A muscle jumped at the side of Raphael’s jaw. “Well, I find you in my study—”
“Waiting for you.”
“Waiting for me for what?” Raphael growled.
“Because I missed you!” Milan shouted without thinking. His mouth closed abruptly, Raphael’s eyes wide. “You know what? Never mind. You’re right—I’ll leave.”
“Milan, wait—”
“Don’t follow me,” Milan ordered as he fled the room.
Milan collapsed into a chair when he got to the library, face hot and still angry.
That went well. Milan closed his eyes and groaned.
*****
Milan debated if to skip dinner, but knew it was too childish a move—and there had been enough of that for one day.
How ridiculous was it that his husband was suspicious of him for being in his study, and Milan was embarrassed by admitting that he had missed him. His bonded.
They were both so fucked up.
Raphael was already sitting at the dinner table and looked relieved when Milan entered the room. He got up to his feet abruptly, knocking his chair over. Milan almost laughed.
“Milan—”
“Please, let me sit down first,” Milan said tiredly. Raphael flushed, retrieving his chair from the floor and sitting down a moment after Milan.
“Milan,” Raphael started again, “I apologise. You were right—the way I acted…I promised you that I wouldn’t. I shouldn’t have.”
Milan sighed. “Look. I understand. No, let me speak. I do. I don’t want you acting that way, but I do. Just…why don’t you try to think of me as an individual instead of an Omega you’re bonded to?” Milan suggested.
Raphael winced.
“What I mean by that is, when you doubt me, ask yourself—would Milan do that? Would I leave my whole family and almost die just to, what? Steal your money? My family has enough money. Also, I have skills and interests of my own. I don’t need you, Raphael, or your money.”
Raphael looked a little stunned. “I…never thought about it that way.”
Milan snorted. “Well, yes, dear husband. That’s what I’m here for—to set you straight,” Milan teased.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know. Let’s just…I didn’t expect for both of us to just forget the past and heal. It’s going to be a process. We’ve done far better than I thought we would, don’t you think?” Milan asked.
Raphael smiled a little, nodding. He stared at his empty plate for a moment before looking back at Milan. “It’s because of the bond.”
Milan frowned in confusion. “What is?”
“The…how things have changed so quickly between us.”
Milan sighed. “Raphael, that’s not how the bond works. It can’t manipu—”
“No, that’s not what I mean. It’s just…it feels so different from the one I had with Jack. Even in the beginning. I didn’t realise then, but now, with you, it’s open. I can feel you. When you’re happy, when you’re worried—little impressions, like you don’t mind me knowing.”
Milan shrugged a little, feeling self-conscious. He was probably a reckless idiot for not having shielded his bond at all, but it was so warm. It felt good to leave it open. Natural. “I didn’t really think about it,” Milan confessed.
Raphael laughed ruefully. “That…that’s exactly what I mean. I can tell you’re truthful. No one can lie through an open bond.”
Suddenly, a rush of fondness swept through Milan, but it wasn’t coming from him. It was coming from the bond.
Milan gasped, face flushing. He looked at Raphael, feeling pierced through by his blue eyes. “That’s…you?”
Raphael looked down. “I…I try to keep it open, but…”
“It’s ok. I understand. This feels…nice, though,” Milan admitted, embarrassed. Raphael smiled.
“I miss you too, you know,” he admitted quietly.
Milan pressed his lips together, trying not to grin. This was ridiculous. It had been only a month since he almost died because of Raphael. And yet…he was right. It was hard to think ill of someone whose intentions felt so pure through the bond.
“Well, I am very missable,” Milan said. Lord Raphael laughed.
“You are.”
That night, when the sconces were quiet and the candles out, Milan and Raphael curled towards each other on the bed. Only their hands were touching, but their warmth filled the space between them, an intimate thing.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Milan stood in front of Katerina’s front door nervously. She had accepted his request to visit her, but even her reply had been short and stiff. Milan didn’t blame her—he’d been avoiding her for nearly two months.
Milan startled a little when the door opened, surprised to see Katerina there instead of the butler. She looked down her nose at him, face cold.
“Well, look who it is. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
“Katerina…”
“Oh! He remembers my name! I’m sorry, I’ve quite forgotten yours.”
Milan sighed. He’d been expecting something like this. Katerina liked to make people think she was hard as stone, but she was a sensitive soul really, and Milan didn’t doubt that his sudden absence had hurt her.
“I know my behaviour has been abhorrent, but, please, let me explain. If you are still angry with me afterwards, I’ll leave right away.”
Katerina sniffed haughtily, leaving a dramatic pause even though they both knew she wouldn’t be able to resist knowing why Milan had been ignoring and refusing her for so long.
“Fine. Come in, then. No point letting the cold in.”
They settled in the same room they always sat in and were even served tea and sandwiches like always, meaning Katerina had asked the kitchen to prepare them in anticipation of Milan’s arrival. His stomach clenched. Despite having good reasons for his actions, he had not been a decent friend to her.
“Well,” Katerina said imperiously, “I believe you have some story to tell?”
“Yes.” Milan took a sip of tea, wondering where to start. He should have thought about this before. “Do you know what a neglected bond is?”
Katerina looked surprised at the question but played along. “Well—a bond that is not being taken care of, I guess.”
“Yes, but—it’s more specific than that. It happens when there is an imbalance of power, when the bond has just been created, or when the Omega depends on the Alpha but the Alpha shuts the bond down without severing it. Have you heard of that?”
Katerina looked serious now, frowning. “No. Not really. Maybe in passing, but…”
“So I guess you don’t know what the effects of a neglected bond are, then?”
Katerina shook her head slowly.
Milan took a deep breath and started from the beginning.
He told Katerina about the antipathy between him and Raphael, about the appearance of the gloves. About the physical and mental effects of the neglected bond—about why he hadn’t told anybody. About why he couldn’t tell Katerina or even see her.
“I could have done something,” she protested vehemently. Milan shook his head.
“You couldn’t, Katerina. Honestly—I knew you would try anything, but that, to put you in that position, would be even worse.”
Katerina glared, obviously not agreeing, but let him continue. She growled when he described Dr. Fitch’s attitude and words. Her eyes grew wide and scared at how close to death he had come.
“And you are still living with that man? Milan! He tried to kill you,” she said, clutching at his hands. He shook his head.
“Not quite.”
Raphael, understanding how important Katerina’s friendship was to Milan, and how Milan needed to explain his own absence from her life, had agreed for him to share the bare minimum with her.
“He did not know that was happening, just like you didn’t.”
“Oh, please, he was watching you waste away before his eyes and did nothing!”
<
br /> “Well, not nothing—he kept trying to call doctors, tried to get me to eat…at the time, I thought he was mocking me, and I turned all his help away.”
“He must have known that avoiding your heat would only worsen you.”
“I asked him about that—he thought my illness originated in the mind. That I was so disgusted by him that the marriage was what was making me sick.”
“It was.”
“Yes, but not in the way he thought. He thought it was his presence that was making me ill.”
Katerina scoffed. “Then why the gloves?”
Milan smiled. It was strange to have all his questions voiced and yet be Raphael’s defender. In a way it felt almost cathartic, to lay it all out there.
“I can’t tell you everything—no, Katerina, it’s just not my story to tell. But what I can tell you is that Raphael and Jack were not in love. Or, at least—Jack wasn’t. He was…he was abusive, Katerina.”
Katerina blinked quickly in shock. “Abusive?”
“Yes,” Milan said quietly. “I don’t know all the details, but…I think Jack was abusive in every way that it is possible to abuse your partner.”
Katerina pressed the tips of her fingers to her lips, looking stunned. Eventually, she stirred enough to say, “I don’t want to sound cruel, but…do you have proof?”
“In a way, yes—I’ve looked into it, and Jack chose Raphael. For his title and money. But, believe me, Katerina, if you had seen Raphael when he told me…you would not need proof either.”
Katerina nodded slowly. They sat there for a long time, trying to process everything.
“Milan…I feel very sorry for him. I do. What you are telling me—it’s horrific. They were married for years.”
“I know,” Milan said quietly.
“But. He harmed you. He may not have known the effects, but he did neglect you, knowing he had more power in the situation.”
“But did he? That’s the thing I’ve been thinking about, Katerina—I don’t think he knew he had the power. Jack used the bond as only Omegas can to sway Raphael. In his mind, he could not see that an Alpha Lord would have far more power in society than me. All he could see was that, in terms of the bond, I had the power, and every time the bond got stronger, the more power he was giving me.”
“You forgive him then, completely.”
Milan sighed. “I don’t know. I…it has always been difficult for me to hold grudges.”
“This is not a grudge, Milan.”
“I know, that’s not quite what I meant. It’s not that I excuse and forgive everything. But…”
“You’ve grown fond of him,” Katerina said, and Milan hadn’t acknowledged that was true until that moment.
He flushed slightly. “Perhaps.”
Katerina paused. “You think he’s worthy of you?”
“Yes. I do,” Milan said. At Katerina’s sigh, he sought to explain himself. “You know what makes me sad? I can see, in his unguarded moments, that Raphael is…he needs affection. He’s open. That’s why he defended himself so savagely—he didn’t know to close himself naturally. Sometimes I look at him when he smiles at something simple or shares something with me, and I can see how easily he would be to take advantage of. I just…I don’t like what he’s done. But I like who he is.”
“Well. I’m happy for you, then. But do not think I will forgive him so easily. Or you, for not telling me, and ignoring me for so long.”
Milan smiled brightly, taking her hands in his. “I owe you a great deal for being there for me, even though I didn’t take the offer. Friends?” he asked tentatively.
Katerina sighed as if what was being asked of her was a great chore, but Milan could see her smile.
“Fine. But don’t do that again.”
“Agreed.”
“And Gianna—she’s quite cross with you too.”
“Oh, no. Oh—you tell her the story. Not too much about Raphael, just about the neglected bond, and that it wasn’t on purpose.”
“Why should I tell her?”
“Well, that way you can be there to comfort her.” Milan smirked over the rim of his teacup.
Katerina rolled her eyes. “Fine. But you owe me two favours.”
“Agreed. Now, tell me everything I’ve missed.”
“Oh, of course you wouldn’t know—did you know Edwin was rebuffed by the Omega he tried to court?”
“Edwin…? Oh! That boor of an Alpha at the ball.”
“That same one. Wait, I’ll call for another pot of tea—I have a lot to tell you.”
Milan looked at her fondly, thanking the stars for giving him such a wonderful friend.
**********
“How was your visit?” Raphael asked a few minutes into dinner.
“Good,” Milan said, smiling. “I know you think her a great gossip, but she has been a good friend to me.”
Raphael flushed, looking down at his plate. “I shouldn’t have said that. I have no qualms with Miss Rosewood. I think I felt resentful of you spending time with her.”
Milan snorted. “That’s rather ironic, considering.”
“Yes, well. Nobody said I wasn’t foolish.”
“Not too foolish,” Milan teased.
“How did she take…did you tell her about what happened?” Raphael asked tentatively.
Milan sobered. “She took it well.”
“Don’t lie.”
“I’m not! Truly, Raphael. She took it well. I mean…don’t expect her to be warm towards you.”
Raphael snorted. “I’m glad you have a good friend in her.”
“Very. I would love it if both of you got along.”
“So would I. Though, knowing Katerina, I doubt that will happen any time soon. But, please, invite her here. You know you can have company whenever you want.”
Milan frowned. “Are you sure? I don’t want to impose.”
Raphael rested his hands, still holding his utensils, on the table. “I know that I have been remiss in showing you, but this is your home too. You cannot impose in your own home.”
Milan paused, letting that settle. Home. Would there really come a day when he would think of the North that way? “Thank you.”
Raphael nodded before they resumed eating.
A little lost in thought, wondering what it would take to truly see this land as his home, Milan asked, “Do you want a family?”
Raphael choked on what he had been chewing, needing a few gulps of water and some coughing to finally be able to speak. Milan looked on in amusement.
“I—yes,” he managed eventually. “I always imagined a big family, not having had one growing up. But, of course, I would never force you, if you didn’t want to.”
“I do. I want to, I mean. A big family, like mine.”
Raphael looked at him, cheeks pink. Milan could feel himself flush too, and concentrated on his food, a little giddy for reasons he wouldn’t analyse.
That night, when they slipped into bed to sleep, Milan could feel something charged between them. Nothing immediate, just…potential. Like a whisper or a small caress.
In the safety of the darkness, Milan felt brave enough to speak. “Do you still feel scared?”
There was a pause. “Sometimes,” Raphael’s voice said softly.
“Of me?”
Even more quietly, “Sometimes.”
“Can I…send you something, through the bond? Would that be all right?”
Another moment of silence. “Yes.”
Milan closed his eyes and concentrated. He thought about that feeling that Katerina had mentioned. Fondness. Or, maybe, a little bit more.
Gently, he pushed it through the bond. It was difficult to describe how the bond felt. A little like how one knows someone dear is standing next to you without looking, but inside. A strange awareness of their person, echoes of their emotions like heat from skin. Milan used that awareness to tell Raphael something—that he would never hurt him. That he cared about him. That he wouldn’t let any
thing bad happen to him.
“Oh,” Raphael gasped a small, small noise, but it hit Milan with force, how much wonder there was in it, as if Raphael had never felt anything like it.
As if he had never felt loved like that.
Raphael’s hand tightened around his. For a long moment, there was silence.
“Thank you,” Raphael whispered.
Milan squeezed his hand. They fell asleep close, facing each other.
**********
Milan looked at himself in the mirror, Melissa behind him with her hands together as if she were holding herself back from clapping.
“You will be turning everyone’s head at the ball,” she gushed. Milan laughed.
“You make it sound like I’m looking for a prince.”
“You already have the prince. It’s even better!”
Milan snorted, meeting her eyes in the mirror. She was so much more open than in the beginning. After Milan’s heat, she’d taken to hovering over him as if he were just about to collapse, even with Raphael there. More than anything, however, she seemed ecstatic that Raphael and he were getting along.
“You should thank Katerina, she’s the one that insisted I use this fabric.”
“Oh, I’ve heard she wears the most lavish suits,” Melissa sighed.
“Have a bit of a crush there?” Milan teased. Melissa immediately straightened, blushing brightly.
“Of course not!”
“I was jesting, Melissa.” Milan laughed.
“Well—go on then. Or you’ll be late.”
“All right, all right. When did you become so bossy, anyway? I thought you were shy.”
“It’s impossible to be shy around you, Lord Ledford.”
“Oh, don’t call me that,” Milan admonished, even though he knew she was teasing. Melissa smiled.
Milan looked at himself one last time in the mirror. He had to admit—he did look good. His suit was made of a thick, textured silver material, large, dark blue flowers printed over it. It was striking, especially with his complexion. The light-blue, silk shirt underneath completed the look.
“I’m glad I still have some of my own money. I don’t know what Raphael would have thought of the expense,” Milan said as he turned towards the door.
Honeythorn: Alpha/Omega Page 13