I hope I won't have the chance to.
“If I can, yes,” Alexis agreed, squeezing Steph’s hand. “I really have to go.”
“Okay, call me?”
“Sure, yeah.” Alexis took her jacket from the far corner of the booth and tipped her head towards the door, signalling for Lindsay to follow her.
Once they reached the pavement, away from the deafening noise inside, Alexis turned to face Lindsay. She couldn’t fathom how she’d come to be here with Sam’s sister, but she was, and she had all the time in the world for both of them.
“What now?” Alexis asked.
“I’ll let you into the block. Then, you're on your own.”
“What? That’s ridiculous.” Alexis laughed, her anxiety fast approaching. “You can't just expect me to show up at her door alone.”
“It’s what she needs.”
“I’m not so sure about that…”
Eight
Sam threw her purse to the floor, kicking her heels off as she slammed her apartment door shut. How could I have been so stupid? Not only was the woman at the club all over Alexis, she had to be at least ten years younger than Sam. She couldn’t compete with that, not in a million years, but that wasn't the only thing that was bothering her. The idea of pouring her heart out to Lindsay had been a moment of weakness for her and that was what she regretted more than anything else. Alexis…she was free to do who and what she pleased, but Sam? Sam could have handled it better. She could have stayed home tonight and wallowed in her own self-pity. She didn’t need to see Alexis. Of course she wanted to…but wanting and needing were two different things.
She lifted her dress from her body and moved into her bedroom, slipping a pair of comfortable sweatpants on. She knew she should shower and head off to bed, but her mind was working overtime. She needed a few more drinks before she could even think about turning in for the night, so she took a T-shirt from her wardrobe and moved back into the open space. The cool air felt good against her naked upper body, just her bra covering what needed to be covered.
Hearing a knock at the door, Sam rolled her eyes and removed a bottle of red wine from its place on the rack. “Lindsay, I'm not interested in anything you have to say.”
Another knock.
“Seriously, when will you fucking listen to me!” Sam opened the bottle and set it down on the worktop. “Alexis is not my concern. I never should have contacted her. She was a mistake. Go home.”
Another knock sounded out around Sam’s apartment, and that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. “Lindsay, I swear to God! If you don't back o—” Sam froze as she opened the door. “Oh.”
“I’m sorry I was a mistake.” Alexis lowered her eyes. “And I never meant to be your concern, but if I could just have a few minutes, I'd be really grateful.”
“Alexis, I'm sorry…just my sister is very persistent.”
“No, she’s an angel.” Alexis smiled faintly. “Did, uh…?” She cleared her throat as her eyes landed on Sam’s chest. “Maybe cover up?”
“Oh, shit!” Sam turned around, pulling the T-shirt in her hand over her head. “Sorry.”
“Don't ever apologise for showing your gorgeous body off.”
Sam felt a blush creep up her neck, Alexis’ words leaving her weak at the knees.
“So, can I come in?”
Something about Alexis seemed different. She wasn't the confident woman Sam had first come across, but this shy side pleased her. “Yes, come on in.”
“Thanks.” Alexis closed the door behind her, a guilt settling in her stomach for being with another woman at the club. “I’m sorry about what happened back at the club.”
“Why?” Sam asked. “You had a date; there is nothing to be sorry for.”
“I just… I didn’t know you were even remotely interested in me.” Alexis tugged her earlobe, shaking her head. “Why would you be?”
“First of all, I'm going to murder my sister before this night is over. Secondly, why wouldn’t I be?” Okay, that was brave of you. Sam may not have meant to say those words, but it felt good doing so.
“Was it the escort in me that you were attracted to?” Alexis’ crystal blue eyes penetrated Sam as she looked up. “I’d understand if that’s what it was…”
“I can't say I was or wasn't attracted to that side of you. I'd tried to push it down whenever we met, so I didn’t have the chance to truly feel anything for you.” Although Sam was unsure, seeing Alexis like this…casually dressed, it sent her mind and body wild with want.
“Right.” Alexis nodded. “So…”
“So?”
“Do you think maybe we could talk?” Alexis leaned back against the kitchen counter. “Your sister said I should come over and see you.”
“Oh, she did now?” Sam’s eyebrow rose, causing a smile to form on Alexis’ mouth. “And did she have anything else she couldn’t keep to herself?”
“No, she actually told me I had to come here and find out for myself.”
“I don't know what she wants me to tell you.” Sam sighed. “I don't even know what to tell myself.”
“I quit the agency.”
“I thought so, but why?”
“As you know, I'd already planned to leave. I just decided to do it sooner.”
“I wish you hadn’t,” Sam admitted. “I would have liked to see you again…”
“I don't want to see you as an escort, Sam.” Alexis pushed off the counter, closing the distance between them. “I don't want to see you, only to be paid at the end of the night.”
“But that’s how it works…”
“You’re not my client,” Alexis said softly, her hand settling on the side of Sam’s face. “You’re so much more than that. You deserve more.”
Sam’s eyes closed, her brain unable to form any words.
“I want to see you as me. Just me. Not Alexis. Not through the agency. But as myself.”
Sam’s forehead creased. “Not Alexis?”
“No,” she said. “That’s my escort name.”
“God, I don't even know you.” Sam dropped her head, feeling defeated. “I don't even know your name.”
“Luciana.”
“What?” Sam stepped away, stumbling back against the kitchen island. “What did you just say?”
“My name…is Luciana Foster.”
“You have to leave.” Sam’s voice broke. “I don't know who is playing fucking games, but you have to leave right now.”
“Sam.”
“Don’t.” Sam shook her head, her emotions taking over. “Don't say my name. Don't come here again. You have to leave.”
“I don't understand.” Luciana clenched her jaw. “She told me to come here. Your sister…”
“Did she put you up to this?” Sam asked, feeling as though she was losing her mind. “Did she think it would be funny to mess with my fucking life!”
“Okay, calm down.” Luciana stepped towards Sam but she continued to back away. “Please, can we sit down?”
“No, get out!” Sam cradled her head with her hands. “Please, get out.”
Panicked, Luciana picked up Sam’s phone, praying it didn’t have a passcode on it. Relieved when it opened, she scrolled to L and found her sister’s number. Waiting for the call to connect, she glanced back at Sam who was now sitting on the kitchen floor, her knees up to her chest.
“Sam?”
“No, it’s me. Luc-Alexis.”
“Oh, hi.” Lindsay perked up. “How’s it going?”
“You need to come over right now.”
“Why?” Lindsay laughed. “I’m sure you don't need me there to hold your hand. It can't be that bad.”
“Lindsay, I'm serious. She’s freaking out.”
“What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything. I just told her my name and she told me to get out.”
“Um, why would she do that?” Lindsay asked, confused.
“Whoa!” Lindsay gasped. “You have to leave.”
“That’s what she said.” Luciana stood in the middle of Sam’s apartment, with no idea what was going on. “You know what, I’ll just go. She can't be as into me as you said she was.”
“Her wife. She’s dead.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Luciana sighed. “But I don't know what that has to do with me.”
“Her name was Lucia.”
“No…” Luciana looked up at Sam, her heart breaking for the woman sobbing on the floor. “You should come over right away. I’ll leave. Let her calm down.”
“I’m on my way.”
Luciana ended the call and approached Sam, getting down to her knees. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” She wasn’t entirely sure what she was apologising for. After all, her name was her name.
Nothing.
Silence.
“I can be whoever you want me to be, Sam.” She leaned in and pressed a kiss to her hair, her eyes closing as the scent of Sam’s shampoo reached her nose. “If you ever want to talk, call me. I’ll leave my private number on the kitchen worktop.”
“I’m sorry.” Sam shook her head, crying.
Luciana jotted down her number and moved towards the door. “I don't expect to hear from you, but I really am sorry.”
***
Sam climbed to her feet ten minutes after Luciana had left her apartment. Tonight, she’d had every intention of talking to her escort when she showed up at her door, but now? Now, she was truly thrown. How could it be that the woman she was tempted to date was so similar to her wife? Was it a sign that someone somewhere was laughing at her, or was it a sign that she should push forward, an eerie blessing being sent from her wife? Sam had never believed in blessings or an afterlife, but when Lucia died, something changed for her. She felt her wife’s presence. She felt their connection once she received the news that Lucia was dead. That time for Sam had been terrifying, not knowing if her wife would ever walk through the door again, but deep down, she knew. She felt one connection end the moment she turned on the TV, but another form as the news was confirmed.
Here she was, alone in her apartment, feeling as though someone was playing games. She knew it was nonsense and she knew nobody would do that to her, but this was a lot to take in. Luciana. Sam braced herself against the kitchen counter, the idea of Alexis’ name being something different to what she had once known. I can't do this. I can't date a woman called Luciana. Sam felt as though everyone would stare. Everyone would talk. Perhaps she was looking for the next best thing. Sam knew that was utter rubbish, but people still judged. How would it be down the line when she introduced her to family and friends? Would they make a comment? Sam knew they would. Still, she wasn’t sure she could let a name deter her from potentially finding happiness. She was beginning to think that it could be a sign. A good sign.
“Sam?” The apartment door flew open. “Are you okay?”
“No, I feel like a complete idiot.” Sam laughed, the reminder of her behaviour now at the forefront of her mind. “I looked like a fucking lunatic!”
“I’m glad you find it funny. I’ve just met her downstairs crying.”
“Say her name.”
“What?” Lindsay’s face dropped.
“Say her name.”
“Sam…”
“Say it, Lindsay.”
“Luciana.”
Sam’s eyes closed, a slight smile forming on her face. “Say it again.”
“Luciana.”
“Call her. Ask her to come back.” Sam’s eyes opened, the softness in them evident. “If she doesn’t think I'm completely crazy, I'd like her to come back.”
“Yeah?” Lindsay beamed. “You really scared her, you know.”
“I told you this would fall apart before it began.”
“I’ll call her. She was leaving when I came up here.” Lindsay eyed the paper on the counter and dialled Luciana’s number.
Sam waited impatiently for the call to connect, unable to find any reason for her behaviour just moments ago. It was the shock. It was the disbelief that Alexis was, in fact, called Luciana.
“Hi, it’s Lindsay.”
Sam breathed a sigh of relief when she heard Luciana’s voice filter through the phone.
“Yes, she’s okay.” Sam noted the smile from Lindsay. “Sam was wondering if you could come back?”
Sam waited with bated breath.
“No, I understand that.” Lindsay nodded. “Of course, yeah. No… I know you didn’t expect it.”
“Give me the phone.” Sam held out her hand. “Please?”
Lindsay knew she’d already overstepped tonight and decided against pissing her sister off any more than she already had.
“Hey, it’s me.” Sam moved into the living room. “I’m so sorry about before. If you’d be willing to come back up, I can explain. I’ll tell you everything.”
“Sam, I’d love to… I really would.”
“But you can't.” Sam closed her eyes, knowing she’d messed up. “That’s okay.”
“I just…”
“You don’t have to explain.” Sam shook her head. “Thank you for coming over tonight. It was good seeing you again.”
“Maybe in a few days…” Luciana said, her voice tired and unsure. “Give you some time, you know?”
“That won't be necessary.” Sam felt her embarrassment come back tenfold. “Be safe, okay?”
“I’m always safe, Sam.”
“Still… I need you to just be safe.”
“Always.”
Sam ended the call before Luciana could say anything else. There was no more to be said, but she got the impression that their conversation could potentially continue for the sake of it. Neither of them wanting to end the call for fear of it being the final time.
“Is she coming back?” Lindsay asked, but Sam knew she already had her answer.
“No,” Sam said nonchalantly, setting Lindsay’s phone down in front of her. “You can go home. I need some sleep.”
“I can stay…”
“I don’t need you to stay.” Sam glanced up at her sister, frowning. “Just text me when you're home so I know you got back okay.”
“I’m sorry she didn’t want to come back.” Lindsay lifted her phone and slid it into her pocket. “Call you tomorrow?”
“Not too early,” Sam said. “I plan on having a lie in.”
“Sounds like the perfect Saturday morning.”
“Your norm, you mean?”
“Same thing.” Lindsay kissed her sister’s cheek before leaving the apartment. “Love you, Sam.”
“Love you, too.”
Sam watched her sister leave, the door closing and signalling another night with her own thoughts. The difference with tonight was that she actually had something to think about. A new name with a familiar face. A woman who thirty minutes ago wanted to date her…only for it to fall apart because of Sam’s inability to block out her past. She turned out the light and moved into her bedroom, taking Luciana’s phone number with her. Keying it into her contact list, she saved the number, beginning a new message.
S: Thank you for coming here and being honest with me tonight. X
Sam stripped off, discarding her clothes and underwear. She slipped an oversized T-shirt over her head and pulled on a pair of boxer shorts, ready to settle down for what she hoped to be a peaceful night’s sleep.
Her phone buzzed.
L: I’m outside the block. Couldn’t go home. Can I come up? X
Sam’s heart beat harder, the thought of Luciana being in her home again sending her thoughts wild.
S: Come up. One minute. X
She rushed out of her bedroom and reached for the intercom, granting Luciana access. She waited, her hand on the door handle of the apartment door, h
er breathing calm. If she didn’t control the little things like her breathing, Sam knew she would end up in a heap on the floor. Anxiety. Apprehension. Memories of her wife. All coupled together could create a mean cocktail of emotions and she wasn’t prepared for that again. Not tonight. Not any time in the near future.
“Sam?” a voice whispered behind her door. “You there?”
Sam unlocked the door, smiling. “I’m here.”
“That’s better.” Luciana stepped into the darkened apartment. “I like seeing your smile…”
Sam reddened, thankful for the darkness. “Come in.”
“You’re sure it’s okay for me to be here?”
“Yeah, I'm not crazy. I promise.”
“Aren’t we all a bit crazy from time to time?” Luciana took Sam’s hand as she attempted to move further into the dark space. “Hey?”
“I think I've used up all my crazy.”
“You looked gorgeous tonight,” Luciana whispered, leaning in. “And I know you've been through a lot this evening, but I need you to know something.”
“What’s that?” Sam’s eyes closed, Luciana’s scent overpowering her senses.
“I don’t care what you call me…so long as you do call me.” It would be the easiest movement in the world to kiss Sam, but Luciana refrained from doing so. She was thankful to be here, and that, right now, would be enough.
“Luciana will be fine,” Sam replied.
“Sounds good hearing my name fall from your lips.” Luciana chanced her luck, locking the door. “I’d like to stay a while if you didn’t have any plans?”
“None,” Sam whispered, the proximity of Luciana making her dizzy. “None whatsoever.”
Nine
Luciana leant against the window frame, looking out at the dots of light on the river in the distance. Sam hadn’t said much since she’d agreed to allow her to stay a while, but Luciana wasn’t concerned. There was no rush, and honestly, she didn’t want to push Sam to talk if she didn’t want to. She could see the tiredness in her eyes, the heaviness in her shoulders. All she wanted was for Sam to feel safe with her, trusted. Those moments when she had to watch Sam fall apart in front of her had been hard, so she couldn’t imagine how Sam herself was feeling. She was likely to be embarrassed, but Luciana understood. It wasn’t every day that you met someone whose wife had died, her name far too similar to your own. It also wasn’t every day that she met a client who had such an impact on her life. Sam, when she was ready, could talk. Until then, just being here was good enough for Luciana.
The Arrangement Page 9