Chapter 22
Time was irrelevant; in fact, it did not exist.
All that existed in this world was confusion and pain. Mostly pain.
The dark veil of unconsciousness pulled away as I came back to myself. Slight nausea accompanied the sensation and I knew immediately that I had blacked out rather than just been sleeping.
I was face down, lying flat on the cold floor of the room I remembered being in before the darkness came. Blood had rusted in my mouth – caking my teeth with a thick unpleasant coating as I lay oblivious – and I could feel a new tender swelling near my temple.
That would explain the unconsciousness then.
My hearing ranged out, automatically searching for current danger in my surroundings before I opened my eyes. There was nothing. I was alone.
Sitting upright, ignoring the dizziness I dragged myself towards the nearest wall and slumped against it. Though my shoulder ached, I raised my fingers to gingerly examine my face and guess the extent of my injuries. I found more blood in my nose, although it wasn’t broken. A painful twinge as I moved my right arm told me that another rib was, though.
Broken.
I knew – with clear, terrifying certainty – that it would not be much longer now before I was completely broken.
As I was contemplating this, the door to my room unlocked: there was a resounding clunk as bolts slid back into their housings. The door opened slowly, disturbing the cool stillness of air in the room as a tall man clad in black entered. The commander had returned and I wondered vaguely whether my end would be sooner rather than later.
The commander was not alone and I remembered his promise to bring Medics to examine me. Not for my injuries of course, but to work out why I was a freak. The man – man! I spat the word again hating these inhuman beings – accompanying the commander hung back, staying closer to the door as he regarded me. Curiosity was the dominant expression on his face. As he waited, watching me, I realised that this man far out-ranked the other who had been managing my torturous world so far.
Their faces moved minutely as I watched them and I could only imagine the unspoken conversation that was taking place. I turned away to stare at the dark corner of the room – hating the sight of them – so it surprised me when I heard the door shut a few seconds later.
Turning involuntarily towards the sound I saw that only this new stranger remained and the guard inside the door, my usual tormentor having left.
This is different. I was unable to stop myself from being mildly curious at the change in events.
The man watched me in silence for a while, not making any move to come towards me. “You can leave us,” he said eventually, informing the sentry at the door of his wishes with a dismissive wave of his hand.
The guard floundered, gripping his weapon more tightly. They seemed to hate speaking aloud and it probably surprised him to be addressed in this way. I assumed he was unsure of whose orders to follow: the vicious commander or this stranger, who exuded power purely through his presence.
My visitor moved his chair across the room, to sit opposite me. He did not turn to the other man or repeat his command aloud, but an instant later with a second, minute flick of his fingers, I was sure that he had insisted on being obeyed. The guard’s face blanched as though he’d been shouted at and after a moment of clumsy fumbling at the door he had wrenched it open and dived outside.
The man sat across from me, staying quiet. His rather elegant frame filled the minimalist chair on which he rested and he watched me with a calm expression on his face. The green eyes gazing at me were mild, but held an intelligence that felt oddly familiar. A strange thrill shot through me. It was hard to believe that he wasn’t human.
I felt the thrill once again as I waited – I would not offer any opening to him – if he wanted to speak to me, he could speak. It was not fear I felt in his presence – though I knew he was different to the others I had met – I recognised my own sense of fascination and perhaps a degree of awe through the haze of my injuries and exhaustion.
Who are you?
“I am different to the others,” the man offered finally, confirming he was already rooting through my mind. It was the first time since I’d been brought here that I thought any of them done this.
In truth, I didn’t believe that I was strong enough to have resisted them: to have blocked my mind through everything I had been through seemed like it would be impossible. At the same time, I just felt like they hadn’t been able to get inside my head. Why else would they have spent so long questioning me, if they already had what they needed?
“And you are not afraid of me. You are wise for such a young man, Balik.”
“Really,” I replied without feeling. It made no difference what I said out loud: if he was in my head, he would know what I thought before I spoke. It was something I had to resign myself to.
“Though you will not believe me, I am sorry for what the others have done to you.”
Others? He was one of them!
A derisive snort broke out of me in response to his apology. But it did not deter him.
“Some of the others have grown more human – in the negative ways – than I ever realised before…” He paused, reflecting. “I think if I had foreseen that I could have stopped them.”
I shook my head, confused.
What was the point of this…? Did they think that kindness would make me break where violence and cruelty had failed?
It was the only thing I could think of. At least he had the decency to admit that whatever they were, they were not human. A moment later, logic caught up with me. This one was already inside my head, so why would he need to show me anything?
“I am not surprised that you doubt me – from our behaviour I would expect nothing less – but – ”
“But what?” I cut him off – already sick of their games. All I wanted was answers, or to be left alone. “You want the same information as them! You are no different at all: just a smiling mask covering an evil face!” That’s if you even have a face.
My anger was uncontrolled and vicious. But beneath it, I found – for once – that I did not want to fight with these creatures. Had my desire to lash out at them and make them feel my hurt gone? Or was it him… Something different about him?
“I am not going away, Balik. And I am sorry – because I am in your head – I have been since you came out of the Family Quarter. You needed my protection.”
“Protection, huh?” Well, I’ve been beaten half-to-death by your friends, so I’d suggest your protection doesn’t amount to much.
“I’m sorry,” he said, again.
“Get out of my head,” I muttered, turning away.
“I can’t do that Balik, because if I do, you will betray Cassie and she’s not ready yet.”
Not ready?
“I know it is hard for you, but you can trust me. Since they brought you across from the Family Quarter I have been shielding your mind from the others – it’s the only thing I’ve been able to do for you.”
I was being drawn in, but couldn’t stop myself. “Shielding me?” I repeated his words.
A distant memory of believing that the commander couldn’t hear my thoughts struggled to the surface. I had thought that, hadn’t I. “Why would you do that – why would you shield my thoughts from the others?”
“To help you – to help Cassie. Her gifts protected you both from detection when you were in the Family Quarter – you needed me when you came here.”
How did he know about Cassie? A lucky guess, perhaps... It sounded plausible, but it could also be a trap. If they had guessed how Cassie was hiding from them, wouldn’t they sound me out to confirm their suspicions?
“I am not lying to you.”
I huffed. “You’d be the first! Or didn’t you know, everything for us was a lie?”
“Not everything was a lie. You and Cassie are real – you must be because your mark changed for her,
and hers for you. You love each other.”
“It’s nice to know that the only thing real in my life was something you can’t see, hear or touch. That makes me feel much less insane.”
“Love is everything, even though it sometimes feels unreal.”
I shook my head, ignoring the shooting pain that the small movement caused. “You don’t know anything about it.”
“I know more than you think. Just as your friend Scarlett knew more – didn’t she?”
Scarlett? I wasn’t expecting that.
He nodded, hearing my surprise. Still in my head, it seemed.
“I sent Scarlett, to help you see – you needed her to set you on the right path, Balik. You might not trust me, and it’s good that you don’t – I would expect nothing less – you are exactly what I wanted you to be.”
Wanted me to be? “I don’t understand.”
“I know you don’t. And, I’m sorry, because we will not have time to answer all your questions. I have risked a lot in coming here already, but when I saw what was happening to you, I had to do something. Cassie needs more time, however, you were in danger too.”
I was completely lost. “What is happening?”
“Something that has never happened before. Not in this system.”
“That’s not an answer,” I pointed out.
“I know, but you will work it out, Balik. You always do.”
“Not in here I won’t. They don’t seem keen on reflection time.”
“I am working on that.”
“Yeah, well work faster.” I said, leaning back against the wall, closing my eyes. “I’m not sure how much longer I’ll last in here.”
“I will do everything I can.”
“Thanks.” He was in my head, could apparently pluck whatever he wanted from me, whilst the others had struggled. Did that mean he was telling me the truth? Or had the others only pretended to struggle – I couldn’t get my head around to a logical answer.
“I am telling you the truth, and if I can bring you and Cassie together, I will.”
I swallowed, not even daring to hope that this might happen. I’d given up on everything but my dreams for that happening. My captors hated me, and the only thing worse than death, was where they had me now.
“They don’t hate you – mostly, they fear the violence inside you.”
Yeah, well – they should.
“Some of them value it – you know who they are – but even they cannot understand it fully, because they are unable to feel what motivates it.”
Unable to curb my own curiosity, I had to ask. “What do you think motivates it?”
“You personally – not all humans, but certainly you, Balik – are compelled to fight as a reaction to something highly positive. Your worst traits: lying, violence, aggression, suspicion…are all motivated by your best. Your capacity for love…”
I remained silent, my mind swinging dangerously close to the edge again, erring between suspicion and belief. My body was broken and my mind was following, I could feel it.
This one was smart. He was dangerously clever to begin testing me in my greatest area of weakness. Pretending that he empathised with me, even admired my human nature, when the others had shown only contempt. Whatever these creatures were, they did not seem to doubt their superiority over us.
The man nodded at me. It made anger burn through my chest, filling my mouth with the bitter taste of bile. Though he must have been aware of the effect his words had on me, he continued in the same calm manner as before.
“I know what you think of us. Although you do not fully understand, all of your guesses have been close to the truth. And you are right – the others do think themselves better than you: they believe that your individuality, your human frailties make you weaker than us. In some ways they are correct, but in others that assessment could not be further from the truth. I do not believe –”
“Why?!” I demanded. “Why are you telling me this instead of asking me questions?” My interruption cut him off mid-sentence and so I ran with it. “Why do you care whether I have any understanding of what you’re doing, or not? I don’t need or want your sympathy – I don’t want you to tell me about what it is to be human! I don’t believe that you or any of the others would have the first idea about that.”
The man nodded, absorbing my words, not showing any nervousness at my sudden outburst. Perhaps he was confident that with my injuries and restraints I wouldn’t attack him…or maybe he had no reason to fear me…
“You are correct – we are not the same as you. That does not make your behaviour a mystery, to me. The others cannot comprehend fully why you act the way you do because they are not driven by hormones and emotions as you are. There is only existence and logic and survival to them: their world is one of protecting the collective and not the individual. It is because of this they do not understand you. They know nothing of what it is for a human – you – to love.”
Leaning back, I watched him cautiously. He sat motionless on the small-framed chair, his eyes boring through mine and deep into my heart. “You speak of them as though you are different, but you’re not…you’re all the same, all connected.” I said finally. “You don’t have to deny it. We saw through your illusions to see what we weren’t supposed to. I know about The Collective.”
The man spread his hands apart in a signal of agreement. “You have seen a lot,” he permitted, “but nowhere near what your friend has seen of us.”
My tongue thickened in my mouth at his allusion to Cassie’s ability – he seemed sure of what she could do – the others hadn’t. There was no malice to his tone, but I knew that meant nothing with these cold creatures. I swallowed dryly and tried not to think why his observation was so true…tried not to give him the information he no doubt craved.
“No!” He stood abruptly, knocking the chair over.
At first I thought he might attack me, then I realised his attention was focused on the door – as if he’d just heard someone shout to him from the other side.
He moved closer now, leaning down over me.
“Whatever you think I am, you are wrong Balik. This is not what I wanted for you – any of you – but it was too late – once I understood what drove you, it was too late!”
I rocked away feeling overpowered by the earnest in his face – unexpectedly animated and real. His words – not making any sense to me – poured over one another in his rush to get them out. He was still speaking.
“Everything was directed towards the cure…and human behaviour was so primitive on many levels…that’s the only reason the testing was allowed to go ahead on another sentient being…”
It wasn’t even half a story, just disconnected sentences. Nothing made sense to me.
“So many of you were dying every day: murder, war, disease, famine…everything was death…more of you than we would ever need and so it was allowed…”
His words were almost unconscious now, as though he were not fully aware I was still there. Short, stacatto phrases tumbled from his lips clipping the conversation to a point I could not comprehend. I felt like I was taking a confession from him, rather than being interrogated. For all I had expected I genuinely could not understand how this would get them closer to Cassie.
“Some of the elements – those like you – became aware, and of course still nothing was working, so we were going to abandon the Earth zone – leave the failed project and move on as we had done before – but then – ”
In the same moment that he broke off his head flicked up, his eyes wide – part fearful, part surprised it seemed – and he glanced towards the door.
What had he sensed? What more did he have to say? The two conflicting questions shoved against one another, demanding attention, though neither would be answered. Not by me, at least.
He straightened and stepped away from me, just as the door slid open. Two guards burst in, flanking a third familiar figure. The commander strode into t
he space, addressing my interviewer silently. His expression was almost gleeful – if such a soulless face as his could truly convey emotion – and when his eyes met mine, I saw satisfaction in his smile.
“This is not acceptable!” My mystery visitor complained, speaking aloud, his voice calm but his words tense.
The commander was obviously surprised – no doubt at being addressed verbally – and he glanced briefly between us, confusion registering on his face before being swiftly erased.
“It has been decided by the others,” the commander replied politely, reinforcing the other man’s more senior position. “The other Architects want to proceed as normal now.”
My host looked back at me, his eyes suddenly flat. “I’m sorry,” was all he said before sweeping out of the room, leaving me with my usual companions.
When I looked at them my anger returned. The hatred flooded back, filling every muscle and bone in my body. Perhaps it had just been the other man after all – maybe he was different – because I felt no awe or fascination for these men.
“Finally,” the commander grinned, flexing his shoulders as he stepped towards me, “we get to end this.”
He was right. There was nothing else coming for me now except death. I could sense the finality of it in the air of the empty room. For a moment it felt as though something was missing; as if there had been some unseen energy surrounding me, that had just been removed. The feeling passed and I was alone once more with my enemies.
It would be an end…but I would not go quietly. Rising to my feet, the chair fell to the ground. With the last strength I had, I would fight them and hope that Cassie had found some way to escape.
The commander smiled again, his eyes glowing excitedly.
“This is what I was counting on,” he said.
The Rainbow Maker's Tale Page 47