“No way. This is the best.” And he wasn’t talking about the food.
After a few beats of silence where they both ate a few bites of food and smiled at each other, Emma said, “Rishi. There’s something I want to say to you.” She took a drink of beer and leaned forward. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for how things happened. With the transfer to the US not working out, and you not leading the project. I know it was disappointing for you, and you must have resented me, but I’m really glad you’re on the team and that we’ve gotten to know each other.”
Something seemed to crack inside Rishi’s chest. Or maybe soften was a better word. “I don’t think it was your fault, though. You don’t need to apologize.”
She nodded. “I know. It just really sucked for you. And you’re so great at your job. If you weren’t on the project, I don’t know what I would do.”
“Suffer with Kaushik as your lead dev?”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, can you imagine?”
“Actually, no, I can’t. I mean, I can imagine the bodies that you’d leave behind in the wake of the Kaushik-Emma Armageddon, but . . .”
Emma laughed. “That’s totally what it would be. Rishi, what would I do without you?” Her hand crawled over to his and gave it a squeeze. He looked down at it and squeezed it back. A perilous squeeze. The most dangerous squeeze in history. Did she think that too? Because her fingers crumpled up and retracted, slinking back into her lap.
He wanted to say, Nothing. Don’t do anything without me. Let’s find out what this is. Let’s see where this goes. Who cares if it’s wrong or impossible or stupid? But he couldn’t. He couldn’t risk it. What if Emma was just joking? What if this was just how she was with everyone once they broke down her frosty exoskeleton? What if this wasn’t special, and he said or did something that would ruin the project or their relationship or his job?
Instead, he just downed the rest of his beer.
After dinner, they walked through the lamplit streets on the way back to their hotel. Rishi was acutely aware of his proximity to her. Their hands would accidentally graze as he leaned over to point out a church or some other architecture, and he craved the feel of her hand in his again. Trouble. That’s all this was.
Rishi held the door open for her when they arrived at the hotel. They stepped into the elevator and both stood against the wall, staring at the door. Was it hot in here? Had they turned off the AC in the elevator? Sweat broke out on his brow. The vision he’d had earlier of thrusting her up against the elevator wall and confessing his attraction sneaked up.
Or what would happen if he pulled her into his room and kissed her, his hands exploring what his eyes had imagined? What would she do if he pushed her against the corridor wall and let his mouth roam the expanse of her throat? He stared straight at the elevator door, not knowing what to do.
Time was running out. He’d never have this chance again.
His body was radiating heat like the sun to Mercury. Nine thousand watts per square meter. He needed her to rid his body of the excruciating warmth.
The tiny ding announced they had arrived at their floor. Rishi stood aside so Emma could get past. His thoughts fumbled as she walked toward her hotel door. He only had thirty seconds to plot his seduction, thirty seconds to concoct a plan. Or thirty seconds to do absolutely nothing and relieve himself in his room. And wonder. For the rest of his life: What if?
They reached Emma’s door, his heart pumping wildly. His head told him to wish her a good night. Every other part of his body told him it would not be appeased until he knew what she felt like in his arms.
That zing between them kept flashing in his mind. How satisfying it had been to finally know it existed. That he hadn’t fabricated its existence. That the zing was real.
And that satisfaction led to something unsatisfied within him. He needed more. He needed to feel it with his whole body.
The door to her room was already cracked open when Emma turned around. Rishi’s mind was still anxious with its decision.
“Rishi,” she said, gazing up at him. “I have to tell you something. Remember a few weeks ago when you told me something in Hindi?”
The sudden change in subject had his brain topsy-turvy. Hindi? What had he said?
“Something something bohut sundar hai?” Her hand came to rest on his chest. A tentative touch, her fingertips exercising the lightest pressure on his shirt buttons.
But the energy shot through him again. Lightning that sizzled into his chest and slid down his abdomen. He glanced down at her fingers planted on his sternum, and then back to her eyes. Her eyes, which now shone with the same need he felt inside. Light and dark at the same time, glowing with a catlike heat. Could this be real?
What had he said? That her eyes were beautiful. How did she remember that? Because she was Emma, that was why. He exhaled deeply. “I might recall that.”
“Well, I looked it up,” she said, her gaze flashing from her hand to his eyes. “You’ve been found out.” Her palm lifted, and one finger pierced him in the chest and then slid down to where his shirt met his belt and then disappeared from his body.
His breath seized. Looking into those eyes, those deep pools of sea green, he couldn’t stop himself.
Fuck it.
“And I meant every word.” He leaned down, and her mouth met his halfway. His lips fit perfectly onto hers, sucking on them, hungry and curious. Emma’s body caved as she fell against the door from Rishi’s weight, stumbling back until it slammed against the wall of her room. Rishi threw it shut. Before he put his mouth onto hers again, he paused, studying her reaction. Emma pinched the collar of his shirt and pulled him to her. Heat surged through his veins. The sizzle and ache in his body seemed to be melding into one sensation, rendering him weightless.
Emma sank against the wall, her arms around Rishi’s broad shoulders as she dug her fingers in.
The skin on her neck tasted like the spray from the ocean. Her tongue felt like silk in his mouth. Under his hands, her skin radiated fire and velvety softness. The back of her neck was like a peach he’d tasted only once before.
Rishi breathed into her hair. He couldn’t make up his mind what to do next because he wanted everything, and now. But he had to be patient. He should be savoring this woman like she savored a meal.
She grasped his neck, running her hands through the thick hair at the back of his head. “What are you going to do to me?”
“I’ll show you,” Rishi said into her ear, taking it in his mouth before he released her. He bent down and with one arm grabbed her behind the knees, and with the other across her back, he lifted her up.
Emma sucked in her breath as he picked her up, then laughed when he threw her on the bed. “You’re insane.”
Maybe he was. No, he definitely was. But he couldn’t think about any reality right now other than the reality in this room. Get her out of his system? Was that what he had thought earlier? The innocent idea that once could be enough?
She’d fully invaded him. Taken over. Stormed the castle of his body and set up camp. Implanted pleasure at every guard station that should have been protecting his best interests.
When he’d rearranged his travel for the weekend at the airport, had he subconsciously planned on her unleashing that uncaring beast who forgot about his family and pressure and the right thing to do in their eyes? Because now, all that felt right was spending three days in Kerala, exploring the uncharted territory of Emma Delaney.
CHAPTER 25
The morning light seeped under Emma’s eyelids. She blinked them open to find Rishi, his chin on her breast like it was a pillow and his left hand extended over her, trying to wind the one purple lock of her hair around his index finger.
Her body tensed, every nerve inside her ready to push up off the bed and run out the door. Last night . . . had she made a mistake? It was so ruthlessly unexpected. The pleasure unanticipated. The urge to still squeeze him against her, wrap her legs around his thighs, and
feel their bodies become one unwanted. But it was there, and she couldn’t get rid of it—this strange mix of being completely terrified and excited at once. Her stomach was swirling with apprehension as she tried to figure out what all these feelings meant. Whatever happened—was happening—was completely devoid of logic. Maybe for once in her life, she’d just have to go with it.
And what did Rishi expect? A onetime fling before he settled down with Miss Doctor-Actress-Chef-Maid with Perfect Hair? She couldn’t deny that she’d had a Rishi itch to scratch. Maybe he’d had it too. But that itch was still there, and the idea that they wouldn’t be able to explore more of what had happened last night made a little hole in her chest. A dark, smoking bullet wound. He was getting on a plane today, while she would be going on her solo Kerala adventure. And then what?
“Hi,” she said, dislodging her arm from under his back. He looked up at her, his eyes deep in thought. What thoughts? Suddenly she was frozen with shyness. And shy was the last thing she should be feeling after what they’d done last night.
Maybe she was being shy because of the startling, frightening truth she faced while looking into those eyes: That she didn’t want him to leave. That she didn’t want this to end.
“Good morning.” Rishi smiled, although it looked almost sad. He extracted his hand from her hair and leaned forward to kiss her.
She wondered what to say, what to do. She had never been intimate with someone who was so off limits, with whom she worked, and who was searching for a wife. But this odd easiness that was coursing through her body was offsetting the anxiety of all the unknowns.
Maybe there was hope.
It felt right and good and perfect. Like they could collapse into a puddle of laughter and sighs. How their bodies could intuit one another’s needs. How even their minds seemed to be wandering down the same random thought paths sometimes.
She shivered, but in a good way, and his hand trailed down her arm, causing more goose bumps, but of a very different variety. She sighed and shook her head. She didn’t know what to do with him. He bit his lip and raised his eyebrows in response. I don’t know either, they said.
Had it ever been like this for her? With Jeremy? She tried to remember the first time with him after too much drinking and a really good night out with their friends. Jeremy’s textbook moves did the job, but she couldn’t remember ever feeling like this.
This was a wave of emotions—euphoria, lust, happiness, contentment—that she couldn’t quite put into words. It reminded her of all the times when Jordana would gush over Charlie. How she once compared her heart to a nest that could explode tiny songbirds out of her chest. Emma had thought she was crazy, but now she understood what she’d meant. Was this what being in love felt like?
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Rishi asked, his lips tugged up in amusement.
She sighed and slapped her hand on her forehead. She’d just keep it there to hide from reality. The one lying directly on her. “I think I’m losing my mind. It was probably only a matter of time.”
“Why exactly are you losing your mind?”
She glanced down at his chest and arms, her mouth dry. Her hand drifted to the valley between the swells of his pecs and stroked a finger down his chest. After all, this might be the last time she could touch him like this. “Well, I have you lying on me, all gorgeous and naked. I have three days off work. I have no clue what I’m doing or where I’m going today. And I have no idea what to do with any of it—you, my days off, nothing.” She leaned back into the pillow. What had she done? So unprepared. So blindsided by last night.
“I totally understand because I’m lying on you, and you’re also all gorgeous and naked.” And then his hands began their slow, torturous search for Emma’s pleasure zones.
God, could this be real? Could this thrumming inside her, this sweet ache, play on repeat?
“And I also have three days off work, in Kerala, and have no clue what I’m doing.”
Emma’s head jerked up. “You do?” Her earlier moment of panic and worry disappeared. Maybe they could just stay in this bed all three days while Rishi sweetly continued to torture her.
His hand traced her torso. “Yes, after you mentioned it at the airport, it seemed like a good idea, so I ran over and changed my tickets.”
She hummed, processing what he had said. He had changed his ticket and hadn’t told her until now. She punched him on the chest. It was so hard that she almost said ouch. “Wait, did you plan this whole thing? Last night? The fish and the nets and the sunset? The checkered tablecloths?”
“You mean making you nauseous by watching some fish suffocate, then smelling it, and putting you off eating my favorite food in the entire country? I thought it would be super hot. All totally planned.”
“No, I mean it was just so . . .” Romantic? Was that the word Emma was looking for? Perfect but imperfect? Just like her and Rishi. “It was just fun and surprising.” And made me have to find out what would happen between us.
“If you would like your own personal tour guide, we can explore Kerala together. And maybe we can have more of this . . .” Rishi slid down the length of the bed. She tried not to think about if he would do this to Radhika or Lakshmi. That cavernous hole in her growing deeper. Dreadful thoughts would be spelunking in it soon.
One more chance to be with him before it was all over? Could she just not think about the consequences for once? Her mouth had opened to say yes when someone knocked on the door.
“Emma?” a loud voice called through the thick wood. It was Kaushik.
Her eyes rose to meet Rishi, and they both froze, still as statues. Emma surveyed the room and saw her clothes in a discarded, haphazard pile with Rishi’s clothes, her bra flung toward the door (had Rishi used it as a slingshot?) and their underwear in a puddle at the base of the bed.
Emma ran through the possibilities of what Kaushik might possibly need in her room. “Just a minute!” she called to the door and then whispered to Rishi, “You go in there.” She pointed at the closet door and kicked all their clothing toward it.
“Good morning,” she said, opening the door and hoping she didn’t smell like a sexpot. He’d be suspicious, if only because she was way more cheerful than she’d ever been with Kaushik. She tried to look pissed off.
“Emma, I’m just leaving for the airport. Do you know where Rishi is? He didn’t call me back yesterday, and I thought we had the same flight.”
Emma tried to look thoughtful, as if she were recollecting something. “You know, I didn’t see him after the conference last night, but I remember him saying something about having a really early morning flight. I bet he’s already gone.”
“Oh, okay.” Kaushik’s eyes roamed the room behind her, and Emma panicked.
“Well, bye, I am going back to bed.” Emma started to shut the door.
“It’s almost ten. Checkout is in an hour.”
“Mm-hmm. Okay, thanks. Bye.” She gave him a little wave as she shut the door. She stayed still, listening as his heavy steps trod down the hall.
She opened the closet. “Rishi, checkout is in an hour. As my tour guide, did you happen to already make an itinerary?”
“So that’s a yes?” He grinned as he clutched his clothes around him.
Was he going to make her beg for it? Was it not absolutely and painfully obvious that she would go with him? “Yes, it’s a yes. What should we do?”
“Don’t worry, Emma. You can get anything you need in India. You want a car and driver to escort you around the entire state? One call and they’ll be here in ten minutes. It’s just one of the many conveniences of living in a country with a billion people. There is always someone available.”
“Let’s take a shower then.” She smiled at him. “We can get clean and dirty at the same time.”
CHAPTER 26
The lush trees outside were so different from the seaside city of Cochin. A green backdrop for their drive. Green like Emma’s eyes. Green like the co
lor his mother would turn if she knew what he’d done last night.
Oh, last night. His skin itched thinking about it again. How good it felt, how freeing.
He didn’t know how it made sense or why it had happened, but when he woke this morning, his future stretched out before him like a blank slate waiting to be etched, rather than a game board where he needed to move ahead in the proper order to win.
The grand prize in the game: making his family happy.
Then his mind flashed to Radhika. Was that real? Could he be engaged soon without talking to her further? He’d have to bring his parents’ quest to a halt.
Yesterday, he’d convinced himself that being with Emma was something he had to shake off his skin, a fix that he needed. But now, all he could do was think about her more. Where he could get her alone again, preferably with a bed. What their lives would look like together in Bangalore. Could they really be something together?
And how he would deal with his parents.
His stomach rolled on itself as he thought about it. It would be fine. Wouldn’t it? What had they said about Radhika’s uncle having a job for his dad? He shook his head. Of course it would be fine. Rishi would keep sending them money, even if that meant he’d keep living in a closet for an apartment. Maybe he could get Dharini a new job at TechLogic so she’d wait to get married.
He had three glorious days of freedom ahead of him. With Emma. They had a tiger preserve to explore and a houseboat to ride. There was no sense in spoiling their holiday with worrying about his parents’ reaction when he told them no to yet another bride-to-be.
Or was he getting ahead of himself? What if Emma thought this was a check to make on her India bucket list? Or she just wanted someone to hang out with on the long weekend? What if they drove each other crazy and weren’t even on speaking terms by Monday?
But even as these thoughts popped up, like foolish, hopeful excuses for avoiding confrontation with his family, something inside him vehemently disagreed. And Rishi knew it was right, this tiny but potent voice. Something was happening here. Something he hadn’t even felt with Sapna. How was it that the love he’d felt after two years of friendship was still dwarfed by his feelings for someone he’d known for only a few months? How could he be feeling such an ache just imagining her absence?
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