by Lolita Lane
“I was so worried!” he told her. “They kept me away from you at the scene, and they wouldn’t let me ride with you! I nearly punched some guy out because he closed the door to the ambulance and wouldn’t let me in!”
Her heart leaped into her throat and she nearly choked.
“Did you see him?” she gasped, clutching his sleeve fiercely. “What was his name? Tell me you remember!”
“Huh? What does that matter?” he asked.
“Answer me!” she demanded. “What was his name?”
“How should I know?” he nearly shouted. “Sarah, I wasn’t looking at name tags! I was watching them drive away with my fiancée! All I was thinking about was you!”
She released his sleeve and dropped weakly back onto the bed. Eric stared helplessly down at her in disbelief.
“Baby, are you alright?” he asked her.
“Yeah, I said I’m fine,” she snapped.
“You’ve been acting strangely all week,” he told her. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
She shook her head and said nothing, staring through the cracked door and watching the nurses chatting at the nurse’s station in the hallway.
“You’re so distant,” he said. “And lately you’ve hardly said a word all day. I know something is bothering you.”
“I don’t want to marry you,” she blurted out before she could stop herself.
He blinked silently at her, and then his shoulders slouched.
“May I ask why?” he asked softly.
“It doesn’t feel right,” she said. Now that the cat was out of the bag, she figured it was time for honesty. “I like you, Eric. You’re a great guy. But…”
“But you’re not in love with me,” he answered for her.
She nodded.
“I’ve felt it for a while,” he told her.
“I’m sorry, Eric,” she said. “I know I should have told you sooner, but… well, everyone was so excited about the wedding, especially you. We’d already spent a fortune. Kimberly would have killed me. I didn’t want to hurt you. I just… I’m sorry.”
“No… don’t be sorry,” he said. “If that’s the way you feel, there’s nothing I can do. Do you want me to leave?”
“No, you can stay,” she said, somewhat reluctantly. “If you want, I mean.”
“Sarah, no matter what you feel for me, I love you,” Eric said. “That will never change.”
He pulled a chair over beside her bed and sat down. He started to take her hand, but he pulled quickly away. Then he leaned back to watch over her.
Sarah’s eyes turned toward the ceiling. As she focused on the blankness, a face came into view. Her heavy eyelids began to close, and the face remained. It always remained.
Chapter Three
After being in the hospital overnight for observation, Sarah was released and sent home. She couldn’t go to the house she’d been sharing with Eric. It just felt too awkward. So she went to stay with her grandmother for a while.
The moment she walked through the door, she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. The little house was just the same as it had already been. Neat, tidy, maybe a little dusty. After all, Granny was old and on her own. She had little time or energy to keep house as perfectly as she once had. But still, it was cozy and warm.
“Make yourself at home,” Granny said, setting Sarah’s suitcase down by the door. “I’ll make you some lunch.”
“No, thanks, Granny,” Sarah said. “I’m not hungry.”
“Nonsense,” Granny said. “You need to keep your strength up!”
Sarah slid into the squishy old rust-colored recliner that she’d called home so many times before, and as she did her phone began to vibrate in her pocket. She pulled it out as Granny disappeared into the kitchen.
The name on the phone read Kimmy. Sarah sighed and answered, ready to be chewed out.
“Hello?”
“Sarah?”
The voice wasn’t Kimberly’s, and Sarah’s brow knitted.
“Mrs. Daniels?” Sarah asked.
“How are you, dear?” asked Kimberly’s mother.
“I’m ok,” Sarah answered. “How is Kimmy?”
“Oh, dear, no one has told you,” said Mrs. Daniels.
“Told me what?” Sarah asked.
“Kimberly didn’t make it,” said Mrs. Daniels, her voice breaking.
Sarah fell silent. What exactly did she mean by didn’t make it? No… it couldn’t be.
“Is she…”
“She’s gone, Sarah,” Mrs. Daniels said, her voice drawn tight.
“No… no, it’s not possible,” Sarah whispered. “It can’t be possible. I was there with her! I’m fine!”
“She inhaled a lot more smoke than you. The doctor said she probably passed out before you and the towel she had over her face loosened.”
Hearing Mrs. Daniels struggling over her words, the quiver in her voice, the occasional sniffle… Sarah knew it was true. Her best friend… the only true friend she’d ever really had… was gone.
“This can’t be happening!” Sarah wailed. “Why her and not me?”
“You mustn’t think that way, dear!” Mrs. Daniels chastised. “Kimberly loved you like a sister! She wouldn’t want you to blame yourself or feel guilt. Please don’t!”
“I have no one now!” Sarah burst out. “I’m all alone!”
Granny rushed in and threw her arms comfortingly around Sarah’s shoulders, and Sarah buried her face in the shoulder that smelled so comfortingly of Jergens lotion. She sobbed loudly.
Granny took the phone and said, “Sarah will have to call you back.” After a pause she added, “Don’t worry, I’ll stay with her. Goodbye.”
Granny shushed her as she rocked back and forth. Sarah clung to the little woman so tightly she was afraid she might break her grandmother’s brittle old bones, but she couldn’t let go.
“I’m alone, Granny!” Sarah cried. “I’m alone!”
“Shh,” Granny whispered soothingly. “You’re not alone. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
Sarah could find little solace in this. Granny had always been there; it was true. But it wasn’t the same. She couldn’t tell Granny everything the way she had been able to tell Kimberly. She couldn’t spend nights braiding Granny’s hair and confiding her darkest secrets. She couldn’t watch terrifying horror movies and scream at the most frightening parts with Granny, and then dissolve into fits of insane laughter at their silliness the way she had with Kimberly.
“I’ve got to go stir the soup,” Granny told her. “I’ll be right back.”
Sarah reluctantly released her grandmother, who disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Sarah truly on her own. She covered her face with her hands and sobbed heavily, her heart shattering into tiny shards that blew away in the breeze of the oscillating fan that huffed in her direction.
She was truly alone.
Chapter Four
Kimberly’s funeral was unbearable. Sarah sat beside Mrs. Daniels, who clutched her hand so tightly it cut off her circulation and made her fingers throb. Mrs. Daniels sobbed quietly, dabbing her eyes periodically with a handkerchief. Granny sat behind them, patting Sarah’s shoulder now and then.
Even Eric had showed up and tried to give her comfort, but his presence only served to make her more distressed. How could she accept any goodwill from a man whose heart she’d just stomped all over on their wedding day?
“And now, I’d like to invite Kimberly’s closest friend, Sarah Brewer, to say a few words,” said the pastor.
Mrs. Daniels squeezed her hand encouragingly. Sarah took a deep breath and grasped the pew in front of her, pulling herself onto quaking legs. She nearly stumbled on her way to the podium, but Eric hopped to his feet and caught her elbow just in time, keeping her upright as he escorted her to the podium.
Sarah cleared her throat and said, “I’m not very good at speaking for crowds, and so I’m going to talk to her, instead.”
She turned to face
the casket, its shining black lid half open, and Kimberly’s freckled face appearing to sleep peacefully on its little white satin pillow. Sarah took a deep breath.
“Kimmy, you were the best friend I ever had,” Sarah told her. “I remember the way you used to fuss at me for wearing the wrong shade of lipstick, or putting my hair up when it should have been down.”
A slight chuckle arose in the audience as they remembered Kimberly fondly. Sarah continued.
“I remember all those nights we stayed up way too late watching movies in your bedroom when we were supposed to be sleeping, and knowing we’d fail a test the next day in school because we hadn’t slept. And we didn’t care.”
Sarah closed her eyes for a moment, breathing slowly and deliberately, willing herself not to fall apart. Then she opened her eyes and went on.
“I remember how you used to slam your brakes on and nearly throw me into the dashboard just because a squirrel ran across the road, and the time you sent us into a tree because you didn’t want to hit that puppy. Remember that puppy? It had such big blue eyes. You had such a tender heart you’d rather hurt us than hurt an animal.”
The crowd nodded knowingly. Kimberly may have been bossy and a bit too judgmental, but she had a heart as big as the ocean.
“Most of all, I remember you. I remember you as you were… as you are… as you always will be. The sister. The friend. The shoulder to cry on. The buddy to laugh with. My rock. I will never forget you, sister. You will live on in my heart for as long as my soul exists.”
Sarah descended the two carpeted steps that led to the stage upon which the podium sat, and she approached the casket. She kissed two fingers and pressed them against Kimberly’s ruddy lips. No, that wasn’t enough. Sarah leaned over and planted a delicate kiss directly on Kimberly’s freckled forehead, and then brushed a loose strand of her orange hair into place. Kimberly never had a hair out of place.
“Goodbye, sister,” she whispered, a single tear sliding down her cheek and landing on Kimberly’s shoulder. Sarah left it there. After all the tears she’d cried on that shoulder, it was only appropriate to leave her with one last one.
Eric grabbed her elbow and escorted her back to her pew, and she nodded politely her thanks as she slid onto the hard bench beside Mrs. Daniels.
“That was beautiful,” Mrs. Daniels whispered into her ear approvingly.
She’d done it. She’d made it through her speech without dissolving into a trembling, sobbing wreck. But she was that trembling, sobbing wreck internally. And it was tearing her apart to hold it all in. But she didn’t want sympathy. She simply couldn’t handle it, especially from Eric. She just wanted to make it through this unscathed and get home to Granny’s.
After the funeral, as everyone was leaving the church to head to the cemetery, Sarah froze. Standing in the doorway of the church she saw the EMT from the night of the fire. Scott. He strolled over to her and shook her hand.
“I’m so sorry to hear about Kimberly,” he told her. “That was a touching speech you gave.”
“Thank you,” Sarah said.
“Listen, the reason I came by was to tell you something,” he said.
“Oh?” she asked hopefully, her heart fluttering.
“I didn’t find out whom it was you saw,” he told her. “But I did find out which station responded that day. Besides mine, I mean, and I asked everyone there if they knew who it was an no one did.”
“And?”
“Well, the two stations that responded that day were mine, of course, station three, and station nine. So I’d say whoever you are looking for works at station nine.”
Her heart brightened, despite having nothing more than a mere station number to go on. She thanked Scott profusely for taking the time to come by and tell her what he’d learned.
“Oh, it’s no problem,” he said. “When I make a promise, I always do my best to keep it. I hope you find him.”
She watched him jogging down the front steps of the church, and she longed for the funeral to be over. Not only because the pain was more than she could bear, but also because she had somewhere else to be.
Watching the casket descend into the cold, dark ground was a mixed blessing. Sarah knew she’d never look upon that pale little face again, but at least she had closure. At least it was done.
Still clutching her hand in an iron grasp, Mrs. Daniels sobbed uncontrollably as she watched her only child being dropped into darkness. She made a sharp jerk forward as though she might fling herself upon the casket, but Sarah squeezed her hand and refused to let go.
“My baby!” screamed Mrs. Daniels. “My baby!”
A silent tear spilled from Sarah’s eye, and she chewed the inside of her cheek to keep from bursting into tears. She couldn’t cry. She wouldn’t let herself cry. If she cried now, she might never stop.
The crunch of soil being shoveled atop the casket was too much for Mrs. Daniels to bear. She sank to her knees underneath the maroon canopy that shielded them all from the rain, and Sarah kneeled beside her and hugged her tightly.
“She’s my baby, and they’re taking her away from me!” Mrs. Daniels wailed. “My only baby!”
Sarah could think of nothing to take the woman’s pain away, so she remained silent. She only held her as she sobbed and prayed for the strength to keep from joining her in her agony.
“Noooooo!” cried Mrs. Daniels, pawing at the ground, trying to reach the casket and stop them from covering her daughter forever.
“Stop!” Sarah demanded. “Stop it! Just let her go!”
“Nooooo!” Mrs. Daniels wailed again. “Don’t let them take her!”
Some of the Daniels family stepped over and grabbed her by the elbows, pulling her to her feet and leading her back toward the waiting procession of cars. As Sarah watched them assisting her into the back of one of the black limousines, she turned and watch shovels full of deep red earth falling atop the shining black casket, sealing her best friend away forever.
Chapter Five
Sarah entered the open bay of station nine, sidestepping the hulking red truck as she scanned for signs of life. Someone stepped in front of her.
“Can I help you?”
She eyed the towering man suspiciously as he peered down at her, obviously awaiting her response.
“Uh… I think I’m looking for one of your firefighters,” she answered.
“Well, you found one,” he grinned. “What can I do for you?”
“No,” she said. “I mean… I’m looking for a specific one.”
“Oh,” he said, his face falling. “Which one?”
“I don’t know,” she answered. “I saw his face the other day, and I thought I recognized him. But I don’t know his name.”
“You gotta give me something to work with,” he told her. “If you don’t got a name, at least give me a hair color or something.”
“Brown,” she said quickly. “His hair is brown.”
“Well, that’s just about all of us,” he answered. “Except Tommy. He’s bald.”
“Well… um… gosh, I don’t know,” she said, growing frustrated. “I think he saved me from a house fire last week. It was my wedding day, and…”
“Oh! Are you the bride?” he suddenly laughed. “Holy shit! You’re the talk of the station!”
“Me?”
“Yeah, it’s not every day a bride nearly dies in a fire on her wedding day, ya know?” he said, slapping her on the back. “I know a couple of the guys who ran that call. I wasn’t working that day, but… hey, Mack! Come here a minute!”
A short, stocky man emerged from a room in the back and approached them. He nodded politely at Sarah and then looked at the tall guy.
“What’s up, L.T.?” asked Mack.
“This is the bride,” he told Mack.
“Oh, you!” Mack lit up. “You were so covered in soot last time I saw you that I didn’t recognize you. How are you?”
“I’m fine,” she answered. Then she blurted out, “Do yo
u happen to know who put me into the ambulance?”
He shrugged.
“There were several of us working that day,” he told her. “I don’t exactly remember. Why?”
“Everything was such a blur that day,” she explained. “I couldn’t see much, but I kept hearing this voice that sounded so familiar. Then just before the ambulance doors slammed shut, I saw this face that I could swear I remember. But I only caught a brief glimpse. It wasn’t enough for me to remember who he is.”
“Happens a lot, actually,” said Mack.
“What? People thinking they recognize firefighters?” she asked.
“No, no, no,” he said. “When people experience trauma or severe illnesses, they feel confused a lot. That might be why you can’t place the face.”
“Oh, I see,” she said. “Well, do you think you could find out who it was? He was the one who closed the doors just before the ambulance left.”
“I’ll do what I can,” Mack said. “L.T., you got the schedule for that day?”
“Yeah, I’ll get it,” said the Lieutenant.
Moments later, the giant man emerged with a sheet of paper, which he handed to Mack. He shoved it toward Sarah, who scanned the names.
Just then a door opened, and she glanced up. Her heart stopped. It was him. Her mouth fell open, and the Lieutenant and Mack turned their heads.
Their eyes locked, and in that instant she knew. Their eyes had locked once before, many years earlier. The realization washed over her, sending shivers down her spine, and in that instant, she could see in his eyes that he remembered, too.
As he approached her, she was breathless. It had been so many years since she’d seen him, but it felt like it was only yesterday.
“Sarah,” he said.
“Luke,” she replied.
“How many years has it been?” he asked.
“Oh, about twenty,” she answered. “How have you been?”
“Alright, I guess,” he said. “Just working. You know.”
She nodded and said, “Me, too.”
“Lukey!” called a grating female voice.