by Chris Colfer
“You know, you could tell me if he was more than a friend—I promise I wouldn’t tell Mom,” Conner said, already anxious to tell their mom everything he knew.
Alex laughed it off. “You’ll be the first person to know if my relationship with Rook unexpectedly progresses into anything more, but it doesn’t look like that will be possible at the moment,” she said sharply.
“That’s good, but if he breaks your heart I’ll beat him up for you,” Conner said.
Alex burst into laughter. “Now that’s something I’d pay to see,” she said, and quickly changed the topic so she’d feel less exposed. “But while we’re on the subject, I’ve been meaning to ask you, do you have a crush on your friend Bree?”
Had Lester been a car, Conner would have slammed on the brakes. Instead he abruptly grabbed ahold of the reins and caused Lester to squawk. He blushed so much Alex could see it on the back of his neck and ears.
“Do I have a crush on Bree?” Conner said like it was a preposterous thought. “Come on, Alex, just because I asked you a couple harmless questions about your love life doesn’t mean you have to be rude.”
Alex grunted at the double standard her brother set. “I’m not being rude, I just figured I would ask since you turn bright red whenever you’re around her or her name gets brought up,” she pointed out. “Last night when she hugged you good-bye I thought your head was about to explode—I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a crush on you, too.”
Conner started smiling and couldn’t stop. Did Bree have a crush on him, too? He’d never thought it was a possibility until now. Had she traveled around Europe with him not only because she wanted to have an adventure but also because she wanted to spend time with him? He quickly forced his smile to diminish when he remembered he was in the middle of defending himself.
“Rest assured, I don’t have any feelings whatsoever for Bree,” he said. “To be honest, she was starting to get on my nerves when we were in Europe. The way she always second-guessed me, the way she remained so calm in any situation, the way she wore her hair under a beanie with her streaks of blue and pink in the front, the fact that she surprised me every day with a new interesting fact about herself… it was all so annoying.”
Alex didn’t have to question further—it was obvious how Conner really felt. She was glad he couldn’t see her raised eyebrow. “Uh-huh, sounds like you haven’t given her much thought at all,” she said. “I’m actually glad there’s nothing going on.”
“Why is that?” Conner asked, and became overly defensive in the opposite direction now. “You don’t think I’m mature enough to have a crush on someone or for someone to have a crush on me? For your information, I’m a catch, too—”
“No,” Alex interrupted. “Because we’re about to visit our old friend Trollbella, and we’re not leaving without the support of her army—even if it means you have to marry her.”
Conner moaned a long weary sound under his breath. He had almost forgotten about the young troll queen who had been madly in love with him since they met.
“Gosh, I hope divorce exists in this world,” he said.
The twins remained fairly quiet for the remainder of their trip into the Troblin Territory, fearing they would expose more about themselves than they were willing to. They knew each other so well it was a wonder why either ever tried fooling the other.
The mountainous boulders surrounding the Troblin Territory appeared on the horizon and Lester began his gradual descent. As they flew closer Conner was surprised to see that the land between the boulders was covered in water. The entire territory looked like a massive aboveground pool.
“Wait a second,” Conner said. “They never drained their territory after the Enchantress flooded it?”
“Nope,” Alex said. “The fairies offered to completely restore the land but Queen Trollbella had something else in mind.”
“What was that?” he asked.
“You’ll see,” she said.
Lester swooped into the territory and landed smoothly on the water. He was like a miniature boat as they traveled across the giant lake the territory had become.
“No way,” Conner said in shock when he saw what his sister was talking about. Queen Trollbella had turned her territory into a vast floating city.
Hundreds of forts crafted from the wreckage of their ruined underground home floated in the waters ahead of them. Troll and goblin families occupied the smaller forts while the larger forts served as common areas shared between them. Some of the goblins swam from fort to fort while trolls glided over the water in wooden floating devices. Many sat on the edges of the forts with their enormous feet in the water, and held fishing poles—although the twins were pretty sure there were no fish to catch. The trolls and goblins were darker than usual now that they lived above the ground. The sun had tanned their skin to dark shades of green and blue and brown.
Despite the environmental change, all the creatures looked incredibly bored as they drifted in the water. Alex and Conner floating past them on the giant goose was the most interesting thing they had seen in weeks and caused quite the scene.
“They sure are hard up for entertainment,” Conner said, and his sister nodded.
The twins heard a familiar voice as a long and wide boat traveled toward them.
“Row, troblins! Row!” Queen Trollbella ordered. She lay leisurely across the front of the boat and took in the sun. A dozen trolls and a dozen goblins were seated in the center of the boat and rowed long oars as they were ordered. The boat drifted slightly to one side since the trolls’ arms were shorter.
A young male troll stood at the back of the boat and monitored the rowers. He was short and stout just like Trollbella and wore a large horned helmet and a breastplate. All the rowers came to an abrupt stop as soon as they saw the twins floating on Lester in the water beside them. They pointed at the large goose and whispered among themselves as all the creatures on the surrounding forts had.
“Did I say you could stop rowing?” Trollbella said. When the rowing stayed at a halt, she agitatedly sat up to see what the concern was. She cupped her gaping mouth when she laid eyes on what the others had seen.
“Hi, Trollbella,” Conner said sheepishly, with a wave. “Miss me?”
“Butterboy!” She gasped. “Am I really seeing you or are you a mirage in the water?”
“He’s here,” Alex said. “We’re both here.”
“But I thought I had lost my Butterboy forever,” Trollbella said in complete shock. “You went home through that portal and I thought you’d never return! Was our love too strong for the portal to contain? Did our affection for each other break it open? Have you finally returned to be the king of the Great Troblin Lake?”
“Um… no,” Conner clarified. “But the portal has been re-opened—that’s why I’m here.”
“The Great Troblin Lake, huh?” Alex asked. “Is that what you’re calling this place now?”
“Yes, fairy girl,” Trollbella said with a scowl. “And I expect all the maps to be changed at once! I’ve always wanted to live near the water and the Enchantress unintentionally made that dream come true. Now you must come aboard my boat so I can properly embrace my Butterboy.”
Lester swam to the side of the boat and Alex and Conner were helped aboard by two of the troll rowers. Trollbella leaped onto Conner like a spider monkey hugging a tree and almost knocked both of them into the water. He figured it would take her a while to let him go but she detached much sooner than he was expecting. She looked up at him and her big eyes were full of concern rather than the usual lust. Something was very different about Trollbella but the twins were too pressed for time to find out what.
“Look, Trollbella,” Conner said. “We’ve come to talk to you. Something very bad has happened and we need your help.”
Trollbella put both of her hands on her hips. “It puts a strain on our relationship when you only come to me to share devastating news, Butterboy,” she said. “Just once I wish you’d bring
flowers or chocolates instead.”
“For the millionth time, we don’t have a relationship!” Conner said.
“Yes, I know our love is too strong for childish terms,” she said. “Our love is bottomless… it’s forever… it’s indestructible.…” The troll queen suddenly burst into tears.
“Trollbella, what’s the matter with you?” Alex asked.
“There is something my Butterboy must know before we speak any further,” Trollbella said. “While you were gone, I found someone else.”
“What?” the twins said together. This was the last thing they had expected to come out of the troll queen’s mouth.
Trollbella’s eyes darted around the boat guiltily and she turned away from them—what she had to confess was too painful to say while looking them in the eyes. “I knew after you disappeared into another dimension forever it would be challenging to keep our love alive. I tried to stay faithful to you for as long as I could and it was the hardest six days of my life. I was weak without you, Butterboy, and my heart strayed. I couldn’t bear the thought of being alone forever so I gave my heart to someone else.”
Alex and Conner exchanged the same dumbfounded look. With everything else going on at the moment, Conner was surprised by how much relief he felt upon hearing this.
“I always thought that one day if the impossible should happen and you returned to me I could easily give my heart back to you, but now seeing you in front of me, I realize I was mistaken,” Trollbella said. “Once I’ve invested my love in someone I cannot get my love back unless I know it’s a dead end, and I’m afraid I’ve planned a long, joyous road with my new love.”
“Okay, I’ve got to know, who is this poor guy?” Conner couldn’t help but ask.
“His name is Gator, and he commands my army as well as my heart,” Trollbella said. She dreamily looked to the back of her boat and waved at the small troll in the horned helmet. Gator waved back uncomfortably—apparently reciprocation wasn’t something Trollbella looked for in a relationship.
“Congratulations,” Conner said to them both.
“But I’ve failed you, Butterboy!” Trollbella said, and she fell to her knees. “I promised myself our love would be eternal and I’ve broken that vow! You’ll never love anyone else as much as you’ve loved me! I feel so terrible to leave you alone in this cruel world! Please tell me if there is anything I can do to make it up to you!”
Alex nudged Conner and cleared her throat. This was their chance.
“I don’t know,” Conner said, and gave his best heartbroken performance. “I’m in shock, complete shock. My heart feels like it’s been ripped out of my chest, trampled by a stampede of wolves, and chewed up by an ogre. I’m going to need some time to get over this—”
“But there is something you could do for him that would make him feel much better in the meantime,” Alex said, trying to speed things up.
“Oh yes, Butterboy!” Trollbella groveled at his feet. “I’d do anything to ease your broken heart! Please, the guilt is too much to bear! Just say the word!”
“Well…,” Conner said melodramatically. “If you’re serious about healing my emotional wounds, mending the pieces of my heart, and sewing the seams of my soul… access to your army would help me greatly.”
“You want my army?” Trollbella asked. She looked up at him questioningly. Even her Butterboy might have overstepped his boundaries with this request.
“Yes, but there’s an even bigger reason why we need it,” Conner said.
“Trollbella, an army of thousands of men has invaded this world and they plan on taking over—” Alex tried to explain, but Trollbella interrupted her.
“Hush, fairy girl!” the troll queen demanded. “This has nothing to do with you. Keep your wand out of our business!”
Alex rolled her eyes and gestured to her brother to explain the rest. Conner quickly told her about the Grande Armée and how they needed the troblins’ help to stop them. His explanation may not have captivated the troll queen but it sparked the interest of all the other creatures around.
“I’ll go!” said one of the rowing goblins.
“That sounds terrific!” an eavesdropping troll said from one of the forts nearby.
“I’m not even in the army but I’ll help you fight!” said a desperate goblin.
“Me too!” said another troll.
The twins were so excited to see their enthusiasm. Life on a floating city must have been really dull if the idea of war sounded intriguing.
Trollbella squinted and crossed her arms as she thought about it. “But still, an army in exchange for a broken heart seems like a pretty steep deal,” she said.
Without missing a beat, Conner clutched his chest and fell to the deck in pain. “Oh my broken heart! It hurts so much! Oh the pain, the miserable pain!” he screamed.
“Your heart is on the other side of your chest, Conner,” Alex whispered down at him and he quickly made the correction.
Tears formed in Trollbella’s eyes at the sight of her Butterboy in pain she had caused him. “Oh no, Butterboy!” she said, and rushed to his side. “If my army will help ease your pain, then my army you shall have!”
Conner quickly sat up, completely fine. “Thank goodness,” he said. “I really appreciate it! Now we need to gather up your army and fill them in on our plan as soon as possible.”
Queen Trollbella got to her feet to address the rowers aboard her boat. “Take us to the army fort at once, troblins!” she ordered. “My Butterboy needs to speak with our army and start his healing process.”
The troll and goblin rowers turned the boat completely around and headed in the direction of the army float. Alex gestured for Lester to follow the boat, and helped Conner to his feet.
“Nice going,” she whispered in his ear.
“Thanks,” Conner said, but his face fell into a pout.
“What’s wrong?” she said. “We recruited the troblin army and it was easier than either of us expected!”
“I know,” Conner said sadly. “I just can’t believe Trollbella picked that troll over me.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
FROM THE ASHES
The secret path weaved through the countryside, crossed rivers without bridges, and climbed over mountains that roads had never been built on as the carriages traveled through the kingdoms. Jack and Goldilocks were very attentive to the land surrounding them and so far they hadn’t encountered any problems during their covert tour. However peaceful the land outside the carriages was, though, the inside of the third carriage was another story.
Red had managed to bite her tongue since they left the Fairy Kingdom. She and Little Bo hadn’t said a word the entire trip and the others stayed just as silent, afraid any conversation might send the two into a vicious argument. Instead, as if they were watching a tennis match, Froggy, Bree, and Emmerich watched Red and Little Bo exchange spiteful looks back and forth.
The silence finally became too much for Red and she tried speaking to Little Bo as diplomatically as she could.
“So, Little Bo,” Red said. “Have you enjoyed being queen of my kingdom—excuse me—your kingdom?”
“Yes” was all Little Bo replied. She stared at Red stoically and didn’t look away, as if Red was playing a childish game she didn’t want to participate in.
The others in the carriage traded uncomfortable looks. It was inevitable that this conversation would end in disaster.
“Good to hear,” Red lied through a clenched jaw. “Have you fulfilled all the promises you made to the people during the election?”
“Almost,” Little Bo said, and still her stoic expression didn’t fade.
“Wonderful,” Red peeped. “And how are the House of Progress representatives?”
“They were all replaced with actual representatives from the village,” Little Bo informed her.
Red couldn’t help but let a high-pitched snicker escape her mouth. The others relaxed a bit seeing her so amused—perhaps there was a
chance they could be civil to each other.
“Well, they had it coming,” she said. “And what about the castle? Have you grown accustomed to it yet? I’m sure it took some time getting used to it compared to that farmhouse you lived in before.”
“I still live at my farm, actually,” Little Bo said.
Red suddenly gagged as if she had swallowed a bug. “Do you?” she asked, trying her best to remain calm. “Then why did you ask me to move out of it?”
“Because I turned it into an orphanage,” Little Bo said with a snide smile.
Red sat incredibly still while her brain processed this. Then, as if her animalistic instincts had taken over her body, she lunged toward Little Bo with her fists raised in the air.
“I’m gonna kill her!” Red yelled.
Froggy had been preparing for this moment and immediately grabbed ahold of her before any damage was done. It took Bree and Emmerich’s help to keep her in her seat.
“You lousy piece of sheepherding trash! You did that on purpose! You knew giving my castle over to a bunch of brats would hurt me the most!”
“Red, how can you say that about orphans?” Bree scolded.
“Oh, don’t let the word fool you! I’ve met all of those delinquents myself and each one is more awful than the last! Most of their parents are alive and well—those kids were just too horrible for them to raise on their own,” Red said.
Little Bo didn’t deny the reasoning behind her actions. She just sat across from Red and smiled mischievously. Red eventually cooled off enough for the others to let her go. Emmerich decided to change the subject before anyone got hurt.
“What is your necklace?” Emmerich asked Little Bo.
No one had ever pointed it out before and Little Bo was surprised he’d noticed it. A chain so thin it was almost invisible rested around her neck and was tucked neatly away into the top of her dress. She pulled the necklace out and showed him the small heart-shaped rock hanging from it.