Master of Frost

by Bolryder, Terry

  “Why?”

  “I can’t love someone,” Chelle said quietly, the first time it had ever come out of her mouth with her friend. She looked up, expecting censure, but saw Talia just watching her patiently, concern in her gorgeous brown eyes.

  “What do you mean? You’re the most loving person I know. You took Luka and Dmitri in like it was nothing. You were my friend when people picked on or ignored me as a freshman. You’ve always made sure no one is sitting alone. What do you mean you can’t love?”

  Chelle put a hand on her heart. “I can love someone platonically. But when it comes to the other kind, it feels like I’m too burnt. Like that part of my heart doesn’t work right. Or maybe I’m just too scared.”

  “Why?”

  Chelle took a deep breath, remembering and wondering if she could ever share what was in her heart. How would Talia look at her? What would she think? Chelle wasn’t sure she could go that far.

  “I’m not ready to talk about it,” Chelle said, resting back against the couch and closing her eyes against the memories. They were close enough to burn her, and she didn’t feel like she could touch them right now. “I don’t know if I ever will be.”

  “I… How did I never know about this?”

  “It wasn’t something I ever wanted to say,” Chelle said. “It’s something I spend every day trying not to think about. I’ve built a life for myself. I have friends. But until Dmitri, I never realized holding back could hurt someone else.”

  Talia nodded. “But it shouldn’t be about him. It should be about you. You have a right to your feelings.”

  “I don’t even know my own feelings. I keep them inside, hidden by jokes and ditziness. But Dmitri, he makes me want to be more real. I think, if I could like someone in that way, it would be him. He calls to parts of me that are down dark hallways and behind locked doors. I don’t know how to answer him.”

  “Sounds like a good thing,” Talia said softly. “Him calling to you, I mean, even as a friend. It doesn’t sound like you can really be happy.”

  Chelle shrugged. “Sometimes I am.” Like that morning, when she’d been touching Dmitri. It was the most happiness she’d known. But based on the hurt in his expression, he probably wasn’t going to allow it to happen again, now that he knew where she stood.

  Chelle turned to Talia. “Are you and Alek mated?”

  “Yes, why?”

  Chelle took a deep breath. “I mean, I hurt Dmitri when we talked about it. I said I couldn’t ever do that with him.”

  Talia groaned softly, putting her head in both hands. “I mean, that’s your prerogative, but from what I know, it’s hard to convince a dragon when he thinks he’s found his mate.”

  “You think he thinks I’m his mate?”

  Talia nodded. “He seems serious, for sure. Like when he thought you were going to live alone with Luka.”

  Chelle couldn’t help smiling when she remembered that. “True. But what am I going to do? I can’t mate him.”

  Talia took Chelle’s hand in both of hers. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you. And I can’t make you tell me. But I do know you’re a wonderful person. One of the kindest and least judgmental I’ve known. So whatever is holding you back, it shouldn’t. You deserve to be happy. There is no reason you shouldn’t have a life like anyone else.”

  “I killed someone,” Chelle said softly, feeling her throat tighten up. “How about that?”

  As Talia stared at her, horror dawning over her expression, Chelle stood up, wanting to retreat to her bedroom.

  “I killed someone, and when they died, my heart just sort of… died, too.”

  There. She’d done it. She’d told Talia everything, and now Talia would hate her, too. She turned to run for her room, hurrying down the hallway, heart pounding with regret.

  Why did Dmitri have to come in and ruin everything? Why couldn’t she have just gone on with her life? Why did he make her open up and feel things she had no business feeling? Like guilt and empathy and the need to connect to another person, no matter how impossible that was.

  But just as she reached her bedroom, she felt soft arms close around her from behind, pulling her in close.

  It was Talia.

  What would she say now? Nothing she could say would give Chelle more hurt than she already felt.

  “I’m so sorry, Chelle. I never knew what you were going through,” Talia said, her voice slightly breaking. “But I’m not going anywhere, and I’m here if you want to talk about it more.”

  So Chelle turned around and buried her head in Talia’s shirtfront. For now, just being allowed to cry, after so long, was enough.

  * * *

  “You know you just mated her,” Luka said matter-of-factly as Dmitri sat there feeling like a pile of shit.

  His friends had picked up on the fact that there was something off with him, and Luka hadn’t been able to shut up about the fact that he’d heard some odd sounds coming from Chelle’s room.

  Alek rubbed his chin. “Well, I’m not sure if that was your intention, but either way, you need to do the honorable thing by Talia’s friend.”

  “Of course she’s my mate,” Dmitri said, standing up angrily, needing to pace because he’d explode if he stood in one place. “I’d do anything for her. I’ve been trying to from the moment we met.” He leaned against the wall, looking out the window at the courtyard. “But she doesn’t want to mate me. She said that wasn’t happening, at all.”

  Both Luka and Alek looked at him aghast, and it only made him feel shittier.

  “Look, I love her, but that doesn’t mean anything if she doesn’t love me back.”

  “Maybe it just takes time,” Alek said, obviously trying to be comforting.

  “Easy for you to say,” Dmitri said, pounding his fist into the wall, making it shake slightly. “Your mate wanted you immediately. Mine has been around me for weeks and even had sex with me—”

  “Mated with you,” Luka corrected.

  “Mated with me,” Dmitri grated out angrily, though he wasn’t sure if it was at himself or the situation. “But still doesn’t want anything with me long term.”

  “Did she really want you to be gay?”

  Dmitri snapped his head around, glaring at Luka. “You told him?”

  Luka shrugged. “It was funny, and I didn’t see the big deal. We have always told each other everything.”

  Dmitri sighed, taking a seat on one of the kitchen chairs. He knew his friends were right, and he needed to stop taking out his stress on them. It just showed how much his world was changing that he’d even kept a secret from them at all.

  Years ago, they’d relied only on each other, and that had been enough.

  But right now, Dmitri yearned to be close only with Chelle.

  Dmitri ran his hands over his face, telling himself to calm down. Then he faced Alek directly. “She just wanted me to be non-threatening. She only wants to be my friend.”

  “It is our fault as well,” Luka said. “Men in this time do not form as tight of groups as we used to. They don’t need to constantly be at the ready to have each other’s backs.” He snorted. “It seems like most of them would stab each other in the back while competing over females.”

  Dmitri grunted. “Yeah, well, I kind of get the impulse.”

  “Me, too,” Alek said to Luka. “You will understand when you find one of your own.”

  Luka just shrugged.

  “Dmitri,” Alek said. “Have you talked more with Chelle about this? Does she know you’re mated already?”

  “No, because I didn’t know. Oh no, what am I going to say to her about it?”

  “It doesn’t have to mean anything if she doesn’t know about it,” Luka said. “She can still live her life, and it won’t hurt her.”

  But it would hurt him because his heart would be evermore bound to her. And now it was permanent for all time.

  Plus, she would have his lifespan, which meant she’d notice something was wrong at s
ome point.

  “I never meant for any of it to happen. She just wanted me this morning, and…” Dmitri folded his hands in his lap, wondering how everything had gone so wrong.

  Or had it gone right?

  His mate had slept with him. Had wanted him in the morning. Had touched him all on her own. Commanded him. Taken him.

  Despite everything else she said about not being with him, her heart didn’t seem to agree.

  “There’s hope,” Alek said. “Though, I can see why you’re hurting. I can talk to Talia about it.”

  “No,” Dmitri said quickly. “I want to handle it on my own. I don’t want Chelle to feel like I’m gossiping about her.” He stood. “Maybe it’ll just take some time.”

  “I don’t know,” Luka said. “She’s definitely not acting how we would expect a mate to. Something is funny here, and I’m not sure what.”

  Alek nodded. “Maybe there’s some history Talia’s aware of that’s holding Chelle back.”

  Luka seemed to agree. “Perhaps.”

  “Can a dragon… be wrong about who his mate is?” Dmitri asked, feeling awful even as he said it. “I mean, Chelle has been our friend, the only human we met since we woke up. Maybe I got confused on things.”

  “Do you want her more than you’ve ever wanted anything in your whole life? Does it feel like your heart will burn itself to ashes if she’s gone?” Alek asked quietly.

  Dmitri nodded.

  “Then there is no mistake.” Alek stood, sweeping his pale-blond hair over one shoulder. He looked kingly even when he wasn’t trying. It was just an aspect of his birth. He stopped next to Dmitri and put a hand on his shoulder, and Dmitri had to admit it felt good, just that simple, comforting touch. “It may be a difficult journey, but we will be here to help you along the way.”

  “Thanks,” Dmitri said, straightening. He looked at both Alek and Luka, grateful for their concern. “It’s going to be fine, though. I just have to be patient.”

  “I’m not sure that’s all,” Luka said. “I think you could wait and wait and do what she wants, and still things would come to a halt. I think there is something wrong, and—”

  “Luka,” Alek said, putting up a hand of warning. “If there is, Dmitri needs to discover it, and he won’t unless Chelle trusts him.”

  “Right,” Dmitri said, standing. “So I just need to build trust.”

  He was about to walk past Alek and go back to his apartment when Alek caught him, holding him with a hand on each shoulder, rooting him in place as Alek stared at him with those cold blue eyes. “You are incredible, Dmitri. All I can say is that if fate has chosen this mate for you, she must be incredible as well. Sometimes the most difficult journeys are the most rewarding, and I can say that, throughout my journey, I have been most grateful for you as a friend.”

  Dmitri nodded, feeling his throat tighten. The statement of support and belief in him was all he needed. It soothed the tension in his soul after what had happened that morning and his mate pulling back. He nodded to Alek, not having any response to give, and walked out of the apartment, deciding to just focus on getting through another day.

  Besides, even now, with everything that had happened, the thought of seeing his mate again brought joy to his heart.

  Chapter 10

  When Dmitri entered the apartment, he was surprised to see Chelle and Talia nowhere in sight.

  Perhaps they were still talking about dragons, since that had seemed to be what she was most interested about.

  She certainly wouldn’t be stewing about that morning like he was.

  So he busied himself by grabbing his phone and looking at job openings, thinking that if he was going to be waiting for his mate for a long time, he might as well find other things to occupy him in this world.

  After all, when they were mated, he wanted to have something to give her. A way she could rely on him as well.

  A few hours later, he saw her emerge from the hallway with Talia and was surprised to see that both of their eyes were red.

  He stood abruptly, wondering what had just happened. Did she know they were mated, and now she hated him? He would promise her anything if it would help. She didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to. She could—

  “Thanks for talking,” Chelle said, hugging her friend tightly. “You’re right. I had a lot to get out.”

  “Think about what I said,” Talia said. “I know I don’t understand fully, but you can beat this. It has already taken too many years of your life.”

  Dmitri inwardly sighed in relief, glad he wasn’t the cause of her tears. Though, if he could find the cause, he’d love to just go punch that person.

  “Take care of her,” Talia said, releasing Chelle and acknowledging Dmitri. “She’s had a rough day.”

  Chelle gave Talia a grateful smile and held the door for her as she walked out. When they were alone, she turned around and leaned on the counter, looking over Dmitri’s way.

  Her pretty blue eyes were rimmed in red, suggesting recently shed tears.

  “You want to talk about it?” he asked.

  “God no,” she said, swiping at her eyes. “I think I’ve talked all I can.”

  Dmitri hated that there was nothing he could do for her. Hated that he could see her curling up inside, getting distant, as she walked to the kitchen table and sat down.

  As she sat there sniffling, Dmitri got up to get Hot Pockets out of the fridge and made them silently before bringing them over to where she sat.

  She picked one up and grinned at him as she bit into it and then chewed. “So you aren’t still mad at me?”

  He scoffed. “Of course not. I never was. A little hurt maybe.”

  She sniffed. “I’m really sorry about that. I didn’t mean to use you. I just… I’d never felt like that before about someone. I wanted to see where it led.” She shrugged, taking another bite of her Hot Pocket. “But I still can’t be normal. And I hurt you as well.”

  “You didn’t,” Dmitri said. “I mean, I got my hopes up, but that’s not your fault.” He put a hand out to cover hers, making her look over at him. “And honestly, I’m not trying to push you. If all we ever are is friends, from here to forever, then I still want you in my life.”

  She blinked. “You mean it?”

  “Of course.”

  “Oh God,” she said, leaning forward as a tear fell next to her Hot Pocket. “Why is everything making me cry?”

  “I don’t know,” he said, scooting his chair closer so he could wipe away her tear and then hug her in close. “But I know that I want to be here when you’re sad. And make you feel better.”

  She held on to him, breathing in deeply before letting him go. “I don’t deserve you. I’m not sure anyone does.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” Dmitri said, releasing her to take one of the Hot Pockets on the table for himself. “I’m where I want to be. No one else is choosing for me.” He nudged another Hot Pocket toward her. “Now eat up, because if you want, I’m taking you flying.”

  Her eyes went wide with shock and then excitement, and she set her hands down on the table, making it shake. “Seriously? Today?”

  “Yes,” he said, brushing his hands off. He hadn’t planned to do it so quickly, but he wanted to see a smile on her face. He’d fly with her, have sex with her, watch movies with her…

  Whatever it took to bring happiness to his mate.

  * * *

  “That was incredible,” Chelle said as they sat on the side of the hill they’d flown over when Dmitri was in dragon form.

  They’d had to drive a couple hours to get out where no one would be able to see them, but it had been worth it to see Dmitri in dragon form.

  Being gently caught up in his talons and lifted off the ground had been amazing, too. Unfortunately, the day was a cold one, and it hadn’t been long before Dmitri noticed she was shivering, despite the fun she was having, and he’d insisted on coming back down. He did say it wouldn’t be the last time, so she was hopefu
l. It would be so fun to fly together in the summer, over the green grass with sunlight all around.

  As light snow began to fall, she felt Dmitri put his jacket over her shoulders and looked up at him with a smile.

  “Thanks,” she said quietly, letting out a sigh of satisfaction as she wriggled into it. It smelled like her friend.

  “Of course,” he said, looking out at the landscape intently, the hundreds of trees covering the valley below.

  “And you don’t get cold at all?”

  “No,” Dmitri said, reaching up to put his hand beneath a falling snowflake. “I was made for the cold.” As she watched, the snowflake hovered above his palm, slowly growing outward with little crystals until it was almost the size of her head. Beautiful, sparkling, icy blue.

  Then with a wave of his hand, it disintegrated, leaving her staring in awe.

  “Wow. I wish I could do that.”

  He laughed. “A party trick, nothing more.” He leaned back on his elbows, seeming to not mind the snow. “Not that useful in this world.”

  “What was it useful for in your world? You already had snow.”

  He grinned. “Fighting rival dragons.” He looked up at the sky wistfully. “Protecting Alek and the people of our village. Things like that.”

  “With snowflakes?”

  Dmitri waved a hand to his side, and Chelle gasped as a huge spike of ice emerged, the size of a small building. He raised his hand and it lifted, turned, and then shot forward in the air. Before it could go far, an ice wall shot up in front of it, causing it to shatter and break.

  With a final wave of Dmitri’s hand, the wall retreated into the ground.

  “Wow,” she said, rolling onto her side to look over at him. “So I guess you’re pretty good?”

  He smiled, and his face was so handsome she almost couldn’t think straight. She loved that jaw, how hard it was. She couldn’t stop thinking about how those incredible blue-green eyes had looked when he’d lost himself to passion.

  How his huge, hard body had been still for her. How he’d let her look, touch, and feel as much as she wanted to.

  And then, even after she’d hurt him, he’d brought her here to distract her.