by Chris Colfer
“Enjoy the rest of your day—wait, what’s your name?”
“My name is Alex,” she said. “Alex Bailey.”
Rook was smiling from ear to ear. “Then I’ll see you tomorrow, Alex.” He jogged out of the forest with a confident jump in his step.
Alex finally understood what people meant when they said they had butterflies in their stomach. She felt a jittery tingling sensation sweep through her whole body as if a thousand butterflies were migrating inside of her. A huge smile appeared on her face.
Cornelius got to his feet and walked to Alex’s side. He blew a gust of air in her face and bared his teeth in a flirty smile.
“Oh stop it, Cornelius,” Alex said. “We’re just two people who have decided to go on a walk together, that’s all. It’s nothing more than that.”
Cornelius neighed; Alex wasn’t fooling anyone, especially herself. This was a much bigger deal than she wanted to admit.
“Oh my gosh, the wedding! We better get going or I’ll be late!” she said. “It’s crazy how fast time goes by when you’re—”
Cornelius batted his eyelashes and sighed, teasing her to no end.
“No, when you’re running late,” Alex said.
Alex climbed onto Cornelius’s back and the two headed west to the Dwarf Forests as the sun began to descend. Galloping across the land at Cornelius’s magically enhanced pace made the trip go by fairly quickly, and the thoughts percolating in Alex’s head made it seem that much faster.
After all the tribulations she and her brother had gone through in their young lives, until this moment Alex had never had any head space to think about boys. She’d always assumed one day she might meet someone and fall in love, but as she got older it never dawned on her that one day could be getting closer. And now she couldn’t help but ask herself if that moment had arrived already.
Was Alex at the beginning of her own classic love story or just entering a stage of adulthood? Was she about to experience romance for the first time in her life or just a mild case of puppy love? Did Alex even want to be invested in someone this early in her life or should she put all her energy into her fairy training?
She couldn’t believe how much excitement and mystery one boy had brought into her life so quickly. Was it too early to say she was enjoying this newfound excitement? Would it lead to more exciting experiences? Could Rook Robins be the love of her life or would there be other boys in her future? And if there would be others, did that mean Rook would break her heart?
Alex knew she of all people needed to protect herself. She had been working too hard to let a silly boy come in and ruin everything she had achieved. She couldn’t let him hurt her, distract her from her goals, and—most important—if things went askew she couldn’t let him turn her into something or someone she wasn’t: She couldn’t let anything turn her into Ezmia.
Since he had caused her head to spin in so many directions just by asking her to go on a walk, she realized how deeply a bad experience might affect her. The purer the heart, the easier it was to scar, and Alex’s heart was as pure as they came.
“Alex, get ahold of yourself,” she whispered under her breath. “Just because you’re a fourteen-year-old girl doesn’t mean you need to think like one. He just wants a walk, not marriage.”
Thankfully, before she could overanalyze the situation to death, Alex and Cornelius crossed into the Dwarf Forests. It didn’t matter how old or powerful she became, the thick and dangerous woods of the Dwarf Forests always gave Alex the creeps. These woods were home to some of her worst memories and to some of the worst creatures that lived in the Land of Stories.
She guided Cornelius up one of the only paved paths in the territory and followed a sign that pointed in the direction of the dwarf mines. Just before they reached the mines, a spacious clearing came into view. The clearing had been staged like an outdoor chapel. Two dozen logs had been positioned like bench seats facing the front where a large boulder stood like a pulpit. Carved into the pulpit were the initials J & G, surrounded by a heart.
“Go find some grass to eat, Cornelius,” Alex said as she hopped off the unicorn. “I’ll come get you as soon as the wedding is over. But don’t go too far; these woods aren’t exactly unicorn friendly.”
Cornelius trotted over to the other side of the clearing while Alex looked for a place to sit. She was one of the first guests to arrive.
A man with a thick, curly mustache and a heavy black cloak sat at the front near the pulpit. A witch who was missing her left arm and most of her teeth sat in the very back with a small troll that had gray skin and large horns.
Sitting in the center of the makeshift chapel was a woman Alex could have picked out in any crowd. She was sitting alone, wearing a large, fluffy red coat that covered most of her body. A tiny red hat with a matching feather was perched on top of her very stylish blonde hairdo, and she wore a pair of round glasses with red lenses in an attempt to conceal her identity. She glared at the people and creatures around her, anxious about being in their presence.
“Red, it’s so good to see you!” Alex said and took a seat next to the covered queen. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here—”
“Shhh!” Red said, and pressed a finger against her mouth. “Keep your voice down. I don’t want anyone to know who I am.”
Alex looked at her like she was joking. “You’re trying to hide in that outfit?”
“Well, forgive me, but I didn’t know what the proper attire was for a fugitive wedding in the woods,” Red said and hid her face deeper in her coat. “I wouldn’t be here except that Charlie talked me into it. Look at the characters around us! Where did Jack and Goldilocks meet these people—a child’s nightmare?”
“Where is Froggy?” Alex asked. She couldn’t spot her formerly cursed friend anywhere in the clearing.
“He’s in the woods somewhere with Jack waiting for the wedding to begin,” Red said. “He’s Jack’s best man.”
“Oh, that’s adorable!” Alex said. “Who’s Goldilocks’s maid of honor?”
Red gave an irritated snort she didn’t mind the other guests hearing. Clearly this was a sore subject. “The horse is.”
Alex had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. “I suppose that makes sense,” Alex said. “She and Porridge have been through a lot together. You two, on the other hand, have always had a—how do I say this—teetering relationship.”
“Yes, it’s always been very give and take—I give and she takes,” Red said. “But we made up once she gave me back the diamond necklace she stole from me. She thought it was just a joke, I thought it was an act punishable by death, blah, blah, blah… but we reconciled and here I am.”
“That’s good news,” Alex said.
“So how are you doing, my dear? How’s your grandmother and everyone in the Fairy Kingdom?” Red asked. “Shimmery as always, I imagine.”
Alex let out a long sigh. “Everyone is getting ready for the big Fairy Inaugural Ball coming up. I’ll officially be a part of the Fairy Council and the Happily Ever After Assembly when it’s over,” Alex said. She hesitated to bring up the other major subject on her mind, but figured there weren’t too many people in her life she could talk about it with. “And, I sort of met a boy.”
Red did a double take and yanked off her glasses. Her big blue eyes grew even bigger and a crooked smile stretched across her face. “A boy!” Red said loudly, the topic obviously so exciting she couldn’t be bothered to worry about disguising herself anymore. “Tell me everything! Where did you meet him? How old is he? How tall? What class? What race? What species?”
Alex had difficulty remembering all the questions. “He’s the son of a farmer from the Eastern Kingdom. He’s older and taller than me. And as far as I know, he’s human.”
“For now,” Red said. “Trust me, being involved with someone who has been cursed to live on and off as a grotesque creature can put a strain on the relationship. But he sounds very promising! I love a good working-class man. What’s
his name?”
“Rook Robins,” Alex said, and she couldn’t help but smile just mentioning his name.
“I can tell you really like this boy,” Red said with a raised eyebrow.
Alex sighed again as she felt the butterflies reappear in her core. “I’m not sure I’m even ready for all of this,” she confided. “I just have so much on my mind these days I’m not sure it’s a good time to add a boy into the mix. I keep worrying that it may turn into something really special or really awful—and to be honest, I’m not sure which would be worse.”
“Oh, Alex, you need to relax and just enjoy the moment,” Red said. “You only have a first love once. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“I could get my heart broken and take my aggression out by enslaving the world like the Enchantress did,” Alex said matter-of-factly.
“That’s a tad extreme,” Red said. “But you’re nothing like her so you have nothing to worry about.”
“Who’s to say I’m not?” Alex said. “This is the first time something like this has ever happened to me. If I’m not prepared enough going into it, I might be scarred for life!”
Red placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled warmly. “The first cut is always the deepest, but not every cut leaves a scar,” she said. “If you spend your whole life worrying about getting hurt, then you aren’t really living. You don’t want to shield yourself so much from the bad stuff that nothing good gets to you, either. Meeting up with a cute boy who likes you isn’t going to hurt you.”
“Thanks, Red, that was really insightful,” Alex said, a little surprised Red had so much knowledge on the topic.
“Well, if there’s one thing I know a lot about it’s first loves,” Red said. “Then again, when I was fourteen I ruined two lives by trying to be with the boy I liked, so I’m not sure how good the advice I’m giving you is. There’s a thin line between in love and insane—and I crossed it many times. But looking back, had I not experienced all those awful things I would never have met Charlie, so in the long run it was all worth it.”
They smiled at each other. Red was probably the closest thing to a big sister Alex would ever have. Red had spent years of her life chasing after a boy she could never have, and yet here she was today, happily supporting him at his wedding to another woman. Red had come a very long way, and if Red could overcome heartbreak, Alex figured she could, too.
“So when do you see him next?” Red asked.
“Tomorrow evening,” Alex said. “We’re going for a walk.”
“Oh, how adorable! I’ve always wondered what poor people do for their first dates,” Red said. “I insist you stop by my castle tomorrow before you see him. We can talk about boys and I can help you pick an outfit.”
“Are you sure you wouldn’t mind?” Alex said. “Aren’t you busy being the queen of your own kingdom and all?”
“Oh no, I’d be delighted,” Red said. “I just have this silly little meeting at the House of Progress but you can come with me and we can chat during all the boring parts.”
“What’s the House of Progress?” Alex asked. Surely she must have heard her incorrectly.
“Didn’t I tell you?” Red said. “It’s just like that place you were telling me about from your world, the one with all the representatives?”
“Congress?” Alex asked.
“Yes, that’s the one!” Red said happily. “I decided to copy it! I have a representative from each neighborhood in the Red Riding Hood Kingdom help me make all the decisions. That way every decision is a well-rounded one and I can’t be solely blamed for anything that goes wrong. But Congress sounded so dreary and bleak; I wanted my house of representatives to sound promising and uplifting. I thought Queen Red Riding Hood’s House of Progress had such a better ring to it.”
There was movement in the trees around them. They could hear several people approaching the clearing from different parts of the forest.
“Speaking of ring, I think the wedding is about to start,” Alex said.
Like clockwork, as the sun began to set in the horizon the remaining wedding guests emerged from the trees around them. Each guest was shadier than the next. There was an ogre covered in yellow warts who took a seat in the front. He was followed by a woman with bright red eyes who knew the witch in the back and sat beside her. A rugged dwarf led a blind dwarf with two eye patches to a seat near Alex and Red. A goblin couple with green-scaled skin sat in front of them.
A woman covered in maroon robes sat close to Alex and Red. The only part of her body that was exposed was her beautiful green eyes. She seemed friendly enough, but like Red, Alex didn’t want to make herself too known in this environment.
Red looked to the sky and took deep breaths, trying to fight off the anxiety that the newcomers caused her. A loud swoosh made Alex jump as Mother Goose swooped down from the sky on Lester’s back. They landed at the front of the clearing and Mother Goose took her place behind the stone pulpit. She took a large swig from a flask she had hidden in her hat and cleared her throat before starting the ceremony.
“Hello, ladies, gentlemen, and whatever the rest of you are,” Mother Goose said. “We understand a lot of you are on a tight schedule due to being on the run from the law, or have tried to eat or kill each other in the past, so we’ll make this celebration as short and sweet as possible to avoid any discomfort. Let the wedding begin!”
The crowd cheered, which was an interesting combination of hoots, hollers, and growls. Jack and Charlie, the man forever known as Froggy to the twins, appeared from the trees behind the pulpit. They both wore sharp dress shirts and looked as handsome and charming as ever. Jack looked as anxious as Red about being there, but in a good way.
A soft series of thumps came from the back of the clearing and Alex turned to see a white-and-brown-spotted foal walking down the aisle. He held a basket of rose petals in his mouth and was breathing very heavily, blowing the petals out of the basket and scattering them across the ground with every exhale.
“That’s adorable! Who is he?” Alex whispered to Red.
“That’s Porridge’s new son,” Red whispered back. “They call him Oats.”
Not too long after Oats reached the front of the clearing, his cream-colored mother trotted down the aisle behind him with a bouquet of daisies in her mouth. Once she joined her son and the others by the pulpit she quickly chewed up the flowers in her mouth and swallowed them.
“Everyone, if you still have your legs, please stand for the bride,” Mother Goose asked.
The guests stood and turned to the back of the clearing. Red stayed seated until Alex pulled her up to her feet.
A flock of sparrows perched high in the trees began to sing a beautiful ballad as Goldilocks appeared. She was stunning. She wore a simple but elegant white lacy dress with a long train. She was barefoot and her golden locks of hair flowed all the way down to her waist. Wildflowers had been wrapped around the handle of her sword and she carried it down the aisle like a bouquet. It was beautiful but lethal, just like Goldilocks.
Despite all the gruesome guests, no one could deny that the ceremony had turned out to be beautiful. Goldilocks arrived at the pulpit and she and Jack faced Mother Goose with tears of joy in their eyes.
“Well, sit down already,” Mother Goose ordered the crowd. Once they’d obeyed she continued officiating. “Four score and seven years ago—whoops, wrong speech! sorry—Dearly beloved, we are gathered God knows where today to celebrate the joining of these two wanted fugitives.”
Mother Goose turned to face Jack. “Jack, do you take Goldilocks, a woman charged with countless burglaries, breaking and entering, and running from the law—”
“Don’t forget attempted murder!” Red called toward the pulpit.
“I wasn’t going to,” Mother Goose said. “And attempted murder, to be your outlawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, in arrest and in imprisonment, until death do you part?”
There was no question in Jack’s mind. “I do,” he
said with the biggest smile he had ever been seen with.
Mother Goose turned to Goldilocks. “Goldilocks, do you take this man, a national hero whose reputation you single-handedly ruined, to be your outlawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, in arrest and in imprisonment, until death do you part?”
Goldilocks had never looked so happy in her life. “I do,” she said.
“Well, in that case let’s get this thing over with!” Mother Goose called out. “With the power semi-entrusted in me by the Happily Ever After Assembly, I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss the—”
Before she could permit it, Jack and Goldilocks locked lips and their crowd of guests cheered wildly. Once they were done kissing, they climbed astride Porridge and galloped back down the aisle and off into the sunset with Oats following closely behind.
Mother Goose snapped her fingers and a sign magically appeared over Porridge’s back. It read:
Just Married
Watching the wedding had somehow made all of Alex’s fears and doubts about taking a walk with Rook go away. She wanted to be just as happy as Jack and Goldilocks one day and she didn’t care how many emotional obstacles she’d have to go through to get there.
“All right, now everyone get out of here before I’m seen with you,” Mother Goose said. “And to that ogre in the back—you still owe me seventeen gold coins from our card game last week! I haven’t forgotten!”
All the guests disappeared into the forest as quickly as they had appeared. Froggy joined Alex and Red in the center of the clearing and gave Alex an enormous hug.
“Hello, Alex! It’s always wonderful to see you!” he said. “Lovely wedding, don’t you think?”
“It was beautiful,” Alex said. “Don’t you think it was beautiful, Red?”
Red didn’t respond. Her arms were crossed and she was frowning in the direction Jack and Goldilocks had ridden off in.
“Darling, what’s wrong?” Froggy asked. “Didn’t you enjoy the ceremony?”
“I did,” Red said unconvincingly. “Especially the dress—because it was mine! She stole it from me!”