* * *
It didn’t take us long to reach Park 42 and I was pleased when Cassie appeared impressed by the wild landscape we were walking into. It was such a welcome contrast to the bland residential streets we left behind us. If she liked this, she would love the surprise I was planning for her, I was sure.
A little voice in the back of my mind was nagging at me. Walking deep into the park might not be the best way to get the answers you want from Cassie…
Right now Cassie was turning slowly on the spot taking in her surroundings. I watched as she twirled, her figure alternately brightening, then dimming in the dappled light that drifted between leaves of the overhanging trees. I really did not care about my plan, right then. The voice fell silent.
“I think it’s beautiful because it’s uncontrolled,” I said, as we walked close together beneath the green canopy.
The sense of Cassie’s body so close to mine made my arm tingle and I struggled to keep my voice neutral, understanding now why Cassie made me feel this way. In silence we walked deeper into the park.
It was only as we began to make our way across the open land that I looked down at Cassie’s feet and noticed her flimsy shoes. The grass we were trudging through was thick and tufted in yellow clumps – I knew the terrain was going to get worse before it got better. “Are you sure you’re going to be OK walking?” I pointed to her shoes.
“I should be fine,” she dismissed me easily, after glancing at my own shoes, which admittedly weren’t much different to hers. “As long as there’s no mud or major rock climbing to contend with, I’m OK,” she added.
“Good,” I nodded, “let’s go!”
I paced away towards the hills rising from the ground nearby and sensed Cassie keeping close behind me. After a short while – hearing her breathing becoming more rapid – I realised that she was trotting to maintain this speed. My walking speed hadn’t even registered with me until I realised Cassie was struggling…I felt perfect, normal…but I was better than normal now, wasn’t I?
For the first time, I really considered the physical improvement I’d seen from the gene therapy: I felt better than good. This realisation of my improved fitness didn’t help Cassie, though. Without being obvious I slowed down a little and took smaller steps so that she could walk comfortably alongside me. We maintained an easy silence as we went now, and I let Cassie spend the time absorbing the beauty of our surroundings, as I focused on analysing the physical improvements in my body.
Once the vegetation became thicker I slowed to pick my way more carefully between the trees and high-growing shrubs, ensuing that there were no loose roots or branches to trouble Cassie as she followed behind. I felt as though I could have sprinted up the hill today, everything felt like a challenge to test my new strength and improved fitness…but I didn’t. We walked in single-file now and I glanced behind frequently to check that Cassie was OK. Every time I looked she was fine and I realised that it was just an excuse for me to look at her. I shook my head recognising my own stupidity: I really was a lost cause.
“Do you come here a lot?” Cassie asked me a while later, as I paused to pull aside a small branch blocking the path and held it away from her as she passed by.
“Sometimes,” I replied, shrugging to downplay the white lie I’d told.
My second home was the only place I would normally allow myself freedom to think and feel what I wanted, but that was before I’d met Cassie. I found I was a different person around her. Someone I actually liked being.
“It’s nice and quiet here – I don’t think it’s very popular – so it suits me well,” I added jokily, smiling as she met my gaze. Sometimes Cassie had a particular way of looking at me that really made me feel as though she knew me. She was looking at me like that right now, until her eyes sparkled mischievously and that magnetic intensity faded.
“I don’t know about that,” she countered lightly, responding to my teasing tone. “You seem to have plenty to say whenever I’ve seen you.”
Cassie was obviously kidding, but it was interesting to know that she had noticed the difference in my behaviour. Perhaps this was a good opportunity for testing what she actually thought of that?
“Have you not considered that it is simply the effect you have on me?” My jesting only half-masked the serious implication behind my words.
Cassie blushed, self-consciously dropping her head and attempting to disguise her reaction by carefully examining her shoes. Her response seemed natural enough and I turned away, not wanting her to fall flat on her face, just because she was avoiding making eye contact with me. I had only taken a few steps when she replied.
“I’m sure that’s the case.” Cassie’s words were heavily sarcastic – overly so, in fact. I might have bought her attempt to sound dismissive if her voice hadn’t been trembling with suppressed emotion when she spoke. There was obviously some feeling beneath her exaggerated words: but was it fear of being caught in a lie or because she felt something for me? I just couldn’t tell and that irritated me more than anything.
“Truer than you think,” I muttered in frustration, low enough that she wouldn’t hear.
“Where are we heading to?”
My feet froze in place. “Why? Are you tired already?” Was she just trying to change the subject or scared of how far we were going from civilisation?
Cassie hadn’t answered and I was turning to check she was OK when she banged into my back. “Oof – sorry,” she apologised staggering backwards.
Instinctively my hands flew out, grabbing her loosely around the shoulders to stop her falling as she lost her balance. It took a second or two for her feet to find traction on the path and as she straightened up – drawing closer to me – I felt a familiar expansion inside my chest, as though I was filling my lungs with huge amounts of air, even when I knew I wasn’t breathing.
Love..? I wondered distantly, through the familiar fog that appeared and confused my mind whenever she came close to me. Too close.
Cassie was only inches away now, almost embraced in my arms but not quite. I was utterly powerless, holding on longer than I needed to; wanting to pull her closer still. It was only when I felt her cool breath on my face and closed my eyes that the spell was broken and I was able to free her. It was certainly a reluctant gesture.
“So are you tired?” I repeated, opening my eyes once more and searching her face for an answer. I hoped desperately – even though I knew I shouldn’t – that we would not have to turn back now.
“No, I’m not tired. I just wondered where you’re taking me?”
“Are you scared to be alone with me?” I taunted, deliberately not answering her question.
Her face brightened as she teased me back. “Why should I be nervous?”
“Well, there’s always the possibility that I might not take you back…”
“I’m sure I’d find my own way if necessary,” she said, dismissing my threat with a joke. “The space station is big, but it’s not that big!”
“I’m sure you would,” I conceded, dipping my head towards the ground in a deferential bow. “That still doesn’t mean I would let you leave, though.”
“You didn’t answer my question you know?”
“I know,” I replied, smiling to myself, as I walked away.
“So…?” She prompted a few moments later, drawing the word longer than necessary, showing a touch of irritation with my childish behaviour.
I couldn’t help myself: something inside me was intent on frustrating her.
“So….” I repeated, imitating her drawling tone as well as I could, whilst resisting the urge to turn around to look at her. “I’m taking you somewhere I like to go when I need some freedom. I think you’ll like it.”
It was best to keep my answer simple, so I left it at that and we continued upwards. Our silent ascent was only interrupted now by the hammering that came from my chest, each time I paused to remove a branch from her path. Whe
n Cassie’s eyes met mine, the crackle of energy I felt pass between us would burn into me. Once again, even though I knew it shouldn’t, it gave me hope for something I shouldn’t be hoping for.
“Here we are,” I announced as we broke through the final scrubby bushes at the end of the trail. Immediately I was greeted by the familiar, but always startling, view of the park stretching out from beneath my feet.
Not wanting to ruin the surprise for Cassie’s first visit here I turned back towards her and eagerly held out my hand, so that I could pull her the last few steps into the best possible position to appreciate the view as soon as she made the crest of the hill. She smiled easily as her fingers closed around mine, her skin smooth and warm beneath my light grip. With a small heave Cassie stood beside me on the small rocky outcrop that we’d climbed to. I watched with satisfaction as she focused on the scene before us and almost forgot to let go of her hand. Almost.
“Oh…my…wow!” She stammered incoherently. “I mean…just…WOW!”
Moving away from her I went to lean against one of the larger trees that shaded the top of the hillside and hid it from the sheer rock face that rose behind us. The thick branches, covered in a warm brown bark were overshadowed by thousands of small, pale green leaves and softened the harsh appearance of the stark, grey rock above.
I chuckled to myself as I saw her spinning chaotically on the spot: it was pretty much the same way I’d behaved the day Scarlett and I had found the path. There was so much to see and it was such an unfamiliar perspective to view the Family Quarter from. On your first time it felt as though you didn’t have enough eyes to take in all the information you wanted to. And as far as I knew, she was only the third person to see this.
“What do you think?”
Cassie’s head flicked rapidly from side to side before she appeared to consciously slow her movements and began pausing to take one long, searching glance after another.
There was no answer.
Linking my arms loosely in front of me I left her undisturbed and whilst she was distracted I allowed myself the guilty pleasure of simply watching her. Her chest swelled gently as she breathed and I found myself staring at the narrow band of bare skin Cassie’s day-suit exposed: the small indentation at the base of her throat, then lower. Catching myself, I forced my gaze higher – just in case she saw me. Cassie looked almost severe when she was concentrating and she was certainly focused on the view right now. Her lips moved minutely, as if she were voicing questions and answering them, without ever speaking aloud. A small strand of hair had caught against her lips, but she seemed blissfully unaware of it. I wished I could lean across and brush it away from her face. But I didn’t, of course.
“I take it you like it then?” I laughed, repeating my earlier question.
At last Cassie’s gaze flickered towards me – accompanied by a self-conscious smile – before she turned back to the view, but still there was no reply. I grinned now: speechless was as good an answer as any.
Relief washed over me that Cassie didn’t seem to be discouraged by the fact I obviously spent a lot of time in such a remote place, nor was she suspicious as to how I’d found it in the first place, which I felt some of our peers – and certainly our parents – would be. The more time I spent with her just made me think that she was different to the others – different from me still, but that wasn’t a bad thing. An echo of an earlier realisation swept over me: I liked the person I became when I was with her.
“I can’t believe that something like this exists in the station,” Cassie murmured, finally breaking her silence.
“I know.” The awe in her voice gave me the most satisfaction, I think I could have felt, at sharing this with her.
She was moving around now, stepping closer towards the lip of the rock ledge to look out further across the wide vista. Pushing away from the tree and unfolding my arms I followed her, allowing myself to move closer than I would normally when we were together, surrounded by others. Her hip brushed against my leg as I moved in and I found myself imagining all sorts of things, before I was reminded of the real reason we were here: finding out if Cassie was my friend, or a threat.
“You can’t see this place from the residential zones, because the rock is so similar to the grey external walls at the edges of the station,” I told her, “it was only when I was hiking out this way one day that I came across it.”
“Wow.” Cassie smiled to herself and started turning on the spot again, gazing out at the station spreading away beneath us from every possible angle.
Watching her, an unfamiliar sense of calm spread through me and I stood beside her feeling more peaceful than I had in a long time. At length I sank down to the ground, settling into an easy sitting position, to leave Cassie undisturbed for a while longer. As I relaxed in the comfortable silence I allowed my own thoughts to return to their earlier preoccupation: what was Cassie to me, and what was I to her?
It turned out that waiting was only making me feel bolder and in the end – unable to hold off any longer – I reached up for her hand, hanging loosely at her side and gripping her fingers lightly in my own tugged her gently, insisting that she sit beside me. Cassie moved willingly as I guided her and once she was seated on the short, tufted grass I released her hand. She shuffled around for a few moments, drawing her legs up to her chest and leaning forwards to rest her chin lightly on her knees as she relaxed.
From the corner of my eye I watched her. The dark strands of her hair were pulled loosely away from her face, allowing me to see her keen, green eyes as she gazed into the distance beyond us. She seemed quite content as we sat there. Content and beautiful I observed, sighing silently beneath my breath. I wasn’t about to articulate that thought again!
“There’s so much to see,” she whispered softly, “it’s hard to take it all in.”
“I’ve been here lots of times and I still find something new each time I come.”
Perhaps sharing some of my own observations would help her put the images into context, I thought, and so leaning forwards I began pointing out some of the main areas she might be interested in. Three tall buildings stood out to me straight away. “That’s the main hub at the centre of the Black, Green and Blue residential zones,” I pointed them out.
That’s The Clinic?”
She sounded a little more shocked than I’d expected, but I wasn’t too sure what part exactly she was surprised about and so I simply nodded and pressed on with the “tour”.
“We came around the inside edge of the Agricultural Sector in the middle of the station…” I gestured towards the far right side of the towers, where the large domes of the Agricultural Sector curved like giant bubbles. “…And skirted through the boundary of the Red Zone to get to the Park entrance.” I traced the arc that we had walked, drawing Cassie’s gaze past me and finishing at the park entrance, behind us to the right.
“It’s so strange looking across the whole of the space station from here,” she observed, as she redirected her eyes back towards the distant Green Zone.
“You can’t see the whole station,” I corrected, more sharply than I intended, unable to stop myself from bristling at her words.
Taking a breath, I reminded myself that Cassie hadn’t spent most of her life obsessing over the minutia details of life on the station. She might not have, but I had – perhaps it was time to start my little investigation… it was the reason we were here, wasn’t it?
The thought encouraged me and I tried again – more appropriately this time – to help Cassie understand what we were looking at by pointing towards one of the areas I found most troublesome about the station.
“It’s hard to see because of the colours, but that’s the Married Quarter over to the right beyond the edge of the food domes. On the left is the Retirement Quarter, at the other side of the Engineering Sector.” Once more I traced the outline of the features I was trying to show her with my hand.
; Cassie squinted in the direction I indicated, but showed no sign of recognition.
“Can you see?” I leaned in more closely to check whether the line I was pointing out aligned with her perspective. “There’s a slightly darker grey wall that reaches fully to the top of the arched ceiling...” My words trailed off as I waited for an answer.
“Erm,” she hesitated as I watched her eyes moving across the area I’d shown her. “No,” she finally acknowledged, sounding frustrated.
To be fair the boundary wasn’t that obvious: I’d been here countless times before I even began to understand the wider layout of the station beyond the Family Quarter. I could make this easier for her.
“Here,” I took hold of Cassie’s hand, pleased to have an excuse to do so even when I knew I should be focusing on my investigation. She allowed me to curl her fingers smoothly into a fist until only her index finger was pointing out, then I drew her arm outward and leaned my head against her shoulder to trace the correct line of sight. Investigating is fun, I smirked, keeping hold of her hand and guiding it along the distant boundary line.
“Just above the domes, you can see it’s a little darker…” I spoke slowly, half through concentration, half to conceal the thrill I felt at being close to her.
Cassie seemed to barely breathe as I moved her arm around and I wondered if this was because my behaviour was making her uncomfortable. Just as this thought was penetrating my mind she exclaimed “oh yes,” loudly in my ear and made me jump. She’d obviously seen the Married Quarter. The thick atmosphere that had been growing between us disappeared with her words, and although Cassie didn’t seem uncomfortable now, I dropped her hand and pulled my head away from her.
“It blocks the whole area,” she noted, sounding confused. “I didn’t think it would be that big.”
“It is big,” I agreed, distracted once more by the confusing mixture of emotions and thoughts I found myself filling up with. I was only half listening as Cassie continued speaking, until I realised what she was saying.
“I don’t suppose I’d really given it that much thought… But, I suppose given the number of people in the station in the Family Quarter and everything, there must be – what –a few hundred couples in there at any one time? I wonder if it’s a similar layout to this Quarter…”
My back went rigid as I realised that, without meaning to, Cassie had stumbled onto one of my most problematic observations about the Married Quarter. Her words trailed to an end as I pulled away from her, staring at the grey walls in the distance.
“What’s wrong?”
I could feel her eyes on my face, but could not look at her. “Nothing,” I murmured. My own thoughts and irritations blurring in my mind. Cassie’s simple – if unrealistic – comments about the size of the Married Quarter had made me angry. Not with her, but with the hidden system we lived within. I hated living in a world built upon lies.
That was not Cassie’s fault though, was it? I had brought her here to test our friendship hadn’t I? I wanted to see how she would react to the real me. So, why wait any longer… If she had information that would be useful to me, now was the time to find out. I took a deep, steadying breath.
“I tried to do the calculations, you know?” I began slowly, unsure if this was the right way to start. “I did them to try and work out how many people might be in the Married Quarter…”
How could I say this without sounding like a madman?
“And…?” Cassie prompted, when my words faltered.
“I couldn’t get the figures to make sense.”
“What did they show?”
The answer had been trapped inside me for so long. With no one to trust or talk to about this, I’d held it close as one of the many lies we were being told. Now Cassie was sat here, asking me to tell her. It’s what I wanted – and it would test our friendship – so the truth began pouring out.
“It was simple really…when I realised it, I couldn’t work out how I hadn’t seen it before. It’s so obvious!” I knew I sounded angry and so I sucked in a deep breath in the hope of calming my voice. Maybe it would be better if I got Cassie to work it out, instead of simply telling her. “You know the population of the station remains pretty much constant because of the one-child policy?”
Cassie nodded, yes.
“How can that possibly work?” I watched as she considered my question.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Cassie replied eventually, shaking her head.
“What I mean is: how can the population levels remain static if every two people here can only have one child?” I explained with another question, trying to make my thought process clear. Cassie’s eyes held mind as I saw her playing through the logic behind my statement.
“How can that be right?” Her words were more exclamation than question and I knew she understood what I did. She pressed on, answering her own query as she spoke. “If for every two people who leave here for the Married Quarter, only one replaces them when they returned to the Family Quarter, the population would be decreasing over time, wouldn’t it?”
Her bright eyes widened with the shock of realisation. It was basic mathematics – although no one else ever seemed to notice the anomaly that the population remained the same, even though there should only be half the number of people returning as left.
“It isn’t right,” I said. “If it is true that the population has to remain static due to resource limitations, and the one-child policy is enforced, then the system as I understand it does not add up. It’s not logical.”
Logic.
No matter how many times I looked at it, I could not make sense of our unchanging system, that had at it’s heart, the principle that two become one. Hell, no one even seemed to notice the eerie symmetry of our classes at school! Every year group was matched evenly, five boys and five girls. Year after year – the pattern repeated across the Family Quarter. That was no coincidence, and if it was a necessity for survival, then why wasn’t it explained to us, as part of our future on the space station?
I had been hiding this for so long, even speaking about it now was difficult. Hatred seeped into words I shared.
“There must be some explanation…” Cassie said.
“Such as?” I spat back, blocking Cassie’s half-formed question.
I knew I was being belligerent, but for some reason I couldn’t stop myself. She was just trying to rationalise what she’d learned, but I didn’t want to hear it. I had looked at this issue from every angle possible. There was no explanation that fitted with the world of the space station as we were expected to believe it worked.
Maybe I was angry because Cassie was supposed to have the answers. Wasn’t she the one that Scarlett had been so focused on: before she died, and again just as she disappeared into the Married Quarter?
Why had Scarlett been so determined that Cassie had answers?
I shook my head, realising that I’d changed my life over a couple of strange events. Scarlett had put me on a path to Cassie for answers, when I hadn’t even got questions. She had sent me searching for them, hadn’t she?
None of this was Cassie’s responsibility, but I admired the fact that she didn’t back down, even though I had cut her off, sounding like an arrogant fool. She began firing her own questions and suggestions back at me, continuing even when I tossed them aside.
“Maybe there are more a lot more people already in the Married Quarter waiting to have children and so it balances out?”
“If that were the case, there would still only be a decreasing population,” I dismissed.
“Unless there were more people in there to start with…?”
“But where would they have come from?” I countered. We’re fifth generation descendents now – surely any spares would have been worked out of the system by now.
“Maybe it hasn’t always been a one-child policy?”
There was possibility behind this suggestion. “Perhaps,” I allowed, w
ith a shrug. “If that’s the case we must be close to hitting a point where they would allow more than one child in order to maintain the population.”
“Perhaps,” Cassie echoed my words now. And I caught a flash of anger in the set of her mouth as she fired back her own question: “you don’t know that The Council won’t do that though, do you?”
Cassie was no pushover. I tilted my head in a small nod, admiring the speed with which she’d taken onboard my suggestion and come back at me with answers. With her school friends I’d only ever seen Cassie try to fit in: not saying anything contentious. She always seemed to be trying to hide her obvious intelligence. I didn’t know why, but I think I liked the fact that I’d made her a little angry, made her tell me the truth.
I offered a final observation in response to Cassie’s open-ended question. “They’d have to provide some new facilities at The Clinic, as they don’t cater for maternity care at the moment, or hadn’t you noticed?” It definitely made her angry.
“Is that why you brought me here?” Her green eyes focused fiercely on mine.
I looked away. No. This wasn’t what I wanted and I knew it.
Cassie’s answers intrigued me, definitely. The fact that some of the strangest things that had happened to me, might be connected to her, meant that I couldn’t stay away. But, the reason we were here – beyond all my other interests and pretences – was because I was falling in love with her. And now I was ruining whatever chance I had of making Cassie like me.
“I’m sorry, you’re right. You don’t want to hear the crazy things I think about.” My attempt at smile disintegrated into a pained grimace and so I let it fall away. I didn’t want to come off being angry AND creepy, although it was probably already too late for that.
“That’s not entirely true, it just felt like you wanted more of an argument with someone than to talk. I actually do like the strange things you come out with, crazy as you sometimes seem – you ask me stuff that makes me think.”
My eyes found hers again. She was echoing exactly what I’d been thinking only a few moments earlier: Cassie was different when we were together. And it sounded as though she liked different.
“Ask me something else!”
She was grinning now. I knew she was teasing me a little, but I couldn’t help but be tempted. I spent so much of my time trying to work out what was going on in her head that an open invitation was very appealing.
“Please?” she coaxed.
“OK, you win!” I gave in to her mock-grovelling. “Another question…but nothing too hard. I don’t think you’re up to it to be honest.”
“True. I think the placement is taking up whatever brain space I had left.”
“Ah yes, the placement…” It was a good subject choice for a diversion and maybe learning something new. “How’re you finding that now?”
“Better, although, I think I’ll still get sent to engineering next – I’m not a natural Medic, but can handle the research stuff without too much difficulty. What about you?”
“Its fine – but I like science, so it’s a good match for me.”
“You’re great at astro-engineering too. They’ll probably want you there as well after you’ve done a placement with them.” Cassie observed.
“Perhaps.” I had no intention of staying where they put me and hoped to be out before then, anyway. “You’ll be doing the engineering placement too,” I reminded her. “You might have a choice as well.”
Cassie scoffed at my suggestion. “I’m sure they’ll have better placement candidates than me – I wouldn’t make a good engineer!”
Maybe she had other reasons now for wanting to get placed as a Medic instead of trying the Engineering rotation?
The more time we spent together, the more I became confident that she liked me and – whatever our relationship was – seemed different to her friendships at school. Or was that wishful thinking on my part? Cassie certainly got on well with Joel and I had no doubt that he liked her. Was their friendship any different to whatever it was that Cassie and I had?
“I just hope I get placed at The Clinic and don’t end up being pushed around the space station trying to find anything that suits me.”
I was so busy turning over my own thoughts that I almost missed what she said, but not quite. It sounded as though she actually believed she would struggle to find a role for herself on the station. How could she not see that she was smart enough to fit in wherever she wanted to?
Smart isn’t everything, is it?
The little voice inside me niggled. It was right: I was smart enough to fit in to most roles on the space station, but that didn’t mean I could. I was too different, wasn’t I?
I stared at Cassie, without meaning to. Wondering whether she was more like me than I imagined: she didn’t know how exactly to fit in. “You’ll get placed at The Clinic, if that’s what you want,” I told her, hoping to give her some of the assurance that I couldn’t offer to myself. “Father said you were a natural dealing with the children in the fractures ward; they really took to you.”
Cassie’s cheeks blossomed pinky-red: embarrassed by the compliment. I couldn’t help but laugh; she was such an odd combination of soft and tough I didn’t quite know how she would react to anything. “You’re quite modest aren’t you? It’s surprising really, as from a distance I would have expected you to be…different.”
“Different?” she repeated, her tone abruptly suspicious. “Different how…?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I waved away the question, sensing that if I answered it could be problematic for both of us. It was odd though, how particularly she reacted to that one word: different. What was so bad about being different?
I cast around for a change of subject. “How are you getting along with your partner?”
“Joel?” Cassie appeared surprised.
I nodded.
“Fine, he’s good company,” she shrugged, dismissing her own words as she so often did. “He’s just like the guys from school really.”
What did her shrug mean?
Was Joel just one of her friends, like the others at school – or was she dismissing something more serious behind her simple answer? And why were so many questions hammering my head over a simple four-word sentence?
Because you’re crazy?
Probably.
He’s like the guys from school…“You mean like Matthew and Callum? Do you see them much now that we’re all on placement?”
“Erm…not really.”
Cassie was frowning at me, perhaps wondering where the questions were leading. “I saw Patrick and Ami a few days ago. I’ve not actually seen many people from school. They all seem busy with their own placements. Have you seen anyone?”
I ignored the question directed at me. Cassie knew well enough that I would have no reason for seeing anyone from school. “So, you’ve mainly been spending time with Joel then?” I asked.
“I think I’ve seen you more in the past week than anyone from school or from our placement.”
She was definitely cross with me – perhaps for ignoring her question – but I couldn’t help smiling at her actual words. She’d been with me more than anyone else. I felt the familiar surge inside my rib cage and so I didn’t mind that she still sounded mad when she carried on speaking.
“You know that you don’t get a huge amount of time to talk during the placements once you’re working. Joel and I don’t get chance to have that much to do with each other.”
If – just once – Olivia put working before talking, it would be a peaceful day for me! “Oh, I don’t know, Olivia certainly manages to talk a lot,” I smiled, but shook my head at the same time.
“I had noticed,” Cassie smiled back. “Olivia does seem to like talking to you particularly, though.”
Was there an edge to her words? I wasn’t sure. But, it was a big leap from wondering if Cassie liked me, to thinking she was jealous of Olivia.
Get over yourself! You’re not that special. I looked away from her joking smile now, uncomfortable as a warm burn rose on my own cheeks.
I might not be special, but for a while now I had been trying to ignore the idea that perhaps Olivia was interested in me in a particular way. If Cassie had noticed it too, then perhaps it was true.
“You can’t tell me that you hadn’t noticed that?”
Cassie’s question echoed my own thoughts, making me feel guiltier than ever. I really disliked Olivia, which made me feel awful if she did like me.
“I…well…” I had nothing to offer – too consumed with imagining how painful it would be for me if I was in Olivia’s position…if the girl I thought I loved, disliked pretty much everything about me.
One moment we were sitting next to each other, whilst I stewed over what an awful person I was, the next Cassie was on her feet, jumping away from me. “It doesn’t matter – I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that – you don’t have to answer.”
I stayed where I was, trying to work out what had happened in the last few seconds to make Cassie jump around like a scared rabbit. Surely, she couldn’t know how much I disliked Olivia? I kept it well hidden, on the whole.
The silence stretched between us, until I realised that there was only one thing I could do. Olivia didn’t matter; she wasn’t here. But we were, and if I wanted to find out where I stood with Cassie, there was only one way I could think of to find out.
Quietly, I got to my feet. Cassie made no movement to indicate she had heard me: she remained frozen in place, staring out at the Family Quarter spread beneath us, her back to me. With silent steps I moved towards her, feeling nervous and bold in equal measure.
“I don’t really want to talk about it,” I whispered into her ear, moving in close behind. As nerves took hold I drew in a deep, ragged breath to steady my thumping heartbeat. I thought I felt Cassie shiver beside me – as if she was nervous too – but perhaps I imagined it. “I don’t like Olivia in the way I sometimes think that she likes me.” I wanted Cassie to hear more in my confession than I could actually say out loud. “I thought that perhaps you might have figured that out…”
“Figured out what?” Cassie whispered back.
Her words gave me the push I needed. My hands reached forwards, finding the softness of her wrists before sliding upwards to take hold of her arms. I felt static prickling my palms where my skin touched hers, as though the nerves coursing through my body had become electric. Beneath my hands, I felt Cassie tremble, but she didn’t pull away from me.
“I know, you know,” I murmured into her neck, allowing my lips the freedom to caress her ear lobe, as I spoke. A lovely light citrus fragrance lingered in the dark strands of Cassie’s hair and I laughed softly to myself, recognising but not caring about my failure to maintain any kind of distance or control around this young woman. I was so easily distracted by Cassie, if I didn’t focus on what I was doing, I imagined I could find myself getting lost in the smallest features of her body... “Are you going to make me say it?” I whispered finally, unable to disguise the smile in my voice.
Cassie nodded, nothing more. Something inside me just knew that she wanted me to say this: wanted me to confess how I felt about her. There were no illusions, no distractions or questions in that moment: just us. I leaned closer – to kiss her – and found myself laughing again. I had never felt this happy – or free – in my existence…
Then everything changed.
In the instant I sensed that Cassie wanted the same thing as me, I felt something else. Something very wrong.
There was the smallest movement in the ground beneath me: so tiny that I almost missed it. Then a moment later a second, much bigger shift, nearly knocked me to the floor and I found my body automatically reacting before I could consciously evaluate what was going on. I levered myself backwards, away from the edge of the plateau and tried to pull Cassie closer to me, but it was too late.
A loud crack exploded through the tense silence that had built up around us and instead of pulling Cassie’s body towards mine as I’d been intending to, I found her being jerked away. Cassie’s left arm had already slipped from my loose grip and I sensed, rather than saw, that there was nothing beneath her feet where the rock ledge had been a moment earlier.
It felt as though every muscle in my body tensed in that one instant. As Cassie fell away from me, my grip became a vice on her right arm.
This can’t be happening again!
My mind was screaming as I watched Cassie twist in the air beneath me, turning around to look upwards as she dropped. In her eyes I saw the same shock I’d seen in Scarlett’s.
“NO!” I cried, throwing myself forward. This would not happen again!
My left hand joined the right one and locked around Cassie’s arm. For one instant there was nothing, then the pull of her full weight knocked me off my feet and I crashed painfully into the remnants of the rock shelf. She jerked to a stop beneath me, a terrible cry screeching out of her chest, the sound infused with agony.
Every muscle in my upper body screamed at me to let go: I couldn’t hold that much weight.
I’m not letting go! I screamed right back.
My shoulders bunched forwards as my elbows scraped agonisingly across the ragged ground. I’m not letting go, I told myself again and held on tighter, using my own pain to help me focus on my muscles and work them harder.
Blinking away the tears and sweat that were blurring my vision, I looked down at Cassie. The arm I held on to was completely wrong: twisting at the shoulder unnaturally as though it were a loose thread not flesh and bone. Beneath her there was nothing, except air. Then forty metres below that, the rocky base of the hillside, filled with more broken stone resin.
“CASSIE!” I shouted out, trying to catch her attention as her head lolled dangerously to the side. If she blacked out now she would die.
“Cassie!” I yelled again and she opened her eyes. “I’ve got you!”
In those few seconds, I felt her begin to slide again: my hands were too close together and I needed to get a better grip. A shadow of doubt crossed Cassie’s face as she sensed the movement. That wasn’t good: I needed her to trust me… Squeezing more tightly with my left hand – trying not to imagine what further damage I might be doing to her body in the process – I managed to replace my right hand around Cassie’s wrist. My muscles protested, but I had her more securely at least.
“Cassie?!” I shouted again. It was obvious her attention was drifting, but this time she looked up to me. For the first time I saw her face properly: her pale skin was ashen, small grazes gleamed pinky-red on her cheeks, perhaps where stray stone fragments had hit her as she fell, or where she’d hit the rock face beneath. A fog of pain and fear blurred her normally bright eyes, but I could still read the questions there: they burned into me.
“I’m going to get you out of this Cassie,” I promised. It was the truth, because I would save her or die trying and I knew it. Dragging a deep breath into my tight lungs I gripped harder than ever, preparing to move.
Barely able to speak through my clenched teeth, I managed to utter: “once I get you higher, you can grab onto the ledge with your good arm.”
Cassie nodded: a single, small movement.
It was enough for me and I pulled as hard as I could, trying lever myself backwards using the flat rock beneath me to drag her higher.
On the first attempt Cassie barely moved. My arms scraped across the rock edge, ripping the material of my day-suit even more and tearing into my flesh. Ignoring the new burst of pain, I pushed myself onto my knees and found that this position gave me greater purchase and allowed my leg muscles to help me lift so it wasn’t all in my arms. Digging in, I heaved even harder. This time Cassie rose several centimetres higher.
From then on my eyes never left Cassie’s face: I watched her fighting to remain conscious; holding back the screams that I could only imagine were threatening to
burst out of her body. As her fingers passed above the edge of the rock for the first time, she reached upwards with her left arm and found a handhold on the rock lip. Her knuckles turned blue-white as her fingers gripped, claw-like around the edge of the plateau.
Once again Cassie’s eyes found mine and I nodded to let her know I was ready. It would take both of us to do this now. Sucking in a deep breath I tugged firmly on her arm. At the same time she pulled hard against the rock, her left hand levering her body upwards. With Cassie helping me, my actions became much more effective and she shot forwards, her scream of determination blending with my own exhausted grunt. As her shoulders and upper body re-appeared I took hold of her left arm and pulled her nearer, getting a grip on the back of her day-suit. With one last tug, I stood up, hauling Cassie’s legs to safety as I went. A second later I staggered to the side and dropped to my knees.
The Rainbow Maker's Tale Page 14