by Nick Payne
Alan Just say it, Joy.
Joy It can seem as if you’re only interested in the one thing.
And I don’t know what to do.
…
Alan It’s been difficult for me as well, you know.
A year is an incredibly long time, Joy.
Joy Is it?
Alan It is if all this continues to drag on and on, yes.
Joy That is exactly –
Alan If all this continues to drag on and on –
Joy That is exactly why I want us to try and –
Alan This could end up being it.
That’s it.
We come home, we fuck around kissing one another and then we go to sleep.
And I’m sorry, Joy, but I refuse to –
Joy You’re not listening –
Alan No.
I am.
I am listening to you, Joy.
Now either you want to fuck me, or you don’t.
Joy I wish you didn’t have to be so coarse.
Alan Answer the question, Joy.
Joy It’s not as simple as –
Alan You can’t, can you?
Or rather you can.
You just don’t want to.
Joy, I’ve been seeing someone.
It’s the reason I was late.
Enter Waiter.
WaiterHi there, sorry to have kept you waiting.
Are you ready to order?
Joy I think so, yes.
Waiter Great. What can I get?
Joy I’d like the –
Alan Joy –
Joy I’d like the quattro formaggi please.
Waiter Any side salad or olives with that?
Alan Can you fuck off for a moment, please?
Joy Alan –
Waiter Sorry?
Alan I said, can you fuck off?
Joy Alan!
Waiter …
Joy I’m sorry.
Would you mind giving us another minute or two?
He always has trouble making up his mind.
Exit Waiter.
Alan watches Joy.
Alan Joy.
Joy, will you look at me please?
Joy does so.
Joy, I –
Joy stands. She exits.
Alan, alone.
TWENTY
Simultaneous: Michelle’s bedroom, and the home of Stephen’s father. Night.
Michelle’s bedroom: Tim and Michelle.
The home of Stephen’s father: Stephen.
Tim I went for extra safe, I hope that’s okay?
It says that they’re slighter thicker, with extra lubrication.
…
D’you wanna.
Tim and Michelle get into Michelle’s bed.
Somewhat sheepishly, Tim and Michelle begin to remove all of their clothing.
The home of Stephen’s father. Enter Joy. She carries a plastic bag.
Stephen …
Joy I didn’t wake you, did I?
Tim Should I put the condom on?
Michelle You might have to.
Tim ?
Michelle You might have to practise a little of.
We might have to warm up a bit first.
Tim Right. Right.
Okay, okay.
Cool.
Absolutely.
Tim moves to go underneath the duvet.
Michelle Tim.
Tim freezes.
Tim and Michelle, close.
Tim goes under the duvet.
Joy You said that I hadn’t changed.
Stephen …
Joy Didn’t you?
Stephen Yes, yes, I did. I did.
Joy Did you really mean that?
Stephen Joy, are you –
Joy Will you come here, please?
Stephen …
Joy I would be grateful if you would come a little closer.
Stephen does so.
Do I look the same now?
Stephen …
Joy Stephen?
Stephen Yes, yes.
You do.
Joy I broke my nose.
I broke my nose.
Tim comes up from underneath the duvet.
Tim Alright?
Michelle nods a little.
D’you wanna …?
Tim opens the box of condoms and takes one out.
Tim puts on the condom and, with a certain degree of tenderness, Tim and Michelle begin to have sex.
Joy I was in an accident.
Stephen, I was in an accident.
Stephen It doesn’t show.
Joy What?
Stephen Your nose. You wouldn’t know.
Joy It was incredibly swollen.
It was horrible.
Stephen Joy, you look incredible.
Joy I’m not asking you to feel sorry for me.
Tim Are you okay?
Michelle A bit slower maybe.
Tim Slower?
Michelle A bit, yeah.
Tim Absolutely.
Stephen Is there anything I can get you?
Joy Stephen, will you have a naked picnic with me?
Stephen A naked –
Joy Picnic, that’s right.
It’s supposed to be a great deal of fun.
I’ve got some sausage rolls, breadsticks and a bottle of Merlot.
What do you think?
Stephen Absolutely.
During the following: Joy removes her coat. She is wearing only underwear.
Stephen begins to undress.
Stephen undresses until he is wearing only boxer shorts and socks.
Stephen and Joy sit on the floor.
Joy opens the sausage rolls etc.
Tim I think I’m gonna.
Michelle What?
Tim I think I’m sort of about to.
Michelle Really?
Tim Yeah, yeah, I think I’m –
Tim orgasms.
Michelle clutches at Tim.
Stephen watches Joy.
Joy I told Alan that you and I had slept with one another.
You tried to kiss me and you shouldn’t have.
I have absolutely no interest in sleeping with you, Stephen.
But, for whatever reason.
I am glad that Alan is not the only man I have ever slept with.
And.
I am glad that that other man is you.
You were incredibly kind to me, Stephen.
We simply lay there, didn’t we?
Stephen We did.
Joy In your arms.
Michelle and Tim slowly begin to separate.
Tim Are you warm enough?
Joy Yes.
Stephen You’re not too cold?
Michelle I’m fine.
Tim You look absolutely incredible.
Joy What?
Stephen You.
You look.
Joy What would you say, Stephen Moore, to a little bit of a dance?
Joy stands.
Joy gestures for Stephen to stand.
Stephen does so.
Joy and Stephen tentatively position themselves for a slow dance.
Joy and Stephen, very close to one another, begin to dance. They move incredibly slowly, seemingly hardly moving at all.
Simultaneously with the above: Tim removes the condom.
Tim Shit.
Michelle What?
Tim …
Michelle Tim.
Tim I think it’s.
Michelle What?
Tim The end, I think it’s sort of.
Michelle checks the area around her on the bed.
Michelle Fuck.
Tim Shit.
Michelle Fuck, Tim!
Tim Fuck, Michelle, I –
Michelle FUCK.
Tim It’ll be alright, it’ll be alright.
Michelle gets out of bed and hurriedly begins getting dressed.
Tim Michelle.
Michelle.
Michelle You have to go.
Tim What?
Michelle GO.
Please.
Tim, please.
Tim gets out of bed and gets dressed.
Tim moves to go, stops.
Tim …
Exit Tim.
Stephen separates from Joy.
He clears Joy’s hair away from her face.
He watches Joy, close.
Stephen …
Joy kisses Stephen on the cheek, soft, tender.
TWENTY-ONE
Joy.
Joy I noticed a girl in the supermarket last week wearing a T-shirt that said ‘Too Young To Fuck’.
‘Fuck’ had been spelt F, star, star, K.
She couldn’t have been any older than thirteen.
Thirteen at most.
I followed her around the supermarket.
The T-shirt was a bit small and she had a peculiar kind of pot belly that was poking out underneath the T-shirt and hanging over her waist.
She was sucking her thumb.
She was waddling around the supermarket, sucking her thumb the entire time.
I wanted to pick her up and scoop her away.
I wanted to pick her up and scoop her away.
TWENTY-TWO
Joy’s office. Day.
Joy and Michelle.
Joy Hello, Michelle, how are you?
Tim mentioned that you might be coming round for dinner at the weekend?
Michelle …
Joy Do take a seat.
Michelle doesn’t sit down.
Michelle Thanks for fitting me in.
Wanted to try and see you before school.
Joy I understand.
Michelle Obviously this is a bit weird.
Because.
Joy You mustn’t worry.
Michelle I was wondering if you could write me a prescription for the morning-after pill?
I googled it this morning and I’m pretty certain it’s been less than seventy-two hours and –
Michelle is growing upset.
I’m sorry.
Joy shakes her head a little.
This is pretty fucking stupid, isn’t it?
Joy Not at all.
Michelle wipes her eyes.
Michelle, would you mind if I asked you a couple of questions before writing you out a prescription?
Michelle shakes her head.
When was it that you had sex, Michelle?
Michelle It was Friday night.
Joy Friday night just gone?
Michelle Yeah.
Joy And was the sex. Entirely unprotected, or was there a –
Michelle No, we used a condom.
Joy I understand.
Was there a problem then, that you came across, when using the –
Michelle I think it might just have been a really old one.
The box was covered in dust.
Joy Have you used contraception before?
Michelle nods.
And you didn’t come across any problems on previous occasions?
Michelle Previous.
Just once.
Joy Sorry.
On the previous occasion, when using contraception, you found that you were able to –
Michelle It was fine, yeah.
Joy Would you mind if I asked briefly about the age of your current partner, Michelle?
Michelle He’s not really a partner.
Joy He’s not?
Michelle Not.
No, not really, no.
Joy Would you like him to be?
Michelle nods.
And in terms of age then, again, if I could –
Michelle We’re the same age.
Joy Thank you, Michelle.
Last few questions.
Were you. Competent, throughout?
Michelle How d’you mean?
Joy Were you under the influence of any –
Michelle No.
No, no, not at all.
Joy Thank you, Michelle.
Joy writes Michelle a prescription.
Have you ever taken anything like this before?
Michelle shakes her head.
Have you read about what it is that it does?
Michelle …
Joy The pill that you will take contains a hormone that will stop your ovaries releasing eggs. Also, the pill affects the lining of your womb, making it less sticky than it usually is, meaning that any fertilised eggs simply won’t be able to stick to it.
Does that all make sense?
Michelle Yeah.
Yeah, thanks.
Joy The only other thing to say of course, is that if within the next three weeks your next period hasn’t begun, then I’m afraid the pill is unlikely to have worked.
It’s rare, of course, but it can happen.
If this is the case, then please do of course come back and see me again.
Otherwise, if you’d rather, it’s probably worth buying a pregnancy test.
Michelle nods, growing upset.
Michelle, you can come and speak to me about absolutely anything whenever you want.
Outside of work.
Whenever you want.
Michelle Thanks.
Yeah, thanks.
Joy hands Michelle her prescription.
Exit Michelle.
TWENTY-THREE
Joy and Alan’s house, bedroom. Night.
Alan and Joy.
…
Alan Still no sign of Neil.
Odd really, isn’t it?
That someone could just.
…
Joy, I wanted to speak to you about the other night.
Specifically, actually, I wanted to speak to you about an article I read.
A couple in Australia.
Alan watches Joy.
Joy.
Joy Yes Alan?
Alan There was an article online –
Joy So I gather.
Alan Joy, please.
A couple, married, similar age to ourselves. And, the wife, she had lost all interest in sleeping with her husband.
It was driving the two of them mad.
And the husband, he had begun an affair, in the interim.
But when he told her about it, actually, to his surprise, she was remarkably accepting of it all.
In fact, they reached an agreement.
They agreed, that he, the husband, could continue to see this other woman, as long as all that goes on between them.
Sex.
If either feels that it might be evolving into something else, both have the right to draw a line underneath it.
And the wife, of this man, interestingly, she commented, that, actually, that it was a real weight off her shoulders.
Because, you see.
Now, following on from this, the reason I wanted to speak to you.
Was.
Well, Joy, if I can be completely honest with you, a similar idea has been playing on my mind.
They said that they were still in love, you see.
The couple.
They said that they were still very much –
Joy Just get on with it.
Alan Put simply then: I was.
Wondering.
If we might be able to reach a similar agreement.
To that of.
…
I love you, Joy –
Joy No you don’t.
Alan Well.
I do, so –
Joy You don’t.
Alan watches Joy.
Alan It’s a no then, is it?
…
I am trying to help, Joy.
I am trying to think about what it is that you want.
What it is that you value.
You really won’t even consider it?
Joy No.
I really will not.
Alan Well.
Then I have to say, I’m really not sure what else there is to be done.
Alan watches Joy.
He exits.
<
br /> Joy, alone.
TWENTY-FOUR
Joy and Alan’s house, Tim’s bedroom. Night.
Tim.
Enter Joy.
Joy Hello.
What’re you up to?
Tim Nothing.
Joy Nothing at all?
Tim Not really, no.
Joy I wondered if we might be able to have a bit of a talk?
Tim Okay.
Joy You don’t mind?
Tim shakes his head.
I wondered if we might be able to have a bit of a talk about sex.
Tim …
Joy Does that sound okay?
Tim Sort of, yeah.
Joy Only sort of?
Tim Well, it depends, doesn’t it?
Joy On what does it depend?
Tim Just.
Does.
Joy Do you know what the legal age for sexual intercourse is?
Tim Yeah.
Yeah, course I do.
…
It’s sixteen.
Joy And do you know that the majority of women are unlikely to reach orgasm through intercourse alone?
Tim What?
Joy You can’t just shove it in and hope for the best.
Tim Mum!
Fuck.
Joy I know it’s probably the last thing you want to hear me saying.
But.
She is beginning to grow a little upset.
We live in a culture that places far too much emphasis on the orgasm.
Tim Mum, please, seriously –
Joy But what you have to understand, is that there is so much more to having sex than simply –
Tim Mum, Mum, seriously: this is. This is.
This is properly fucking weird.
Joy Do you understand what it is that I am saying, though?
She continues to grow upset.
Tim watches her, briefly.
Tim Yeah.
Yeah, I do. Fuck.
Joy Will you promise me that you will take your time?
Tim Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Joy I mean really promise?
Tim …
I promise.
I promise.
Joy And don’t mess anyone around, will you?
Because.
She watches Tim.
Tim Okay. Yeah.
Joy watches Tim.
She pulls Tim towards her, hugging him.
She strokes Tim’s hair.
She kisses Tim on the top of his head.
Joy and Tim separate.
Joy wipes her eyes.
Joy Why don’t you go and brush your teeth and I’ll be up again in a moment to say goodnight?
Tim nods.
Joy watches Tim.
Exit Joy.
TWENTY-FIVE
English Department office. Day.
Alan and Clare.
Alan Everything alright?
Clare Wondered if we might be able to have a bit of a word, actually?