by Bella Andre
“I like your house,” she said. “It’s warm and handsome, just like you.”
She turned to kiss him, and Travis caught her up in his arms, kissing her back eagerly. But it wasn’t enough just to show her how much she meant to him—he needed to tell her too. Needed her to know what had been inside his heart for three long years.
“I love you, Amy.”
Her eyes grew wide, then filled with joy. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that?”
“I’m sorry—”
She put her finger to his lips. “Don’t apologize. Just say it again.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” She kissed him deeply, passionately. Then drew back enough to say, “Take me to bed, Travis. We’ve waited long enough, don’t you think?”
Maybe he still wasn’t good enough for her. Maybe he never would be.
Tonight, though, he wasn’t strong enough to let that stop them from loving each other.
He swept her up into his arms and carried her into his bedroom.
* * *
A long while later, Amy lay in the dark, wrapped in Travis’s arms, relishing every perfect moment of their lovemaking. After waiting for so long, being with him had been even sweeter, even more passionate and perfect than she could have ever imagined.
Especially now, when she’d never felt so safe or so happy.
Loving the warm strength of his body against hers, Amy pressed closer to Travis, smiling as she drifted toward sleep.
Chapter Ten
Every single second since Amy had woken up in his arms, Travis felt as though he had been holding his breath, watching for even the slightest sign that she was uncomfortable or unsure about their lovemaking…or the vows of love they’d made to each other.
Thankfully, she had been full of smiles and laughter all morning—and so sweetly seductive that Travis would have happily stayed in bed with her all day were it not for the bride and groom waiting for them at Married in Malibu.
Yet, his nerves still wouldn’t settle. Not when, in his heart of hearts, he remained a long way from believing that he could ever be worthy of her love.
Travis was usually the first one on-site at Married in Malibu. Today, however, he and Amy arrived after everyone else, including the bride and groom.
He’d been bracing himself for meeting Maya. Surely Maya would take one look at him, see that he wasn’t good enough for her best friend, then set Amy up with a movie star.
But when Amy introduced them, Maya couldn’t have been friendlier as she shook his hand and said, “It’s great to finally meet you, Travis.” In fact, if he wasn’t mistaken, Maya actually looked pleased to see him and Amy together.
Nolan shook his hand next. “Thank you for helping put on our wedding. We couldn’t have asked for a better venue.”
“We really couldn’t have,” Maya agreed. “And your timing is perfect, Amy, because Jenn has made a whole array of petits fours, and I need your opinion on which to serve at the reception.” Somehow, Travis doubted that would be the only thing they were going to talk about, especially given that whatever Maya whispered to Amy as they walked away had Amy’s cheeks growing even rosier.
“If you don’t mind,” Nolan said, “I’d be interested in getting a look at your security setup.”
Maya’s fiancé was a surprisingly normal guy. With light brown hair and a conservative gray suit, he looked like he belonged in an office, rather than on a runway or in a movie studio.
Travis led the way, explaining the security considerations as they made their way across the property. “The main balancing act is giving the guests total access to the grounds and the beach cove without allowing any uninvited photographers or press to get inside.”
“That explains all the cameras.”
“Exactly,” Travis said, before delving deeper into the cutting-edge security technology. A quick study, Nolan asked plenty of good questions, and before Travis knew it, they had covered the grounds from the beach to the garden.
Through the windows of the kitchen that looked out onto the grounds, Travis could see Amy and Maya laughing with Jenn as all three licked cake and frosting off their fingers.
“I’m really glad Amy is here to help out,” Nolan said. “There isn’t a contract on the planet that can throw me, but when it comes to linens and place markers, I’m completely lost.”
“That’s what we’re here for,” Travis reassured him.
“I know you are, and I appreciate it more than you know. I just…” Nolan ran a hand through his hair, clearly worried about something. “Maya deserves everything in this wedding to be as perfect as she is, and I keep worrying that there’s something more I should be doing.”
Travis could understand that feeling all too well. Whenever he was with Amy, he wanted to make the world a better place simply so that she would be happy. “You want to keep her safe—and give her absolutely everything.”
“That’s it exactly. But sometimes…” The other man looked bleak. “Sometimes, I still can’t believe that she picked me. Maya could have any man she wanted, so how did I get so lucky? And how can I ever make sure I’m giving her everything she needs and deserves?”
It was so close to how Travis had always felt about Amy that he found himself saying, “You end up feeling that you can never be good enough. You look at her and know that she deserves so much more than you can give. You’re more in love with her than ever, but it’s not about what you want, it’s about what she deserves. And she deserves everything in the world. If you could give it to her on a silver platter, that might just be enough. But you know that you never can.”
It took several long moments for Travis to realize what he’d said. He shouldn’t be talking through his personal problems with clients, especially the fiancé of Amy’s best friend. Unfortunately, Travis had gotten so lost in his conflicted emotions that he hadn’t been able to properly do his job.
“Nolan, I apologize for speaking out of turn like that.” He couldn’t let Nolan go on such a down note. Liz would kill him if the groom got cold feet, and rightly so. “You and Maya wouldn’t be on the verge of getting married if you weren’t great together. Amy has said more than once what a great couple you are.”
“That’s good to hear,” Nolan said in response to Travis’s pathetic attempt to smooth things over. When his fiancée saw them and waved, the groom seized the opportunity to get the heck out of there. “Thanks for the tour, but we should probably get back inside. Looks like Maya needs me.”
* * *
Amy was having the time of her life helping Maya with the last-second wedding details, from choosing the right dessert cakes to solving a sudden seating snafu. It helped that Married in Malibu was such a well-oiled machine, and of course, there was nothing Amy wouldn’t have done to support her best friend in creating the most memorable day of her life. At the same time, Amy couldn’t deny that the biggest reason she couldn’t stop smiling today was her budding relationship with Travis. Not to mention their super-sexy night.
Maya kept pressing her for details, but though the two women usually shared everything with each other, Amy wanted to privately savor the intimate hours she and Travis had spent together.
“Watching you and Travis come back together after all these years,” Maya said as they were leaving the kitchen arm in arm, “makes me believe in the power of love even more than I already did.”
“I’m pretty sure spending time around all the beautiful wedding cakes and decorations at Married in Malibu makes everyone believe in the power of love,” Amy teased, even though she was feeling the same way.
She was feeling so positive about how things were going with Travis, in fact, that she was tempted to go find Liz right now to say that she would happily take the job at Married in Malibu. Only the fact that she needed to keep her painting a secret from Maya made her hold off.
Nolan came inside, and Maya immediately went to put her arms around him. “Want to taste the ca
kes we chose?”
“Anything for you,” Nolan said. The two of them left Amy in the hall just as Travis walked in.
Though they’d been apart for only a half hour, seeing him again made Amy light up from the inside out. Just as Maya had with Nolan, she wanted to put her arms around the man she loved and know that nothing would ever tear them apart.
But the look on his face—no smile, just that tic he got in his right cheek whenever he was clenching his teeth—made her nervous. Nervous enough that she found herself trying to make small talk to fill the suddenly uncertain space between them.
“Nolan is a great guy, isn’t he?”
“He is,” Travis said. But he was frowning. And she couldn’t miss the sadness in his eyes—the same expression he’d had when he talked about his past.
Waking up in Travis’s bed this morning hadn’t been awkward at all. On the contrary, it had felt perfectly right. Their conversation had been easy and comfortable as they’d driven to Married in Malibu. Even when he’d met Maya, everything had seemed perfectly fine.
Until now.
“Travis?” Amy moved closer, though his body language was telling her to keep her distance. “What is it?”
He was silent for a long moment. Long enough that she was certain her heart would race all the way out of her chest. “I’m sorry, Amy. I thought I could do this. But…I can’t.”
“Can’t do what?” She could barely breathe, barely get the words out.
“This.” The one word fell like a blade between them. “Us.”
Chapter Eleven
“What do you mean, you can’t do it?” Amy kept her voice quiet, as though she might set off an avalanche otherwise. “After last time, I thought—”
“That’s just it. Nothing has changed since the last time I left you. I’m still the same guy I was then, and last night I was fooling myself when I thought we could be together.”
This couldn’t be happening again. It just couldn’t. “Before you left, everything was going great. We were going great.” Her head was spinning. Her heart was too, but not in a good way. “Tell me what you and Nolan talked about in the last thirty minutes to change your mind.”
“This has nothing to do with Nolan. This is about me not being strong enough to keep from wanting to be with you, even though I know I still don’t deserve you.”
“Don’t I get any say in that?” She couldn’t keep her voice from rising.
“I’m not good for you. I’m not safe for you to be around.”
“I’ve never felt as safe with anyone as I do with you, Travis.” How could she possibly get him to understand? “I know your family treated you horribly, but you rose above them.”
“No, I didn’t.” He stood as impassive as a statue. “I’m no good.”
“How can you say that you’re no good? What they did to you wasn’t your fault.”
“You don’t understand.”
It was obvious that he wanted to leave it at that, but she couldn’t let him. Not this time. “Make me understand.”
When he didn’t speak for several long moments, she feared he would shut her down again. But then his face fell even more, and he finally said, “For so many years, they beat on me and beat on me. They just assumed that I would always be smaller, always be weaker. Every time they hit me, it felt like I didn’t have any control over my life or my body, so I started to take control. I ran, and I lifted weights. I wrestled in high school, and I played football. By the time I was eighteen, I was bigger than both of them. And yet, they still felt like they could hurt me whenever they wanted to.” He took a deep breath before continuing, and she could hear it shake inside his chest. “One day, I’d had enough, and I…snapped. I gave them the kind of beating they’d been giving me and more.” His words were coming out in agonized bursts. “I saw red, and by the time I came back to myself, they were both on the ground bleeding and begging me to stop, and my fists were raw.”
She reached for him, desperate to soothe his pain. “Travis—”
He backed away before she could touch him. “The worst part wasn’t looking at them afterwards. It wasn’t seeing their fear, seeing how frightened they were of me, just like I had been scared of them.” He swallowed hard. “The worst part was that even knowing the pain I’d caused them, I knew that if they ever put me in that same situation, I would do it all over again.” Her heart broke a million times over for him as he said, “How could you ever love a man like that?”
“Easily.” He blinked at her as though he couldn’t believe her response. “You were on the receiving end of horrible pain for a very long time.” She wanted so badly to make him see the truth. “You acted in self-defense. They would have kept hurting you if you hadn’t fought back.”
“But if you had seen me that day…” She had never seen him look so bleak. Or so broken. “No one could love a man capable of doing what I did. No one should love a man with such rage inside him. Inside,” he pounded his fist against his chest, “I’m a monster.”
“How can you think that when every time you’ve touched me, every time you’ve held me, every time you look at me, you’re so gentle, so wonderful, so loving?” Her eyes were wet with tears. “You’re not a monster, Travis. You’re the best man I know.”
Only, he didn’t seem to hear her as he said, “When you came back this week, I wanted to believe things could change—that I could change and be that better man you think you see. But the truth is that if I had to go back to that room with my father and brother, even knowing what I know now, I would do the same thing. Nothing has changed, Amy. Nothing at all.”
Three years ago, Amy had let her heart be broken. She had run from the hurdles love threw in her way, rather than standing her ground and fighting for happiness. Now, it would be so easy to do the same thing—to give up, to get on a plane back to Michigan and try to forget the only man she had ever loved.
But Amy was older now. Wiser. And a heck of a lot stronger.
“You’re right,” she said. “Nothing has changed.” She took a step toward Travis, catching his hands in hers before he could stop her. “Nothing has changed, because I still love you. And I know you love me too, even if you’re too stubborn to admit it. But I’m not going to run away this time and lick my wounds. Instead, I’m going to be right here, waiting for you to stop being so stubborn. Waiting for the moment when you wake up and look in the mirror and realize a monster has never been staring back at you. Waiting for you to realize that you deserve not only to be loved, but to give love with your whole heart. To love me the same way I love you. Unconditionally.”
* * *
“Amy?”
Maya called out her name as she shot past Married in Malibu’s kitchen a short while later, but Amy didn’t stop. She was desperate to get out of the building before anyone saw her crying.
Of course, her friend soon tracked Amy down on a bench beneath a tree in a back corner of the garden. “What’s wrong?” Maya sat and put an arm around her. “What happened?”
“You should be with Nolan right now.” Amy wiped her eyes dry with the back of her hand. “You’re getting married tomorrow. You don’t have to worry about me.”
“I’m your best friend and I love you. So that means whenever you need me, I’m going to be there for you.” Maya waited until Amy met her gaze. “Now, talk to me.”
“Last night, Travis told me he loved me.” And his words of love had meant absolutely everything to her, especially after she had waited so long to hear them. “But now he says that he still doesn’t believe I could possibly love him, because he doesn’t believe he’s worthy of being loved by anyone.” She’d never felt so emotional, not even after Travis had spurned her on the beach three years ago. “I’ve told him I’m going to wait for him to see the truth—but will I ever be able to convince him that I really, truly do love him and that he really, truly is worthy?”
Maya looked pensive, her gaze trained on the ocean beyond the gardens for several long moments. Finally,
she said, “I wish I had a simple answer for you.” She sighed. “I know this isn’t easy to hear, but maybe if it’s this hard to get him to come around, you shouldn’t wait for him.”
“You can’t actually mean that!” Amy was shocked that Maya would even suggest it. “That would be like asking you to give up Nolan. Plus, you were the one who said I should give true love a second chance.”
“First, I would never give up Nolan, no matter how big the bumps in the road might be,” Maya confirmed. “And second, of course I don’t actually mean it.”
“Wait a minute,” Amy said, her head spinning again. “Did you just say that so I would realize I’m never going to walk away from Travis, no matter how difficult things might be?”
“Yes, I did,” Maya admitted, not looking the least bit guilty about it. “But only because I think we both needed to see exactly what your instincts, and your heart, are telling you.”
But Amy had already known, hadn’t she? Just as Maya had said only moments before, when you love someone, that means whenever that person needs you, you will be there for them. No matter what.
“I can’t force him to change his mind,” Amy said slowly. “He’s got to change it for himself.”
“But that’s part of the reason you love him, isn’t it?” Maya asked. “Because he stands by his beliefs and isn’t a man who will turn away from them when the wind blows in the other direction.”
“Why did I have to fall in love with someone so strong…and so stubborn?”
“Probably because you know a thing or two about those qualities yourself.”
“I’ll happily take strong,” Amy said. “But stubborn?”
Maya nodded. “Stubborn enough to keep at your art even when your family didn’t support you. Stubborn enough to stay friends with me even though I’m on too many planes, too much of the time.”
“And stubborn enough to hold fast to my love for Travis,” Amy agreed, “no matter how long or winding the road to his heart is.”