As Hawk came in the front door, Zoe bit back the words threatening to erupt. How could he have turned off his ringer? He knew how distrustful she was of Derrick. He was abusing his girlfriend. She was certain of it.
What if Brett had found out about Marjorie’s abuse and threatened to report it to Hawk? Or their commander? Derek could be discharged if he was arrested and the charges proven.
“Hey, you all right?” Hawk’s greeting, so carefully measured, triggered an urge to gnash her teeth at him. She stifled the desire to stomp her feet and scream at him. Why was it, by their very attitude, men were able to project the belief that an angry woman was an unstable one?
“No, I’m not all right.” She struggled to keep her voice at an even pitch though the emotion clogged her throat. “I was concerned that Derrick might do something to hurt you. And you turned your ringer off so I couldn’t check on you.”
He reached out to touch her arm, but she drew back. If he touched her, her anger would probably dissolve and she’d cry. Damn, she hated being such a girl.
Hawk’s brows fisted in a frown. “I didn’t want any interruptions. It was hard enough to talk to him without the phone going off.”
Okay, she understood that. But Derrick Armstrong was an unstable man. “He could have attacked you.”
“And what could you have done about it if he had, Zoe? You were here, and my having the phone on or off wouldn’t have changed your ability to do anything about it.”
Her heart drummed in her ears as her temper spiked. He sounded so damned rational. She fought the urge to shake him. Yeah, that could happen. “I tried to call you right after you left to talk you out of speaking to him. You didn’t answer then either.”
“I must have been in a dead spot. I’d have answered if I’d gotten the call.”
He was handling her. Arrogant ass--She narrowed her eyes.
Reaction settled in and she folded her arms against her to suppress the shakes. “I don’t trust him. I think he’s the one who attacked my brother. All I could think of was that, if he felt threatened, he’d do the same to you.”
“Well, he didn’t. We didn’t do the male bonding thing and punch fists, but he didn’t go psycho on me either. He’s pissed, but he realizes he either deals with this problem, or it’s going to blow his career out of the water. And as for him being responsible for Cutter’s injuries, it’s a possibility, but we haven’t got any firm proof. Until we do, my hands are tied, Zoe.”
She understood, but she didn’t want to be so in control right now. She’d been so afraid for him. If she experienced this strong a reaction over a confrontation between him and Derrick Armstrong, how would she deal with it when he shipped out again?
Tears burned her eyes, and she turned away, afraid he would read what she was feeling. God, how would she bear it?
“Are you going to let me hold you or are you going to stay mad?” he asked, his arms sliding around her from behind.
She wanted to jerk away from him and burrow into him all at the same time. His touch triggered such pain, and such comfort. She swallowed against the tearful surge that made her throat ache. “I was angry-afraid for you, Adam, not angry-angry. There’s a difference--in case you don’t know.”
“I know.” His voice sounded husky. His lips touched the back of her neck making her shiver. “You just called me Adam. Only my mom called me Adam after I went into the Navy. When she was mad or very serious about something she’d call me Adam Yazzie.”
“Well, I’m very serious, Adam Yazzie. I don’t want you counseling him again and trying to save his damn career. If he hurts Marjorie, he deserves to spend time in the brig.”
“Well, I can’t say I disagree.” He nuzzled her neck as his hand cupped the underside of her breast, his long fingers kneading it.
Instantly, an empty ache settled between her legs and she reached behind her to run her hand down his long thigh. The need to pull him in as close as he could get, to hold him tight and keep him safe, twisted inside her.
Turning to face him, she cupped his face between her hands and studied his features with a desperation she couldn’t quite suppress. “Tell me you’ll be careful.”
“I will, I promise.” His gray gaze remained steady on her face. “You don’t have to worry about me, Zoe. I can take care of myself.” He ran a hand down over her backside.
She stretched upward, looped her arms around his neck, and sank into him, aligning her body to his. His instant response made her heart accelerate.
“Zoe--”His husky whisper sounded like a groan.
She turned her lips to his, parted, eager, and tasted his response. Passion fired between them like wildfire, hot and intense.
Hawk’s hands ran under her blouse and caressed her back, molding her closer. “Appointment,” he murmured when they broke for breath.
“Screw it.” She dragged his mouth back to hers needing his kisses, his touch, his body inside hers.
Cupping her buttocks, he hiked her upward and she wrapped her legs around his waist. The hard thrust of his erection rubbed against her intimately with each step he took and she squirmed against it.
“Oh God, baby--” Hawk fell across the bed with her beneath him. His fingers clumsy with eagerness, he jerked her blouse up, peeled her bra upward, and his mouth hot and wet latched onto her nipple.
She cupped his head, holding him against her, then slid her hands down across his shoulders, her fingers kneading the muscles there as pleasure spiraled inside her, making her ache for more. She wanted him inside her, his weight pressing down on her, his muscles taut as their bodies worked toward completion together.
Zoe wiggled downward. She unbuckled his belt and unfastened his pants. Her palms cupped the curve of his buttocks as she shoved his pants and boxer briefs down. His erection sprang free and her fingers closed around him, pumped up and down once-twice.
“Zoe--”Hawk panted her name and pulled away to pull her pants down. She jerked one leg free and he came back to her, driving inside her with one quick thrust then rocked, pushing inside her as deep as he could get.
Her body tightened around him and she cried out as she climaxed, the intense sensation racing through her like an electric current leaving her fingers and toes tingling.
When her vision cleared, she caught the flash of his smile as he began moving inside her again in a gentler more leisurely rhythm. The feeling of pleasure began building inside her again. She pulled his shirt up and he wiggled free of it.
She nipped at his shoulder, smoothed the spot with her tongue, then sucked. He shuddered and his movements became rougher as his control slipped. She clung to him, driven by a need to be as close as possible, to feel him alive and safe inside her.
Tracing the straight line of his spine with her fingertips, his muscles flexed beneath her palms. She acknowledged his strength and his vulnerability and held him, opening her body, her heart to him. She pressed a feverish kiss to his collarbone and the furious beat of his pulse beat against her lips.
“Zoe--” Hawk’s deep voice sounded a hoarse plea as the heavy torrent of his release throbbed deep inside her. It set off another quick, sweet sweep of sensation, less intense, yet no less satisfying. It echoed through her for long, slow moments.
She cupped the back of his head as he rested his head in the bend of her neck, his breath hot and moist on her skin.
“Jesus! I forgot to use a condom again,” he said raising his head to look down at her.
She couldn’t lay the responsibility on him. “It was my fault. I shouldn’t have been so--impatient.”
Hawk’s frown dissolved and he shook his head. “You know you drive me crazy, too.” He caressed her cheek. “If something comes of this, Zoe, you know you can depend on me to do the right thing.”
She studied his expression, so serious, so direct. Would she want him to do the right thing because she’d gotten pregnant? Would that be enough? No way!
“We’ll need to be more careful from now on. I’d prefer to have a cho
ice, if, why, or when I get married. If you’re talking financial support and weekend visits--”
Hawk kissed her, hard. “I grew up without a dad and my kids aren’t going through that.” He withdrew from her and sat up.
His sudden withdrawal leaving her bereft, Zoe worked her bra back in place and tugged her shirt down. He pulled his boxer briefs and pants up his calves and she eyed his tight muscular buttocks as he stood and pulled his clothing all the way up. She marveled at the beauty of his body even as her thoughts ran in a totally different direction.
Being a SEAL, he couldn’t control a bomb dropping out of the sky or sniper getting in a lucky shot. Didn’t he see that? “Are you saying that you’re giving up the military should you become a father?”
Hawk went completely still, his gaze fastened on her bare legs first one, then the other.
Zoe froze, her stomach plummeting.
Don’t look at them. The words were a shout in her head, but her tongue lay paralyzed. Time seemed to stop. The sound of her own breathing filled her ears. The stark emptiness of his expression caught and squeezed her heart.
Feelings of being naked and vulnerable crashed over her, and she jerked to a seated position and swung her legs off the bed. Her pants and panties, still wrapped around her foot, lay twisted on the floor. A hard, cold knot of panic gripped her throat as she yanked them free and tried to get them separated and turned right side out. Her hands shook and didn’t want to work.
“Zoe--stop.”
Hawk tried to grab her hands, but she pulled away. She had to get the pants on. She had to cover up.
“God damn it!” He twisted them from her grasp and threw them across the room. “Look at me.” He dropped to his knees in front of her.
She didn’t want to see his look of shock and revulsion. She didn’t want to look at him, and know every connection they had made was over. He turned her and cupping her face looked into her eyes. She read shock and pain in his expression, but thank God, no sickness.
“Zoe--” His throat worked as he swallowed, and he dropped his hands to her hips. He dragged her off the bed to straddle his lap, her knees bent on either side of him. His arms tightened and he held her close. For long moments, he rested his forehead against her shoulder. His fingers cupped her buttocks, holding her as he drew several long, slow breaths, but the tension just kept building in his body, his shoulders growing taut.
She ran her hands up his back and he drew back to look into her face. “It doesn’t change the way I feel about you, Zoe. Not one damn bit. They’re just scars. They don’t change who you are. You got that?”
Quick tears blurred her vision and she nodded, though afraid to believe he truly meant it. But the pain of not believing left her barely able to breathe.
His cheeks grew flushed, and a cold, hard rage built in his expression darkening his eyes to slate and sharpening his features. “Tell me that the son-of-a-bitch who did this spent some time in jail. Tell me he was beaten and tortured every day he was there.”
“He’s dead,” she managed, her voice finally working.
“Good. I’m glad.” His hard, level tone was almost scarier than his expression.
Realizing how deep his anger ran, Zoe touched his cheek in a tentative caress.
Hawk’s gaze focused on her, and the intensity of his expression eased. He smoothed back a strand of hair from her chin. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go Alpha on you. It’s just--I can see what was supposed to be.” He ran his hand down her thigh. “What should have been. And to know he took that from you-and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“It happened a long time ago.” The frustration she read in his face eased the tight band of emotion constricting her lungs. “At the time I was too young and too focused on just learning to walk again to realize how much this would affect my life later.”
“Don’t let him and that asshole in college have that much power over you, baby. They’re not worth it. Break free of all that and concentrate on who you are now, Zo.” His fingers slid over the side of her damaged leg, bent along his thigh. “Am I hurting you holding you like this?”
Break free. If only she could. If only she had the courage to do so. She shook her head, even though the position pulled at her calf muscle. ”But I might need some help getting up.”
“Not yet, okay?” He rested his forehead against her shoulder again.
Zoe stroked the nape of his neck and eventually the angry tension drained from him. When his large hands ran up beneath her shirt molding her closer she caught her breath.
“I know you want to go to the hospital, but do you suppose we could take an hour or so before we go?” Hawk asked as he nibbled her earlobe. His hands cupped her buttocks again.
Her heart and her breathing stuttered. She sucked in air as the familiar tempting heat began to build inside her. “An hour would be good.”
He drew back to look at her and a teasing smile laced with tenderness spread his lips. “It might take a little longer. I’ll want to take my time, now that I can see you.”
Tears threatened again, but she blinked them back. “Are you sure?”
He kissed her, his lips and tongue tempting and insistent. “Doesn’t it feel as though I’m sure?”
His arousal, hard and ready, pressed against her, and her uncertainty melted away. “Yeah--it feels just right.”
CHAPTER 17
Breaking Free Page 38