She yanked her hand away. “I don’t know if I can.”
“Why?”
“Here, I was sixteen. And—”
“You were sixteen?”
“Yes. I know. I told you that I was older because I thought you were older.”
“I was.”
She continued, “I was sixteen. And pregnant. And alone. And then I find out that you—you left everything because you just wanted to go out and have a good time and do whatever the heck you pleased!”
“Mamm!”
“I’m sorry, Bailey. I’m mad. Sometimes people say things they shouldn’t when they’re mad. I know, it’s no excuse. But your father seems to bring out the worst in me.”
“Don’t say that, Mamm!”
He hated that Bailey had to be a witness to this conversation. He didn’t blame Kayla for being upset. He deserved her harsh words—and more. But he didn’t have a clue how to make this right. Making things right with Bailey had been a breeze in comparison to her mother.
He sighed. “What do you want me to do? Tell me. I’ll do it.”
“Go back home or to wherever you came from.”
“Mamm, no! He’s my dad! I don’t want him to ever go back.”
Bailey’s words warmed his heart. But maybe Kayla was right. Maybe he never should have come. Maybe it would have been less traumatic for Bailey if he had never come in the first place. But like Michael had said, he was already here. And because of that, none of their lives would ever be the same again.
“Is that what you really want, Kayla? For me to go and never come back?”
“Dad, no!” Fat tears formed in Bailey’s eyes and raced down her cheeks. “Don’t listen to her. I don’t want you to go! Please, don’t.”
A thought occurred to him and he swallowed. “Do you wish I were dead, Kayla?”
“No, of course not! I would never wish anyone dead. I’m not a monster. I only want what’s best for our daughter.”
“Well, we need to come up with a solution, then. Do we need to go to court so I can see my daughter?”
Her mouth hung open. “You would take me before a judge?”
“If that’s what I have to do to spend time with my daughter, then yes.”
“Unbelievable! So you just think you can show up after seventeen years of absence and just decide what’s best for everyone else—what’s best for our daughter.”
“No. I think she should decide. She’s nearly an adult. She should be free to choose whatever she wants.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“She obviously wants me in her life. And I think she should have an opportunity to see what another life looks like.”
“What do you mean by another life?”
“The Englisch world. Maybe she’d like to come live with me in New Jersey for a while.”
“No.”
He was surprised literal steam wasn’t blowing from her ears.
“Absolutely not. And we are not having this conversation. Not without Silas being involved.”
Silas. Of course. “Bailey is our daughter.”
“You will not deprive Silas of his rights. He raised her as his own! While you were off doing who-knows-what. And don’t you dare turn her against him!”
He squeezed his eyes shut. He’d expected to have a pleasant visit with his daughter today, not a boxing match with her mother. “Fine, then. Let’s talk with Silas.”
“Not now. Another day.”
“Fine. When?”
“I’ll get in touch and let you know. I’m guessing Bailey already has your phone number?”
“She does.” He turned in his seat and lifted a small smile toward his daughter. He wanted to pull the poor thing into an embrace and reassure her that everything would be all right. “May I take you home?”
“I’d like nothing better. But drop us off at the end of the lane. I don’t want Silas to see us getting out of your car.”
SEVENTEEN
About fifteen minutes later, he pulled into the end of the Millers’ driveway. Kayla scrambled out as if the car had been on fire.
Heaviness weighed on his heart as Bailey squeezed through the door’s opening from the back seat. He’d never seen her this downtrodden. He pulled his daughter into his arms and held her tight, not caring whether Kayla protested or not. “I love you, Bay. Don’t ever forget that,” he whispered into her ear. Tears moistened his eyes. If he had to give her up again…
He released his daughter and looked up to see Silas approaching. Great. Just great.
“What’s going on?” Silas stood next to Kayla, but Josiah was unsure who his question was directed at.
“Apparently, Bailey contacted Josiah, and he came to see her,” Kayla said with a sigh.
“But why…what were you doing in his car?” Silas’s gaze ping-ponged from Josiah to Kayla.
“Bailey and I went to IGA and Dairy Queen, where Josiah was apparently waiting for us.”
Josiah spoke up now. “I was waiting for Bailey. I didn’t know Kayla was going to be with her.”
Silas turned to Bailey now. “So you contacted Josiah, and you’ve been meeting with him without our permission?” He frowned.
“He’s my father.” Bailey reached for Josiah’s hand, and he squeezed it for support.
“Father or no, you still need to obey. Go to your room, Bailey. We’ll discuss your punishment later.”
But instead of doing as Silas directed, she stepped closer to Josiah. “No. You’re not going to stop me from seeing my dad.”
If looks could kill, Josiah would be dead—and probably buried—right now.
Josiah looked down at his daughter. “Bailey, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere,” he assured her. “Please. Do as Silas says.”
“You’re not leaving?” The respect and trust reflecting in her eyes was way more than what he deserved.
“No. I promise.” He lifted his eyes in challenge to Silas and Kayla.
“Okay.” She nodded, stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, then ran toward the house taking his heart with her. It was completely in her hands. He knew in that moment he’d do anything for her.
Silas glanced back toward the house, probably to be sure Bailey obeyed, then turned to face him. “What do you think you’re doing here?”
“My daughter wanted to see me, so I came.” He shifted from one foot to the other. “Listen, Silas, I understand why you might be jealous of me.”
“Jealous? You think I’m jealous of you? You, who got a young innocent girl pregnant out-of-wedlock, then disappeared off the face of the earth and made everyone believe you died?” Silas’s crimson face belied his calm stance. “No, jealousy is the farthest thing I feel for you, Josiah.”
Yeah, of course. Perfect Silas who never did anything wrong. “How did I know you were going to throw that back in my face?”
“If you think you can just sweep in here and steal my wife and my daughter away, you’ve got another thing coming.”
“She’s my daughter.”
“Why do you care all of a sudden? When you left here twelve years ago, you said you didn’t want to be tied down with a fraa and kinner. You wanted another life. Isn’t that why you made everyone believe you were dead?”
“If I didn’t care, do you think I would have come to see my daughter back then? Of course, I cared. I only said those words for your benefit, so you wouldn’t feel like you stole what should have been mine.”
“Stole? I thought you were dead!”
Josiah’s eyes shifted to Kayla. “Kayla knew I wasn’t.”
“Don’t pin this on her, Josiah. She’s not the one who pretended to be dead. You don’t know what she went through raising your dochder alone.”
“You’re right, I don’t.” He turned to Kayla. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving you in a bind. Like I said before, if I’d known you were pregnant, I probably would have married you and helped you raise our daughter.”
“That’s not what your letter sai
d.” Her arms crossed over her chest.
He pressed his lips together. He’d certainly made a mess of things. “I know. I was still trying to come to grips with things myself when I wrote that. How do you ask a woman, who’s in love with your best friend, to leave him for you when you’ve been absent the last six years of her life? I never claimed to be good with words.”
“You should have come to me,” Silas said. “I told you I would have walked away—even though I loved Kayla and Bailey with all my heart, and it would have killed me. I would have.”
“I know.” Josiah hung his head. “But I had caused so much turmoil. I didn’t deserve that privilege. That’s why I left the decision up to Kayla. I already knew she’d choose you. You are the better man. Always have been.” And there he stood, in all his vulnerability.
“Josiah.” Silas sighed. “Let’s put this behind us now.”
He couldn’t help the moisture in his eyes as he shook Silas’s outstretched hand, and then when his once-best friend pulled him into an embrace.
“I forgive you. And I hope you’ll forgive me too,” Silas said.
“I don’t know what I need to forgive you for.”
“For not being the example I should have been. I was angry with you for a long time. It wasn’t right.”
“Okay, you’re forgiven.” He nodded. “Thank you, Silas. For everything. I’m proud of the way you raised my daughter. She couldn’t have had a better stepfather.”
“Do you mean that?”
“Yes, I do.”
“That means a lot to hear you say that.”
Josiah turned to Kayla. “Will you forgive me now, too?”
She brushed away a tear and nodded.
He wanted to pull her into an embrace, but he restrained himself. “Thank you.”
“Why don’t you join us for supper?” Silas suggested.
Josiah swallowed down his emotion. He’d get to sit down at a meal at his daughter’s table. “Do you mean it?”
Kayla glanced at Silas. “The other children don’t even know that Bailey has a different father.”
“It looks like it’s time we told them.”
“Paul’s going to have a lot of questions. And your folks.” Kayla’s brow shot up. She was right.
He needed to set things to rights in Pennsylvania before it was shouted from the rooftops that Josiah Beachy was alive.
“Yeah, maybe supper isn’t the best idea just yet.” He turned to his friend. “Silas, would you be willing to come to Pennsylvania with me to share the news with my parents?”
“You’d want me to come along?”
“I can think of no one better to have at my side,” he admitted. “You’ve always gotten along well with my family.”
Silas looked to Kayla. “I need to talk to my fraa about it first.”
Kayla shook her head. “No. You two go. The sooner everything gets cleared up, the better.”
Silas turned to him. “When do you want to go?”
“Is now too soon?”
Silas chuckled. “There’s no time like the present. How long will we be gone? I need to let my brother Paul know.”
“Probably several days, at least. I’d like to talk to Bailey first, too. I just told her I wasn’t leaving.” Josiah frowned. And he’d need to call and leave a message for Michael.
“Well, you’re not. At least, not permanently, we hope. She’ll understand that you have to do this.” Silas squeezed his shoulder and smiled now. It was so good to have his friendship back.
EIGHTEEN
Nora sat across the table from Miriam, a warm mug between her hands. “Well, I’m glad Josiah’s making things right with his family.”
“Jah, that’s gut.” Miriam smiled. “You know what this means, don’t you?”
“What does it mean?” Was she missing something?
“It means that he intends on letting everyone know he’s still alive because he wants to be part of Bailey’s life. I bet he’ll become Plain again. And when he does, he’ll need a fraa.”
Nora practically snorted with laughter. “I think you’re jumping to conclusions. The last thing I got from Josiah is that he had no intentions of becoming Amish again.”
“But you said he kissed you.”
Nora squeezed her eyes close. Boy, did he ever. “I’m trying to forget that. It’s easier that way.” Otherwise, she’d dwell on it way too much. “He only wants friendship.”
“Then why did he kiss you?” Miriam had a point.
“He just got carried away in the moment. We both did.” She frowned. “Miriam, I have the girls to think about. It wouldn’t be good to let them make attachments to Josiah if he’s going to leave someday soon.”
“I don’t think he’s going to leave his dochder.”
“Yeah, but he works in New Jersey. How is he going to make that work?”
“I don’t know the answer to that.” She shrugged. “But he brought his computer. He’s been working here, although he constantly needs to recharge his battery. It’s a gut thing Sammy has a generator. Josiah said he could charge it in the car but it takes a lot more juice.”
“Juice?” Her nose scrunched up. “What does juice have to do with it?”
Miriam laughed and lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know. I think that might be another word for electric?”
“It’s silly.”
“I didn’t make it up. Maybe Josiah did. I’ll have to ask Michael if he heard of it before. But my point is, he can work from here. It’s what he’s been doing between helping out on the farm and spending time with Bailey. And you.” Her grin widened.
“Still. It’s an Englisch job. The leaders would never approve of it.”
“Would you ever consider becoming an Englischer then?”
“Absolutely not. And you shouldn’t be suggesting it. What would I do without the support of our people? You know that at least half of the Englisch marriages fail.”
“I know. It’s sad. I can kind of see why, though. It seems like Englisch families are always so busy. They don’t spend enough time together. I don’t even know if they share one meal together, let alone every meal.”
“I missed that with Andy. He was gone so much. I was lonely a lot.” Nora frowned. “I couldn’t even imagine being Englisch.”
“And I don’t want you to be.”
“The Plain life is something I’m not willing to give up. Not even for the love of a husband.”
~
Bailey stared up at the clock, wondering where her dads were at right now. She’d been praying for them since the moment they left. Had they made it to Pennsylvania yet? She wished she could be there to see Grossdawdi and Grossmammi Beachy’s reaction to her father being alive.
Her heart filled with gladness as she thought of her father reconciling with her mother and stepfather. And it appeared Dad and Silas were becoming friends again, something they hadn’t been since they were still in their teens. She’d pray that his reunion with his folks would go well too.
Life had never been so exciting and she couldn’t wait to see what the future held. Since her father stepped back into her life, she’d thought of little else. Hopefully, they’d always have a gut relationship. Ach, she just loved him to pieces!
The bell jingled, pulling her from her thoughts. Her smile grew wide as she spotted her best friend—“aunt” Emily, who was only a year older than she was. “Emily! Ach, it feels like it’s been forever!”
“Where have you been hiding? You didn’t come to the last singing.” Emily engulfed her in a hug.
“I know. I’ve been busy.” She giggled. “If I tell you a secret, do you promise not to tell anyone—well, at least for a while?”
Emily smiled. “You know I’m a gut secret keeper.”
“You can’t tell anyone, not till I say, ’cause it’s gonna be a big surprise.”
“What is it already?”
“Okay.” She was so giddy she could hardly stand it. “My dad…” She took a deep breath.
“Silas, my big bruder.” She nodded.
“Nee. My real dad, Josiah Beachy.”
“What about him?”
“I found out that he’s alive.”
Emily gasped and covered her mouth.
“I know. Anyway. He came here to see me. And I met him.”
Emily’s eyes grew wide. “You’re pulling my leg.”
She shook her head adamantly. “I’m not. I’m telling the truth. Honest.”
“Your dat is alive?”
“He really is. He’s so handsome, Emily!” She bounced on her toes. “He took me for ice cream and we talked a long time. I love him so much.”
“But how can he be alive?”
“I don’t know. He just is. You promised not to tell. You can’t tell anyone.”
“I won’t. I said I wouldn’t.” She squealed. “When do I get to meet him?”
“I don’t know. He and Silas went to Pennsylvania to—”
“Pennsylvania?”
“Ach, if you’d quit interrupting, I can finish. Yes, Pennsylvania. That’s where Josiah’s folks live. You met them when they came here before, Grossdawdi and Grossmammi Beachy.”
She nodded. “I remember.”
“Anyway, they’re gonna find out that my dad is alive, so I’ve been praying for them. You know, that Dawdi Alvin doesn’t get a heart attack or that Mammi Ada doesn’t faint. Because Mamm said that they might.”
Emily giggled.
“It’s not funny.” Bailey jammed a hand on her hip. “It could really happen!”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
The bell jingled again and Emily’s sister walked in. “What’s taking you so long, Emily? It’s hot out in that buggy. There’s hardly any breeze today.”
“I’m coming, Martha! I’ll be out in a little bit. I’m not done talking to Bailey.”
“Well, hurry up!” She stomped her foot.
“We’re not gonna talk with you here.”
“Why not? It’s not like you two have anything important to say.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I do.”
“Geh, Martha! You’re such an alt maedel.”
“I am not!”
“Uh huh, you’re twenty-seven. That makes you an alt maedel.” Emily turned to Bailey. “It’s because she’s a gossip and everyone knows it.”
The Drifter (Amish Country Brides) Page 10