by Lilah Rivers
He would make his decision once he had taken the chance to really get to know her, just like he promised.
Until then, Jethro would have no choice but to pray as much as he could about this issue. He wanted to be in line with the Lord’s will and plan for his life, even if it was a difficult thing to discern.
Was it possible that the Lord would give him some clarity? Or would he be left in the dark?
Chapter 16
Annie was trying to relax, but her mind was straying. She couldn’t seem to get her thoughts around the frustrations she was having. It was only an hour or so before Jethro would be coming for lunch, and she wanted to take some rest before he arrived.
In the sitting room with a book in her hands, Annie thought that she could simply enjoy herself. Unfortunately, she ended up confused and frustrated, unable to focus on what was right in front of her.
“Annie? Are you all right?” her mother asked as she came into the room.
“Hmm? Yes. Of course. I’m just reading,” Annie said, defensively.
“You look unhappy,” her mother commented.
“Why do you say that?” she asked.
“Because your face is utterly contorted, and your eyes weren’t moving. You were just staring at the page. Not reading,” her mother observed.
“Oh …” Annie said, not knowing what else to say.
“Would you like to tell me what’s going on?” her mother asked.
“I suppose,” she replied.
Her mother came close and sat next to Annie, who closed her book and set it off to the side for a later time when she wasn’t so upset.
“So? What is it?” her mother asked with deep concern.
“It’s about my marriage,” Annie began.
“Oh …” Her mother sighed, clearly thinking that Annie was going to try and fight it again.
“I’m not complaining, Mother,” Annie said. “Actually, it’s very much the opposite.”
“Really? You don’t want to fight the arrangement?” her mother asked.
“No, I don’t. Honestly, I don’t think I ever did. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to marry Jethro. It’s that I know he doesn’t want to marry me, and I would love to have time to show him who I am and what I’m like,” Annie said.
“Of course you do. I understand. You know that your father is only worried because of what happened before and how hard it was to try and match you up again. It doesn’t mean that we want you to be unhappy,” she said.
“But …” Annie started to speak, but the emotions overwhelmed her. She didn’t know how to express to her mother everything that was happening in her heart. How could she tell her mother the truth when she was so broken?
“Annie? What is it?” her mother asked.
“I just don’t understand why men are so cruel,” Annie said, releasing the words into a heavy sob.
“Oh, Annie! What do you mean? Why do you think they are cruel? What happened?” her mother asked.
For a moment, she tried to gather herself. It wasn’t easy, but she tried, and finally, she was able to speak.
“I know that Jethro doesn’t want to marry me. I believe that I deserve love. I want to have freedom, the freedom to be happy in my marriage and not simply having to fulfill a duty,” Annie said, nearly shaking with the pain of it.
Her mother looked emotional as well, and Annie knew that it pained her to see her daughter hurting so deeply. Her mother reached over and began stroking Annie’s head in a manner of comfort.
“I want to be loved by my husband. Not simply tolerated by him, but loved. I shouldn’t have to settle. You and Papa didn’t settle for one another. It was always about love for the two of you,” Annie said.
“Yes, it was. And you’re right, Annie. You do deserve to be loved. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but I really do believe, as does your father, that love is going to come to you. You and Jethro will get past the difficulties that you are facing now,” she said.
“But how?” Annie asked.
“You have to continue showing Jethro who you really are. I know it isn’t easy when you feel that you need to impress him—”
“That has never been my aim. I can only be myself. There is no point in my trying to be anything otherwise,” Annie said.
“Good. You must continue that way. You need to let him see that he can trust you and that you are not someone who dishonors commitments,” her mother said.
“I am nothing of the sort,” Annie said, her tone filled with tense frustration.
“Well, to those who know that you ended your engagement so abruptly, it appears otherwise,” her mother said.
“And those people have no idea the reason behind that decision,” Annie said.
“Well, neither do your father and me. I wish you would tell us, honestly. You ended it without consulting us, and it was very public, Annie. Without giving a reason or defense, what do you expect people to think?” her mother asked.
“I don’t care what other people think. I want you and Papa to trust me. That’s all that matters,” Annie said.
“Well, we want to put it all in the past. We know that you are a good girl, whatever was behind all of that,” her mother said.
“I am. I don’t need anyone questioning that,” Annie said, bitterly.
“Then let’s forget it. Now, I believe that Jethro will be a good husband. He just needs to take his time to get to know you,” her mother said.
Annie nodded, wishing that all of this made her feel better.
It didn’t, wholly. She was still upset and didn’t see herself getting over it any time soon. But at least her mother had been willing to question her reason for leaving Bartholomew. At least her mother had acknowledged that she might have had a decent excuse for it.
But Annie didn’t have much time to linger on it because she could see through the window that Jethro was coming on his horse, heading toward the house with all of the enthusiasm of a steer at auction.
By the time her mother let him in, Annie had managed to form a smile.
“Miss Annie, it’s so good to see you,” he said, sounding somewhat genuine in his remark. It took Annie a moment to reply.
“And you,” she finally said.
“Jethro, you must have a seat. I’m just going to work on lunch while you and Annie have a little chat. Can I get you anything? Tea? Coffee?” her mother offered.
“Tea would be great, Mrs. Blake,” he said.
Annie knew her mother well enough not to be surprised when the tea showed up only half a second later. She was always prepared. She probably had the coffee at the ready as well, just in case he had chosen that instead.
But, soon enough, Annie and Jethro were alone once more.
“How are you?” Jethro asked.
“I’m doing well, thank you,” she replied.
“Good. I … I was worried after our chat yesterday,” he said.
Annie stiffened.
“Why would you be worried?” she asked.
“Well, I don’t know that I really said the right thing,” he replied.
“Were you being honest?” she asked.
“Yes,” he replied, hesitating, clearly nervous to admit it.
“Then it was the right thing,” she told him.
Jethro eased up at that response, and she gave him a comforting smile, hoping that it would help him to be more relaxed around her if she accepted his honesty, even when it was painful for her.
“You shouldn’t be so gracious with me,” he said.
“I never said that I was being gracious. Honestly, I just don’t think there’s really any point in pretending. I mean, you know that,” she said.
Jethro certainly hadn’t pretended to like her. He had been painfully clear about the fact that she meant very little to him.
“Annie, I know that I have made it seem like I’m not really interested in marrying you, but you should know that I am trying to get to know you. I want my decision to be based on who you rea
lly are, not on what I may be feeling from one day to the next,” he told her.
Annie nodded, but she was startled by the sudden knocking at the front door.
“Well, now, who could that be?” she asked aloud, although not really to Jethro.
Annie and Jethro listened to her father greeting someone with excitement. The footsteps all led toward the sitting room, and Annie and Jethro both straightened themselves, preparing for the additional visitors.
“Annie, Mr. Mills, we have guests. Mr. Mills, you should meet my brother, Daniel, and his wife Reba, as well as their daughter, Abigail,” he said.
Annie’s heart began to race a little bit faster as she saw the beautiful face of her cousin, Abigail.
Abigail couldn’t meet her eyes, and Annie saw that she was frightened, shyer than she had ever been.
It was obvious that Abigail was ashamed.
Annie greeted her aunt and uncle, but when she came to Abigail, it was just a polite smile and a quick greeting.
“It’s nice to meet you all,” Jethro said, looking at the new visitors.
Annie turned to glance at him, but his eyes were on Abigail for a moment, and she thought that her heart would break all over again.
It was only when his eyes then flicked back to Annie that she saw what lay in them. It wasn’t an attraction to her cousin. It was concern.
As he and Annie looked at one another, his face said all that needed to be communicated. He was asking Annie if she was okay. Just a scrunching of the brows and slight widening of the eyes, the tug on either side of his lips.
Annie was touched by this silent message of worry, and she nodded to him that she was all right.
It was perfectly evident that he could still sense the discomfort in the air of the room, but he eased a little bit to know that Annie was all right.
Annie kept trying to put herself together, to tell herself that she would be fine, just as she was trying to convince Jethro. But it wouldn’t matter unless Abigail actually gave her a moment to speak with her alone.
“All right, everyone. Looks like lunch is ready,” her mother said.
“Perfect,” her father replied.
“Oh, but I need someone to get a couple of buckets of water for the washing up. You know how I like to soak the pans while we eat,” her mother said.
“Abigail and I can get them,” Annie said in a rush.
Her cousin looked at her with horror on her face.
“Wonderful. You two go and get me two buckets,” her mother said.
Abigail was stuck, just as Annie had planned. She could hardly refuse something like this small task.
They walked out together, and almost immediately, Abigail began to speak.
“If you are bringing me out here to yell at me, let me just say one thing first,” she said.
“Certainly. Whatever you wish to say,” Annie replied.
“I’m sorry, Annie. I know that I hurt you. I made a mistake, and I hurt you,” Abigail said.
“Yes, you did. But I didn’t bring you out here to yell at you. I wanted to tell you that I forgive you. I’m glad that I’m not with Bartholomew anymore. He was a terrible man, only I didn’t realize it before. I’m sorry if you still love him, but I can confidently say that he is dreadful,” Annie told her.
Abigail looked at her, incredulous.
“You forgive me?” she asked.
“Absolutely. It would hurt me just as badly to hold onto it. Probably worse,” Annie said.
“Well, you should know that I ended things with Bartholomew shortly after you found us. He started to show his true nature. Suddenly, he didn’t like me as much, and he was talking about you an awful lot. I think he wanted you as soon as he couldn’t have you,” Abigail said.
“And you? Do you still want him? I mean, if things were different, would you?” Annie asked.
“No. He turned out to be very manipulative,” Abigail said, her cheeks pink with embarrassment.
“Yes, he really is. Anyway, I’m glad that it’s over,” Annie said.
“Yes, me too. And thank you for not telling anyone. My reputation would have been ruined forever, and I would have had no prospects,” Abigail said.
“It is difficult to find a husband, Abigail. Just remember that you don’t need to take someone else’s,” Annie said.
She threw her arms around her cousin and then went to work, filling up the buckets and handing one to Abigail while she took the other. They went back inside, hopeful that they would enjoy the lunch party and, even more, enjoy the company.
Chapter 17
Jethro bumped into Bartholomew in the middle of town, and it seemed like there was still a strange discomfort between them.
Bartholomew was awfully strange any time Jethro saw him. Always sneaking around him, looking like he expected to get in trouble. Jethro wondered what made him act that way, but he didn’t know how to ask Bartholomew about it. It didn’t seem like it was an appropriate question.
Still, Jethro knew he would have to be friendly, so he greeted Bartholomew with as much friendliness as he could muster.
“Well, hi there,” Jethro said.
“Hi, yourself,” Bartholomew replied.
“Everything all right?” he asked.
“Sure, sure. Just, uh, getting some things in town. Anyway, how are you?” Bartholomew asked, looking suddenly concerned.
“I’m doing well, thanks. Why?” Jethro asked.
“It’s only that … well, I heard that you’re still intending to marry Annie. I wish you would reconsider, think of yourself. You know, I really thought that I was making the right choice when I became engaged to her,” Bartholomew said.
“Maybe the two of you just weren’t right for one another,” Jethro said with a shrug.
“Oh, I wish it was just that. Honestly, though? It’s not about being right for one another. It’s Annie. It’s just who she is,” Bartholomew said.
“I can’t really bring myself to believe that since I don’t know what actually happened between the two of you. I don’t like to judge a woman when there isn’t any reason for me to,” Jethro said.
“Certainly. I can hardly fault you for that. But I think you ought to think about the fact that it’s for the sake of her own reputation that I’m keeping quiet. And, now that you’re associated with her, that means that I’m also protecting your reputation,” Bartholomew said.
“Well, I don’t know that my reputation needs all that much protecting,” Jethro said, somewhat offended.
“Trust me, if you get associated with Annie? You have no idea what’s going to come next,” he warned.
Jethro felt the return of a weight that he had tried to leave behind. He hated this. He hated having to sort through the jumble of confusion, trying to figure out what he wanted and what he thought. Did he like Annie or not? Did he trust her or not?