I scowled remembering the sting of rejection I’d felt standing there with her looking me right in the eyes in front of her father and asking me to leave.
Ashamed of me.
Why had I expected her to be any different than anyone else?
I took another long pull and slammed the whisky bottle onto the frozen ground. Hard and unforgiving, like I should have been from the start. I’d been burned badly enough you’d think I’d have learned by now how people really are. I’d been too preoccupied with beauty, sweetness, and strength to notice the sign hanging over my head that read, “Fuck me over again, please.”
The booze effectively drowned out the small voice inside that tried to defend her. The one that understood her. The one that got why she would do anything to protect the bond she so obviously had with her father. It was just Jim Beam talking now.
I tossed a raw bleary eyed glance around at my surroundings, noticing a couple of scruffy looking characters going through an overflowing dumpster across the street. A guy with the collar of his coat turned up against the cold strolled down the cracked sidewalk in my direction. When he saw me he looked away quickly, dodging a car to cross to the safety of the other side of the street, leaving nothing but a trail of cigarette smoke in his wake.
Good choice, asshole. Wise decision. I not only looked a little dangerous, I felt that way. I was way the fuck pissed and only a little at myself this time. Most of my anger was directed at her.
The local noon news was on at the liquor store when I stumbled in a little while later to buy more hooch. In Southside there were still a couple of things you could always rely on. The liquor stores were everywhere and open late, and they were good places to disappear or where misery could always find company. Maybe those were three things or four. I wasn’t exactly sure. I couldn’t think in a straight line anymore.
Finally a decent buzz.
That’s when I saw her. On the television screen mounted behind the cashier. Pictures of both of us taken at the museum. Beautiful with her hair in that braid. Looking at me like it meant something. Then clips from her movie with Treyall. The words that ran along at the bottom of the screen made the blood pumping through my black heart run cold. Teen Star Comforts Grieving Rocker. Jealous Boyfriend Slash Co-star Lays Down Ultimatum. Presales of Pinky Swear the Movie Skyrocket. My eyes narrowed. It wasn’t that she’d been ashamed. She’d been playing me. Maybe she’d even known who I was all along. Everything she had said, everything we had done had been a lie, some kind of publicity shit for her movie.
That two faced fuckin’ bitch.
The irony of it all was fuckin’ precious. I was the usee this time instead of the user. And I didn’t like it much. Not a fuckin’ bit.
“You gonna pay for those or what?” The clerk had to shout to get my attention.
“Relax, motherfucker.” I lifted my chin and slammed a wad of cash down on the counter before grabbing the paper bagged bottles, one for each hand, and stomped the hell out of there.
Once I spent my alcohol fueled rage, I dropped my ass onto an empty park bench, its freezing cold surface matching my mood perfectly. I put my elbows on my knees and leaned heavily onto them. I needed to regroup. I didn’t feel good. I’d gone beyond the buzz to I’m gonna be sick all over myself territory. I didn’t even recall the journey to my present locale, but at least I recognized where I was.
Eleanor Ross Park. Near Bryan’s old apartment. The old rusted out playground equipment didn’t look any better than it had when we used to hang out as teenagers, getting drunk and raising hell.
The park was smack in the dead center of La Raza Prima territory, a local gang you did not mess with. I had immunity with them from way back though. Bangers wouldn’t hassle me here. Neither would the cops, unless they were new to SPD trying to make a name for themselves. The law usually steered clear of this area.
I reached for the remaining bottle, not bothering with the paper bag anymore. There was less than a quarter of the lubricant left. Between here and somewhere I’d misplaced the other. I tipped it back, spilling as much as made it to my lips. Didn’t matter. The stupid stuff didn’t work anyway. I hadn’t managed to blank out any of it. I remembered every last painful detail.
Gotta admit the bitch was one helluva good actress. I’d been in way over my head with from the very start. No matter how fucked up I got the embarrassing truth of that wasn’t going to fucking change.
I pressed my palms into my eyes sockets.
“Pendejo,” King would say if he could see my sad ass right now. Stupid idiot. Allowing myself to believe I’d finally found something good. Something just for me.
She’d certainly shattered that faulty assumption. Shoved me out the window of her penthouse without a net below to catch me. The same fuckin’ way everyone else in my life had treated me.
My cell buzzed. My lips twitched. Buzzed… like me. Even drunk and pissed I still somehow amused myself.
I slid it of my pocket, almost dropping it because my fingers weren’t cooperating with my brain. I didn’t know why I bothered to check really. Maybe deep down I still hoped it was her. More than likely it was Morris harassing me again about getting my ass back to Zenith’s offices in San Francisco ASAP.
Bring it. He wanted to go toe to toe I’d do it. I wasn’t ready to go back, but I was spoiling for a fight. I welcomed an outlet for my anger at this point.
I glanced at the screen. It wasn’t her, and it wasn’t Morris either. I glowered as I read the text from my ex.
Lace: Glad you decided to come. I forgot to tell Shaina. Dress casual. No need to bring anything.
What the fuck?
Shaina was going to Miriam’s party?
And she told Lace I was going with her?
My fingers tightened around my phone. I wanted to crush something. The last place in the world I wanted to go was that fuckin’ party. I didn’t know what Shaina’s game was, but whatever the fuck it was she’d miscalculated.
No one backed Warren Jinkins into a corner.
• • •
I’d never been to Bryan’s mom’s new place. I heard he’d gotten it for her after the hellacious end of the tour. After I’d quit Tempest.
Rows of craftsman era houses and huge old trees lined both sides of the street. The neighborhood was just fifteen minutes outside of Southside, but those miles of separation made a world of difference. Here, sunlit sidewalks replaced dark alleys. Tended lawns replaced desolate lots. Optimism replaced resignation.
I stared up at the modest bungalow in front of me with its inviting deep porch and refreshing lack of bars in the windows. Bryan had done well buying his mom a place like this. Mrs. Jackson was a good woman, one of the best I knew. She had always been kind to me and a good mom to Bryan and his sisters. She deserved this.
“Ow,” Missy whined, an unwelcome reminder of her presence. My fingers had tightened unconsciously around her arm as I steered her up the drive to the detached garage on the side where I knew the party was being held.
My buzz was gone, lost it the moment after I received the text from Lace. The only thing left over from the toxic level of booze I’d consumed was a headache and an unsettled stomach.
Gravel crunching beneath my shoes, I wondered if Shaina had already arrived. I was seething inside, past ready to have it out with her. Even with Missy as a buffer, I didn’t know how long I was going to be able to keep a lid on it.
Then I saw him, the end of his cigarette glowing red where he stood smoking it, leaning against the side of the garage, one leg bent, the sole of his boot resting against it. I saw the garage spotlights reflected in his eyes when they hit mine. Razor edged feelings of betrayal and anger sliced into me all over again.
“War.”
“Jackson.”
“Hey, Bullet,” Missy greeted him with an eager smile and lunged toward him. They had a history. So had nearly every guy from the old neighborhood. He’d had her back in high school. That’s why I’d chosen her. The bit
ch was almost as big a player as Dizzy going from guy to guy as if they were her poison of choice. Plus she was almost as pretty as Lace, her hair long and dark, and her eyes an icy blue.
I squeezed her shoulder, making sure she remembered who brought her. It pissed me off, her instant attraction to Jackson.
“Missy,” Bryan acknowledged her before flicking his butt onto the ground and stomping it out under his heel. “Miriam was just wondering if you were going to come. She’s inside. Why don’t you go say hi? There’s a keg and King’s mom made tons of Mexican food.” He took a couple of steps to the side and threw the door open wide for her. “Give me a minute with War. Alright, babe?”
“Sure.” She slipped out from under my arm before I could stop her.
As soon as Bryan closed the door, I braced for it, the confrontation that seemed to be unavoidable. “Don’t wanna get into this with you right now, brother, but I will.” My mouth framed the former endearment with the sarcasm it now deserved.
“Good, War. Cause, man, I’ve tried everything else to get your attention, and I’m not willing to leave things the way they are.”
“And how’s that?” I threw back at him.
He gestured back and forth between us. “Like this. In each other’s faces all the time. That’s not the way I want it, not after everything we’ve been through together.”
I leaned in, fingers tightening into fists at my sides. That’s why it pissed me off so much what he had done. More than it being Lace. More than anything. I had trusted him, and he had betrayed that. “Well too bad, asshole, ’cause that’s the way it has to be.”
His face darkened even as he moved into the light. “This is bullshit, War. You’re here. I’m here. Let’s end all the hostility.”
“Why?” I growled. “So you can clear your guilty conscious?”
“Dammit, War.” He ran an agitated hand through his short hair and let out a long sigh, eyes sliding to the side. “Ok. Listen. Only for you would I say this. But only this once and never again. I’m sorry about prom night. Not ’cause I slept with Lace. I’d do it again if given that shot. I loved her then, and I love her now. But I’m sorry ’cause us being together hurts you. If it’d been any other woman but her.” His eyes came back to mine bright with emotion practically begging me to understand. “We’re family, man. I couldn’t love you any more than if you were actually my real brother.”
That was a direct hit. My stomach clenched so tight the pain of it almost doubled me over. Before Orlando, without hesitation, I would’ve said I felt the exact same way, though we never had verbalized those feelings to each other. It was always just understood.
“The shit we lived through day to day in Southside,” he continued his strategic assault on my carefully laid defenses. “Single moms, shitty fathers. No one else understands the crap we went through ’cause no one else has lived it except for you and me. I’ll never forget how we used to hang at your house dreamin’ about a day when we’d finally get to where we are now.” His arm stretched wide encompassing the house and garage. “Being able to do something like this for our moms.”
My body jerked as if he’d slapped me. He didn’t miss my response. His way too perceptive gaze locked with my own.
“I know, man. I know. I remember that conversation like it happened yesterday. And now she’s gone. Hard as she was with you, I know how you felt about her.” He shook his head and took a step toward me. “No way when I got the news I wasn’t going to come back to be here when you needed me.”
He meant all that shit. That’s why the pain had gone so deep when I’d found out about him and Lace. Because when it had come to choosing between me and her, he had chosen her. And she had chosen him. And that would always leave me out in the cold.
I harnessed the power source of my familiar anger, letting the layers of it cover me like a shield before unleashing it back at him. “Don’t need you,” I lied through clenched teeth. “What kind of dumbass would I have to be to want your friendship again or anything else from you?” My voice was a sharp whisper, my eyes narrowed beneath drawn brows.
He took that without flinching, but I knew him almost as well as he knew me. Well enough to see the flicker of doubt and the shadow that passed through his light colored eyes. He blinked slowly, but held my stare. “You know, I don’t get what motivates you these days. Don’t know why the hell you’d show up with a woman with a rep like Missy Rivera when yesterday you had a sweet piece like Shaina Bentley on your arm. Seemed like there was something there. But then I guess this is so typically you.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means you act like an asshole. Shoot yourself in the foot every fucking time things are going right for you.”
I shook my head.
“You know it’s true. I’ve stood by and watched you push away every single person who gets close, including me. It’s the same fuckin’ pattern every fuckin’ time.” Bryan reached out and latched onto my shoulder with his hand. I wasn’t prepared for the contact. I ground my teeth together as his fingers dug in. “King and Sager are already out on you and all your shit. But Lace and me and maybe Dizzy, you got at least three who are willing to give you another chance. It’s your call though, brother. It’s up to you whether you want to meet us halfway.” His chin dipped and his gaze turned even more intense. “Stop and take a good look around you, War. You need to decide if being a one man island is what you really want. Cause there may come a time, whether you want it that way or not, when that’s all the company you’ll ever have.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Shaina
I fidgeted with the hem of my blouse. I’d changed three times before settling on an outfit. I didn’t want to overdo it and appear too desperate. Frayed jeans, studded chocolate suede half boots, a low cut Henley in the same teal color I’d worn at the funeral. Maybe the color would remind him that I’d been there when he needed me then. I wished that would balance out the wrong I’d done this morning.
And I prayed, and I hoped. Prayed Warren hadn’t turned on the television and hoped he had stayed off the internet where the eddies my father had begun were already swirling like crazy.
The afternoon press junket revealed just how improbable it was that my wishes, hopes, and prayers would be answered. Everyone who had been invited had come plus some other media moguls who were so big they didn’t need an invitation. There were so many that a third of them had to watch by live feed from a nearby location since there hadn’t been enough chairs in the main conference room. From the eager looks of anticipation on the faces I had seen it was obvious they had all come hoping to get the inside scoop about War, Alex, and me.
Had the bad boy fallen for the good girl or had he just corrupted her?
To make matters even worse, my dad had showed up forcing me to stand my ground with him all over again. After all the emotions of the day, knowing what I was going to try to do tonight, it had almost been more than I could handle. My nerves were stretched so taut it felt as if they might snap beneath the strain at any moment.
Alex had been my saving grace. Always optimistic. Always by my side when I needed him.
He had taken one look at my face and scooted his chair closer to mine, holding my hand the entire time under the draped tablecloth. He had done his best to help, but the story had grown mega sized monster legs of its own. Usually when a story rampaged like this, it died out just as quickly because people got tired of all the hype. Eventually, if you didn’t continue to feed into it, it would go away. But allowing the time it’d take for that to happen was a luxury I knew I didn’t have.
I pulled in a deep breath through my nose, trying to relax, grateful to be away from the emails and phone calls for at least a little while, even if I didn’t have a lot of hope. The air was freezing cold. The temperature had plummeted as soon as the sun had gone down. A faint hint of wood smoke tinged the light breeze. The usual soothing scent failed to bring me any closer to the calm I’d been trying to achi
eve.
I knocked on the darkly stained wood door and waited. Then I waited some more, long minutes ticking slowly by. I started to shift nervously. I spun the cuff around on my watch and checked the time. It was already an hour past the party’s scheduled start time. I hadn’t wanted to arrive any earlier. It took every bit of courage I had in me to come in the first place. I didn’t know anyone, and though I still had Alex’s words of encouragement ringing in my ears, I wasn’t hopeful that the scene I was about to play would receive favorable reviews.
I was so busy digging through my bag trying to find my cell to recheck the address that I didn’t even hear his approach, but I certainly felt it when I was suddenly grabbed from behind by a pair of strong hands low on my hips.
My heart took flight. It was him. Warren had come. He was touching me. He’d forgiven me even before I apologized. Everything would be ok. Last night had meant as much to him as it had meant to me. We would work this out.
My lips lifting with a hopeful smile, I spun around too fast on my four inch heels and everything came crashing down. Hopes, smile, and me…literally. I had to grab onto him to keep from falling, adding to my humiliation by doing a face plant directly into his solid chest. Though said chest was appealing and though he smelled great, it was not the one I expected.
I felt and heard the deep chuckle that shook his entire body. I lifted my head and looked directly into a pair of whiskey colored eyes that danced within a handsome, just slightly boyish face. “I think you helped me break my own record. Don’t usually have a smokin’ hot babe on me like this until after I get her name.”
I snorted. “Sorry to burst your bubble of arrogance, dude, but I tripped.”
I tried to free my hands from his chest, but his own came up and trapped them. They were surprisingly warm, his fingertips roughened with callouses that I couldn’t help but notice as he started rubbing seductive circles into my skin.
The Complete Tempest World Box Set Page 89