Valorie’s shuddering pain struck right at Maya’s heart. This was the cosmic balance, right where she was, her karmic retribution in purgatory.
“I’m sorry,” Maya said. It was wholly inadequate for everything she’d done, but it was all she had, short of jumping. And she wasn’t ready for that yet.
“What? I didn’t hear you. What did you say?” Valorie asked mockingly.
“I said I’m sorry.”
“So you admit you took him from me,” Valorie said.
“I didn’t set out to do it. I didn’t do it on purpose,” Maya replied. The subtle swing of the rope had stopped, which meant Valorie had too. “It just kind of happened, and I didn’t know how to end it, and then I didn’t want to anymore. But it wasn’t me alone, Valorie. I swear. I wasn’t lying when I said that most of this mess was his idea.”
“You could have stopped it,” Valorie accused.
“Like I could stop a freight train,” Maya said. “But I’m sorry anyway. I…I do know how it feels. Believe me, I know how it feels.”
“Well, at least I have an acknowledgement,” Valorie said.
Maya’s hope cautiously lifted.
“When I hurt you, I’ll know for a fact you know why I’m doing it. If I were to just let it go, what would keep you from going right back to him, ever the helpless maiden ravished by the rakish villain? Please. I accept your apology, and now you’ll accept accountability, you whoring bitch.”
“I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen a ring on that finger,” Maya shouted back. “He didn’t promise anything to you, just like he didn’t promise me anything. A long life, security of limb, peace of mind… Did he promise you any of those things, Val?”
Yes, mock the woman who moves faster on the tightrope than you and who doesn’t even need her knife anymore. All Valorie needed was one good push.
Maya stood stock-still in the middle of the rope as Valorie advanced on her with technique borne of experience and magically imbued abilities—magically imbued abilities Maya hadn’t been fortunate enough to get. Lovely assistants just needed a tight leather bodice, and Lady Sasha had taken care of that. She didn’t need odd talents or strange appearances.
She wasn’t going to make it. She couldn’t.
“My dear, of course you can. An amateur taking the rope for the first time wouldn’t have made it as far as you have. If I told you it’s physically impossible for you to fall from any height, would that give you the confidence you need?”
Maya jerked her head to the side, a move that should have wrenched her off her delicate balance. But her center adjusted her body automatically, and she steadied herself against the swaying rope.
Bell had taken his seat by the entrance, his elbows resting against his thighs, as Valorie chased Maya on the tightrope with vengeance in her eyes and a deadly weapon in her hand.
Just watching them.
“If you keep going, you’ll reach the platform. Unfortunately, Valorie was given the same protections early on, so I would move more quickly if I were you.”
Maya directed her attention back to the rope, her arms almost pinwheeling, and she leaned to the sides to compensate for her stumble. But she didn’t fall. Somehow she stayed upright and closed the distance to other platform just before Valorie could reach her. Maya heard and felt the knife come within a few inches of her back. The air it split through breezed cool in the valley of her spine.
“How… Goddammit, I will get you, bitch,” Valorie shouted after her. “Two can play at that.”
Maya gauged the distance between the second platform and the trapeze swing. Then she jumped. She landed partway on the bar, sticking the landing on only one foot. She clung desperately to the trapeze chain as she tried to regain her balance.
Valorie ran over the rest of the tightrope then leaped after her, landing on her stomach on the trapeze bar and losing the knife in the process.
Maya kicked at Valorie’s shoulder as Valorie clambered up, but Valorie grabbed her ankle and twisted it violently, without mercy. Maya screamed. She didn’t hear the telltale crack of a break, so it was likely just a sprain. Just a sprain that made it nearly impossible for Maya to climb up the swing’s chain to the catwalk.
When Valorie regained her standing balance, she swept her foot against Maya’s shins, knocking her feet from under her. Maya’s grip on the chain stayed strong in spite of the rocking swing, but she slipped down a little, her legs dangling. She struggled to climb back up and plant her feet on the swing, but her legs were tired, her feet in pain, and she couldn’t find purchase. In the meantime, her hands were sweating even more.
Valorie closed a hand over Maya’s throat. “If you have to jump, then jump,” Valorie said through clenched teeth. “It’s that or die.”
But now Maya realized those weren’t the only choices. Bell hadn’t just been watching. He’d been waiting.
Waiting for the harvest.
It took all Maya’s strength to speak through Valorie’s attempt to choke the life out of her, and it did nothing for her damaged vocal cords. But those would heal faster than broken legs. Or death.
“I wish…” Possibilities raced past her, but she recognized the right one immediately, the one that he would honor instead of twist. “I wish Valorie wasn’t jealous of me because of Bell anymore.”
“Granted.”
Valorie recoiled as though slapped. Her eyes went wide, first in anger, then in something like epiphany. Her hold on the swing chain slipped, and she fell forward.
She had fallen only because Bell was there to catch her. He stood exactly where he needed to be and cushioned the landing with a crouch.
Valorie met his eyes after recovering from the shock. She touched his face. Then her hard, angry, confused expression collapsed. It wasn’t pretty at all, but that wasn’t the point. Bell kissed her as she cried, helping her to the ground so he could bring their bodies closer.
“Yeah, you two do that while I figure out how to get down,” Maya muttered, legs flailing in the air as she continued to try to stand on the trapeze swing without slipping on her own blood. By all means, she was happy for the happy couple, but she would very much like to come down and maybe visit a licensed medical practitioner.
Finally, she got her feet on the swing. It helped that Valorie wasn’t trying to kill her anymore. Her arms and hands thanked her. Her legs and feet emphatically did not, but she told them to shut up, because at least she was still alive and relatively unharmed.
Bell eased the kiss to its end, lingering on Valorie’s lips with a little smile. “I told you, my dear, all you had to do was ask.”
“But you were spending so much time with her, time you used to spend with me, squeezing me out,” Valorie said, wiping her eyes. She sniffed soundly and tried to control herself again.
“She required my time,” Bell responded. “I have enough time for both of you, but you demanded nothing more.”
“You’re psychic, you… I’m kind of in too much pain to come up with a suitable insult at the moment,” Maya shouted down at him. “You knew what she was doing, how she felt, what you were putting her through—not to mention me.”
“Believe it or not, Maya, I don’t delve into everyone’s head all the time,” Bell replied. “I can, but I choose not to so that I can focus my energies on my work and because I don’t care to hear all the thousands of inanities that pass the surface of a person’s mind. It’s not only distracting, it’s deadly dull.”
“Why, thank you,” Valorie said, rolling her eyes.
“I use my abilities to read the minds of my clients, of course, but for my usual interactions with my people, I reserve my psychic intrusion to those that simply occur to me in dreams or reveal themselves to me as prophetic revelations. Sometimes I’ll peruse a person’s emotions, but otherwise, I prefer to concern myself with the workings of the circus, not interpersonal conflicts, as long as they don’t end in bloodshed, as today’s might have,” Bell said.
“I’m just going to say it plain,” Maya s
aid.
“When don’t you?” Bell asked.
“What you just said is fucking horseshit. You peek in all the time. Did we entertain you?” Maya accused. “My angst, her anger… Did you enjoy the show?”
Bell gave her his infuriating Mona Lisa smile. “I noticed, Maya, that you didn’t mention it to me either.”
“I figured you not stopping it was the same as allowing it,” Maya said. “That, and we were doing exactly what Valorie feared we were doing.”
“You and your guilt trips,” Bell said, shaking his head and sharing an unfathomable look with Valorie. “It took arriving at Arcanium for them to blossom from a casual lifestyle into an art form.”
“Encountering real demons does have that effect on some people,” Valorie interjected. “Most people, actually. I’ve only outgrown it. And you exploit it, so don’t act innocent, Bell,” she added, hitting his shoulder. “You can’t fool your women. We know you too well.”
“You know very little about me,” Bell said.
“In comparison to everyone else, I’m pretty sure we understand you better than anyone,” Valorie said dryly. “I love you anyway.” She stroked Bell’s forehead and sighed. “But you don’t love me, do you?”
“I like and enjoy you very much,” Bell said.
Valorie’s smile was pained. “I thought so,” she murmured.
“You expected love from a demon?” Maya asked. She’d intended it to be snide, but it came out curious, partially because of how sad Valorie looked. The jealousy that had swelled with infection to such dangerous levels was gone. However, the hurt was still there, weighted to a more rational degree toward Bell this time.
“Jinn can love,” Valorie said. “It’s different from human love, but they can. For a while, I thought…but now I have a comparison.”
Bell frowned, genuinely nonplussed.
“Not to complain too much, since no one’s trying to kill me and I’m not going to fall—and those are considerable improvements—but could someone help me down?” Maya asked. “I’m balancing on one foot that hurts and not standing on the foot that was twisted into uselessness.”
Valorie looked down. “Sorry.”
“So am I. Really. No sarcasm,” Maya said.
“I know,” Valorie replied. “I understood underneath it all that Bell was—is—persistent. But I just couldn’t accept… Sorry.”
“Heartfelt apologies and maybe hugs afterward. Help?”
“Valorie, fetch some healing potion, please,” Bell said.
Valorie nodded then jogged out of the tent.
“Jump,” Bell called up. “I’ll catch you.”
“Careful of the foot,” Maya said.
After Bell had caught her, he carried her to the stands, setting her down on the bottom bench.
“You knew this was going to happen,” Maya said quietly.
“Yes,” Bell replied.
“We’ve discussed this. I feel like a broken record. You could have had a talk with Valorie months ago about how you’re the corrupting influence here, not me. You could have stopped this before my feet started to resemble hamburger. But you left that carousel knowing that Valorie was seething nearby. You purposefully left so that she could pull a Jack Torrance on me.”
“Yes,” he said. “It was meant to happen. And if it hadn’t happened, you would never have wished Valorie into a better state of mind.”
“You mean you wouldn’t have gotten a wish out of me and a conflict between your two women out of your hair,” Maya said. “How convenient.”
“Would you have preferred that I spared you this strife from the beginning?” Bell asked.
“Gee, let me think…”
“I did not tell you about your part in this circus as a new high wire act because I saw that this would be your chance to find out,” Bell said. “I didn’t interfere with Valorie’s vendetta because I knew it would resolve itself in your wish. I was patient.”
“You were cruel.”
“You hurt now, Maya, but in an hour, you will barely remember the pain,” Bell said. He guided her legs over his thighs, mindful of her injured ankle, then tucked his arm behind her back to lessen some of the strain and to hold her closer. “I didn’t interfere because I knew you would be safe.”
“I wasn’t safe! I was being chased by someone with a knife who was trying to figure out the best way to maim me.”
“I saw the outcome. I knew you would remain unharmed. Well, relatively.”
“You saw an outcome.”
“Your life was never in any real danger,” Bell said.
“Yes, it was!” Maya tossed up her hands. “You just don’t get it, do you? Even if a future outcome is fixed, that doesn’t mean I was safe for one second with Valorie chasing after me. I don’t have the benefit of foresight and hindsight and certainty. I only have the moment. The urgent moment. And in the present, Bell, I was in very real danger. I was this close to being mutilated by your jealous girlfriend, and I was terrified.”
“If you hadn’t been terrified, the outcome would have been different. But the outcome could not have been different. It had been set,” Bell said.
Maya sighed, closing her eyes and leaning against Bell’s shoulder as he stroked her back. He really didn’t know what he had done. Explaining it to him was like talking to an alien.
“Do you know what my third wish is going to be?” she asked.
Bell was silent for a beat. “No.”
“Are you lying?”
“I don’t lie,” he said. “I told you that.”
“And that could be a lie. You see my dilemma?” Maya asked.
“I knew your second wish before I knew your first, and I didn’t seek either of them out, not even during your fortune telling session. I saw other things then,” Bell said. “Your third wish has chosen to remain a guarded secret, and I am happy with that arrangement. I prefer to encounter my wishes as they occur. That way there’s some mystery in my life as well.”
“What if it hadn’t gone the way you expected?” Maya asked.
“I knew the prophecies were woven in the tapestry the way I know a breeze by its coolness over my skin,” Bell said. “I had no fear. As things have unfolded, the results are quite satisfactory, don’t you agree?”
She sighed again. “All things considered, yes. As soon as my feet are taken care of.”
“And these?” Bell slid his hand down her back where the needles had been.
“Those are different,” she said quietly.
“Do you want to know what’s different, Maya?” Bell said, his lips brushing her ear as he spoke. “You ran. You resisted. You have tired of this game of penitence. Valorie came after you, and you didn’t let her have her way with you as you might have two weeks ago, the way you have accepted the Ringmaster’s whip.”
“No accounting for my strength of character,” Maya said. She turned her head to press her closed eyes against his arm. “Or willpower.”
“You think your boy has spared an ounce of consideration for you while he lies on his hospital bed? Do you think he views his present condition and the subsequent stretch of healing ahead as divine judgment for what he did to you?” Bell asked. “No, Maya. He doesn’t associate what happened to him with what he did to you at all. He regrets he cannot continue the charade, which means that your absence will finally be noticed. He asks the universe how a good guy like him could have had such bad luck. He’ll forget you long before the pain fades, golam. You allow him such a foothold in your mind, running your life in his absence, and yet the only feeling you inspire in him is a mere sneeze of ‘good riddance’.”
“Stop,” Maya whispered.
“You are nothing to him, Maya. When he disowned you, he scrubbed you out of his mind and thanked the good God above that you stayed away while he ruined what was left of your life. If you want the lash, the needle, any sharp edge you desire, I will not deny you. But don’t do it for him,” Bell said. “Not anymore.”
“Just because
he’s not the best person doesn’t give me permission to be just as bad,” Maya replied. “Maybe you’re not lying to me and he really doesn’t care. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t. There’s no way for him to know who was responsible. But I do. I know what I did.”
Bell lowered his head, his lips thinning. “Very well.”
“The only reason I ran was the instinct for self-preservation. Lizard hindbrain and all,” Maya said. “I’m not done yet. I’m sorry if that disappoints you.”
“I’m not disappointed, eshgham,” Bell said. “Your insistence on self-destruction saddens me.”
A jinni responsible for the earthly torment of lost souls, he had the perfect specimen in his arms now, and it made him sad. Maya couldn’t help but wonder whether it said something good about him or something really bad about her. She decided on the latter. She was used to accepting her own depravity by now. What was one more stripe on her back?
If she listened to Bell and let herself forget Derrick, it would be as good as breaking his bones by her own hands, one by one, and walking away vindicated. If Derrick was the person who Bell said he was, Maya didn’t want to be like him. She still had miles to go before she would allow herself to sleep soundly.
Valorie ran back into the tent with another vial of blue healing potion. Bell never seemed to worry about running out, although Maya had gone through four vials already.
“Thank you, Valorie,” Bell said, accepting the vial. He poured half of its contents onto Maya’s propped up ankle.
A whimper leaked from Maya as Bell massaged it into muscles that initially protested any touch on the alarming swelling. Gradually, her whimpers devolved into panting gasps. Coolness suffused the area, dissolving the pain like a tablet in water.
As soon as she could maneuver her ankle, Bell poured the rest of the liquid onto the soles of her feet, rubbing one sole to coax it into healing, then the other. Even when they had completely healed, he continued to dig his thumbs into her instep, a place that shot sensation all the way up her legs to her cunt.
That was a connection she hadn’t encountered before, and she held onto his arm like she had clung to the swing chain as he made her hot again. It always seemed so easy for him, even though the incubus’s and succubus’s influence had waned for the evening.
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