by Olivia Lara
‘The pain would not go away. Worse, it grew stronger. What I felt for Alexander didn’t die the day of the accident, nor did it become smaller or less intense. It became more profound, more mature. It became forever. As time passed, I knew there was never going to be another man for me. My heart was full, and there was no room for anything or anyone else.’
DOMINIQUE
24 FEBRUARY 1966
PARIS
‘Dominique, you have to let me help you,’ said JJ.
‘I’m fine, JJ. Please stop worrying.’
‘You’re not fine. Alexander’s been gone for over a year. You’re a young, beautiful, smart girl. You can’t keep this up forever. Do you want to wait tables at Le Petit Coin all your life?’
‘I have to make a living.’
‘Do you think this is what he would’ve wanted your life to look like? You know how much he loved you. And when you love someone, you want them to be happy.’
‘I loved him too. I still love him. Even more now. And I am happy because he’s here,’ she said and pointed to her heart.
‘I know,’ he said sadly. ‘It’s not easy. But such is life. Tragedies happen. And the ones who are left behind have to bear the cross of living on without the ones they loved most. But still, they do it. Slowly they learn how.’
‘I don’t want to learn to live without him. Because I don’t feel that I am without him. He’s everywhere. In everything I do. He’s at the coffee shop, here, at the museum. I hear his voice in the whispers of the trees. I see his face when the sun shines.’
They always cornered her. JJ, Constance, Lisa.
‘Did Constance put you up to this?’ she said.
‘Nobody put me up to anything. I’m worried about you, that’s all. You dropped out of school, you gave up everything you loved, everything you dreamed of.’
‘You don’t understand. It’s quite the opposite. I didn’t give up on the one thing I loved. On the one thing I wanted most of all. I’m fighting for it. The only way I know how.’ Her voice softened. ‘I’m sorry, JJ. I don’t mean to hurt you. But I can’t give up on him.’
He was hurt. She knew her attitude hurt him.
After the crash, he had spent so much time with her, always inviting her to AngeD’Art or coming over to the coffee shop. He seemed lonely, feeble and aged, not by days or months but years. Sometimes he would tell her she was all he had left, and it made her sad, but it also made her feel guilty. Like she owed him something. She knew his relationship with Nicole had never been good. Dominique felt terrible for JJ, and she understood why he spent so much time with her, thinking he was helping, wanting to be useful. Because Alexander was gone and Nicole didn’t want him in her life, he took Dominique under his wing. She understood but she felt suffocated. She wanted to be left alone. Alone with Alexander.
*
‘JJ called earlier,’ said Constance sounding serious when Dominique came back from the cemetery, as usual. ‘He asked if you could stop by his office. He sounded bad. Maybe he’s sick.’
Afraid something had happened to him, Dominique rushed to AngeD’Art.
JJ hadn’t been doing well lately. His relationship with Nicole had deteriorated even further, especially after the baby was born. She refused to tell anyone who the father of the child was and didn’t allow JJ to be in their life either. They fought a lot. Ugly fights, JJ said. About her lifestyle, her choices as a parent, the men she dated – and there were many – the money she spent. A few months after giving birth, she had been seen at a lavish party in New York. Then she was spotted drunk at another party, in the arms of a known playboy. The tabloids were filled with news about her. The socialite heiress gone wild. The widow on the loose. The bad mother.
Dominique found JJ sitting at his desk, head in his hands, staring blankly out the window, a pile of newspapers spread on the floor. Although JJ avoided talking about it, she knew how much it must hurt him to see his daughter the subject of tabloids. From new conquests to scandals, offensive language, exorbitant parties and drunk driving, she had done it all lately.
‘What’s wrong, JJ? Is it Nicole?’
‘I’m sorry to drag you into this, but I don’t have anyone else.’
She took his hand in hers, reassuring him it was alright and she understood.
‘I’ve tried to come up with excuses for her behavior ever since Anne was born, but all this mess has taken its toll on me too.’
‘I know. Maybe she just needs time. It could be her way of coping with Alexander’s—’
She couldn’t say it. Couldn’t say ‘death’. Disappearance?
‘Time to do what? To spend more money? To date more men? I’ve had enough. I will cut off her financing. Today. That’s it. I’ve had too many years of this – this humiliation, this ingratitude. I am ashamed to say she’s my daughter,’ he said in a shaky voice.
Dominique’s first reaction was to agree with JJ, but something stopped her. At one point, Alexander had loved Nicole. And Anne, that innocent child, was not to blame for any of it.
‘If you cut her off what would she do? She doesn’t know any other life. She’ll be lost. Before you make such radical decisions, try to fix what’s broken. Talk to her. Reason with her. She’s your daughter.’
‘I don’t think this can be fixed. Nicole has been living off the family money for years, using our name and embarrassing me. The only time she seemed to be doing better was when she was with Alexander. But before that and after it’s just been a nightmare. She’s never had a job, never wanted to do anything.’
His face turning red, he got up, pacing around. ‘I had a brutal conversation with her. She asked for money. Lots of money. She wants to move to Monaco to live with some man she met at a party. To buy a house and buy him a business too. Yet another man and another investment. When I asked what would happen to Anne, she said she’d send her to a boarding preschool in England as soon as she turns three, as that is the minimum age for admittance.’
He was in tears. ‘She doesn’t care about the baby. I don’t think she ever wanted her.’
‘I don’t think that’s true, JJ. I’m sure she cares about Anne.’
‘You’re too good to believe it, that’s why. But I know better. She keeps telling me how the baby reminds her of the life she could’ve had with Alexander and how painful it is to be around her. What kind of mother says that?’
Dominique didn’t want to argue, but what Nicole said did explain her behavior after the plane crash, didn’t it? Dominique knew that Nicole cared about Alexander, loved him – yes, in her own selfish way, but she did love him – and had pictured her life with him. Nicole had told her that at the funeral. Yes, she had been angry and aggressive, but behind all that, Dominique could see Nicole was hurting. She had lost Alexander just like Dominique and, despite everything, they had that in common.
‘Everyone deals differently with pain, JJ.’
He scoffed. ‘You didn’t run around with random men just to show how much you’re suffering, did you?’
JJ had gotten himself too worked up, Dominique realized, so whatever she said now wouldn’t help.
‘All that matters is that Anne is taken care of and safe,’ she eventually said.
‘That’s what I’m worried about,’ he grunted. ‘That she can’t be safe with Nicole.’
DOMINIQUE
15 OCTOBER 1966
PARIS
JJ agreed to give Nicole the money she wanted but only if she left Anne in Paris, with the nanny, to live in JJ’s house. The child would be better off. Nicole agreed without hesitation.
Anne and her nanny came to live with JJ the next week.
Dominique found herself visiting more often and although, initially, she kept her distance from the baby, she was drawn to her and enjoyed being in the child’s company. Dominique couldn’t help but smile every time she saw her. Anne was a beautiful child, and so good. You barely knew she was there. She didn’t cry, didn’t fuss, and stayed where her nanny put her for hour
s at an end, playing with her dolls, talking to them, dressing them up.
‘May I?’ asked Dominique one day, when Anne was struggling to dress up a big porcelain doll with blonde hair just like hers.
The child looked up with her sweet, round, blue eyes and gave her a big smile, then handed the doll over.
‘She must like you,’ said the nanny. ‘She never gives Camille to anyone.’ The woman winked. ‘She’s her favorite.’
Dominique helped Anne dress up Camille and then sat next to her, watching her as she played. The girl did seem to take a liking to her, and every time she saw Dominique open the door, she jumped up, all smiles, and handed her the doll. It was a sign she wanted to play with her. And Dominique was more than happy to oblige. Although she knew Anne wasn’t Alexander’s child and she had never been Nicole’s biggest fan, she felt bad for the baby, and protective, almost responsible, in a way she had never experienced before. At a time when grief was the emotion most familiar to her, there was something soothing in knowing she could bring a smile to Anne’s face. Something truly fulfilling.
As for Nicole, she called once a month, and the conversations were shorter than five minutes. Was the baby okay? Could she have more money? In July, she called to ask for even more money; she had bought a yacht and was planning a big party. This time, she didn’t ask about Anne.
The next time there was a phone call from Monaco, it didn’t come from her. A police officer was on the phone.
Nicole had been involved in a boating accident. It all happened so fast, she died before the Coast Guard reached her.
The news that the socialite heiress had lost her life traveled the world fast. The investigation concluded that she had tripped and fallen overboard while she was intoxicated. The rest of the party had been in no better shape and by the time they’d noticed she had disappeared, it was too late. They never recovered her body.
*
A month after the funeral, JJ had to make a decision regarding Anne. With her mother gone, he had to legalize the child’s situation.
‘I am thinking of finding a nice foster family for Anne. They can adopt her, and she would have a proper mother and a proper father,’ he said to Dominique one day.
‘What? You want her to be raised by strangers?’ asked Dominique, frustrated. ‘You said you want to get custody.’
‘I thought about it, but look at me, Dominique. I am old; I can’t raise a child on my own. Besides, she needs a mother. Just like Nicole did,’ said JJ and his eyes filled with tears.
Dominique gazed over at him. He looked tired and old all of a sudden.
JJ grimaced. ‘My poor little girl. My poor Nicole. How did I let you down so badly?’
Dominique put her hand over his, comforting him silently.
‘No, truly. What do I know about taking care of a girl? I wasn’t capable of raising my own child. I did such a poor job and wasn’t there for her when she needed me.’
‘You did raise Nicole all on your own. And you did the best that you could. Just like you are doing now. But you’re not alone anymore,’ she said with a smile.
‘What are you saying?’
‘I can take care of Anne,’ said Dominique, not knowing where it came from.
‘You would do that?’
‘Yes. If you get custody, I will assume full responsibility and take care of her.’
He quietly lit his pipe and sat there for a moment, looking at her. ‘You, of all people, would raise Nicole’s child?’
‘Anne is your granddaughter, and she has been through enough. I could offer her what she never had. Love and care. I don’t have anything else and getting to know her has been the one comfort in my life,’ said Dominique, smiling.
‘Before you make any final decision, I need to tell you something,’ said JJ.
‘What is it?’
‘Anne is not Alexander’s child.’
‘I know. Alexander called me before boarding his plane in New York.’ She looked away. Two years and she still couldn’t talk about that night without crying.
‘You know? And you still want to take care of her?’
She didn’t hesitate. ‘Of course.’
‘You are truly a bright soul, my dear.’ He sighed. ‘Alright then. But on one condition.’
Dominique looked at him, wondering what that could be.
‘That you move out of that studio of yours and into this huge house I have all to myself.’
She agreed. For almost two years she’d had no purpose in life, no reason to go on except for going back to Alexander’s grave every day to talk to him. But Anne needed her. And she needed Anne. And maybe JJ needed her too.
DOMINIQUE
3 JULY 1967
PARIS
Dominique’s life completely changed after she moved in with JJ and Anne. Her priorities shifted. Anne came first, everything else second. She surprised herself at how quickly she became attached to the little blonde angel who looked exactly like her mother. She even surprised herself at how she looked at things now. Waiting tables and giving up her dream career was not what she wanted to teach Anne. She wanted to raise her to believe in herself, to believe she could do anything she put her mind to. And to never ever give up on what she really wanted.
Not long after, Dominique went back to school and reprised her internship.
She went to Alexander’s grave and told him she wasn’t abandoning him; she would still come back, every day, but later in the day. She had to do this for the baby.
JJ was still in the process of getting custody of Anne, but things were going well. Or at leas she thought they were going well.
One morning, when she was preparing breakfast for Anne before going to work, the doorbell rang. JJ had just left a few minutes before.
‘Did you forget your ke— Vincent!’
He was the last person she expected to see. It had been three years since they broke off their engagement and Vincent left France. She’d had no idea he had returned nor what he was doing standing on her doorstep now.
He seemed changed. Subdued almost.
‘It’s good to see you,’ she said and she meant it.
He smiled thinly.
‘It’s good to see you too. I know I’m showing up out of the blue. I’m sorry, I should’ve called first, but I was wondering if we could talk.’
‘Don’t apologize, it’s alright. Come in. How have you been? How did you know where to find me?’
‘I can’t stay long,’ he said, sounding serious. Grave. ‘I have a meeting with my lawyers in an hour at La Defense.’
‘That sounds serious,’ she said, smiling.
‘It is. I’m going to petition to get custody of Anne.’
Dominique froze.
‘What do you mean?’
He clenched his jaw. Yes, Vincent was changed. He didn’t smile anymore. He didn’t seem as comfortable in his own skin as he used to, and you could feel it right away.
‘I didn’t want you to find out like this,’ he said. ‘But I also didn’t want you to hear this from JJ or from the press.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘Anne is my daughter.’
Dominique took a step back. ‘Your daughter?’
He nodded.
‘That means that you and Nicole—’ she said, her mind reeling.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said and, judging by his expression, he was. ‘I never meant to hurt you, Dominique. That was never ever my intention.’ He clenched his fists. ‘I knew I shouldn’t have gone to that charity thing. I knew it was a mistake. I should’ve kept you away. I should’ve stayed away. If only… then things would be so different now,’ he said with a pained look in his eyes.
‘Is that when it started? At the ball?’
He nodded, looking embarrassed.
‘Wow,’ she said. ‘All that time. Why didn’t you tell me, Vincent? If you loved her, why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve understood. Things would’ve been so different. All our lives would’ve been so diffe
rent. Alexander—’
She stopped. She was just about to blame Vincent for Alexander’s death, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. He looked so defeated as it was and so lonely and remorseful.
‘I don’t know what I felt. I was very confused. Nicole and me, we were together for many years and it ended so abruptly, I guess it was never truly over. Maybe. I’m not sure. Even after all this time I’m not sure. But one thing is certain. It was wrong. We were wrong and we never meant for any of this to happen. It just—’
‘—happened,’ said Dominique, trying to process everything.
‘I’m so sorry. We really messed up, didn’t we? All of us.’
His eyes shone. ‘If we had only been brave enough, perhaps now Alexander and Nicole would still be alive.’
Dominique had tears in her eyes. He was right. If only…
‘You know what’s ironic? I loved Nicole; I am not going to lie about it. But I loved you more. I only realized that when I lost you. I could’ve married Nicole after Alexander…’
He looked away for a moment.
‘I could’ve. She would’ve said yes if I asked. I think. But I never asked. Never. Because the only woman I ever wanted to marry was you. With Nicole, it was this unfinished business, this childhood fixation. There was a lot of history. But I didn’t discover what true love was until I met you.’
Dominique gave him a long, level look.
‘I know it’s hard, if not impossible, for you to believe that. And maybe you never will. But I promise you, it’s true. What would I gain by saying this now? I know you will never give me a second chance.’
It sounded so final and he seemed so resigned. That wasn’t the Vincent she remembered. But as much as he inspired pity, as much as she had no right, she couldn’t help but be furious with him.