by Lolita Lane
Her fingers slid up the side of his hand and rested atop it. His skin felt so familiar. She remembered how it had felt against hers. How his hands had so often caressed her body, touched her cheek. How his lips had felt when he kissed her. To Sarah, it was if all the twenty years that stretched between then and now hadn’t happened, and they’d been together only yesterday.
They’d been so close back then. Sure, they were immature. They both made mistakes. He wasn’t the only one who had made them. She made her share, too. She had been too young and impetuous to really understand him. All she saw then was her own pain, without regard to anything he might be going through. Now she regretted it all. If only she’d known then how desperately she would miss him all those years.
She dropped her head to his mattress, unable to think of anything else to say to him. She listened to the faint rhythmic hiss of his ventilator, and she was soon lulled to sleep.
“Ma’am?” a voice woke Sarah softly.
She stirred and wiped the corner of her mouth across the back of her wrist and peered up at the nurse in confusion.
“Ma’am, visiting hours are over,” the nurse said gently. “Unless you’re family, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“What time is it?” Sarah asked.
“It’s 8:30,” the nurse answered.
“Oh, gosh, sorry,” Sarah muttered. “Ok, I’m going.”
The nurse left her to say her goodbyes, and Sarah leaned over Luke and told him, “I’ll be back tomorrow.”
She longed to kiss him, but after already kissing his cheek earlier in the day, she felt too ashamed to do so again. After all, he wasn’t her fiancé.
As Sarah left the room, she couldn’t help but glance back at him and wish she could stay. He looked so all alone lying there. But she forced herself to leave, closing the door behind her.
Chapter Ten
It was Sarah’s day off, and she drove straight to the hospital. She felt more confident on this visit, and she tapped lightly on the door. No one answered, so she pushed it open. The bed was empty.
Thud.
Her heart felt as though it stopped. She clutched her throat and staggered backward. She bumped into someone, and she whirled, her face ashen, to face a nurse.
“Where is…”
“That patient was moved to the third floor this morning,” the nurse said.
Sarah breathed a sigh of relief. He was out of ICU. That must be a good sign. She smiled faintly.
“So he’s doing better?” Sarah asked.
The nurse shrugged. “Third floor is long-term stays,” the nurse said.
“What room number?” Sarah asked.
“I can’t tell you that unless you’re family,” the nurse said.
“I am!” Sarah said quickly.
“Ok, give me the access code and I’ll look it up for you,” the nurse told her.
“Access code? They didn’t tell me I needed an access code,” Sarah said.
“Well, go get it from someone and then you can access his room number and status and such,” the nurse told Sarah. “You can’t get anything without it.”
“Thank you,” Sarah said dejectedly.
She started to leave the hospital, but she couldn’t. She just couldn’t force herself to go. She stopped in the lobby and just couldn’t make herself exit the building. She had to get his room number somehow.
Rick! I’ll call Rick, she thought.
His phone rang several times, and Sarah was just about to give up when he finally answered.
“Rick! It’s Sarah Brewer!” she beamed into the phone.
“Sarah! It’s good to hear from you!” he told her. “What can I do for you today?”
“I need another favor,” she admitted. “Just a teeny one.”
“So soon?” he asked. “What is it?”
“I need a patient’s room number.”
“Sarah,” he said, his voice changing in tone. “I can’t do that. It’s a HIPPA violation.”
“Now, Rick,” she said. “Disclosing room numbers isn’t a HIPPA violation if I know the patient by name, and you know it.”
He sighed and said, “Fine. But I could still lose my job. It’s hospital policy.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” she promised. “And I do know the patient personally. I’ve known him for over twenty years.”
“Then why don’t you already have his room number?” he challenged her.
“Because we haven’t seen each other in a while,” she replied. “Please?”
“Fine. Name?”
“Luke Hargrove.”
“One of the firefighters?”
“Yes. Can you give me his room number?”
“Ok, fine, fine. 329. And don’t tell anyone where you got it,” he reminded her.
“You have my word,” Sarah promised. “Thank you.”
The elevator dinged just as she hung up the phone, and she stepped inside it. Her face fell as she was greeted by Lacey.
“Sarah!” Lacey beamed fondly and held the elevator door. “Are you here to see Luke?”
“Yes.”
“He’s been moved,” Lacey said. “He’s on the third floor now. Room 329. I just came from here. I can’t stay long. I have spinning class.”
“Spinning? Like… wool?” Sarah asked.
“No, silly! Spinning! You know, exercise? Indoor cycling? Stationary bikes?” Lacey chirped. “I’m going to be late. Gotta run!”
Lacey let go of the elevator door, and it slid shut as she jogged cheerfully through the lobby. Sarah punched the three button so hard she could have sworn she heard it crack.
Her fiancé is lying in a coma in a hospital bed, and she’s going to work out at the gym? Sarah shook her head in disbelief. She wanted to strangle the perky thing until her eyeballs popped from her head and rolled across the floor.
As the doors slid open, she was even more eager to get to his room. He had no idea what his fiancée was doing behind his back, or that she cared so little about him that she was going to the gym while he was lying there possibly dying.
She started to tap on the door, but a nurse startled her by saying, “Just go on in.”
She turned and saw the same nurse from the fourth floor the day before.
“It’s you!” Sarah said. “Don’t you work upstairs?”
“I was just filling in yesterday,” she said. “I normally work this wing.”
“Oh, I see,” Sarah said. “Well, I’m glad to see you. Has he had any visitors today?”
“Just that ‘fiancée’ of his, if you can call her that,” the nurse muttered. “Do you know she never spends more than five minutes in his room before she’s off again for hours?”
“And no one else has been by to see him?” Sarah asked.
“Not a soul that I’ve seen,” the nurse said. “Such a shame. I’m glad you come by. Are you a sister?”
“Just a friend,” Sarah answered. “I’ve known him since we were teenagers. We actually met at the bowling alley.”
“You don’t say,” the nurse said. “Well, at least he has one friend. Sure doesn’t look like he has anyone else.”
Sarah looked sadly at the door. Whatever he’d been through in his life, it certainly seemed like he needed her. No friends, no family… not even a single one of his coworkers had stopped by to see him? And his fiancée kissing someone else in the cafeteria while he lay in a coma upstairs.
“Go on in,” she nurse said.
Sarah turned and started into the room, but she quickly face the nurse again and glanced at her nametag. “Thank you, Sandy. I’ll be here every chance I get.”
Sandy smiled and nodded, and she jogged off to answer an alarm that was sounding down the hall. Sarah turned and opened the door.
There he was. She felt the little pitter pat down deep inside her that she’d felt every time she saw him since the first day they met. The little pitter pat that told her he was the one. Why hadn’t she listened to it all those years ago?
His bruises looked even worse than they had the day before, and the swelling had increased. He was unrecognizable. She ached for him.
She grew bolder, and she reached out and took his hand. What should she be worried about? His ‘fiancée’ was a trifling whore who didn’t give a damn about him anyway. That much was clear. And whom else did he have? No one as far as she could tell.
Sandy strolled into the room and took note of his vital signs. She checked his IV and picked gingerly at his bandages.
“You should talk to him,” she said. “They say a lot of comatose patients remember the things people say when they wake up.”
“Do you really think he’s going to wake up?” Sarah asked.
“I think he has a much better chance of it if you hang around,” she said, patting Sarah on the shoulder.
“Why me?” Sarah asked.
“Because you’re here,” she answered. “And you care. It’s obvious.”
“Is that enough?” Sarah wondered aloud.
“I think so. And I’ve been working with coma patients for years.”
Sandy let the room, and Sarah squeezed his hand.
“I have no idea what to say or where to start,” Sarah said. “But since Nurse Sandy seems to think it’ll help if I talk to you, I guess I will.”
“It’s hard to believe it’s been over twenty years. But I want you to know I never stopped thinking about you. I’ve had dreams about you. I’ve… well, damn, I’ll just say it. I’ve never stopped loving you.”
“And I don’t even care if it’s inappropriate for me to say any of this. Because your fiancée… well, it’s not my place to say it, but I just don’t care! I just have this crazy feeling, Luke. Maybe it’s not really so crazy, but I just feel something stirring inside me. In my heart.”
“I guess I’m rambling, but they say this kind of feeling is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing, and I just don’t want to let it slip by. I don’t know how you’ve felt all these years. I don’t know if you ever thought of me at all. All I know is I’ve never been able to get you out of my mind or my heart, and… well, I just wish we had another chance. Maybe it wouldn’t work out, I don’t know. All I know is that I want to try.”
“Luke?” she asked, leaning forward and hoping he would stir.
She held her breath and waited. She wasn’t sure what she expected. Maybe it was the whole fairytale romance with the handsome old flame awakening from his coma and telling her he had never forgotten her either, and that he’d fought so hard to survive so he could tell her how much he loved her. Regardless of what she hoped for, he remained stonily silent.
She sighed heavily and slouched back in her chair, disappointment clouding her face. She still clung to his hand, refusing to let it go.
She could think of nothing else to say, and as she sat there holding his hand, her eyelids grew heavy. Her head drooped backward, resting on the chair back. Soon, she was dozing peacefully.
An alarm bell shrieked loudly, startling Sarah from her nap. She gasped as a nurse dashed into the room, her face ashen. The nurse pressed the call button as she frantically tapped the screen of one of the machines Luke was hooked to.
“Yes?” called a voice through static.
“Code blue in 329!” the nurse shouted.
Almost instantaneously, a bell sounded three times out in the hallway, and a voice said, “Code blue, room 329! Code blue, room 329! Code blue, room 329!”
“What the hell is happening?” Sarah demanded.
About half a dozen people flooded into the room in a flurry of activity. Sarah stood up and flattened herself against the wall as she watched in horror as the sea of scrubs descended on Luke.
“Get her out of here!” shouted a man, waving in Sarah’s general direction.
A nurse grabbed her arm and pulled her from the room, leaving her alone in the hallway as she closed the door. Sarah stood staring at the door in disbelief. What was happening? She turned around, her eyes searching desperately for answers. She spotted a young woman wearing scrubs talking to a couple further down the hallway.
“Please!” she shouted, dashing up to the young woman. “What’s happening with my… friend?”
“Who are you talking about?” asked the young woman, glancing apologetically at the couple who had just been interrupted.
“Luke Hargrove… in room 329,” Sarah answered. “They said something about a code blue.”
The young woman’s face froze, and she touched Sarah’s arm gently. “Code blue means someone is need of resuscitation. It usually means cardiac arrest.”
Sarah collapsed into a nearby wheelchair and stared at the wall. The nurse asked her if she was ok, but nothing registered but a dull humming sound. The hallway began to spin in a swirling vortex of colors and shapes, and she gripped the arms of the wheelchair until her knuckles ached.
“Ma’am? Are you alright?” the nurse asked, shaking her shoulders lightly.
“I… I don’t know,” she said as her head swam terribly.
“She’s gonna faint,” said one of the people the nurse had been speaking to.
“Stay with her,” the nurse ordered the couple.
A moment later, she returned and held a small white packet under Sarah’s nose. The burning scent wafted up her nose, and she gasped, suddenly coming into sharp focus.
“Is he…”
“I don’t know,” the nurse said. “They’re still in the room.”
On wobbling knees, Sarah pulled herself to her feet and, using the wall to steady herself, she made her way back down the hallway. She could tell the commotion in the room had subsided somewhat, but she wasn’t sure what that meant. She reached for the door handle, and it suddenly jerked open just before she touched it.
Nurse Sandy put her hand on Sarah’s shoulder and said, “He’s fine.”
“Thank god,” Sarah said quietly.
She hadn’t even seen Sandy enter the room, but she felt so much better knowing she’d been there. Sarah stepped aside as a flood of scrub-clad people slowly flooded from the room, and when Sandy nodded her go-ahead, Sarah peeked into the room and made her way back to his bedside.
“I don’t give a damn what happens, I’m not leaving your side until I have to,” Sarah said, taking his hand.
She noticed that evening that no one questioned her at 8:30 when visiting hours were over, and she stayed late into the night. She finally had to go home to get a few hours of rest before work the next day.
Before leaving, she boldly kissed his cheek and whispered, “I love you.”
Chapter Eleven
Work was hellacious the next day. She could think of little else other than Luke, and anxiety clawed at her stomach like a caged animal desperate to flee the confines of its prison. The code blue kept racing through her mind over and over.
Fortunately, it was a slow news day. She typed up a couple of small pieces on grand openings in the area, and called it a day. She went straight to the hospital and wasn’t entirely surprised to see that Lacey wasn’t there. Nurse Sandy said she hadn’t been by all day.
Sarah scooped up Luke’s hand and held it fondly as she prattled away about her day. She hoped her presence, her voice, might help him pull through.
“I really wish you’d come back to me,” she told him late that evening. “I miss you. I’ve missed you all these years we’ve been apart. I miss the friendship we had. I miss the closeness. I just miss you.”
She jumped. Did she feel his finger twitch?
“Luke?” she asked. “Can you hear me?”
His finger twitched again, and then his lip. His eyelids fluttered, and he turned his head from side to side and muttered something.
“Oh, my god!” she gasped.
Quickly, she pressed the nurse call button. Sandy’s voice said, “Yes?”
“Sandy, quick! I think he’s waking up!” Sarah screeched excitedly.
“Coming!”
Sandy answered.
Moments later, Sandy entered the room and stood by Luke’s bedside. Sarah squeezed his hand encouragingly, and he continued mumbling and shaking his head.
“Is he dreaming?” Sarah asked, and Sandy shrugged.
“Luke? Can you hear me? It’s Sarah,” she said, leaning over him.
“Lacey,” he muttered.
Sarah’s heart sank into her stomach and knotted there in one nauseating lump. She swallowed hard.
“Lacey isn’t here,” she told him. “It’s Sarah.”
“Lacey,” he muttered again.
Sarah shot a worried glance at Sandy, who gave her a look of pity and helplessness.
“Should we call Lacey?” Sarah suggested, though it was the last thing she wanted to do.
“I supposed so,” Sandy said, but Sarah could sense her reluctance. “I’ll go check the computer and see if her number is listed in his emergency contacts.”
Sandy hesitated, but she finally cast a final glance at Luke and left the room, leaving Sarah holding his hand and stroking his hair gently.
“Luke, it’s Sarah,” she said. “If you can hear me, can you squeeze my hand?”
At first, he lay still and quiet. But seconds later, he weakly squeezed her hand. She smiled slightly.
“The nurse is calling Lacey,” Sarah said, her stomach lurching. “She should be here soon.”
His eyelids fluttered again, and he muttered something incoherent. He squeezed her hand a little harder.
“What is it?” she asked gently, leaning close.
“Where… where…” he mumbled.
“Lacey should be on her way,” Sarah said. “The nurse is calling her.”
His eyes opened slightly, but he squinted at the bright light above his bed. Sarah quickly dimmed it for him. His eyes opened more fully, and he looked directly at her.
“Where…”
“The nurse is calling Lacey,” Sarah said.
He shook his head.
“Where…. have… you… been?” he managed to say.