by C. Larsen
"You didn't hear him, Ari. He meant every word. And the phone works both ways. If he feels so bad, he could have called me any time in the past month. He hasn't."
Ari sighs again, this time in defeat. "Fine. You guys will just have to work this out when you come back home."
"I don't think that's going to happen any time soon," I say, my voice still clipped, anger coursing through me. Just the thought of Caiden's last words has my blood boiling. Between that and my fight with Gray, I'm surprised the wallpaper in my room isn't scorched yet. "I can't leave until I have more training. With the war coming, I'm going to need all the training I can get." I say, trying to sound calmer.
"But don't you see? If you really can control the werewolves, then I think we'd be able to avoid a war, at least here. We could talk the coven into forming a truce. They wouldn’t have to worry about an attack if they knew you could stop it!" Her words trip over themselves in her excitement. "If the coven knows they have nothing to fear from the pack, then we can stop this! You have to come home and talk to Mirowski!"
"I can't do that!" Though the thought of finally returning home sends a jolt of excitement through my veins, worry suppresses it. In order for this to work, I'd have to admit to the entire coven, to Caiden, about my werewolf lineage...
"Why not? It's our best chance at a peace treaty."
"You know how much Ethan and Caiden and everyone else hates weres'. I can't tell them what I am. They'll hate me. Hell, the coven already kicked me out. You think they're just going to welcome me back when I announce I'm a half-breed werewolf?"
"But Em—"
"Besides, I don't even know how this power works. It's only happened the one time. There's no way to know if I could do it again."
"So find out."
"How?"
"Well, if you're training with the pack, I imagine you're around them all the time when they're in their wolf forms, right? Can't you just, ya know, try it out on them?"
My breath catches at her suggestion. "You want me to practice this on them without their permission? Control them without their knowledge?"
"You wouldn’t be hurting them," she says defensively. "You'll just be making sure it works, that's all. And in the end, it will ultimately be to their benefit. I mean, if you can form a truce, then none of them will have to fight and die in a pointless war, right?"
She does have a point... And who would I be hurting, really? If doing this will prevent a war, then what choice do I have?
"But you better learn fast," she adds. "Things aren't going to remain in this standstill for much longer..."
I’ve barely hung up the phone when a jarring knock comes from my door. "Downstairs! Five minutes!" Vasily barks out before tromping down the hall and yelling the same through Gray's door.
Stretching my sore muscles, I pull on a pink hoody and black sweatpants and try to prepare myself mentally for dealing with not just Vasily, but Gray as well.
Downstairs in the breakfast hall, Gray barely meets my eyes. His shoulders are stiff and there are dark smudges under his eyes, as if got as little sleep as I did last night.
After we finish our eggs before Vasily leads us outside and tells us to shift. When we're both in wolf form, Vasily drills us in different techniques to assess how much I've learned so far. Then the real challenge begins.
"Stop going easy on her!" Vasily barks at Gray, sounding like a drill sergeant. "You're not doing her any favors. How is she supposed to survive another rogue attack if you're not pushing her?"
With Vasily berating him, Gray has no choice but to show me just how out-classed I truly am. And I actually thought I was a decent fighter? Ha! Compared to Gray, my fighting skills are laughable. I can't even get a hit on him, let alone a take-down.
"Once more! Emerson, you have to concentrate! Pay attention to his body language. Watch which direction he's going in. And stop hesitating! You're leaving yourself open to attack!"
My frustration is building, and fighting with Gray this way no longer feels like a mock battle. It feels real. As if he's my enemy. As if the war has already begun and we’re standing on opposite ends of the killing field.
I stare into Gray's silver eyes, a growl rising in my chest. Arianna's plan for testing my ability has been flitting in the back of my mind all morning. Maybe it's time to put it into action.
Although I know it’s essential that I learn this if we’re to have any chance of peace among our races, my chest tightens guiltily. Though he feels like the enemy right now, I can't forget the past month we've spent together, talked together. I can't forget his fear for me when the rogues attacked, or his relief when he found me unharmed.
But if I can't find a way to end this war, pretty soon Gray and I may find ourselves on opposing sides of the field. I have to do this.
My gaze locked on his, I try to replicate what I did to the rogue when he attacked. I decide to start simple. I'll just tell him to dodge left. I gather the power inside me, feel it fill my chest, then unleash it, thinking 'left, move left!'"
"Emerson! Where’s your head at! You didn't even attempt to strike him!"
With a growl, I roll to my feet, shaking off the aftershocks of the last hit. What am I doing wrong? Last time I just said 'stop' and he stopped. What's different this time? My wolf shifts uneasily inside me, and I realize I'm trying to focus on too many things at once. I can't fight Gray and harness the energy I need to command him. I need her help. My wolf.
That's what's different. I've been keeping her chained too tightly. I need to give her more freedom. I need to give her control of my body so I can focus inward.
Trepidation sits like a boulder in my gut. I release the bonds that keep her so tightly chained. That wild feeling overtakes me, sending adrenaline and strength surging through my muscles.
I lower me head, growls rumbling deep in my chest. I have to trust my wolf's instincts while I focus on Gray. Giving up control is terrifying. I remember all too well the destruction of my living room the last time she had control. The thought of unleashing that on Gray is terrifying. However, deep down, I know she won't hurt him. If it was anyone else, I might be worried. But, somehow, I know she won't hurt Gray.
Calling up my energy from within, I feel my body explode forward, my wolf propelling us at Gray.
Dodge left! I command. This time several black lines of energy shoot out from me and sink into Gray's fur. I watch as his muscles bunch up, his shoulders shift slightly to the right, then his eyes glaze over and he stumbles, tripping over his feet as his body lurches left instead. My teeth close over his vulnerable throat. Triumph surges through my veins. My wolf preens, feeling cocky about our takedown.
"Gray!" Vasily snaps. "What the hell was that? Get your ass up and try not to embarrass yourself again!"
"I don't think that's possible," a mocking voice rings out. Zak grins mockingly at Gray. "Letting yourself get beat by a pup. And a girl at that. Tsk, tsk. Nikolay won't be pleased to hear this..."
A vicious snarl tears up Gray's throat. He lunges forward, snapping his teeth, forcing Zak to back up a step. I expect Vasily to intervene, but he makes no attempt to keep Gray from disemboweling Zak. In fact, he looks just as pissed by Zak's comments as Gray does.
"Whoa!" Zak says, face twisted into a sneer. "You might want to save your energy for Nikolay. He sent me out to get you. And he is not in a good mood."
Vasily's face darkens. "Better change back, Gray," he says reluctantly.
Vasily looks uncharacteristically nervous as Gray and Zak return to the manor. With a sigh, he turns to me. "Looks like I'll be taking his place."
While he shifts, I attempt to calm my pounding heart. All I really know about Vasily is that my mom left him at the altar once upon a time, and yesterday I mouthed off to him. No doubt he'll use this training session to put me in my place, to pay me back for my defiance last night.
My fears aren't alleviated any when he completes his shift. Though he's not as large as Gray, he's still intimidating. I k
now that, unlike Gray, Vasily won't go easy on me. His golden eyes meet mine and I prepare myself for the blow. I barely see him move. One minute he's standing across the circle from me, the next I'm lying in the frozen grass, his teeth clamped firmly around my throat. Even with my wolf in ascendance, he still kicks my ass and doesn't even break a sweat doing it.
Although I expect him to use this session to get back at me for the disrespectful way I talked to him, he keeps the training professional. I know if it was Nikolay or Ivan I was up against, they wouldn't hesitate to hurt me in the guise of ‘teaching me’.
But Vasily doesn't do that. He's tough on me. He certainly pushes me harder than Gray ever has. And he doesn't seem to have any sympathy when he sees I’m utterly spent. He never hurts me, but he does push me harder, constantly demanding more. He forces me to dig deep into my reserves, seeking out just a little more energy when I don't think I have any left to give.
And it works. Even though I've only been in his training for a day, I can already feel myself improving. I’m able to stay on my feet longer during our fights, able to push past the exhaustion and pain to fight harder and run longer than I ever have before.
The daylight has long since faded by the time Vasily leads us back to the manor for dinner. My feet drag as I stumble my way into the dining hall. This late in the night, the room is practically empty. It's only when I finish my second plate of chicken and rice that I realize I haven't seen Gray nearly all day. Even if Nikolay ordered him on patrol, Vasily and I were training for so long that he should have been back by now.
A nagging feeling of dread chases away my exhaustion. Leaping to my feet, I take the stairs two at a time, only slowing when I'm outside his bedroom door. I knock, but don't hear any noise from within. Not even breathing. I throw open the door and search the room. He's not in here. Where could he be?
I run back down the stairs to the door Zak and Gray entered earlier and attempt to track him from there. I wander all over the house following his trail, but his scent is everywhere and I can’t tell if a particular scent is minutes old or days. After searching every part of the house I can think of, I'm back at the foot of the stairs.
And then I smell it. Gray's musky scent, mixed with blood.
Chapter 31
Heart in my throat, I run back up the stairs just in time to see Gray limping toward his room.
"What happened?" I ask as I rush up to him.
He avoids my eyes and continues limping down the hall.
"Wait, stop." I grab his shoulder, forcing him to face me. I gasp at the purple and black bruises covering his face. His t-shirt is stuck to his back, crusty with drying blood. "What the hell happened to you?"
He keeps his gaze on the carpet, refusing to answer.
"Was it Nikolay? Did he do this?"
Gray remains silent, but I can tell from the tightening of his jaw that I'm right.
"Why? Why would he do this?" Then our conversation from last night floods back. "Is this because of me? Because I left last night? Gray, answer me!" I shake him, guilt and fear swirling in my gut.
His shuttered gaze finally meets mine. "Don't worry about it. I'm fine."
"You are not fucking fine! Tell me. Did Nikolay do this because of me? Because I disobeyed?"
He doesn't want to answer, but knows I won't let it go until he does. "You're my responsibility." His voice is low, hushed, as if speaking quietly will make his words hurt less. "You disobeyed a direct order. I was given a choice: punish you for your disobedience, or take a worse punishment myself."
"Gray—"
"I hope this answers your question from last night," he says, a hint of anger entering his voice. "I told you I would never hurt you. Maybe now you’ll believe me."
I open my mouth, but no words come out. What can I say? I'm sorry Nikolay punished you because of me? I should have believed you when you said you wouldn't hurt me? I'm sorry I was afraid of you?
I don't get a chance to say any of those things. Gray pulls away from my slack grasp and disappears into his room.
I stare at the closed door for all of three seconds before bursting in uninvited.
"Em, can we not do this right now? I just want to take a shower and sleep it off."
"No, dammit! You're not going to shut me out. You're hurt because of me, so get your ass over to that bed and let me heal you! Now!" I shout when he doesn't move fast enough.
He gives me a dubious look, but sits on the bed where I'm pointing. "Really, you don't have to do this. It was my choice. You don't owe me anything. I'll be mostly healed by morning anyway."
"Shut. Up." I'm so angry I can barely speak. I know it's not really Gray I'm angry with, but the way he's speaking to me, so formal and stiff, only compounds the guilt churning in my stomach. I know I deserve it after the way I treated him last night, but it doesn't lessen my annoyance. Or my guilt. "Just... stop talking. Let me fix this."
Gray gives me a strange look, but thankfully keeps his mouth shut.
"Raise your arms. Help me take your shirt off." He silently obeys, gritting his teeth when the shirt sticks to his open wounds. I have to bite my lip to keep from crying out.
His back is a mess of lacerations, skin hanging off in strips.
Tears track silently down my cheeks. I bite my lip so hard blood fills my mouth.
"It looks worse than it is." Gray's soft voice startles me. I didn't even notice him turning around to face me.
"I can't believe he—" I choke on a sob. Swallowing back my tears, I clear my throat. I gently grasp his shoulders and turn him back around. I can't take him looking at me tenderly right now. Not when he's hurt so badly because of me.
Closing my eyes, I immediately get to work healing his injuries. Unlike last time, Gray's wolf doesn't try to stop me, though I can sense his seething anger just beneath the surface. Though the damage to his back is extensive, at least scarring hasn’t set in yet so the cuts are easy to heal. I'm more concerned about his broken ribs and dislocated knee. They take a bit longer, but eventually all the damage Nikolay caused is healed.
After the long day of training, healing Gray's injuries zap the last of my strength. I sway on my feet, the room blurring in front of me. Gray reaches out to steady me.
"Thank you."
"Gray, I'm so sorry. I had no idea he'd do this to you because of something I did. I'm so sorry."
"Hey, stop it." He lifts my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes. "This wasn't you fault. It was my choice."
I give a humorless laugh. "Of course it's my fault. I did a stupid thing without thinking about the consequences. I just never imagined that he'd..." I squeeze my eyes shut against the image of Gray’s mutilated back.
"You didn't know. You haven't been here long enough to get used to our ways."
"I don't want to get used to them," I burst out vehemently. "It's barbaric. What kind of monster could do this to his own son?"
I can see Gray wants to defend his pack, but he stops himself. Instead, he thanks me for healing his back, then walks away and disappears into the adjoining bathroom. A few moments later, I hear the shower turn on.
With guilt a heavy weight in my chest, I leave Gray to his shower and return to my own room.
I toss and turn in bed for hours, unable to sleep. Images of Gray's mutilated body keep invading my mind. A knock at my door startles me, even more so because I didn't hear anyone in the hallway.
I open the door just wide enough to peer through. My heart lifts at the sight of Gray’s tousled hair, pajama pants hanging low on his hips. My gaze traces the muscles of his bare chest before I can stop myself. With a mental shake, I snap my gaze back up to meet Gray’s.
"Couldn't sleep?"
"I haven't gotten a good night's sleep since you came here. Knowing you’re only a few rooms away is very distracting." Gray's voice rumbles in the quiet night.
"You, uh, you want to come in?" I ask hopefully. I hate the way we left things earlier. Guilt still gnaws at my insides every time I thi
nk of what Nikolay did to him.
Gray's eyes warm. He follows me into the room and leans back against the door, as if he has to force himself to keep his distance from me. "I just wanted to say that I know you blame yourself for what happened tonight, and you shouldn't."
I open my mouth to protest, but he holds up a hand, stopping me.
"Just let me finish. What Nikolay did wasn't your fault. He was already looking for a reason to punish me. You just gave him a convenient excuse. He's not happy with the way I've been training you. Thinks I've been too easy on you."
I smile a little, thinking back to the grueling day I had with Vasily. "Have you been too easy on me?"
"Maybe," he says with an answering smile. "But either way, Nikolay is always looking for an excuse to exert his power over me, to remind me of my place. When he gave me the choice to punish you or take the beating myself, I knew he was bluffing. I doubt he'd risk Madelyn's ire by hurting you. But still, it wasn't a risk I was willing to take." He runs a hand over his head, looking uncharacteristically sheepish. "What I'm trying to say is this would have happened regardless if you disobeyed orders or not, so please don't feel guilty. It's not your fault."
I shake my head, glancing away from the sincerity in his eyes. "I don't know how you do it."
"Do what?"
"How you live with a man like Nikolay for as long as you have and you still manage to be so.... normal."
"Normal?" he says with a smile.
"Yeah. I mean, growing up with a father like that... it would have broken a lesser man. But somehow, despite the cruelty that surrounds you, you still manage to be one of the kindest, sweetest guys I know. I don't know how you do it."
A slow smirk appears on his face. "I amaze even myself sometimes, luna. But be careful, that almost sounds like a compliment."
"It is a compliment you arrogant ass. Try not to let it inflate your over-sized ego any more or you might be in danger of combusting."