Love Me Like You Won't Let Go

by Toppen, Melissa

  “Thanks, Mom. I want that too.” I give her a soft smile before turning back toward the sink.

  ——

  “Thank you for inviting me to stay,” Asher says as I walk him outside.

  “My parents really enjoyed seeing you. I think it’s safe to say they missed you.” I stop on the bottom step of the porch just as he reaches the stone pathway below.

  He senses the pause in my movement, instantly turning back toward me.

  “I missed them too. I hadn’t realized how much until tonight.” He pauses. “Want me to give you a ride home?”

  “No, I’m good. I’ll have Dad drop me back off at the shop in a little bit so I can get my car.”

  “Okay.” He shoves his hands into his pockets and rocks back slightly on his heels. “Can we maybe do this again sometime soon?”

  “Dinner with my parents?” I ask.

  “Well, yes, but I was more referring to me and you. Today has been the best day I’ve had in a long time, even with you hitting me and screaming at me half the time.”

  “For the record, you deserved a lot worse,” I tease.

  “That’s probably true.” He grins. “So what do you say?”

  “What do I say about what?” I play like I don’t follow.

  “Next Saturday. Let’s take the car down to Chief’s Lake.”

  “I don’t know.” I chew nervously on my bottom lip, wanting to say yes but knowing I shouldn’t.

  “Come on. We haven’t been there in ages.”

  “It’s like two hours away,” I remind him.

  “And?”

  “And I have to work.”

  “Fine. Sunday then.”

  “Asher,” I start to protest.

  “Oh come on, B. We’re friends, remember?” He gives me a look that I can’t quite read. “It’ll be fun.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “As in you’ll wait and text me no later.” He gives me a full blown smile, the action causing my pulse to quicken.

  “I don’t have your number so how could I do that?” I cross my arms in front of my chest.

  “I can fix that,” he tells me, pulling his cell out of his pocket. He types something across the screen before he smiles up at me. “There. Now you have my number.”

  “What?”

  “I just sent you a message so now you have my number.”

  “But how do you have my number?” I ask him.

  “Same number it’s always been, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah, but how do you remember it?”

  “I only called it nearly every day for years.” He chuckles.

  “I take it you have a different number than before?” I ask, not even sure why I feel the need to.

  “Yeah.” He nods his head. “I actually didn’t have a phone for the better part of five years.”

  “I see.” The memory of trying to reach him over and over again flashes through my mind. I tried to call him for several weeks after he left. Eventually my calls stopped going through.

  “I found it easier that way. It gave me the opportunity to disconnect from everything.”

  “And everyone,” I add, feeling the familiar heaviness settle back over my chest.

  He frowns.

  “You should go.” I gesture toward his car.

  “Yeah, I guess I should.” He makes no attempt to move. “So the beach next weekend?”

  “I told you I’ll think about it.” Try as I may, I can’t fight the smile that spreads across my lips.

  “Goodnight, B.” He winks knowingly.

  “Night,” I call after him.

  I watch him cross the yard before ducking inside the car, the engine firing to life moments later. I tell myself to go inside and yet somehow I can’t make myself move. Instead, I stand rooted to the porch long after he’s driven away.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Blakely

  “So, did you tell Tyler about your little trip with Asher on Saturday?” Allie asks, flipping through her phone while the seamstress checks the measurements of my wedding dress.

  I came in today for my final fitting to see if any last minute adjustments need to be made. While the dress fits even better than I imagined it would, I still can’t seem to reclaim the excitement I felt the last time I put it on.

  “I planned to that night, but he didn’t get home until after I was already in bed,” I say, as if that’s any real excuse.

  “So you haven’t told him?” She looks up from her device.

  “No,” I admit, feeling more than a little guilty.

  “B, you can’t be keeping secrets,” she scolds. “I think it’s good that you and Asher are trying to find common ground, but keeping secrets from Ty is only going to make things worse.”

  “I know that.” I sigh. “He wants me to go to the lake with him on Sunday.”

  “Who? Asher?” she questions, sitting up straighter in her chair.

  I nod my head, kneading my bottom lip between my teeth.

  “Are you going to go?”

  “No.” I shake my head. “I mean, I don’t know. What do you think I should do?”

  “I think you should do whatever you want to do.”

  “What if I don’t know what I want to do?”

  “You know, B. You’re just too afraid to admit it to yourself.”

  “But I can’t go. Right?”

  “Technically, yes you can. But if you’re going to be spending time with Asher, you might want to give your fiancé a heads up.”

  “We’re just friends,” I start, feeling her eyes slice through me.

  “You can tell yourself that all day long. It still doesn’t make it true.”

  “Why can’t we be friends? We started as friends,” I argue.

  “You two share way too much history. If you wanna give it a go, be my guest. But don’t get mad when it blows up in your face and I give you a big fat I told ya so.”

  “So then you tell me what I should do?” I huff, holding my arms up when Jane, the woman working on my dress, tells me to.

  “Well for starters, I think you should tell Tyler before you spend any more time with Asher.”

  “She’s right,” Jane interjects, giving me an apologetic smile. “I don’t mean to involve myself in your conversation, but I agree with your friend. Better to be up front and honest. Then again, I don’t really know the situation either.”

  “Let me break it down for you, Jane.” Allie pulls her attention to her. “Imagine that the love of your life, your first love, suddenly returned after being gone for six years, and upon return made it very clear his sole purpose for being here was to win you back. But you’ve already agreed to marry another man, even though deep down you know you still love your first love. What would you do?”

  “Hard to say. I guess I would have to take a step back and really consider who I couldn’t see myself living without.”

  “There you go.” Allie points at me. “Who can you not see yourself living without?”

  “Tyler,” I say, but it’s what I feel like I should say and my heart doesn’t necessarily agree with the answer.

  “You sure about that?” Allison studies my face for a long moment.

  “I am.”

  “Then there’s your answer. Don’t go to the beach with Asher. Tell him you can’t be his friend because, let’s be honest, there’s no way that will end well. And devote your time and effort to Ty. Problem solved.”

  “I wish it were that easy.”

  “If it’s not then you’re still not being honest with yourself.”

  “Why does it always have to be one way or the other with you? Not everything is so black and white.”

  “It has to be. You can’t have your cake and eat it to. Asher or Tyler. You have to make a choice, because if you don’t you’re going to end up losing both of them.”

  “I’ve already made my choice. I’m here, aren’t I?” I gesture down to the wedding dress currently draped over my body.

  “And y
et you’re considering spending more time alone with your ex when you still haven’t told your fiancé about the first time you guys hung out. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and it was Ty keeping something like this from you?”

  “I’d be pissed,” I admit truthfully.

  “Exactly.”

  “But I’m confused. Last weekend you kept harping on me to feel things out with Asher. To find closure or some semblance of it. Now it’s like you've completely changed gears.”

  “I haven’t. I think you need to feel things out to know what you really want, but you have to be honest with Ty. He doesn’t deserve to be sitting in the background having no clue what’s happening behind his back. Trust me, I should know.”

  “Did something happen with Dean?” I ask, not believing I didn’t see it before now. She’s been distant since the moment she arrived at the shop and now she’s driving into me about being honest with Tyler.

  “No,” she clips, crossing her arms in front of herself.

  “Allison.” I give her a knowing look.

  She lets out a frustrated growl.

  “I may have found some text messages between him and his ex.”

  “So that’s what this is about.” I turn toward Jane. “Are we almost done?”

  “Yes, I think that about does it. I would like to take the seam in a little more at the bottom since your shoe selection changed, but everything else looks good.”

  “Okay, perfect.” I step off the platform and cross the room to where Allie is sitting. Sliding down into the seat next to her, I immediately reach for her hand. “Tell me what happened.”

  “Nothing happened. Not really. I was looking on his phone for a picture we took a couple of weeks ago when a text message came through. It wasn’t anything bad, just a ‘hey, how’s it going’ kind of thing. But it prompted me to look further and the two have been messaging each other for weeks.”

  “Anything worrisome in the messages?”

  “Yes and no. I mean, some could be construed as worrisome, but I don’t know if I should be worried. Maybe I’m thinking about it too much. It just bothers me, ya know? If he’s texting with his ex-girlfriend, I feel like I have the right to know.”

  “Of course you do,” I say, feeling another wave of guilt wash through me. “Have you asked him about it?”

  “No, I was going to but then I chickened out.”

  “You?” I question, causing her to snort. “I didn’t know that was possible.”

  “I know I come across all tough as nails, but deep down you know I’m softer than most. And I really like Dean. I know we’ve only been dating a few months, but I’m telling you, B, he could be the one.”

  “Then you need to talk to him. It’s better you do it now and get it out of the way.”

  “Sounds like someone needs to take her own advice.”

  “You’re right. I do. And I will. I just have to figure a few things out first.”

  “Promise me you won’t wait too long. Asher. Tyler. I don’t care. But I don’t want to see you make a choice you can’t take back and have to live with the guilt of it. It will eat you up inside. You know it will.”

  “I know. In the meantime, why don’t you go talk to Dean? We’re all finished here, anyway.”

  “You sure?”

  “Of course. Just promise you’ll text me later and let me know what happens.”

  “I will. I’m sorry for being a bitch.”

  “Feels like you’ve been saying that a lot lately,” I point out, laughing lightly.

  “I’ve been all over the place recently. I shouldn’t take my shit out on you.”

  “It’s okay. Really. We’ve all got stuff going on.” I give her hand a squeeze before standing. “Now, get out of here.”

  “I love you, B. I hope you know that.” She stands, giving me a quick hug before stepping back. “I don’t envy what you’re going through right now.”

  “That makes two of us.” We both laugh. “You’ll text me later?”

  “I will,” she promises, gathering her things before quickly exiting the dress shop.

  ——

  “Hey, can we talk?” I step into Tyler’s home office, pausing right inside the door when I see he’s on the phone. He holds up a finger, gesturing for me to give him a minute.

  “Can’t Derek do it?” I hear him say to whoever he’s talking to on the phone. “I know. Yeah. I’ve just got a lot going on here.” He pauses, listening to the other person on the line. “Okay, yeah. I’ll book the first flight out.” Another pause. “Okay, sounds good.” He hangs up the phone, letting out a frustrated sigh.

  “The first flight where?” I ask, leaning my shoulder against the doorframe.

  “I have to go to New York. You know how they’re expanding the foundation? Well, apparently the guy overseeing the transition resigned today. They need someone they can trust to step in and finish the job.”

  “And that someone is you.”

  “Guess so.” He pushes his chair back, gesturing for me to come to him.

  I don’t hesitate crossing the room and crawling into his lap. Draping my legs over his, the way I’ve done so many times before, I slide one arm across his shoulders and lay a light kiss to his cheek.

  “I’m sorry. I know it’s terrible timing with the wedding so close and everything.” He sighs.

  “It’s fine. Everything is pretty much taken care of. It’s just a matter of finalizing everything, which I can handle. How long do you think you’ll be gone?”

  “Eric said no more than a week.”

  “When are you leaving?”

  “I guess tomorrow. I have to see what flights are available.” He wraps his arms around my middle.

  “Anything I can help with?”

  “No, I’ve got it covered. How was the dress fitting today?”

  “Really good. She needs to take the length in a little more, but other than that it fit perfectly.”

  “Good. I can’t wait to see you in it.” He smiles at me and the guilt I felt earlier returns full force. “You wanted to talk to me about something?” he prompts when I fall silent.

  “It was nothing important. Wedding stuff,” I lie. “I should let you get back to work. You’ll need to get your flight booked tonight if you hope to leave tomorrow. I’m gonna go whip us up a little something to eat.”

  “Okay. That sounds good.” He lets me slide off his lap, laying a light smack to my backside as I do. He waits until I reach the door before calling after me, “Hey, Blakely.”

  “Yeah?” I turn, meeting his gaze.

  “I love you.” He smiles, his words making me feel almost nauseous. Not because I don’t want to hear them, but because in a way I don’t feel like I deserve to.

  “I love you too.” I force a smile, quickly turning and walking away.

  ——

  “So you talked to Dean?” I ask Allie, balancing my cell phone between my ear and my shoulder as I stir the pasta boiling in the pot in front of me.

  “Yeah. He claims it’s nothing.”

  “And do you believe him?”

  “I want to. It’s not like there was anything incriminating in the messages. He said she keeps texting him and he’s answering her to be polite, but if it makes me feel uncomfortable he’ll tell her to stop.”

  “Well that’s good.”

  “I guess.” She blows out a breath, still sounding unsure. “What about you? You talk to Tyler yet?”

  “Not yet. He found out he has to go to New York in the morning. I didn’t want to give him reason to worry while he’s gone.”

  “I get that.”

  “I am going to tell him, though. I haven’t done anything wrong, but he deserves to know if I’m talking to Asher. You were right about that.”

  “Well at least I was right about something.” She chuckles. “I hate to rush off but Dean and I are getting ready to go get something to eat. Okay if I call you later?”

  “Of course. You two have fun.”
>
  “Thanks, B. Sorry again about earlier.”

  “Don’t be. You didn’t say anything I didn’t already know.”

  “Talk later.”

  “Yep.”

  I wait until she hangs up before setting my phone down.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Asher

  “Hey Mary.” I wait until she looks up from the computer screen behind the reception desk before giving her a smile.

  “Oh, hey Asher.” She stops in the middle of whatever she’s doing and gives me her full attention. “What’s up? Did you need something?”

  “Actually, yes, but not related to my stay here.”

  “Okay.” She draws the word out, waiting for me to continue.

  “I’m going to look at a few houses today and I could really use a second opinion.”

  “You’re asking me to go house shopping with you?” She arches a brow.

  “Don’t act so surprised. You’re the one that so forwardly pointed out that I could use a friend. Isn’t this the type of thing friends do?”

  “I mean, I suppose so.” She laughs lightly to herself. “I just didn’t realize you were ready to make this situation permanent. A house? You sure you’re ready to make that kind of commitment given the situation.”

  “You mean Blakely marrying another man?” I state the obvious.

  “Well, yes.” She smiles apologetically.

  “When I first came back I wasn’t sure. But now, I don’t know. I feel different. Tomlin is my home. It feels right to be back here.”

  “You sure you’re gonna feel that way in a couple of weeks?”

  “I’m staying,” I say definitively. “And since I’ve made the decision, I think it’s about time I stop wasting my money here and actually invest it in something for myself.”

  “Okay,” she says, tucking a strand of red hair behind her ear. “So what time do you need me?”

  “You’ll help?” A wide smile breaks across my face.

  “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?” She shrugs, grinning. “Now, what time?”

  “What time do you get off?”

  “Three-thirty.”