7
The servant led Jace deep into the castle, wherein the Lady kept her formal audience chamber, but they bypassed that particular room and entered a smaller room off to one side, wherein the Lady sat before a dying fire with a cup of tea in her lap. She smiled warmly when Jace bowed himself in and the servant vanished, closing the door as he left, leaving the boy alone to face his doom, or whatever this was. She motioned for him to seat himself in the opposing chair and help himself to some tea, had he the desire. He was far too nervous to even think about tea and would rather pace than sit, but he dared not refuse her entirely.
Said she at last, a trace of amusement tingeing her voice as he finally seated himself like a condemned man before his judge, “I suppose you are wondering why I have summoned you?” He nodded minutely and she continued, “you have quite a reputation young man, the reports I hear of your performance are remarkable, nay astonishing. We have not seen your like in two centuries.” She pierced him with her hawk-like gaze, “yet I also hear you are something of a heretic.”
He was on his feet in a moment, his fear forgotten, ready to defy the Lady of Astoria to her face. She smiled amusedly as horror registered on his face and he sat suddenly, quite contrite, mumbling his apologies. Her warm laugh was the last sound he expected to hear. He looked up in astonishment into eyes warm, deep, and knowing, feeling that she could see into his very soul and understanding anew why Kings trembled in her presence. Said she, “there is fire in you lad, just like your mother and sister.” Her smile deepened at his shock, she continued, “I know most of what passes within the walls of my Keep.” She sobered, “now why won’t you use your exceptional skills in the Master’s service?”
He stared at her incredulously, forgetting that it was rude, said he agape, “I have no use for your mythical Master. I am content in and of myself, I need no one else.”
She smiled sadly, nodded, and said, “then there is nothing else we need discuss, save that I am very sorry for you, that is unless you have anything you would ask of me?” He shook his head adamantly, made his bows, and literally flew from her presence. She stared into the fire and sipped her tea, wondering what would come of such a remarkable young man if he continued to stubbornly refuse that which was asked of him. She shuddered to think what that might be. He had not been so blessed with skill, wisdom, and strength of character to live solely for himself, and she pitied him in his discovery of that fact, and prayed that he had the wisdom to see the light and embrace it when that fateful day finally came.
The weeks passed slowly for the little company, but finally the pivotal day of the Oathtaking came: the day that would utterly change everything, and not for the better, thought Jace bitterly. Adan made his preparations and vanished for the ceremony. Briane was inconsolable and would not leave her room; Ella condoled with her and refused to admit anyone else, leaving Jace and Jay to fend for themselves. The only solace in all of it was that he and Ella were all but engaged, but that was of little consolation when Jace felt as if his heart was about to fall to pieces. Curse the Master for deceiving and stealing his best friend and breaking his sister’s heart! He was too distraught to consider the irony of cursing a being in which he did not believe.
He turned to Jay and growled, “I can’t stay here any longer. I need to get away from Astoria until all this is over, for better or worse. Come with me; bring your sword.”
Jay nodded silently, concern and unasked questions in his eyes, but he followed Jace’s lead and soon found himself riding out of the city, practice sword strapped to his hip. They rode without a word to the edge of the forest and left the horses, heading towards the gorge with all haste. Jace drew his sword and climbed up on the great bole of the fallen giant that spanned the ravine, calling recklessly to his friend, “come, let us try our hand at a little sparring!”
Jay gaped, “are you mad?” It was early spring, but the wind was still bitterly cold as it fretted with his cloak while ice and snow still lingered in the crevices, making Jace’s stunt not only foolish but truly treacherous.
“Coward!” shouted Jace, trying to goad his companion into a fight, shaking his sword for emphasis. So frustrated and confused was he, that he was desperate for this foolish match to vent some of his irritation with life in general and the Brethren in particular.
“Come down Jace!” Jay shouted back, “there are better ways to deal with your frustration!”
Only then did Jace truly appreciate his situation: the gorge gaping on either side and an icy tree trunk under his feet. He paled, nearly panicked, tried to gain control of himself, and then took a tentative step back towards the safety of the near side, only to slip and plunge into the chasm below. Jace heard Jay’s howl of terror before something struck his head and then all was pain and blackness.
Jay raced to the edge of the gorge and stared in horror at the broken figure lying unmoving beside the frozen river. He could not safely climb down to reach his friend without suffering a similar fate, nor was there anything he could do to rectify the situation even if he could. His only choice was to ride back to Astoria and fetch help, which he did with a heavy heart and tears in his eyes.
A magpie lit on the chest of the unmoving boy, his breathing ragged and shallow while his eyes stared fixedly at nothing. The little carrion fowl studied the prone form curiously, cocked his head, and suddenly the boy’s breathing normalized and his once vacant eyes blinked once, caught the bird’s eye, and then all was again blackness.
Jace glanced desperately around himself, but everywhere he looked there was Nothing. This wasn’t just the deep black of starless night cloaking all in its midst; it was truly Nothing. He was alone, dreadfully alone, and he wanted to scream in horror, for he was all there was and all there would ever be. When he boasted that he needed nothing but himself, this was not what he thought he meant.
Suddenly there was Something: a flicker of light, a breath of air, another presence, and his heart leapt in very joy at the mere thought. But his heart fell as he realized Who his companion was. He trembled in terror and looked up into the fathomless eyes of a Great Unicorn, in whose depths churned all the joy and wonder and love in the worlds and beyond them, but with such a grief and sorrow marring their surface that it would tear a lesser heart asunder. And he knew to his inmost being that he was the cause of that sorrow, with that thought he wanted to flee back into the Nothing in shame and terror.
The Nothing was about him immediately and his heart quailed in terror, forgetting how dreadful it truly was. The Master appeared again, His great head cocked as if in question. The boy stared into those eyes and knew himself known fully and intimately, yet felt himself loved infinitely, even so. His gaze fell to the ever-dripping wound that marred that glorious side, a wound taken to spare Jace the unending dark, that he might be called Child instead of Rebel, Beloved instead of Wretch, that he might have Everything rather than Nothing. His heart ached with an agony of understanding, shame, and remorse. He had not made himself, the world, or anything in it, what right had he to say he was anything at all? To think he could be content in and of himself? He was nothing, would inherit Nothing, if that was his wish, but it was not so any longer.
He was on his knees, weeping bitterly, what hope was there for such a wretch as he? He felt the gentle touch of a velvet nose and then all comfort and joy washed over him. It was gone, all of it! The shame, the guilt, the doubt, the fear! All plunged forever into the Nothing and forgotten, only the love and the joy and the peace remained, and a grateful sense of newfound humility and childlike wonder. Then there was nothing but an all-consuming light.
Jace wakened to find a grim looking Warrior kneeling beside him, studying his wounds. The man leapt to his feet in astonishment when the boy’s gaze met his own, for the lad had been on the brink of death only a moment before, with more bones broken than whole and a nasty head wound besides. But the boy was struggling to sit up, gazing about in wonder and confusion; he met and held
the Warrior’s gaze, saying, “can you help me stand?”
The man shook his head adamantly and said, “you should be unconscious, if not dead! How can you move at all? Your body was crushed, your bones and spine shattered!”
But the boy only smiled impishly and asked, “I thought your folk believed in miracles? Now come, help me stand or we’ll be trapped down here after dark.”
The man shook himself and stepped forward to help the boy, who was now sitting up but grimaced in pain as he tried to move his left leg. They both studied it in wonder, for all his other bones seemed miraculously whole, but the great bone in his thigh was still broken. They exchanged a wondering look and a thought flitted errantly through Jace’s head, ‘lest you grow too confident and forget.’ He smiled ruefully and said, “I shouldn’t complain of a broken leg when death should have been the price I paid for my idiocy.” They shared an understanding laugh and then set to work splinting the leg. Jace looked up hopefully and saw several individuals busy at the top of the gorge. Once the leg was at least temporarily secure, the Warrior called up to his companions above and they cast down several ropes and a canvas sling.
He secured Jace in the stretcher and they began hoisting him aloft, his rescuer climbing slowly alongside, doing his best not to let the unwieldy contraption and its injured occupant swing into the cliff face any more than necessary. At last, after a rather harrowing climb, both were safely on the ground, well away from the ravine. Jace lay helplessly on his back, still restrained in the sling, until someone released him. He heard the sound of approaching feet and someone knelt beside him, though the individual did not seem intent on loosing him.
He heard a morose Jay snap, “Jace, you’re an idiot!”
Jace could not help but smile, laugh ruefully, and fully agree, “you are right, and I should be a dead idiot at that.”
He heard a gasp of astonishment and then Jay was leaning over him, shock plain on his face; Jace’s rueful smile deepened as he realized his friend thought he must be gravely wounded, if not dead. He smiled recklessly back at his astonished friend, who finally managed a wan smile, still too shocked to speak. Finally his rescuer approached to release him from the sling and then helped him awkwardly to his feet, though he put no weight on his bad leg and was forced to lean heavily on the man’s shoulders. He counted three of the Brethren atop the gorge, besides for his companion.
He smiled gratefully at his friend, asked he, “who did you tell and what did you tell them?”
Jay flung himself at Jace and for a long moment they were lost in a relieved hug, then said he, “I told only the guards at the city gates what was amiss and they accompanied me out here, no one at the keep yet knows. I figured the Oathtaking was still going on and there was no reason to ruin that, especially if there was nothing to be done.” He frowned, “how is it you survived? What I saw from up here was bad enough.”
The Warrior supporting the invalid frowned and nodded, “I would like to know myself, when I got to the bottom, you were barely breathing and unresponsive, your body was shattered! And to come away with naught but a broken leg? It is a miracle!”
Jace smiled wryly, “miracle indeed, but I’d rather tell the tale when everyone who needs or wants to know can hear, so I don’t have to tell it fifty times, but let us just say the Master had mercy, far more than I deserved!”
Jay frowned, “the Master? You? I don’t believe it!”
Jace grinned, “I don’t believe it myself, but it is still true.”
He shivered and his companions suddenly remembered he was injured and had had a rather trying day. They wrapped him up in several cloaks, secured him in the back of a pony cart with Jay beside him, and headed back to Astoria, a far more cheerful party than that which had come to fish his broken body out of the bottom of the gorge. Even though Jay had told no one, someone must have overheard, for by the time they reached the castle, the courtyard was crowded with anxious faces, including the Lady herself; Jace’s heart sank with grief as he realized the heartache his foolishness had cost so many others, it wasn’t only himself that had suffered. He smiled ruefully and offered up a grateful prayer, for the tragedy should have been far worse. The crowd parted, allowing the cart and its escort to enter the courtyard, with many sighs of relief when they saw the boy alive and well. They did not know exactly what had befallen the boy, but rumor had made the tale grim indeed.
Juliene and Brie and Ella hurried to Jace’s side as the cart lurched to a stop while Adan smiled joyously from the opposite side, it seemed even tragedy could not bring Briane to forgive Adan, at least not today. Then the entire company crowded around the boy, everyone trying to be heard over everyone else, wishing him well, asking questions, and giving their own take on the matter.
At least the Brethren had tact enough to give him some time and space, the Warrior who had fetched the lad out of the chasm went directly to the Lady and told all he knew. She nodded thoughtfully and then spoke for all to hear, her voice carrying easily over the chaos, “the lad took a grievous fall, but aside from a broken leg, he is in good health and will make a full recovery. Let us give him some space, see to his comfort, and let him tell the tale when he is ready.”
Jace gave her a grateful smile as the entire mass withdrew suddenly, like a hand that has touched a hot surface, though his closest friends and family followed closely as two burly Warriors helped him into the Keep. They settled him on a sofa at the back of an empty classroom with a merry fire dancing on the hearth. It was a pleasant chamber, and happily so, for it would be his home until his leg healed. Instead of going from class to class, he would have to allow the classes to come to him, taking in whatever was taught during his residence therein. The Lady followed after, shooing out any well-wishers and the curious who were not closest to him. She studied him for a moment, seemed to read his very soul, and then asked, “are you ready to tell the tale lad, or would you like to rest first?”
The boy said contritely, “I must speak at once Lady, if not for my own sake then for yours, for I know I have tried many hearts grievously this day and for nothing more than my own foolishness.” He looked into the eyes of his mother, sister, and dearest friends, and then momentarily returned his gaze to the Lady of Astoria before bowing his head, said he at last, “I was a fool today and should have paid for it with my life.” He looked up and smiled sadly, tears glistening unshed in his eyes, “but the Master is merciful.” He amusedly noted their astonishment but continued, “I was furious with the Master in particular and the world in general. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right, and I felt I needed to do something or burst.
We rode out, Jay little knowing what I intended but accompanying me for friendship’s sake, and I pressed hard for a certain ravine we once explored together. I had something to prove, or so I thought, but in the end I just showed how utterly helpless I truly am, in and of myself.” He glanced down at his hands in his lap, as the shame overwhelmed him anew, but remembering it was forgiven and forgotten, he pressed on, knowing he must also forgive himself, “I tried to goad my friend into a sparring match atop a great log that spanned the chasm, but he sensibly refused me. Only then did I realize my arrogance and stupidity in the first place and the precariousness of my own position, for the log was slick with ice and the gorge gaped hungrily beneath me. Trying to get off, I slipped and fell, and knew nothing more.”
He turned curious eyes to both Jay and the Warrior who had rescued him, urging them to add their own part to the tale. Jay began, emotion causing his voice to quaver, “he fell. I couldn’t climb down to help him, all I saw was him lying bent and broken far below. So I rode back to the city, told the first of the Brethren I saw, and they orchestrated the rest.”
Kent, the Warrior, took up the tale, “we all know of that particular ravine, I think every lad in Astoria must explore it at some time or another, and I knew full well that any accident in association with it could not end well. No man can fall that far a
nd live. So we quickly gathered what we needed and set out in all haste with heavy hearts, knowing we only went to retrieve a body.” He shook his head in wonder and smiled joyously, “but that is not what we accomplished. I climbed down, finding the boy broken as I had feared, but he was still alive, if barely. I can’t explain it. One minute all hope was lost, the next he was awake and trying to sit up of his own accord. It was the strangest and most wonderful thing I have ever witnessed in many a year in this service.” He looked to Jace, who alone could finish the tale.
The words caught in his throat, what was he to say of his vision, his shame, his redemption? Perhaps he could tell a small part in a quiet conversation one day, but to tell it in full to so many was impossible, at least at the moment. Overwrought, he said quietly, “the rest I have not the heart, nay the words, to tell. Perhaps one day you will hear some of it, but I cannot yet wrap my mind around it, let alone divulge it to the world. Let me just say that while I lingered on the brink of death, the Master came to me in a vision and utterly changed everything, least of all my injuries.” The Brethren present, including the Lady and Adan, smiled knowingly, while the others stared at him as if he were a complete stranger. He smiled ruefully but could say no more.
The Lady broke in, “we shall adjourn to the evening meal and share some of the story with those waiting impatiently to hear it. I shall send someone with a plate of food for you Jace, and then you should probably rest.”
He nodded but asked, “might I be allowed to speak alone with my friends and family this night? I won’t be able to sleep else.”
She smiled shrewdly at him, but said, “I suppose it must be allowed, but keep it short, for you need to sleep.”
He grinned gratefully at her, as all withdrew, except Adan. They studied one another for a moment, each smiling like a maniac, before Jace said, “you were right all along, I just wouldn’t see it. I was so content and proud in my accomplishments and position in life that I would not see that I was nothing, in and of myself.”
Adan smiled warmly, “I am glad you are no longer blind, my friend.” He glanced ruefully towards the door, “you do know that this change of heart may well result in social suicide on your part.”
Jace laughed, “what is mortal glory compared to that of our Master?”
Adan shook his head in wonder, “you really have changed!”
Jace sobered, “Brie still hasn’t forgiven you?”
Adan shook his head sadly, “and I doubt she ever will, unless she changes as utterly as you. Our entire circle was splintering ere I took the Oath, but afterwards, and with this, the whole thing might well fall to pieces.”
Jace nodded sadly, “my thoughts exactly, but there is nothing to be done but to let our friends think us mad or fools and allow them to distance themselves if they feel they must.” He looked up, hope strong in his eyes, “we must love them regardless, and hope one day they come to understand.”
Adan smiled warmly, squeezed his friend’s shoulder in farewell, and withdrew quietly from the room, for he had glimpsed Briane peeking furtively in at the far door, a plate of food in her hands. Jace followed his gaze and nodded at his sister. She cautiously surveyed the room anew, only taking a step towards her brother when she was certain Adan had left through the other door. She handed Jace the plate, though with the expression on her face, he was surprised she didn’t fling it at him.
Underneath everything, he could see that she was secretly relieved, but there was such a chaos of fury, confusion, and astonishment writhing across her countenance that he was amazed she dared appear at all. He sighed heavily, knowing that she must feel as if she had lost both her beloved and her brother this day, when she had expected only the former; that Jace was alive and relatively well, mattered little, with his sudden change of heart, which could only be viewed as a betrayal of the worst sort, to her, perhaps, his death might truly have been less painful.
At last she growled, “what has gotten into you? You can’t take this so-called vision seriously, after all, you had a rather nasty blow to the head! Let things settle down a bit, sort out your thoughts, and then carefully consider the matter. Is this your way of getting Adan back? Would you fling aside everyone else for his sake?”
Jace frowned, “I did not realize I had to fling anyone aside, least of all you. I understand how you feel, I felt that way just this morning, it was what drove me to such an idiotic feat, but I was wrong.”
She stared at him as if he had sprouted another eye, so rare was it that he admitted he was mistaken! She scowled at him, “that’s it then? You are just going to go on with life as if it were the most natural thing in the world?”
Jace grinned, “what else is to be done? The world won’t stop turning for my sake. And yes, I thought I’d go on living, save with a radical change of heart. I was utterly and completely wrong; it was no concussion induced hallucination, but rather more real than waking life!” He looked at her soberly, “and how do you explain the miraculous healing?”
She frowned at him, “what healing? Your leg is broken.”
He shook his head, “I had broken nearly every bone in my body; that Warrior did not exaggerate, I was upon the brink of death, but something happened, something amazing to spare me that fate.” He smiled ruefully, “the leg was left as a reminder.”
She sniffed skeptically, “a reminder of what?”
He said quietly, “my own frailty and helplessness. That all I am is due to Someone else, it has nothing to do with my own innate wonderfulness.”
Said she in quiet dread, “and what now?”
He shook his head, but smiled eagerly, “I don’t know, but I have an idea.” He turned plaintive eyes upon her, “would you really disown me for believing as I do?”
She studied him for a long moment then sighed, “of course not, I’m just furious at Adan right now and his Master by default. He jilted me for the Brethren! How is a woman supposed to live with that? You turning to his side of things is just icing on the cake.”
Jace said quietly, “he was intent on this course ere you ever took an interest in him. Is it his fault that you developed feelings for a man who could never be yours? He hurts just as much as you do, if not more, your treatment of him has been abhorrent. He loves you deeply, even if it can never be as a man ought to love a woman.”
She stared at him in wonder, as if a fourth eye had joined that newly emerged third one, said she cautiously, “perhaps you are right. I have been so engrossed by my own hurt of late I have been blind to all else. We are still friends, no matter what else happens but I have forgotten that.”
Then she frowned accusingly and Jace smiled in sheepish guilt, admitting, “I have tried to distance myself from him as well, for similar reasons, perhaps afraid that his ‘nonsense’ might rub off on me.” He laughed ironically, “and so it has.”
She smiled at him, confusion and annoyance still sparkling in her eyes, but it seemed she was beginning to come to terms with all that had happened of late. Said she in farewell, “I am glad to have you back Jace.” She vanished out the far door as Ella came in the other.
She looked at him with eyes fit to break his heart, but he knew as a heavy feeling settled into his soul that he would be the one breaking hers. Said she without preamble, “do you really believe all that?”
He looked her somberly in the eye and said, “I do, I was a fool not to see it before, but I will be a fool no longer.”
She nodded once, turned away briefly as she schooled her face to neutrality, and said in a far too businesslike manner, “so what of us? Would you give up your education, your dreams, your future, power, influence, wealth, and me, all for the sake of a hallucination secondary to a blow to the head?”
He smiled at her sadly, “they were exciting dreams Ella, but only dreams.”
Her face grew stony and her eyes sparkled like ice, said she with all the chill of midwinter, “you could have been a Prince, an esteemed advis
or to my father the King! You could be still.”
Jace shook his head, “nay my lady, it can never be so, neither between us or with any woman. I know, somehow, that I shall never marry; it is no longer even a consideration.”
Her eyes widened, “what then will you do?”
He shook his head, eyes pleading for understanding, “I know not, but romance is not in my future. I hope we can still be friends, you are very dear to me, but I cannot be more to you now than a friend or brother.”
Had she been the girl she was when she arrived in Astoria, she would have shrilled imprecations and insults at him, in a most dignified manner of course, and then would have scorned him publicly every chance she got while finding any number of irksome ways to revenge herself upon him, but she was no longer the same girl. She had matured, deepened, and awoken to the fact that she was no longer the most important and only person in the universe. The coldness remained, but lessened significantly, as she nodded dully and said, “I understand.” She smiled weakly, “you know, that is the worst excuse a man can give a woman, but I know you are fully sincere.” Her grin grew wicked, “else it might have cost you your life.”
He raised his hands and feigned terror, “I cry mercy, lady!”
She smiled warmly at him and said, “very well, sir, as you have already danced with death once this day, I shall go easy upon you.” Then she frowned thoughtfully, “how is it you can come back so radically changed? To now believe all you once thought ridiculous?”
His smile was rueful in remembrance, said he, “I was so dreadfully wrong it must come as a shock when I repent of my blindness and willful ignorance. Adan has always been open about what he believes and we just accepted it as part of who he is; it is as if I renounced some part of myself and came back to you a different man entirely, or rather that I was suppressing the man I could have been by ignoring that which would imperil my reputation and pride.” He shivered, “reputation and pride are of no comfort when all is said and done. They are but a paper shield against a raging fire, and in the eyes of eternity, will last just as long. It is not who you are but Whose, that makes all the difference.”
She smiled at him fondly, tousled his hair, and said in parting, “they have made you a veritable philosopher already.” She sighed heavily as she turned to go, “it was a wonderful dream Jace, while it lasted.”
His mother replaced Ella at his bedside, said she with a heartfelt smile as she squeezed his hand, “I am glad to have you still, my son.”
He gazed up at her, joy gleaming in his eyes, he said softly, “to have found you in the first place was a miracle, but this, this is too much!”
She looked down at him, but her thoughts were somewhere far away, perhaps in the happier days of her girlhood before her journey through the valley of sorrow, said she with a sigh, a slight smile of remembrance on her face, “I once believed, you know.” He blinked in surprise, in fact he did not, his astonishment deepened her smile, which had grown sad, continued she, “I even brought an exquisite illuminated copy of the Truth with me when I married, the last of my family’s treasures. I don’t know what happened to it though, when I fled; I left it in its alcove in the library.”
Jace frowned, “there’s no alcove in the library.”
She nodded, her face becoming grim, “he must have had it bricked in, to remove all memory of me.” She laughed bitterly, “he probably left the book where it lay and covered it over; it would be like him.” She sighed and looked again at her son, her smile growing warm again, “but then, my greatest treasure is something far different than I thought it was in those days. And to come so close to losing it, twice over now, yet to have it restored, as you say, is miracle indeed. Perhaps I should look closer at those words I once held so dear.” The sadness returned, “but after everything, how could I believe in love or hope any longer? In such a cruel world, how could there be aught of good?”
They held one another closely for a few minutes, watching the dancing flames, lost in their own thoughts. At last she said, “but there is love and hope and light and good above and beyond all things. You, my dear, are proof enough of that. Yes, I have struggled and sorrowed, but so too has the Maker of all things, if the stories be true. Who better to understand my own heartache? Yes child, I will look again into those things I once held dear, and perhaps this time my faith will not be so fickle and vain a thing.” She kissed him lightly on the forehead and withdrew as the Lady of Astoria herself entered.
She smiled amusedly as the boy flinched and instinctively tried to rise, broken leg forgotten in his distress. She motioned for him to remain where he was, as she settled into an adjacent chair, studying him with those far too intent, knowing eyes. Said she at last, “I shall be the last of your callers this night; you must rest.” He nodded and she continued, “it has been quite a day for you no doubt, and the days that follow will be full of questions, doubts, and fears with which you must wrestle, but we are called to seek answers to those things that trouble us rather than to sit idly and pretend our faith is perfect and never falters, for that will soon kill it, whereas wrestling with various challenges will keep it sharp and strong, though never perfect, at least this side of eternity, nor will you find all the answers you seek, for there are some things we simply do not know or cannot yet understand.”
He stared at her, aghast, never thinking to hear such words from the Lady of Astoria herself, but in his heart he knew them true and far from heretical. He had always assumed faith meant believing something without question or qualm, rather it meant believing something without a full understanding, yet trusting that one day full revelation would come, and in the meantime seeking answers as best you could while still trusting the One by Whom revelation would come.
She let him process this startling revelation for a moment and then continued, “you have many gifts and talents child, as we discussed previously, and the Master will use them for His own purposes, if you will let Him, but it does not come without a cost. What that will be, none can yet say, but to you much has been given and thus much will be required. Are you sure you want to go through with this?” He nodded, eyes wide but determination burning keenly therein. She smiled at his zealousness and continued, “very well, I will tell you what little I know; for more we must wait for time to reveal what it will. You will be confined to this room until your leg heals, probably for several months. After that, you may resume your usual course of study, should you wish it. While you are thus confined, you will attend the classes given by whomever happens to be teaching in this room that particular day.
Your friends and family may certainly visit you, but there will be much time in which you are alone. I would recommend,” she smiled wryly at this, knowing her suggestions were as good as commands to most of those residing in Astoria, “that during your erstwhile seclusion, you begin a thorough study of the Truth, supplemented with various readings that your teachers will recommend. Initiating a routine of prayer, meditation, and fasting might also prove beneficial.”
He nodded thoughtfully, but a slight frown creased his brow, said he, “Lady, is this a common practice amongst your new initiates?”
She steadily met his gaze and said solemnly, “it is encouraged certainly, but in your case, I find myself advising it highly. I cannot order you to do it, for it is of no use unless undertaken with a willing heart, but something tells me it is vital for whatever is to come.” Here she paused, as if what next she must impart troubled her deeply, at last she said quietly, “I do not know where your heart lies in regards to the Brethren. It has been far too exciting of a day for you to have given it any serious thought, I am sure, but there is something else you must know. This day you have surrendered yourself to the Master, heart and soul, but should you seek to take your Oath, I must, at least at present, deny you.”
These words momentarily stunned him, for he thought the Brethren would accept anyone of a willing heart, but something deep within his heart o
f hearts echoed her words as truth, in the same way he knew he would never marry, so too did he know that her words sprang from something deeper than any mistakes or shortcomings on his part, thus was his vanity spared, not that much remained of it after his interview with the Master. Said he at long last, “I understand.” He smiled wryly, “a day ago I would have never dreamed of asking it, and yet now I cannot fathom why such is denied me when all comers are usually accepted.”
She smiled at him, a strange excitement barely perceptible in her eyes, said she, “I have my ideas, but you must be patient. Get some sleep,” she paused, her smile knowing indeed, “if you can.” She vanished from the room, leaving Jace to mull over her peculiar words long into the night, wondering what the future held.
Shadow of the Unicorn Page 7