“We don’t have to go to the ball if that will make you tired,” Nathaniel said.
“There’s a ball?” Suzanne exclaimed. “I want to go. I want to wear a princess dress just like Tiana and Cinderella. And I want to dance with a prince.”
Roz kept herself from frowning at that last part. Her little girl was actually enthusiastic about something for the first time in a long while. But why did it have to be the ball? That was the activity Roz was hoping to skip. She didn’t even have a plausible excuse such as the lack of a babysitter, because the Sweet Briar ball was open to everyone, including kids. According to the flyer, there would be a chaperoned party room for the children, separate from the adults, but there would be daddy and daughter dances as well as mother and son dances.
Roz looked at the glow on Suzanne’s face and knew she wouldn’t sit this event out. “That sounds like fun.”
“I want a pink princess dress with lots of sparkles. And I want shiny red shoes with bows.”
“I want a blue dress,” Megan said. “And I want blue shoes. Or black. I want them shiny, too. With high heels.”
“And I want to carry some flowers,” Suzanne chimed in, warming up to the whole idea.
“I don’t know about carrying flowers,” Roz said, trying to slow them down before they got carried away, “but we can get you a flower to wear on your dress.”
“And I want a crown with diamonds in it. Just like Tiana,” Suzanne added.
“I’m not sure we can do diamonds, but maybe we can find something like them. Or maybe we can make a crown out of flowers.”
As the girls continued to chatter about what they wanted to wear, Roz sneaked a peek at Paul, who was watching the entire conversation, an amused expression on his handsome face. She hoped he didn’t think she was expecting him to go with her. Goodness no. She was perfectly fine going on her own. She’d set him straight on that later.
“What do you want to wear, Nathaniel?” Paul asked when the girls took a breath from talking about getting their fingernails polished.
Nathaniel’s mouth dropped open. “Are you kidding?”
Paul laughed. “Yes, I am.”
“Good. Bobby told me he has to go to the ball because of Charlotte. She thought of the dance and she has to go because it’s her job. I’ll go if you want, but I’m not going to dance with any girls or anything.”
“You aren’t going to dance with me?” Suzanne asked, looking crushed. “Don’t you love me?”
“Of course I love you. You’re my sister. I’ll dance with you and Megan. I just meant I’m not going to dance with any other girls. Well, besides Mom that is.”
“Thank you,” Roz said.
“And, Uncle Paul, you’re going to dance with Mommy, right?” Suzanne asked.
Roz’s mouth went dry even as her palms became sweaty. Every eye in the room focused on Paul, including Roz’s. Roz had spent a good thirty minutes explaining to Megan and Suzanne that she and Paul weren’t in love and that they weren’t getting married. She thought she’d been successful. Apparently she hadn’t.
She understood their difficulty. The kiss she and Paul shared had had her fantasizing about a future together. His words had doused the flame of hope flickering inside her. Though he’d been speaking to the girls, she’d received the message loud and clear. He might have given in to the desire simmering between them, but he didn’t want her. Message received.
“Of course I’m going to dance with your mom,” Paul said, picking up Suzanne and setting her on his lap. “I’m going to dance with all three of you. You’ll be the prettiest girls there.”
“But Mommy will be the most prettiest, right, Uncle Paul?” Suzanne prodded. What she lacked in tact, she definitely made up for in determination. And apparently she was determined to match the adults in her life.
Paul winked at Roz and her heart skipped a beat. Darn. Where was her brain? The man had been clear. “Absolutely. Your mom is the prettiest girl I know.”
“Mom is the prettiest girl in the whole wide world,” Suzanne said.
“Oh, stop, you two.”
“It’s true,” Suzanne said. “You’re pretty again now that you have hair. You were ball-headed before and really scary looking. Now you look like pretty Mommy again.”
Roz tried to ignore the pain that stabbed her in the heart. She knew it was ridiculous to worry about something as trivial as her appearance in general and her hair specifically, but still she ached at her daughter’s innocent words.
One of the stylists at Fit To Be Dyed hair salon had mentioned the availability of wigs for cancer patients. When Roz’s hair had begun to fall out in patches, another had suggested hair extensions. Roz had turned them both down. Then, last week, she’d gone out and bought a wig. She felt better, but the change in Suzanne had been nothing short of astounding. Though Suzanne knew Roz was wearing a wig, her shoulder-length hair symbolized healing and health. Suzanne was no longer forced to face her mother’s illness every time she looked at her. The wig had taken away Suzanne’s fear.
Suzanne smiled at Roz, unaware that she’d hurt her mother’s feelings. From the sympathy on his face, it was clear that Paul knew. But she didn’t want his pity. She didn’t want anyone’s pity.
“Hey, guys,” Paul said, filling the silence that now hung over the room. “I have an idea. It’s such a nice day. Why don’t we do something outside?”
“Like what?” Megan asked. “We already played on the swings.”
“Whatever you choose.”
“Can we go on the boat again?” Nathaniel asked.
“It’s best to get our tickets in advance for that.”
“I know. Can we go to the zoo?” Megan asked. “My class went on a field trip there last year and it was so much fun. I liked looking at the animals.”
“Yeah. Let’s go to the zoo,” Suzanne said.
“If that’s what you want.” Paul looked at Roz. “Where is the zoo?”
“Charlotte.”
“I’m okay with that if you are.”
Roz nodded. “That’s fine with me.”
The three children cheered loudly. Roz was glad about the change of subject. And she had to admit a day outside in the fresh air did sound heavenly. The spontaneous trip was just what she needed to get her mind off the kiss she and Paul had shared.
The kids raced from the room. Roz started to follow when Paul grabbed her hand, stopping her in her tracks. He turned her gently until they were facing each other. Reaching out, he ran a hand over her hair as he stared into her eyes. “You’re still beautiful, Roz. Just as beautiful as you’ve ever been.”
Her eyes filled with tears. One trickled down her cheek and he brushed it away. “Sorry,” she murmured.
“You don’t have to be sorry. You don’t need to hide how you feel from me.”
Of course she did. He was the one person in the world she could never let see her feelings. She couldn’t let him know that she’d fallen in love with him again and that she loved him with all her heart. Not after he’d just made it clear they didn’t have a future together.
* * *
“Here we go,” Paul said as he set the tray of hot dogs and bags of chips on the table. Nathaniel and Megan followed with the drinks they’d insisted they could carry.
“Thanks,” Roz said. She grabbed the packets of mustard, ketchup and relish and began to open them so the kids could squirt the condiments of their choice on their hot dogs.
“This is the most fun,” Megan said after she sat down.
“I agree,” Paul said. And he was having a great time. He hadn’t been to the zoo since his fifth grade field trip.
He slid into the chair next to Roz. She glanced up at him, a startled expression on her face. What was that about? Did it bother her to have him sit beside her? He couldn’t imagine why it would. They’d been enjoying the day
. She’d laughed more than she had in weeks. But, come to think of it, she did seem to shift away from him whenever he came around. Perhaps she wanted to reestablish the distance between them. But why? She was the one who’d kissed him, not that he was complaining. Maybe this was her way of insuring they didn’t cross that boundary again.
Roz was animated as she chatted with the kids while they ate. Her eyes danced in her face and she giggled like a young girl. He joined in occasionally, but mostly he just watched.
He hadn’t been lying this morning when he’d told her she was just as beautiful as she’d ever been. Her eyes were just as bright and her skin had a healthy glow. And she was starting to put on a little weight, which he found incredibly sexy. True, her glorious hair was gone, but that didn’t make her any less appealing. He’d liked her without hair. Not every woman could pull it off. But then not every woman possessed Roz’s cheekbones and stunning face.
He also understood her decision to wear a wig. Doing so had made a difference in Suzanne’s attitude. Besides, her beauty was more than external. It shone from within. It was the way she loved her children. The concern she showed for her friends. The consideration she showed everyone she encountered. It was in the grace she demonstrated as she faced a challenge that could have shattered her. But Roz had not broken. She’d faced cancer with strength and courage. Not once during all of her many visits to the hospital had he witnessed her being unkind to anyone. She’d withstood the pain and illness that accompanied her chemotherapy and surgery and maintained her sweet personality.
He admired Roz. More than that, he liked her. If he wasn’t careful, he would fall in love with her again. He wanted to be sure it was right for them before he walked down that road. Roz was the one woman who had the power to bring him to his knees. If things didn’t work out, he wouldn’t be able to rise again. Loving her was risky. Now he had to decide whether it was a risk he was willing to take.
At least he was officially free to take it. Last week, Kristin had finally returned one of his calls. She’d confirmed that they were well and truly over and quite bluntly told him to leave her alone. She was involved with a fellow surgeon and didn’t want an ex-boyfriend who couldn’t get the message hanging around.
He noticed that the table had grown silent and looked up. Four sets of eyes were staring at him. “What?”
The kids laughed uproariously.
“What?” he asked again.
“You were just sitting there, frozen, with a chip halfway to your mouth,” Roz said. She smiled and his heart lurched, startling him with its power as it all but jumped out of his chest.
He looked down at his hand. Sure enough, it was hovering several inches away from his mouth. Luckily, his mouth wasn’t gaping open or a fly might have flown in. Wouldn’t that have been a sight to see? He dropped the chip back into the bag. “You caught me. My mind wandered away from me.”
Suzanne frowned and looked around. “Where did it go? I didn’t see anything. And how did it get out? Did it crawl out your ears?”
He laughed. “That’s just an expression. It means I was thinking of something else.”
“What?” she asked.
There was no time like the present. He needed to get Suzanne used to him being gone. Even if he and Roz decided to pursue their relationship, he still had a business to run. For the time being, that required being on the road. “I was thinking that I need to go back to Florida.”
The smile slid from Roz’s face as she withdrew into herself. The light that had been animating her expression faded. She didn’t say a word, just as he knew she wouldn’t. He wasn’t the only one who’d put up walls between them. Roz had done her fair share of erecting barriers, as well.
“But why, Uncle Paul?” Megan asked.
“Don’t you love us anymore?” Suzanne asked, setting the last bite of her hot dog onto the foil wrapper. All of her previous joy seeped from her like air from a balloon.
“Girls, we knew Uncle Paul wasn’t going to stay forever. He only came to help while I was sick. I’m not sick anymore, so he can go back to his home. Now, let’s finish eating and walk around a little bit longer before it’s time to leave.” Roz’s voice was filled with forced cheer. She’d plastered on a smile so fake it could have been made of wax. He wondered if the kids noticed.
“I’ll be back,” he said firmly. “Remember, I promised to take you to the ball.”
The girls nodded glumly and he felt like a heel. But they knew he would leave at some point. And he would come back. That was a promise he intended to keep.
They gathered the trash, trudged to the garbage can and then shoved it in. That done, Roz hustled the girls to the ladies’ restroom while he and Nathaniel went to the men’s room. Before they stepped inside, Nathaniel pulled on his arm, stopping him. Paul looked into his nephew’s face. He looked as serious as an eleven-year-old kid could manage.
“You don’t have to tell the girls you’re coming back if you aren’t. I know you have to go back to Florida. I’ll take my sisters to the dance. And don’t worry about Mom. Bobby and I have a plan.”
That sounded ominous. “What kind of plan?”
“We’re going to find her a boyfriend. Bobby said his dad used to be sad because he didn’t have a girlfriend. Now his dad is happy because he’s going to marry Charlotte. Bobby’s happy, too, because Charlotte’s going to be his mom. He already calls her mom sometimes since she said it’s okay.”
Nathaniel looked up at him and Paul managed to smile even though the idea of Roz getting a boyfriend still knocked him for a loop.
“Miss Joni’s brother is going to be at the ball. He’s in the army so he’s strong and brave. He came to the youth center a couple of times and I liked him. I’m going to ask him to dance with Mom. She’s pretty and nice, so we think they’ll fall in love and get married. Then she’ll have a husband again and we’ll have a stepdad.”
Paul found it hard to breathe. “Miss Joni’s brother, huh?”
“Yeah. What do you think?”
He thought he wanted to be talking about anything but this. He’d seen the other man around and found him impressive. “How do you know he doesn’t already have a girlfriend?”
“Bobby told me he heard Miss Joni tell Charlotte she wants to introduce him to her friends. She wouldn’t have said that if he already had a girlfriend.”
“Maybe not. But maybe your mother won’t like being set up.”
“She won’t mind,” Nathaniel said confidently. “She wants to get married again.”
“How do you know this?” Why was he taking the word of a kid? Especially one with questionable sources.
Nathaniel rolled his eyes. “All girls want to get married. That’s why they read fairy tales. So they can learn how to get a husband and live happily ever after.”
Paul blew out a relieved breath. Nathaniel didn’t have proof.
“Plus, I heard her tell Charlotte that she was ready to date again.”
“Really?” The relief faded.
“Yeah. They know someone who helps people find husbands. I forgot what it is called.”
“Matchmaker?”
“Yeah. A matchmaker. They were laughing and Mom said she was going to call her and see if she could find her a boyfriend. Now she won’t have to. Bobby and I already have one picked out for her.” Nathaniel looked so pleased that Paul could only stare at him. Apparently, Nathaniel thought the conversation was over, because he stepped around Paul and into the restroom. Paul followed on legs that could have weighed a thousand pounds.
Roz was ready to date again. He shouldn’t be surprised. She was still a young woman, one with a new lease on life. No doubt she wanted to experience all life had to offer. Truthfully, he hadn’t expected her to remain in limbo forever. What was unexpected was the hollow feeling in his gut. It was as if each of Nathaniel’s words were a fist pummeling him until he
wanted to curl up into a ball and cry.
Well, that wouldn’t do. He couldn’t stand here in limbo either. He followed Nathaniel into the men’s room, all the while making plans. It was more imperative than ever that he take the time to straighten out his feelings. And then, if his feelings were real, as he suspected they were, he’d have to figure out a plan of action. He’d lost Roz once because he failed to act. He wasn’t going to make that same mistake again. Not in this life.
Chapter Sixteen
Roz pulled the cookie sheet out of the oven and placed it on the stove. Moving by rote, she removed each of the chocolate chip cookies with a spatula and placed them on a cooling rack. The aroma made her nostalgic for the carefree days of childhood, which was ridiculous. Her aunt had never baked cookies or anything else for her. No one had.
It was late and everyone else was sleeping. She knew she should be asleep, too, but she was too restless to do anything other than toss and turn for hours, which was the last thing she wanted to do. Rather, it was next to last. The last thing she wanted to do was say goodbye to Paul. He was leaving first thing in the morning. Apparently, he couldn’t wait to shake the dust of this small town from his feet. And wasn’t she being catty and petty for being disgruntled?
As she’d told the kids, she’d always known Paul was going to leave. And since she was doing so much better, there was no need for him to stay. What happened to her promise to say goodbye with a smile?
Roz scooped up the last cookie with a little more pressure than was required, causing the cookie sheet to slide off the stove. Without thinking, she grabbed it, forgetting that it had just come from a hot oven. She cried out and let go of the pan and it clattered to the floor. Hurrying to the sink, she ran her hand under the cold water as tears streamed down her face. She wasn’t sure if she was crying because of the pain in her hand or the pain in her heart.
“What’s wrong?”
She jumped at Paul’s voice. She shouldn’t be surprised that he came at her sound of distress. That’s who he was. Ready and able to help her at the slightest hint of trouble. But he was leaving in a few hours and she needed to get used to standing on her own two feet again.
The Single Mom's Second Chance Page 16