by Celia Kyle
“Just so long as everyone keeps at their post. At least part of the time.”
“What do you think the chances of that are?” He’s cut a sideways smile to me before curling through the door and ambling down the hall.
Trying to use a scientist’s eyes, I look back at the throng of people cackling at each other. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I should get Nicari up here. He could fill the dictation files of a data pad inside of twenty minutes trying to break down the behavioral displays unfolding on every side.
There’s every chance that most of the crew runs the risk of finding a mate among this mass of women. It’s a massive thing to consider, but everything I’ve seen since bringing these women on board seems to bear it out. In a funny way, it also makes me feel less alone with the storm raging inside my own chest.
Chapter Twenty-One
Varia
I stare at the top of my bunk and sigh.
Even though it’s already morning—or breakfast time, since there really isn’t any sunrise aboard the Ancestral Queen—it’s a struggle to get out of bed. Exhaustion pulls at me, my constant dreams of a slow death in a dark cargo hold stopping me from having a proper night of sleep. Still, I kick the blankets away and swing my legs off the bed. It’s no use lying here and think of yesterday. Yawning loudly, I stretch my back and force myself out of the room.
By now, the ship’s corridors are already abuzz with activity. Kilgari crewmen amble from one corridor to another, performing the Ancestral Queen’s daily circuitry maintenance, and I immediately spot Fiona and Ilya among them. While one is busy debating the merits of replacing some of the circuitry, the other’s busy dismantling a cooling system panel under the surprised gaze of a Kilgari mechanic.
I still can’t wrap my head around how quickly the rest of the women adjusted to life here. They should be worrying about their future, as we’ll all have tough decisions to make, but most of them don’t seem particularly concerned with any of that. They seem happy to be here, and they seem even happier to have the Kilgari as their crew mates. It’s insane.
We’re not staying here.
I can’t stay here. I have a responsibility to make sure these women get home.
All my life I’ve been told that the galaxy is a dangerous and yet wonderful place. That humanity is just one of a myriad of species in the galaxy, but that the benevolence of the Interstellar Human Confederation will protect us in our homes and through our travels.
Well, if the IHC really did arrest me and all these women, that belief was nothing more than bullshit.
Our government is supposed to protect us from the bad guys. The Kraaj. The Ataxian Coalition. The Reapers.
But we aren’t supposed to fear our own government.
We need to get back. To set the world as we know it right again.
Shaking my head, I make my way toward the dining hall. It’s not hard. All I have to do is follow the noise made from dozens of women chattering nonstop, all of it punctuated with the occasional deep Kilgari laugh. I stand in the doorway, trying to look for a vacant seat, when I notice Solair sitting at one of the corner tables with Swipt.
I rock on my heels for a couple of seconds, not sure if I should approach him. I was harsh with him, especially when considering he could just shove us all out the airlock, and now I feel guilty. Gritting my teeth, I rake one hand over my face and make my peace with what I have to do. I might not know when to shut up, but I do know when it’s time for an apology.
“All right, let’s do this,” I mutter under my breath, cutting through the rows of long tables as I make my way toward the corner. Swipt is the first to notice me. He falls silent mid-sentence, clears his throat, and quickly melts away from the table. “I think we need to talk, Solair.”
“You didn’t come here to argue. Did you?” Turning around on his seat so that he’s facing me, Solair sighs. “At least eat something.”
“No, I didn’t come here to argue,” I reply, but I have to make an effort not to snap at him. Why did he assume I came here to argue? It’s not like I’m some insufferable bitch who’s always complaining. Right?
Right?
Taking the seat across from him, I clear my throat and straighten my back. “In fact, I came here to apologize.”
“Is that so?” He cocks up one eyebrow and leans back. “Huh.”
“Don’t ‘huh’ me.” With a frown, I force myself to continue. “I know you’re doing your best to help us out, and that you owe us nothing. I’m sorry for my outburst. It’s just that...” I trail off and stare down at my hands as I try to think of my next words. “I’m scared for them. You know? They’re innocent—for the most part—and I want to make sure they’ll be safe. They deserve to be safe. The galaxy is not a nice place, but these women grew up knowing their leaders would take care of them. And we need to get them back to their lives so that promise isn’t broken.”
“I understand that.” Smiling, he gives me one slight nod. When my eyes meet his, he rises to his feet and waves toward the exit. “Care to join me for a walk? It’s impossible to have a conversation in here.”
“Agreed,” I laugh. With almost a hundred people stuffed inside the dining room, the background noise is akin to that of an angry swarm of wasps. We walk out of the room side by side and, from the far corner of the room, Lamira spots me and gives me a little wave. More than just a wave, she also gives me a conspiratorial wink. I wave back at her discreetly, ignoring her wink, and march after Solair.
“It’s been awhile since I’ve had this many people aboard the Queen,” Solair speaks as we amble down a long corridor, one leading into the ship’s stern. There’s not a soul around us, and the contrast is striking. It’s so peaceful here that I can almost hear the faint flicker of the lights mounted overhead. “In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever had this many people aboard.”
“We’re a nuisance. I get it.”
“That’s not what I meant.” He frowns. “The logistics are tough, sure, but my crew don’t seem to mind the women. Besides, all of you are trying to help us. It’s not like you’re freeloaders. That’s because of you, I think—as their captain, you’re doing a good job.”
“I’m not their captain,” I whisper, and Solair stops walking and turns to face me.
“But you are,” he insists. “You’re the one they look up to.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“Look out there.” Taking one step toward me, he lays one hand on my shoulder and turns me around. He points toward the large glass panel on the wall, one offering an expansive view of space, and for a moment neither of us say a thing. We just look at the million stars outside, strewn across the dark canvas of space like grains of sand on a beach. “Some people look outside and see the romance that comes with being among the stars. People like us, Varia, we see the dangers in it. Not because we don’t appreciate the beauty, but because we feel responsible for those enchanted by it. You worry about them, and you care about them… if that doesn’t make you their captain, I don’t know what does.”
“Is that how it is with you?” I do my best not to focus on the way his fingers remain on my shoulder. Something about his touch makes it hard to think, almost as if his hand is electrified and is zapping my thoughts before they have a chance to form.
“You bet it is,” he replies, a kind smile spreading across his lips. “Some of my warriors are perfectly happy living day to day. They don’t care about much, and they’re content doing whatever I tell them to do. As for me… well, there’s a lot I worry about, and it never stops.”
“Yeah, I know that feeling.” Returning his smile, I look into his eyes and my heart tightens. When I first saw him, bursting into the transport ship like some warrior out of a storybook, I never thought he’d be this… kind. Back then, he emanated that sexiness that came with being a dangerous savage, but it seems like there are layers to him. “Thank you for everything you’re doing. I might not always show it, but I really am thankful.”
“No
need to thank me,” he says, his voice dipping into a whisper. “And just so you know, there’s no need for you to leave. It might not be easy, but I won’t kick you out.” Allowing his smile to transform into a grin, he gives my shoulder a soft squeeze. “As annoying as you might be, I actually enjoy having you around.”
“I know,” I breathe out, and my heart tightens even more as I imagine myself spending more time with him. It wouldn’t even have to be aboard the Queen. Anywhere would be fine, just as long as I didn’t have to leave his side.
Get a grip, my inner voice suddenly chimes in, batting away all those lewd thoughts. It’s useless. As long as my eyes remain on Solair’s, there’s no controlling what happens inside my mind. Something about him draws me in. His presence is magnetic, his gaze is irresistible, and—
Get a hold of yourself, Varia, my inner voice returns, but this time I don’t pay it any attention. I just push it into a dark corner of my mind and let my instincts take the steering wheel. It’s not hard to do—in fact, it feels like the right thing to do.
Never looking away from me, Solair takes his hand from my shoulder and raises it. Slowly, almost as if I was a deer that might get startled, he lays his fingers on my face. The moment I feel his touch on my skin, my eyelids flutter and my heart kicks and punches against my ribcage.
When he leans into me, I offer no resistance.
I want it.
I need it.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Solair
I feel the spark of the mating bond the moment my lips touch hers. It’s as if thousands of eons of time come together to form this single moment. She and I are the only ones alive in this galaxy, in this entire universe, brought together by fate or some unknown gods. I let myself sink into the sensations, the bond infusing into every cell, neurons and synapses firing. My heartbeat quickens as my blood thrums through my veins to the pulse of an echoing whisper: mate, mate, mate.
Kissing Varia is like hearing a song I used to know but hadn’t heard in a very long time. Even though I’ve never kissed her before, it feels like a memory. Like it happened in a dream or sometime long ago. My soul knows how to kiss her, effortlessly.
We’re standing in the aft of the Queen. Outside, the stars splay out before us in a perfect spill against the pitch-black sky, visible through the massive window. They twinkle and burn fiercely, as if just for us. I couldn’t have planned a more romantic setting if I’d tried.
As my lips move against hers, I remember a passage from the Elder Scrolls of the Kilgar. It states, simply, “through lips entwined a mate is found, forever and ever the two shall be bound.” I don’t know how my people have come so far from that concept, especially not now that I’m experiencing it firsthand. I know we were nearly decimated and had to adjust our way of life to ensure the perpetuation of our race, but to completely turn our backs on the idea of fated mates seems ludicrous. This feels so completely right that I can’t imagine going back to living any other way.
The Precursors, in all their teachings, were right.
When one finds his mate, the feeling is like nothing he has, or will, experience.
I’m quickly brought out of my thoughts and back to the present when Varia’s tongue glides across the seam of my lips. If she seeks to deepen the kiss, who am I to deny her? I open my mouth and instantly feel the smooth velvet of her tongue slide against mine, sensuously, as if the taste of me is a drug to her and she needs her fix.
Truly, her actions are those of a woman starved for affection. She presses her lithe body against mine, from her breasts down to her feet, wrapping her arms around my neck and a leg around my ankle to pull me in closer to her. I waste no time lifting her into my arms, holding her tightly against me as I walk her back toward the ledge of the window. Once seated, she twists both legs around my waist, locking me against her in a coiled embrace.
Her hands grasp the taut skin of my back, the nails of her fingers digging tiny crescents into my flesh as she clings to me. The sharpness of them brings a sense of pleasure along with the pain. I lift my hands to tangle in the wildness of her hair, holding her mouth on mine as I fight the urge to completely devour her. She’s so damn hot I can barely stand it.
I should have known this would happen. After all, I’ve suspected she’s my mate since the moment I first laid eyes on her. That, combined with the fact that we can barely stop arguing, should have made it clear that all the tension between us would eventually catch fire. We’ve been tiptoeing around an explosion for days.
I don’t know how much humans know about the Kilgari way of life, but I’m sure she doesn’t know about the mating bond. Not many do, especially now that we’ve moved to a polyamorous lifestyle. I wonder if she felt a pull toward me too, and if this is all just the culmination of that, or if she’s also wanted me all this time. Either way, kissing her like this is more than I could have ever dared to hope for, and I don’t want to stop.
I’m nearly drowning in the idea that she could be mine. Humans aren’t usually the polyamorous type. When they take a partner, they typically do so in pairs of two. The thought of never having to share her with another male is foreign, yet wondrous. It thrills me to know she will be mine alone.
Her hands move from my back to rest on the sides of my face, fingers tentative as they drift up to touch my horns. From how gentle they suddenly become, I wonder if she’s never touched a pair before. She strokes them softly, sending a shock of desire straight to my belly. Clearly, she has no idea how sensitive they are—or maybe she does, and this is just another attempt to drive me completely mad with lust.
Whatever her intentions, it works. With a low growl, I pull her even closer to me. I feel her heavy, ample breasts flatten against my chest, her nipples tight peaks against the thinness of her shirt. A moan escapes her throat as they rub against the hardness of my chest. I can’t stop myself from pushing a hand between us to claim one between my fingers. She jumps in surprise and pulls her mouth away from me for only a moment, just so she can catch my gaze. She gives me a knowing smile before crashing her lips back down onto mine.
My gods. This woman—this amazing creature—will surely be the death of me.
Delicious warmth floods down to my groin, pooling into both of my members. I know she can feel them straining through the thick fabric of my pants—not a difficult feat when there are two of them and they’re proportioned to my massive body. I’ve never been with a human before, but I’m sure her physiology is similar to other females I’ve coupled with. I angle my hips closer to hers and brush both cocks against her mound, delighting in the gasp it elicits from her.
What I don’t delight in, however, is how she immediately pulls away after that gasp. As if the feel of our desirous parts grazing against each other brings her back to her senses, quickly and crashing. She completely detaches herself from me and drops down off the ledge, placing a fair distance between us.
The absence of her lips against mine is acute and tortuous. I want them back.
“What’s the matter?” I’m dumbfounded over how quickly she could stop.
“I’m sorry, I just—anyone could find us here,” she states, as if I didn’t know that already.
I just don’t care. Let anyone stumble upon us. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that we’re here, together, finally.
“I assure you, not many venture here. Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you?”
It’s entirely possible. Sometimes I don’t know my own strength and maybe the reproductive organs of human females are exceedingly sensitive.
“No—no, you didn’t hurt me. It’s just—I still have so much work to do and you and I… I don’t want to further complicate things between us. We need to be able to work together to solve this mess we’re in and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that. I don’t want a casual tryst between us to jeopardize the wellbeing of anyone on this ship.” Her voice trails off, as if she’s desperately trying to convince herself that we shouldn’t be
together.
It’s completely foolish for her to do so. She may give as good as she gets and push every single one of my buttons, but nothing in the ‘verse could tear us apart if she agreed to be mine—not even her.
“Varia, I truly don’t think you have anything to worry about—” I start, but she cuts me off.
“Please, Solair. Let’s just forget this ever happened, okay? Chalk it up to a bad move on my part. I apologize.” Her big, doe eyes are pleading.
Even before I confirmed she is my mate, I’d never do anything to upset her, so I nod and back away to give her space. Without another word she departs, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I return to the window and stare out at the galaxy, eyes focused on the stars. It’s amazing to think some of them have already burnt themselves out, yet are so far away the light is only reaching us now. I wonder how many scenes like this the stars have borne witness to. How many lovers have embraced beneath them, heedless of their eternal gaze?
I wish I weren’t, but I’m frustrated with Varia’s hasty departure. I wish she would have stayed and talked to me; trusted me enough to share why she’s so scared to let me in. I know there’s a reason for it. I just can’t figure out what it is.
She’s my mate, but maybe I should just let her go. There’s no hope for us if she can’t find it within herself to not run from me every time I try to get close to her. I can’t continue baring my soul to her if she’s not interested in all I have—and want—to offer her.
Maybe I should just drop her and all the rest of the women off at the nearest IHC space port and be done with it. Being without her would be difficult, but not as difficult as it would be if she were to remain here and not be mine.
As I make my way back to the bridge, I can’t even fathom the thought.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Varia