Sheldon’s face lights up like a kid in a candy store. “Way to go, babe. Let’s do some lines on the dining room table.” He grabs a few cocktail straws off the bar.
“Works for me,” pipes in Hartley, heading over to the table with Kayla and Sheldon.
Holding my beer, I watch as Kayla pours the white powder onto the table, and then with a credit card, arranges it into three lines, spaced a few inches apart. Sheldon passes out the straws.
“Ladies first,” insists Hartley with a wink, standing next to her.
“Aww! Such the gentleman.” She bends over the table, her tight, perfectly shaped ass high in the air, her perfectly coiffed hair dusting the surface. Her nose hovering over the white substance, she puts the six-inch straw to one nostril and pinches the other. As I drain my brew, she expertly snorts in the coke with a swift, single inhale. Jesus. She must be a regular user. Suddenly, I understand her mercurial behavior. My gut knots. She’s both my manager and fiancée. The future mother to my daughter. What the fuck have I gotten myself into?
Hartley plants his manicured hand on the small of her back as she rises. “Nice job, sugar.”
Licking her upper lip, she shoots him a slow, alluring smile. “Try some, Jim.”
His eyes glaring with lust, he repeats her actions, though it takes him two snorts to inhale his line.
“Dang good stuff,” he drawls.
Then, it’s Sheldon’s turn. He bends over, his fat ass in the air, his paunch folded over the table. He snorts it in loudly and quickly.
“Fuck, sweetheart. This is really good shit!”
“Sheldon, only the best for you. You have such great taste. But you should really thank my new dealer.”
“Why don’t we thank him by doing another round?” He swings around to face me. “C’mon, man. Don’t be a fucking stick in the mud. Have some fun with us.”
Thirty minutes later, when they decide to cruise to Catalina, I excuse myself, eager to get the fuck off this boat and go back home to my daughter and her sweet teacher, Scarlet.
High as kites, they don’t even know I’ve parted.
CHAPTER 32
Maddie spends the next few hours watching TV, curled up on the couch, Kangy on her lap. I spend them snuggled next to her in deep thought, my emotions all over the place. Sadness and regret wrestle with jealousy and anger.
There’s a reason Finn’s with Kayla. Not only is she stunning, but she’s also been there for him in a way I never was. She made his career her priority and brought him fame and fortune. Made him a shining star in the art world . . . helped him achieve his lifetime dream.
Maybe in retrospect, I was never really there for him. I let Finn do his thing, but I never treated his passion for painting as anything more than a hobby. A hobby I could support. Maybe my relentless ambition and shameless self-promotion blinded me from seeing that he was as driven as me. That he wanted recognition. For the world to see him for the truly gifted artist he is.
I put myself first, driven by my own ambition. My career. Finn used to half-joke that I was married to my job. My stories were my babies, the truth my sustenance, adrenaline my drug. Danger and the impossible were never part of my vocabulary. I risked my life time and time again when I had a husband and a child who needed me. And then I put them in harm’s way. How selfish I was! How stupid! I wasn’t the good wife. Nor the good mother. Maybe I deserve my fate.
Maddie’s laughter gets me out of my tumultuous thoughts. My attention turns to my precious little girl, cuddled next to me, engrossed in a silly cartoon. The sweet sound of her voice makes my heart melt with love until a shiver skitters down my spine. Last night was a game changer for me. Her near-death episode made me remember that life can change in an instant. It did for me. Finn had no idea how terrified I was of losing her. I had to be strong for him.
Maddie is linked in my thoughts and heart in a way that’s so powerful it defies description. I’m breathing her with every breath. Her breath is my breath. We share the same air. If she can’t breathe, I suffocate. If she can’t see, my world is dark. If she can’t hear, there’s no music in my life. If she dies, a part of me dies too.
Consumed by my turbulent emotions, I’m surprised when the closing credits of the cartoon come on. My bubbly, very alive girl tells me she’s hungry. Turning off the TV, I collect myself.
“C’mon, sweetie. Let’s have lunch.” We both bounce off the couch, and taking her hand, I head toward the kitchen. The warmth of her little hand in mine radiates to every part of my being.
Fifteen minutes later, we’re seated catty-corner at the kitchen island. Kangy’s on the counter. I watch as my darling daughter takes a big bite of the simple sandwich I’ve whipped up.
“Scarlet, you make the bestest grilled cheese in the whole wide world.”
“Really?” Though she also loved my spaghetti casserole, my cooking skills have never been anything to write home about.
“Totally! It’s yumma-roo!” She tears off a small crusty bit and pretend-feeds it to Kangy. “Here, Kangy, you have some too.” Holding the morsel to the kangaroo’s mouth, she makes munching sounds.
“Does she like it?” I ask.
Grinning, Maddie nods the plush toy’s head. “Uh huh! A lot!! She wants more!” She “feeds” the kangaroo another bite.
“Drink your milk, sweetie,” I tell her.
“Mmm, chocolate milk! Kayla never lets me have chocolate milk.”
The mention of the bitch’s name sends a chill to my skin. My blood runs cold in my veins.
“Why don’t you like her?” I ask, picturing my daughter’s tongue stuck out at Finn’s despicable fiancée.
Maddie blows bubbles with her straw and then looks up at me. “She’s super mean. I think she hates me.”
How could anyone not love this adorable, precocious, big-hearted child? “What makes you say that?”
“She yells at me a lot. And she never wants to play with me!” She pauses, making a face. “I wish she wasn’t marrying my daddy.”
Nor do I! My stomach twists and my heart clenches. “Why do you think your daddy likes her?”
Taking another bite of her grilled cheese, she shrugs. “Maybe because she’s pretty. But I don’t think so. She looks like the ugly old Barbie she gave me.”
Despite the ache in my chest, I can’t help but laugh at her barb. “Maddie, can I tell you a secret?”
Her eyes light up. “Okie dokie!”
“I don’t like her either.” Fucking bitch. “And she’s really mean to me too.”
Maddie frowns, then smiles at me. “You’re the nicest person in the whole wide world. And the prettiest and smartest too.”
I’m touched by her words. And humbled. She looks at me earnestly.
“Scarlet, can I tell you a secret?”
“Sure.”
“You promise not to tell anyone?”
I nod.
“Do you cross your heart and hope to die?”
At her last words, I inwardly tremble. I never want to be in death’s way again. Taken away from my husband and child. Eschewing her question, I give Maddie my word.
“I promise . . . not a soul.”
“Kangy and me . . . ”
“I,” I correct.
“Kangy and I wish my daddy was marrying you and you could be my new mommy.”
I’m speechless. Tears cluster in the back of my eyes. I AM your mommy.
The words ripping through my heart, I look down at Kangy. Solace. Taking the worn toy in my hand, I reach into her pouch. Nothing’s in it.
“What happened to Kangy’s baby?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it got lost when we moved here.”
“Do you know a kangaroo’s baby is called a joey?”
“Joey? That’s a boy’s name. Kangy’s baby was a girl!”
I can’t help another laugh. Oh, the joy my daughter gives me! “My sweetness, all baby kangaroos are called joeys. Whether they’re a girl or a boy.”
“That’
s weird!” She looks wistfully at her plush kangaroo. “Kangy looks sad. I bet she misses her baby.”
I glance down at the stuffed animal and a gust of sadness sweeps over me. Babies and their mothers should never be separated. I’ve missed so much of my little girl’s life. All those milestone occasions—from saying her first word to taking her first steps to celebrating each birthday. A painful lump forms in my throat.
“Yes, I think she misses her baby too.”
“Scarlet, do you think Kangy will ever find her baby?”
A melancholy smile forms on my lips. “Yes, I do.”
Closing her eyes, Maddie folds her hands on the counter. As if in prayer. “What are you doing, sweetie?”
“I’m praying that Kangy finds her baby. And that my daddy doesn’t marry Kayla. Rosita says that God can hear me.”
I battle the tears that threaten to fall. My love for this child—my child—is so all-consuming it hurts. For most of my life, I’ve had a love-hate relationship with God, but suddenly I want to believe there is someone watching over us.
And that unicorns exist.
CHAPTER 33
We spend the rest of the afternoon playing board games including Chutes and Ladders, Clue, and Junior Scrabble. Competitive like me, Maddie beats me fair and square almost every time—except at Scrabble. I show off my word power and expand her vocabulary. Totally receptive, she keeps my mind off Finn though I wonder why he hasn’t called to check up on her. Still a bit worn out from her hospital ordeal, I make my lovebug go to sleep early after catching her yawning throughout the arroz con pollo dinner Rosita prepared for us. Even more tired than I thought, her eyes close while I’m reading her Madeline’s Rescue. Thankfully, before she can beg for a dog like Genevieve.
With my little girl fast asleep, I spend time on the Internet. Googling and searching one retailer after another. Click. Click. Click. Bingo! Within a half hour, I find exactly what I’ve been looking for on Amazon. It’s so, so cute. So perfect! With a happy smile on my face, I put it in my shopping cart and proceed to check out with my credit card. With Maddie turning five shortly, it’ll be the perfect birthday present. About to place my order, a car pulls into the driveway. It must be Finn. With Kayla. My stomach knots with dread. Just as I hear the front door open, I complete my purchase. As I await the confirmation, he staggers into the kitchen. Alone.
“Hi,” I say, looking up at him.
He looks stressed. Tired. Almost haggard. Strained lines bracket both his eyes and mouth.
He shrugs off his bomber jacket, letting it drop to the floor. My first instinct is to pick it up and fold it over a chair, but I let it be.
“Is everything okay?” My thought bubble: Where’s Kayla?
“Yeah,” he mumbles. “How’s Maddie?”
My voice picks up. Brightens. “She’s great. We had a wonderful day.”
“No wheezing?”
“Absolutely none.”
“She’s asleep?”
I smile. “Yes, as far as I know.”
“I want to see her. Please come with me.”
The tone of his voice is demanding. Almost needy. He takes off his shoes and I do the same. Barefooted, I silently follow him to Maddie’s room.
Just as I expected, she’s lost in dreamland, her cherubic face aglow in the nightlight. One arm curled around Kangy. Her breathing normal.
Standing next to me, Finn takes my hand. A warm tingly sensation shoots through me. I’m not sure if it’s on account of his touch or the sight of the sweet little girl sound asleep before us. Or a combination of both.
“She looks so peaceful,” he says softly.
“Yes, she does.” I can feel his eyes on me as I tenderly brush off a few stray hairs that have fallen on her face.
Then, I watch as he bends down and plants a soft kiss on her forehead.
She stirs a little, a smile curling on her rosebud lips.
“Daddy?” She’s only half-awake, her eyes still glued shut.
“Yes, baby. I’m here.”
“Can we look for a unicorn tomorrow?”
“Sure.”
“Give Scarlet a kiss for me.”
“I will.” The two little words make my heart flip, but I know he doesn’t mean them. He’s just appeasing his daughter.
“Come,” he whispers after she dozes off again.
Quietly, I let him lead me out of the room.
Our fingers entwined, we head back downstairs.
“Have some wine with me.”
That sounds so tempting, but I decline.
“C’mon, I insist.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Why?”
“I work for you.”
“Technically, you’re off duty. It’s your day off. So no excuses.”
Five minutes later, we’re in the great room, Finn seated on the couch, his long legs stretched out on the coffee table and me on one of the cushy chairs, angled toward him. The blaze in the fireplace crackles as we share a delicious Merlot. The velvety red wine courses down my throat and warms me.
“I owe you an apology,” he begins, setting his glass down on the table.
“What for?”
“I should have called you to check up on Maddie, but I lost my damn phone in one of the stores I was in.”
“You went shopping?” With Kayla?
“Yeah, I went to a mall to look for a present for my daughter. Her birthday’s next week.”
“Labor Day.”
His face registers surprise. “How do you know that?”
“Um . . . she told me.” Quick thinking!
“I want to do something special. Any ideas?”
“Well, since it’s a holiday and she has the day off from school, I thought we could go on a road trip.”
“Where?”
“Apple picking in Oak Glen.”
“Where’s that?”
“Not far from Palm Springs. The orchards offer a lot of fun things to do with kids plus it’ll tie in nicely with the unit we’re doing on food and nutrition.”
Finn’s face brightens. “That sounds awesome.” Reaching for the bottle, he pours me more wine. I take another sip.
“This is really nice.”
“It reminds me of you.”
My brows shoot up. “Really? How?”
“It’s earthy, expressive, and complex.”
I let out a little laugh. “You sound like a wine connoisseur. One of those people who writes reviews in Wine Spectator.”
“Describing fine wine is a lot like describing fine art. Or a fine woman.”
“What do you mean?”
“You have to put your five senses into it. Extrapolate the experience.”
“Well, I guess I’ll never be an art or wine critic. I lack the vocabulary.”
We drink more of the Merlot over a short stretch of silence. Setting his glass down, Finn’s eyes stay on me.
“Thanks for taking care of Maddie today on such short notice.”
“Of course. We had a great time. It was fun to do things with her other than schoolwork.”
“She really seems to like you.”
“The feeling is mutual. I’m really fond of her. She’s very special.”
“She is.”
Silently, we intake more of the wine. While my glass is not depleted, Finn pours more into each of our goblets. I’m feeling the effects of the alcohol. More relaxed. My guard down.
“Were you ever married?” he asks.
Even in my loosened up state, his out of the blue question throws me for a loop. My skin bristles. I hesitate before answering, my voice small and tentative.
“Yes.”
A brow lifts. “You’re divorced?”
“No.”
“Separated?”
How do I answer that when at last we’re re-united? My vocal chords knot. “Sort of.”
“He left you?”
I nervously twiddle with the locket that’s hidden under my top. “
No, I left him.”
Finn is stunned into silence. He imbibes more wine and then asks, “Any kids?”
“Yes . . . one. I left my child with my husband.”
Finn says nothing. His face pinches in deep thought. Perhaps shock.
I try to imagine what’s going through his mind. Does he think I’m neglectful? Selfish? Even evil? I swallow hard to banish these thoughts. It’s futile. When he finally asks me why, my voice cracks.
“I had no choice. It was for the best.” For you. For her. For us. “It’s not something I really want to talk about.”
I’m grateful he doesn’t probe as he sets his wineglass back down on the table. “Come over here, Scarlet.”
“What do you mean?”
“Sit next to me.”
I don’t budge.
“C’mon.” Patting a leather cushion, he shows me where he wants me. The expression on his face is so warm and inviting, the glow of the fireplace bathing him in a soft amber glaze. I can’t resist.
Slowly, with my wineglass in hand, I rise and tread over to the couch, lowering myself next to him. As I sink into the cushion, the heat of his body radiates through mine, setting every bone and cell on fire. Before it spills, I set my glass on the coffee table next to his.
“Scarlet, you’re very maternal. I bet your child really misses you and needs you.”
His words resonate deeply with me. My heart swells with unspoken emotion. Feeling tears well in my eyes, I bite down on my bottom lip and gulp them back. His hand touches down on my thigh, grazing it lightly.
“Have you seen your child recently?”
I nod. “I have. She’s very special. I love her so much.”
“Ah, so you have a daughter. No wonder you’re so good with Maddie.”
Still battling tears, I twitch a half-smile and say nothing as he takes another sip of his wine.
“Just let me know if you ever need to take some time off to see her. A child shouldn’t be separated from their mother for too long.”
“Thanks, I will.” Truth. I never want to leave Finn and Maddie. I never want us to be separated again. Everything I want in my life is right here. A few traitorous tears leak out from the corners of my eyes.
Remember Me Page 15