this manor; he wouldn’t exactly know I went to Nash, just that I wasn’t in mine for the night. Or if he wanted to think I was with someone else, that was fine by me too.
I was making my way past the kitchen when another flash of lightning struck, and I screamed, bringing one of my hands to my mouth by the shadow that t
he lighting illuminated.
“For fuck’s sake, Leon, are you trying to kill me?” I asked.
He sat on a stool. He had papers all over the kitchen island. It wasn’t unusual for him to crash at the manor when meetings ran late, or the weather didn’t permit you to ride the bike.
“Sorry, I forgot how much you like to wander,” he uttered.
Ignoring him, I kept walking toward the back.
Lightning struck again, and I jumped.
I turned back and saw Leon staring at me intently.
“Can I help you?”
He shook his head.
“I didn’t know you were scared of lightning,” he said like something made sense to him.
“Everybody is scared of something,” I told him. “It’s what stops us from being monsters.”
Leon made a face. “I was sure all those lessons with Micah were about turning you into a monster.”
I rolled my eyes. “You don’t understand.”
Leon scoffed. “And what does a child know that I don’t?”
“I know all about the weight of a crown. That’s something you’re never going to know. Some kings are born, others are made, and I was born to rule, but my father made sure I was made in the right way.”
His lips curled in disgust. He didn’t say more if he was offended because he was always walking a precarious line when it came to the boys and me.
Something about the action had me pausing and cocking my head. It seemed so familiar, but I couldn’t place how or why now. It’s something I was used to seeing from him over the years.
The sound of thunder could be heard rumbling through the windows. I made my way out of the kitchen and down to the last level of the house.
I hated Nash for making me feel safe and unwanted at the same time. My only consolation was that I hadn’t seen him since the day we had sex.
As I reached for the doorknob, I told myself that I would sleep in another of the guest rooms for the night if it was locked. I didn’t need him to feel safe from the storm.
The moment the doorknob turned, my mouth fell open from shock. He either didn’t care about his room being unlocked, or he was rarely here anymore. The room was dark, too dark—not even the curtains had been drawn to leave a little room so you could see. It didn’t matter; I knew this room by memory. I used to come down here, or Nash used to go into mine. In these four walls, we used to show each other how we loved one another. Or so I thought. It was true, at least on my part.
The moment I stepped foot inside of the threshold, I inhaled his smell. Now that he couldn’t observe me, I could admit to myself how much I had missed being here.
In the dark, I made my way to the bed. My heart beat faster with every step I took, wondering if I should just turn around. It wasn’t too late to go back. The moment I pulled back the covers and tried to go in, I got pulled by my waist and thrown to the bed facedown.
“I’m going to kill you!” I screamed into the mattress. My mouth moved against Nash’s linen sheets. They smelled clean and not like a whore, and it was the only thing that kept me from completely losing my mind.
“Bullshit, baby,” Nash said against my nape. “You felt my presence as soon as you opened the door. You had the chance to walk away, and you didn’t.”
He was right—there was always something that told me when he walked into the room, and the moment I walked in, I knew he was here and he was waiting for me.
“You’d think I’d leave you alone in a storm?” His voice was soft, his words caressing me as his hands removed my pajama shorts.
“Are you wet for me, baby?” he asked between kisses down my shoulder. Once my shorts were removed, he pushed my shirt up, kissing the dimples in my back. His tongue licked up my spine, causing shivers to break out all over my skin. When he got to my bra, he picked it up with his teeth and then let the band snap against my back. I moaned, and he chuckled.
He finished removing my shirt, and I let him.
“On your knees, baby.” He smacked my ass cheek.
When I contemplated if I should do this, if by letting him fuck me again I was giving in to him, he said the same words I had told him long ago.
“Tomorrow, when the chaos breaks, we can pretend this never happened.” His tone was serious but with some amusement. I knew that if we did this again, it would just continue to happen until the vicious cycle we had found ourselves in came to a stop.
“You know you love this as much as I do, Finnie,” he growled as his fingers dipped into my pussy. He moved his fingers in and out a few times, then slid them out and over my folds, and then started to make circular motions on my clit.
A whimper escaped my lips, but I did as he asked.
Nash held onto my hips, and I felt his naked thighs against my skin, and the need to turn around and touch him almost consumed me. His dick prodded against my entrance. He reached between us and stroked himself between my folds.
“So fucking wet for me,” he groaned in appreciation. “Is this pussy mine?” he growled, and I stayed quiet.
Because my father didn’t raise a weak woman, I spoke words he probably didn’t want to hear.
“As I said, I’m just horny…”
I screamed when he pulled my hair back and entered me in a brutal thrust. My scream turned into a moan the moment he continued to move his hips, shifting to hit the spot that drove me wild.
“Fuck, yeah, it’s mine,” he said.
His thrusts were hard, but the way he held onto me was soft, his hand coming to my belly, and making sure I didn’t slam it on the bed.
When his fingers moved to my clit and started to rub it, I stopped pretending like it was just a fuck.
“Fuck, more.”
He was out of me in a second, and he flipped me on my back so I was facing him. He brought his hands to either side of my neck and just looked down at me. Even in the dark, I could make out the intensity in those eyes.
A loud thunderclap echoed inside the room, catching me off guard. I whimpered and closed my eyes because the last thing I wanted was to be weak in front of Nash. I already felt like I was losing it today, and if I was honest with myself, I came here because I felt safe.
When I opened my eyes, Nash was staring at me. The lethal energy shifted, and he looked softer, attainable, and I hated that. I wanted to open my mouth and say something that would take that softness away.
Slowly, Nash brought his face down until our noses touched, and I felt the mint of his breath on my lips. I licked my lower lip, wanting to taste him. To have him kiss me again. It’s something I never got bored of, the feel of his soft lips against my own and how it took no effort for me to make him lose control.
My legs wrapped around his waist, and he entered me again, but this time he did it slowly, stretching me so I could feel all of him.
Once he was all the way in, his lips touched mine. Lightly teasing, he bit my lower lip and sucked it into his mouth. I squirmed under him, feeling his dick inside me, and I moaned loudly.
My mouth parted for him, inviting him at the same time my arms wrapped around his neck, and we started to fuck each other in synch.
“You feel so fucking perfect,” he said between gritted teeth as he kissed the top of my breast. His hands came to my nipples as he fucked me, and he pinched me, then bent his head and sucked them.
“I’m so close,” I whimpered.
Nash pulled back, and then he put my legs over his shoulders and started to fuck me hard. My back arched, and my head rolled to the side. He began to kiss all over my neck. He sucked and nipped every inch of skin he got his hands on. This felt exactly like that last time we had been together, and that scared the shit out of me. When I came, I screamed with the memory of when it all went to shit, falling out of my lips.
Chapter Seventeen
It had been so long since I had been to my parents’ mansion. It wasn’t far off from Crull Manor, but it was too big and empty, full of haunting memories. I had enough demons living in my
head. I didn’t need to see more. And now that I was older, all I saw were the fucked-up lies that glittered like gold, and I believed them all.
After my dad’s death, they didn’t sell the house. It was transferred to me, but just like everything else, I wouldn’t hold any types of deeds until after my twenty-fifth birthday.
Not going to lie—knowing I would inherit all those assets made me feel like a grown-up, and sometimes I felt like I wasn’t even taking good care of myself.
Exhibit A: I had fucked Nash twice in less than a week. My “I’m horny” excuse would get old soon.
Daddy, you did not prepare me for this mess when you gave me the marriage talk.
I mean, I fucked Nashton, and I hated how weak it made me feel. That had to mean my father was wrong about love. At least that’s what I told myself.
There was a knock on my door, and I was a little scared and maybe somewhat hopeful to see who would walk through those doors.
“Who fucked your man?” Duncan singsonged as he walked in. He made his way to my bed, then threw himself next to me. I hadn’t seen him in a few days since he was out on club business with Axton.
I rolled my eyes at him.
“Oh, that’s right, you beat Dawn because you thought she did,” he joked. I didn’t find it funny, but he did.
“Ha ha, aren’t you hilarious?”
“Babe, it’s all the club’s talking about.”
Great, I was afraid of that. It was why I hadn’t shown my face anywhere in days.
“Finley?” he asked in a serious tone.
“Yeah,” I replied.
“He didn’t fuck her. He didn’t fuck any of the whores.”
I stood up, throwing one of the pillows on his face. “Please, are you going to tell me that he’s been celibate?”
He was a biker, a criminal—he was not going to be at home pining over one girl. I mean, I hadn’t been pining. There weren’t many, but I also wasn’t at home waiting for him to come find me.
There was a hole in my heart, and I wanted it filled. I didn’t care about the cost.
At first, I bedded a guy as a fuck-you to Nash, then to erase all his touches, but the thing about sex, it doesn’t even mean shit unless the person does, and Nashton meant a shit ton to me. So, therefore, everything I did just made me feel even more empty.