by D. K Lake
Sleep with Dario.
"If it is the antibiotics that messed up your pill, then you got pregnant that week, right?"
"Yes,"
"So there's a fifty-fifty chance that it could be his?"
"Maybe."
Maverick’s forehead creases with a hundred worry lines as he pulls at his hair.
"I remember that week, I was with you every night," I say remembering all the times we fell into bed that week, making up for the three months of not being together. "It's yours, Mav. I know it is."
"But it might not be." he mutters, looking down at the floor.
I take a seat next to him.
"What are you going to do?" Maverick asks quietly.
"I don't know."
"Do you want to keep it?"
"I don't think I can get rid of another baby and live with myself. Having to live with the regret is too much. It nearly killed me last time, I never thought I'd feel normal again." I sigh.
Maverick is quiet for far too long and it makes me nervous.
"Say something, please." I beg.
"I don't know what you want me to say."
"Anything,"
"This is your decision, Paige. I can't make it for you."
"I know, but I would like your input. If I had this baby, where would you fit into the picture?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I mean, if I decide to have this baby and it's yours, will you even want anything to do with it? I get that we're still young and you've got your whole life ahead of you and this is a lot to put on you, but I've already been here before and asked all these questions. I didn't get to keep my baby the last time, but this time I have a choice. I'm not going to force you to be in this baby's life if you don't want to. I don't want you to feel like you're tied down to me."
"It already sounds as though you've made up your mind." he says, rubbing his hands together.
"I don't know exactly how I will do this on my own, but I'll find a way-"
"Paige-"
"You don't need to worry about me or feel like this is your problem."
"Are you serious?" Maverick stands up and lets out a laugh. "Isn't my problem? Have you lost your mind?" He looks at me for a moment and I'm not sure what he's feeling. "Paige," He drops to his knees in front of me. "I love you. If you decide to have this baby, I will be by your side every step of the way."
I let out a breathy laugh. "I thought you didn't want me to have it,"
"No." He shakes his head. "I know how much giving up your baby affected you the last time, I would never ask that of you."
"But we're still in college."
"I know, but life doesn't always go to plan, and as long as we're together, everything will be okay. We'll make it work."
"How?" I wipe a happy tear away.
"We don't have to live in the dorms, Paige. We can find an apartment off-campus." he suggests.
If only it was that simple.
"How would we pay for it? We'd both have to get jobs and drop out of college." Which I don't want to do but I might not have a choice.
"Paige, money isn't a problem. It never has been. I have a trust fund that I rarely dip into ‘cause Dad has been paying me an allowance every month, and when Ethan died..." Maverick's voice changes at the mention of Ethan's name. I know he misses him even if he doesn't say it out loud. Maverick finally decided he wanted to go to the funeral after much persuasion from me, and I held his hand through the whole thing, but he never cried, not once. His father didn’t even bother to show up for his own son’s funeral. "Dad uh...he transferred the rest of Ethan's trust fund into my bank account. We can afford a baby. We could afford ten if that's what you wanted." He smiles and kisses my nose.
"How would I finish college and look after a baby as well?"
"We'll find a daycare center so you can finish college. Or a nanny. Or something. There's always a way, Paige. And if I keep things up at football, Couch has already said the scouts are interested in me again. I could be playing professionally in a few years and money won't ever be a problem. I can take care of you. Let me take care of you."
"I don't know what to say,"
"Say yes."
"What if it's...what if it's not yours?"
"It won't make a difference. I will love this baby no matter what. You mean everything to me and so does this baby."
"But if it is his, then Dario will want to be involved and I don't know if I can lie to him and tell him this baby isn't his if it turns out it is."
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I won't lie and say I'm happy with the possibility that we might have to share this baby with him, but I will do it because I love you and if that's what you want, then I'm on board."
"You're too good to me."
"No, you're too good for me. So, what do you say?"
"Yes. Yes, to all of it. I love you."
"I love you too, so very much." He cups my face and kisses me with everything he's got, and we end up on the bed, legs tangled together.
"I want this baby to be yours," I murmur.
"I know…it will work out, I promise." he whispers, kissing the top of my head.
I close my eyes and snuggle up to him, thinking about our future and all the possibilities.
Chapter 17
I stare at the picture and touch the little blob. After I found out about the pregnancy, I waited two weeks before I booked myself in to see the doctor. I think I was still in shock. I haven't told anyone. Em knows, of course, and she told Spencer, but I don't plan on surprising Mom with the wonderful news just yet. Dad doesn't know either and I plan to keep it that way for a few more months. I need time myself to adjust to this before we tell everyone. Dario messaged me the day after he turned up at the dorms. He asked how I was and wanted to know what I had decided to do. I told him I planned to keep the baby and we haven't spoken since. I think he's giving me some space, which I am grateful for. He's not come around looking for me or tried to call me once, and I know he's most likely waiting for me to find him. But I don't need Dario here upsetting the applecart. Maverick has been amazing about the whole thing. He's even made a list of baby names. I told him it's too early and not to get too excited. I'm not even twelve weeks yet so it's still early days.
"I'll call you when I get there," Maverick leans down and kisses the top of my head.
"I miss you already." I pout.
"I know, but it's only one night. I love you."
"I love you, too."
Maverick smiles and picks up his duffel bag. I hate that he's leaving to go play football. It’s a three-hour bus trip, and he won’t be coming back tonight, but I don't want to hold him back just because I’m feeling needy. I'll be fine for one night.
It's just one night, Paige.
"Remember to take your pregnancy vitamins." Maverick reminds me before blowing me a kiss and pulling the door shut behind him.
I glance over at Emily and see her fast asleep with her earbuds in. She must have come back late last night when we were already asleep. I didn't even hear her.
I look at my sonogram picture again. It’s so small it looks like a bean. They measured the fetus and gave me an estimated due date and then they checked the dates and it looks as though I fell pregnant the same week I got back with Maverick. The same week I had unprotected sex with Dario.
I have two classes today and then I have the rest of the day free and plan to go and see Dario. It needs to be done. I can't put it off forever. He's probably going out of his mind, wondering what's going on. How did we end up in this mess?
No condom, remember?
I drag myself out of bed and head to the showers and don’t bother washing my hair today because I can't be bothered. I get dressed back in the room and Em starts to stir when she hears me moving around.
"Hey," she says, rubbing her eyes. "What time is it?"
"8.20." I reply. "Have you got classes today?"
"Yeah," she groans and pulls the covers over her hea
d again.
I sit at the desk and get started on my makeup. I can't exactly go over and see Dario with bags under my eyes. My sleep routine has been all over the place recently. I put it down to stress again. I mean, who wouldn't be stressed? I have no idea whose baby is inside me and depending on whose it is, will change everything. If it's Maverick's we won't have a problem, but if it's Rio's, then he's going to be in my life for the next eighteen years.
Eighteen years.
Or however many. I'm not even happy with the idea of him parenting my child. He's a drug dealer for crying out loud. There's no way I would ever let him take my baby for the weekend while he's running drugs still. We need to have a serious talk. He doesn't even have a proper home and still sleeps at the garage.
"What's with all the makeup?" Em asks, pushing the covers back and stretching. "You don't normally wear makeup to go to class."
She's right. I'm so comfortable with Maverick seeing my face bare that I stopped bothering with makeup. It seems silly anyway just to dress up to go to class.
"Isn't Mav away at some football game?" she queries.
"He is. I’m uh…I’m going to see Dario after class today."
"Ah," she says and sits up at the edge of her bed. "What are you going to say to him?"
"About?" I dap some lip balm on my lips.
"The baby, of course." She gives me a look.
"I'm not sure, but I can't hide from him forever. Are you sure Spencer won't tell my sister about the baby? I can't deal with my mom or dad finding out just yet."
"No, I already told you he's cool. He won't tell anyone."
"And Mitchel?" I fret.
"I doubt it."
"Have you asked him?"
"No, I’ve hardly seen him since your sister moved back. He's never around. I don't know what he does all day."
"He's a drug dealer." I remind. "He's probably out running drugs. You know, beating people up and things like that."
"Yeah, but he's never around. Even Spencer doesn't know where he is. It's like Kelsey moved back and Mitchel is suddenly AWOL most of the time."
I shrug. "Maybe he's in AA meetings."
"Doubtful." Em walks over to the closet and starts pulling out clothes.
"You stink of smoke." I tell her.
"Ugh. I can't be bothered to wash my hair this morning, I'll shower later."
I watch her in the mirror as she picks up her skinny jeans from last night, then grabs the air freshener and sprays them all over.
I cough.
"Em! That's gross." I laugh and start to cough again, wafting the smell away from my face. I grab my tote bag and hurry to the door. "You'll kill us with aerosol fumes," I joke.
"At least we'll smell good." she says and sticks her tongue out at me as I pull the door shut.
I decide to message Dario on the way to class.
Me: We need to talk. Are you working today?
I open the main door and move aside for a group of girls as my phone beeps.
Rio: I can make time for you. How's noon sound?
Me: Perfect. I'll meet you at the garage.
Rio: Ok
Another message pops up straight after the last.
Rio: x
I try to listen and pay attention in class, but I think I'm suffering from baby brain already. Nothing is going in and the notes I have taken don't make any sense to me. I'm freaking out over going to see Dario. I don't want to see him. I want to stay as far away from him as I can, but that isn't likely to happen now. It's funny, no matter how many times I tell myself I will keep my distance from him, something keeps pulling me back to him. And now I can't stop thinking about him, because there’s a possibility I might be carrying his child. Again. I want it to be Maverick's child just to save us all this extra aggro. My feelings for Dario are complicated and we have a lot of history that is mostly full of painful memories. I want to move on but it's so hard to forget about him, and now I might be stuck with him.
I give up taking notes and just listen instead. After class, I take Maverick's truck and drive into town and park across the street from where the garage is. I stay in the truck for a little while and try to think of what I want to say.
You might be the father, but you're a drug dealer and I need to think about what's best for my baby. I don't want you to be involved.
I cringe. He's not going to like this.
Maverick and I had discussed this. What would be best for the baby, and we both agreed it would be better if Dario wasn’t in this baby’s life. That is if it turns out to be his. Maverick wanted to come with me, but I knew the two of them would end up fighting, so I wanted to come alone. But Maverick has no idea I’m here. We had planned to do this next week, together. But I can’t wait any longer, and I need to do this alone.
The longer I sit here, the more I overthink it.
Maybe I can come back another day.
I'm about to bail when I see Mitchel's Jeep drive past, it rolls to a stop outside the garage. He jumps out and looks both ways down the street before walking inside.
I need to speak to Mitchel and ask him nicely not to tell anyone about my little situation…like my sister. I grab my tote bag, push the door open, cross the street, and take a deep breath before going inside. Loud rock music blares from a stereo in the corner, and I see several mechanics moving around.
"Hello?" says a man I don't know.
"Uh, hi. I'm here to see Rio-uh, Dario. I mean, Boston. Dario Boston." I correct myself.
The man gives me a small smile and I think he remembers me from when I was here before.
"Sure. He's in the break-room, through there." He points to the end of the garage.
I thank him and then snake around the cars and make my way to the back of the garage. I head down the small corridor and, on the right, there is a toilet and what looks like a shower room, and to the left, there's a room with a TV and couch, a small pool table, and a kitchen area. The door is ajar, and I see Mitchel sitting on the edge of the coffee table, and Dario is leaning against the back of the couch dressed in his overalls.
Mitchel doesn't look very happy about something, so I hang back a minute. I can just about hear them over the music coming from the garage.
"You're getting paranoid." Dario says, leaning forward to squeeze Mitchel's shoulder.
"What if they come after us?" Mitchel says, tugging at his hair.
"They won't. You need to stop this." Dario says firmly.
"But what if they do something? I've got Kelsey and Blue to think about. I swear I saw one of them following her around yesterday."
"Are you sure it was one of Carlos's crew?" Dario sighs.
"Yes…I don’t know, maybe not. Fuck. I don't know. I followed her all day to make sure she was okay, but I can't keep stalking my girlfriend to make sure no one is going to come after her. She keeps asking me where I am all day, what the fuck am I supposed to tell her?"
"Mitch, no one wants to hurt Kelsey. Vincent is dead and Carlos is just being difficult. Just pay him the money to shut him up and let it go."
"What if he wants more? The greedy cunty bastard always wants more. I know he’ll want more." Mitchel says frantically.
"You already gave him a payoff. We can't keep handing out money to that idiot."
"No, I mean like...what if he wants revenge."
"Revenge? Mitchel, this isn't the fucking Sopranos. You need to stop this shit. Just pay him his last payoff and tell him to fuck off. And you need to lay off the coke, man. It's messing with your head."
"What if we got rid of him?" Mitchel suggests.
"Okay. And how do you want to do it? Do you want to dig a hole this time, or should we get JT and his girl to take care of it like the last time?"
"It was just a suggestion."
"I know, but we need to be careful. We can’t go around murdering people, Mitch. Even if they are cunty bastards. Get your head together. We've already got the cops still sniffing around looking for Vincent. It won't look good i
f his cousin suddenly disappears as well. Just pay Carlos off and leave it alone. He won't do anything, not if he has any sense left after the last time you kicked the shit out of him. He spent a week in the hospital with a wired jaw."
"I don't like it. I have a bad feeling."
"How much coffee have you had today?"
"None."
"How much coke, then?"
No answer.
"Exactly. Lay off the drugs, bro." Dario gets up and walks past the door and over to the kitchen area.
Mitchel stays where he is and pulls out his phone. I'm about to make myself known when my phone goes off and beats me to it.
Shit.
I pull it out and see a message from Em asking me to buy Pop-Tarts while I'm out. I quickly silence it and as I do, the door swings open all the way. Dario raises an eyebrow at me for eavesdropping and I force a smile.
"Hi," I say, looking over at Mitchel nervously.
Mitchel doesn't acknowledge me as he stands up and pockets his phone.
"I'll see you later," he says to Dario and walks straight past me without even a hello.
"Paige," Dario finally greets me.
"What was that?" I say as soon as Mitchel is gone.
Dario lets out a breath as though he was hoping I hadn't heard anything.
"Yeah, I heard everything." I glare at him and cross my arms.
He pulls me into the room and shuts the door.
"I can explain," he starts.
I laugh. "Explain? I just heard you both talking about drugs and Mitchel wants to kill someone!"
"That's not-"
"Rio, I'm not stupid. I know what I heard."
"It's complicated, P."
"Complicated? Ohmigawd, what are you, the mafia?"
Dario rolls his eyes and goes over to open the fridge.
"Do you want a drink?"
"A drink? No, I want to know what that was all about?"
"What?" he asks, holding the milk carton and pouring himself a cup of tea.
"Are you kidding me? You're making a cup of tea right now? You were just talking about killing someone and now you’re pouring cups of tea?"