by Lilah Rivers
It had been another memory that was seared into her soul. A time when she had been strong and proven herself. And Bartholomew had praised her for it. She had been so sure of herself. She had believed that she was capable of anything.
His encouragement had meant so much to her.
Still, even with all of that, Annie had never loved Bartholomew. She had accepted him and was willing to marry him, but it had never been a matter of love.
“Yes. We had some very nice times. I know that we enjoyed one another’s company for a while. But those days are over, Bartholomew. They are gone, and you must remember that. I have no desire or intention to bear them in my mind any longer, and I suggest that you do not trouble yourself with that either,” Annie said.
Bartholomew spluttered, indignant that she should hold firm.
“Please. Please leave,” Annie said.
Bartholomew looked away, his pride clearly injured.
“You will see, Annie. You will see that he has no regard for you and that I am the man that you belong with. No matter how you refuse me, you will wish that we were together,” he warned her.
“And you will see that, no matter what may have taken place between me and Mr. Mills, he would never treat me the way that you did. He would never behave in such a terrible, improper way. He may not always have been kind to me, but he recognizes that. He has a good heart, even if it is flawed,” Annie said.
“I hope for your sake that he knows what he is getting into. He may have had concerns about you before, but he doesn’t know just how unreasonable and stubborn you can be,” Bartholomew accused.
Annie held her temper, trying to look on with patience. It was a struggle, but it was all she had. Her pride, her dignity, her resolve. She had to cling to something.
“Thank you for your comments, Bartholomew. I will evaluate myself and accept responsibility for the things which are justified. As for the remarks that are not, I am going to leave them and move forward. Have a wonderful afternoon,” she said in a steady, even tone.
With that, Annie turned and went back into the house, closing and locking the door before Bartholomew could reply to her.
The last thing she needed was to give him another opportunity to spout his fury.
It was hard to say whether or not she was going to have a happy future with Jethro, but there was absolute certainty in Annie’s heart that she would not be happy with Bartholomew.
It was certainly worth the risk to try her luck and continue being courted by Jethro. She would come to know in time if they had any chemistry. And if they did not? Well, she was committing to him for life and that meant that she would stay his loyal, dutiful wife no matter what.
It was a relief to have the confidence that Jethro would never betray her trust in the same way that Bartholomew had. She could handle a marriage without love, but she could not abide a marriage without loyalty, and she no longer needed to fear that.
Annie had been worried once upon a time that she might end up without love in her marriage, as so many women did. But against her hopes and dreams, she had realized that she would be fortunate enough with a good man. Whether or not there was love, she at least wanted someone good.
Although it gave her anxiety to do so, Annie watched Bartholomew walk away. She watched as he reached his horse and climbed into the saddle, thankful that she would never have to be his wife.
It had been such a close call. He had very nearly been her husband, and it could have happened that she found herself stuck with him, even though he would be an awful husband.
Once he was out of sight, Annie sighed and got back to her cleaning, making the house look fresh and lovely once more.
Her mother and father would be home soon enough, and she wanted everything perfectly lovely for them.
Of course, she also wanted to prove to herself that she could keep a nice home regardless of her mother’s skills. And, one day, she knew that she would.
Chapter 24
Jethro was desperate for some fresh air, and it led him out on his horse into the hills. As he looked out over the valley below, the trees that seemed to cascade toward the river, he took in a deep breath of the fresh air that made the outdoors so full of life and excitement.
This was a stark reminder of the beauty of creation. He loved the creativity of the Lord and the fact that there was such a great gift in the variety that existed.
Jethro also loved that he had this time alone. He was thankful that he could focus solely on the excitement of nature and nothing of the drama of humankind.
It was with all of these things in mind that Jethro found himself suddenly face to face with none other than the last person in the world that he wanted to see.
“Oh … um … hi there,” Bartholomew said, looking awkwardly away as he came around a bend of trees.
Jethro took in a deep breath and gave a wan smile.
“Hello. Out for a stroll?” Jethro asked.
“Yes. Looks like you are too,” he said, pulling back on the reins of his horse.
“I needed a bit of time outside,” Jethro said.
“I understand that,” Bartholomew replied.
Jethro didn’t want to come out and start yelling at Bartholomew. Actually, that was very much what he wanted to do, but he knew that he could not. Instead, he tried to be polite and allowed the tension to rest in his shoulders.
“So, wanting to get away from that obligation of yours, huh?” Bartholomew asked, a gruff laugh coming with the remark.
Jethro didn’t smile. He tensed his jaw and realized that he had to say something, after all.
“Listen, Bartholomew, I know the truth,” Jethro said.
Bartholomew searched him with questioning eyes.
“What do you mean? What truth?” he asked.
“I know about your affair with Annie’s cousin. I know that you were unfaithful to Annie, and that you were messing around behind her back. There isn’t any need to continue pretending,” Jethro said.
Bartholomew was silent, and his face expressed utter shock.
“What are you talking about?” he asked, offense dripping from his voice.
“I … I’m talking about the fact that you had an affair with her cousin, Abigail. You were unfaithful to Annie,” he said again.
“I did no such thing,” Bartholomew boomed with fury.
“That’s not what I have heard,” Jethro said.
“Well, I don’t care what you have heard. I would never do something like that. Don’t you think she would have told people sooner if I had?” Bartholomew asked.
Jethro didn’t want to second guess Annie, but he had thought about the fact that she must be a very strong woman to refuse to talk about this for the sake of another woman’s reputation. It hardly seemed logical. And yet, she was a kind, forgiving woman.
“She didn’t want her cousin’s reputation to be damaged,” Jethro said as if he had only just made the decision to believe it.
“That is absolutely ridiculous. If a woman was being treated the way that Annie has been, she would have come out sooner. You want to know the truth? The truth is that it was completely the opposite,” Bartholomew said.
Jethro immediately took to defend Annie, but Bartholomew continued talking before he could speak a word.
“I can’t believe you would think I would do something like that. I told you. I told you that she loves to break a man’s heart. That’s how she did it, Jethro. That is how Annie Blake broke my heart. She says that she didn’t want to hurt her cousin’s reputation? That’s nonsense. It’s her own reputation she is concerned about. She is doing everything she can to try and hide the fact that she was in love with another man,” Bartholomew said.
Jethro took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm himself.
“I’m sorry, Jethro. I know that she’s supposed to be marrying you, but I really do think that she is still involved with him. I caught them together that day. I don’t know how much happened that I didn’t even
see,” Bartholomew said.
“This is too much, Bartholomew. How am I supposed to believe you?” Jethro asked.
“You believed her. Why? You don’t even like her,” Bartholomew said.
“That’s not true. It’s not that I don’t like her. I do. The problem was that I didn’t trust her, mostly because of the things that you were telling me. But why shouldn’t I trust her now? I have seen her character,” Jethro said.
“Oh, sure. You have seen what she wanted to show you. More than likely, she is hoping that you’ll end the engagement and she can go back to that other man,” Bartholomew said with disgust.
“That is quite a harsh judgment to pass,” Jethro said.
“You just passed it on me,” Bartholomew pointed out.
Jethro didn’t want to be rude and tell him that it was because Bartholomew was rather reprehensible, whereas Annie was loyal to the church. It made a very definite distinction between the two.
Bartholomew’s eyes filled with tears. He swiped at them, bitterly.
“I know she is convincing, Jethro. I know that Annie Blake is a master manipulator. But you had better think about what you really want for your life because, I’m telling you, Annie will ruin you if you let her. Take it from me. Take it from a man who loved her, who wanted to spend his life with her.
“If you let Annie into your heart, she will destroy it,” he said, holding back more of that same choking emotion.
Jethro couldn’t believe what he was seeing from Bartholomew, but it certainly made him second guess his own judgments. He couldn’t question Annie, not anymore. But he was starting to wonder if Bartholomew really believed his own story.
“I should be getting back,” Jethro said, looking past Bartholomew to the path ahead.
“That’s all you have to say about it?” Bartholomew asked.
“For now, yes. I don’t think it would be very clever of me to keep talking. But thank you for your warning. I will keep it in mind,” Jethro said.
As Jethro departed, he could sense that Bartholomew was watching him. Nevertheless, Jethro continued onward, breathing steadily and making every attempt to focus on what was important.
He needed to get home. If he could just get home, he could speak with his father about what he knew.
Once he was out of Bartholomew’s vision, Jethro spurred his horse forward, the beast breathing rhythmically as its feet galloped beneath.
It made Jethro feel better, having the wind whip around his face, having the distance between himself and Bartholomew.
When he reached home, Jethro went inside and found his father there, preparing for the next week’s sermon.
“Home already? I thought you were going out for a ride,” his father said.
“I was. But then … Father, all of this is so complicated. This whole matter of my marriage is too confusing,” Jethro said, collapsing into a chair on the other side of his father’s desk.
His father set down his pen and looked up from the Bible and paper that he had been going between.
“What is it? What has you struggling?” his father asked.
“It’s about Annie. And Bartholomew. I mean, it’s a whole series of lies and trying to decide who is telling me the truth,” Jethro said.
“I see. Well, why don’t you tell me what you think?” his father suggested.
“I don’t know. It was so difficult to comprehend marrying a woman who had been engaged once before. I didn’t want to tie myself to someone when I already felt that she had been tied. And I had heard so many rumors, Father. I didn’t know that they were just lies,” he said.
“But then, I started to like Annie. Of course, it took liking her just to get me to listen to her, and I know that I ought to be ashamed of that. She told me what happened between her and Bartholomew. He was unfaithful to her, Father. Can you believe that?” he asked.
His father remained unmoved, as Jethro knew he would. His father could not make a judgment against Bartholomew without understanding the man’s heart first.
“Anyway, I told him that I knew the truth. He turned everything around on me. He said that it was Annie who had made that mistake. I don’t believe it. I can’t believe it. I mean, if he is right? If he’s telling the truth? Of course, everything would be a disaster. I would have to end things with her, just like I had always been afraid might happen,” Jethro said.
He stopped and held his tongue for a moment, and his father finally spoke up.
“Do you know, deep in your heart, who is being honest?” his father asked.
Jethro tried to be fair; he tried to consider that he might be wrong.
But he knew.
“Yes, Father. I know. With certainty,” he said.
“Very well. And the person who lied, do you have any hatred for them? Anger? Resentment? Bitterness?” he asked.
That was a more difficult question to answer.
“I’m not sure. I think frustration is a better word. Honestly, I’m just tired,” Jethro said.
His father nodded.
“Yes, I understand that. It is difficult to have to make the decision as to whether or not someone’s motives are pure and justified,” his father said.
“Do you have to do that often as a reverend?” Jethro asked, suddenly dreading the career that he had chosen.
“No. My duty is to remind others that it is the Lord’s job. We do not get to decide and judge. What we may cling to, instead, is discernment. We may look to our own hearts for what we allow ourselves. And, from there, we choose wisdom,” his father said.
Jethro thought about what it would look like to live without judgment of Bartholomew, but to still protect himself and Annie. It was the best option that he had. In fact, it was the only thing that made sense.
Anger and resentment were only going to hurt him. But keeping Annie safe had to remain his first priority. He couldn’t allow her to be hurt again. Especially after everything else that he had put her through.
“So, I take it you have decided?” his father asked, as Jethro stood up.
“Yes. I have decided that I will not let Bartholomew hurt us any longer. I am marrying Annie Blake on Saturday. I am going to trust her,” Jethro said.
“I think that is wisdom, indeed,” his father said.
“Maybe it’s the first bit of wisdom I’ve shown in a good long while,” Jethro said.
“I understand the struggles that you have had of late, but yes. You were not living your life in a way that I would have expected you to. You were not treating Annie how I had hoped that you would,” his father said.
“All of that has changed now, Father. I promise,” Jethro said.
He meant every word of it. From the depths of his soul, he knew that Annie was worth more.
She was worth everything.
Chapter 25
“Here, have a seat,” Rachel said, ushering Annie over to the sofa.
Annie curled up her legs, as comfortable as if she was in her own home. Rachel sat right beside her, eyes searching, filled with concern.