by Aston, Alexa
“Get back inside,” she said and he stepped back in as she closed the door. “You’re not going to escort me to my room, Gray, especially in nothing but your dressing gown. Remember, the servants?” she prodded.
He grinned sheepishly, his hands spanning her waist. “You push every rational thought from my head, Charlotte.”
She couldn’t help but laugh. “The feeling is mutual.”
Gray’s lips touched hers again in a gentle kiss. He lifted them, his breath warm against her skin. “Good night, Charlotte Nott.”
“Good night.”
Charlotte pulled away from him and opened the door again. Without a backward glance, she shut it behind her and hurried to her room. She’d done the unthinkable. Lay with a man.
And she had no regrets at all.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Gray surprised himself by sleeping a few hours. When he awoke, he pushed his nose into the pillow next to him and inhaled deeply, smelling Charlotte on it. He sighed.
She was everything he could possibly want in a woman.
He only hoped she would commit to him. She had to, else why would she have made love with him? He’d started to pull out and spill his seed on her stomach and changed his mind at the last moment, in part because he’d been so caught up in their lovemaking. He needed their bodies joined together in that final, climatic moment. It had been magical. Different from all his encounters with other women. Gray knew exactly why.
Because he loved her.
He’d yearned to tell her when she’d been nestled in his arms, her abundant brown hair spilling across his chest. Something told him it wasn’t the right moment. Not so soon after Rodger’s death. Gray had always been a man who held his cards close, never revealing his emotions to others. He doubted even Reid or Burke knew how adversely the war had affected him. The only emotion he’d ever been open about with his friends was his intense hatred for his brother.
He would wait for the right time to tell Charlotte of his love for her. They needed for the funeral to be behind them and some time to pass—then he would speak his heart to her and they could plan for their future together. With Harriet and Jane. Those girls were already so dear to him. They would be their first children and he would drown them in love, hopefully making up for the lack they received from their parents. He wanted others, children with Charlotte. She would be the best of mothers.
Rising, he washed and dressed himself since it was too early to call for Parker. As he made his way to his nephew’s room, he decided her suggestion to take the girls to London was a sound one. They’d never spent a night anywhere other than Gray Manor. A trip to London would be a unique experience for them and hopefully help keep their sadness at bay.
Gray arrived at Rodger’s room and entered. Darkness blanketed the bedchamber so he left the door open. He also opened the curtains and would watch the sun rise. He slipped into the chair he’d sat in only hours ago and kept vigil over his nephew’s body. An hour later, the sun made an appearance, a sliver that grew as it rose from the horizon into the sky.
He sensed a presence and turned, finding Masters in the doorway.
“Our young earl is gone,” the butler said sadly.
“Yes. Can you see to the preparations? I’ll stay with him until someone else arrives.”
“Were you with him in the end?”
“Yes. With Miss Nott. We both held him close as he slipped away.”
Sadness filled the older man’s face. “That’s good. The poor little earl.” He shook his head and turned away.
Gray stayed until Mrs. Cassidy and two maids arrived with buckets of water.
“We’ll take care of things now, Lord Crampton,” the housekeeper said.
Her words startled him. He would have to get used to a title.
Leaving, he knew it was still too early for the girls to be up so he went downstairs for some breakfast. A footman served him and once Gray finished, he made his way to the schoolroom. Harriet and Jane were eating and chatting happily. Charlotte’s tray hadn’t been touched.
“Good morning, girls,” he called. “Miss Nott.” He took a seat next to her, opposite his nieces.
“Good morning, Uncle Gray,” Jane said with enthusiasm.
She elbowed Harriet and the girl mumbled, “Good morning.”
“Continue eating,” he said. “Miss Nott has told me of your academic progress. Her expertise with music will help Jane but I think it’s time we hired a drawing master for you, Harriet.”
She looked at him, her head cocked. “You would do that?”
“Yes. Miss Nott says you’re already using watercolors and charcoal. There are other mediums to be explored, as well. We’ll look for someone to come to the house after the new year arrives.”
Jane looked pointedly at her sister and Harriet got the message.
“Thank you, Uncle Gray.”
By now, they’d finished their breakfast and he said, “I’ve come to talk to you about something.”
Harriet opened her mouth and then snapped it shut.
“Is it Rodger?” Jane asked, her voice small.
“Yes. Your brother has gone to heaven.”
Jane burst into tears. Gray rose and sat next to her. He gently lifted the girl into his lap and she buried her face against his chest. Harriet sat stoically, staring out the window. Charlotte rose and took a seat beside her.
“It’s all right to cry, my lady,” Charlotte said.
“It’s so unfair,” Harriet said, her voice hard.
Charlotte smoothed her hair. “It is. I’ve never understood why children become ill and are taken.”
“Rodger was very good,” Harriet insisted. “And he was smart.”
“Yes, he was both. He loved you and Lady Jane very much.”
“He’ll miss everything,” Harriet said, her bottom lip quivering. “He won’t ever return to school. Or go to university. He won’t have friends. We’ll never see him again.” She burst into tears.
Charlotte wrapped her arms around Harriet. “He isn’t suffering now, my lady. You know how hard it was for him to breathe. How much he hurt. He’s in heaven now and he’ll watch over you and Jane the rest of your lives. You’ll see him again one day, far in the future. He’ll be waiting for you and introduce you to all the angels, who will be his friends.”
“Do you really think so, Miss Nott?” Harriet asked.
“I do. Lord Crampton will see you wed. He’ll watch from heaven as you each have children of your own. You’ll tell your children about their uncle. What a kind, wonderful person he was. Maybe one of you will even name your boy after him.”
Harriet looked to her sister and held out her hand. Jane took it and they shook.
“The first boy will be Rodger,” Harriet said.
Jane nodded. She looked back to Gray. “Is there a funeral?”
“Yes. We’ll hold one tomorrow.”
“Can we go?”
He looked to Charlotte, far out of his league.
“The girls did not attend their parents’ funeral,” she explained. “I felt they were too young and they showed no interest.” She looked at each one. “Would you like to go to this one?”
They nodded solemnly.
“Will you come, Miss Nott?” Jane asked.
“Of course. Why don’t we take a break from our studies today? I’ve always felt a good, long walk or ride helps me feel better when I’m blue.”
Jane giggled. “But you’re not blue, Miss Nott.”
“It means if you’re sad.”
“I’d rather ride than walk,” Harriet said.
“Then we’ll ride.”
Gray spoke up. “Miss Nott and I have an idea. After the funeral, it might be nice to go somewhere. How would you like to come with me to London for a week?”
Jane’s eyes grew as round as saucers and Harriet couldn’t contain her smile.
“You can see the Grayson family townhouse. There are museums we can visit. Parks to see.”
; “Will Miss Nott come?” Jane inquired.
“Yes, of course she will.”
“Then Jane and I will go,” Harriet said, deciding for the both of them. She stood. “Let’s put on our riding habits.”
Jane scampered from his lap and the girls left the schoolroom.
He looked at Charlotte. “You think allowing them to go to the funeral is wise?”
“I think they would regret not being there. It was . . . . different with their parents.”
“You mean they had no connection with them,” he said flatly.
“True. How are you?” she asked.
“I went and spent a few hours with Rodger. I didn’t want him to be alone.”
“That was thoughtful of you.”
He warmed at her praise. Reaching over, he took her hand. Immediately, she pulled it from his.
“There are eyes everywhere, Gray. Especially at times like these.”
“I understand,” he said, though he longed to touch her. Taste her. Have her in his bed again.
Charlotte rose. “I must change into my riding habit. I’m sure you have things to see to.”
With that, she left the schoolroom.
*
The late November morning was cold but the wind had died away. Charlotte was glad the bright sunshine shone down on them. She would have hated for it to be gloomy. Rodger Grayson had been such a sweet, easy child, his nature as sunny as today.
She allowed Gray to hand her into the carriage and Harriet and Jane followed. She would ride with them to the church and then sit at the back with the other Crampton servants. As the carriage pulled up in front of the stone edifice, the bells rang ten. Gray helped them down and both girls took one of her hands, holding on tightly. Gray went ahead of them, opening the door and allowing them to go inside.
The church was filled. Gray joined them and she tried to release the girls’ hands.
“Take your uncle’s hand,” Charlotte urged. “You must go to the front where the family pew is.”
“Aren’t you coming with us, Miss Nott?” Harriet asked.
“No, my lady. I will sit with Mrs. Cassidy and the other servants.”
“But I want you with us,” Jane whined.
She knelt and put her hands on the girl’s shoulders. “It’s not my place, my lady. Go with your Uncle Gray now.”
“No,” Jane said, her eyes filling with tears.
Gray patted her head. “You’re right, Jane. Miss Nott must sit with us today.”
She shot to her feet, shaking her head at him. “It’s not proper, my lord.”
“It’s what’s best for the girls,” he said firmly and took Jane’s hand. She grabbed on to Charlotte’s with her free one and Harriet took her other.
The four of them walked up the aisle together and the whispers started at once. Charlotte looked straight ahead, knowing there was no way to stop the gossip. As they approached the front of the church, her footsteps faltered when she spied a familiar profile. The head swung around and her half-brother glared at her with such malice that she shivered. His wife stared hard at Charlotte, as well, and then whipped her head back around.
As Gray held out a hand for them to seat themselves, she numbly took her place, her eyes locked on the clergyman before her. She could feel Rumford’s eyes boring into her. At least the crowd had settled down.
The service began and she did her best to focus on the reverend’s words. When it ended, Gray rose. She followed suit and they led the girls from the chapel and back to the coach. Only family would be going to the gravesite for the burial and no one had been invited back to Gray Manor. Gray thought it would be better for the girls that way. Thank goodness Lord and Lady Rumford wouldn’t come as mourners.
Charlotte had no idea they would be here today. They hadn’t attended the services for Lord and Lady Crampton, which she’d planned. They were rarely in Kent, preferring to spend their time in town. It surprised her they’d come today.
The vehicle stopped and they sheltered in it for a few minutes until the reverend arrived, along with the wagon bearing the former earl’s casket. A brief service followed and then the coffin was lowered into the grave.
Gray stepped forward and knelt to the ground, scooping up a handful of dirt.
“Do the same, girls,” he said solemnly.
Harriet and Jane bent and scooped up some soil into their palms and Harriet asked, “What are we doing, Uncle Gray?”
“Everyone is born of this earth, Harriet, and when we die? Our bodies return to the earth. We are Rodger’s family and loved him best. We will say something nice about him and then sprinkle the dirt atop his casket.”
“Why?” asked Jane, puzzled.
“It is a way we show solidarity in our mourning,” Gray explained. When Jane frowned, he added, “Our gesture shows we stand together as we are paying our final respects to Rodger.”
“Oh,” Jane said. “May I go first, Uncle Gray?”
“Of course,” he said gently.
“May Miss Nott also help?” demanded Harriet.
His gaze met Charlotte’s. “Yes. Miss Nott also loved Rodger.”
She swallowed and knelt, her fingers capturing some dirt. Charlotte rose and nodded to Jane.
“Rodger, you were a very nice brother. You always liked my drawings. I’ll miss you.”
Gray gestured and Jane sprinkled the earth atop the casket. She stepped back and Harriet moved forward.
“I am sorry you died, Rodger. You were very smart and nice and you would have been a good earl. I’ll miss hearing your stories. I love you.”
Harriet dribbled the dirt across the casket and then looked to Charlotte to see if she’d done well. Charlotte nodded and Harriet smiled. She took her sister’s hand.
“You go next, Miss Nott,” Jane urged.
Charlotte fought the knot in her throat as she said, “I was privileged to know you, Rodger, even if it was for a short time. You were a good, kind boy and always protective of your sisters. I will never forget you.”
She released the dirt in her hand, scattering it across the casket. Her eyes turned to Gray and her throat grew thick again. It melted her heart that he had included the girls in the burial ritual, making them a part of the ceremony as Rodger was laid to rest. It was thoughtful and sweet and she knew doing so brought Harriet and Jane comfort.
He moved to the grave and looked down at the coffin, blinking back tears.
“I will only have one nephew, Rodger, and I am glad that you were mine. You demonstrated great courage in the way you lived. I am proud—and humbled—to have been your uncle. I hope I can learn to be as good a person as you were. I promise to take care of your sisters for you. I will never, ever forget you.”
Gray’s voice broke on the last word and he raised his hand, the dirt falling into the grave.
“Rodger can now rest in peace,” he told his nieces. He touched his chest. “And don’t forget—he will always live on in our hearts and our minds.”
Jane sniffled. Gray reached out and took her hand and then Harriet’s. Harriet motioned to Charlotte. She stepped closer and Harriet linked Charlotte’s fingers with hers. The four of them returned to the carriage. As they passed the church, she saw no carriages remained but still held her breath until Gray Manor came into view. No carriages sat in front. Thank the heavens that her mean-spirited brother and his spiteful wife had not come here to berate her.
Gray had told them they would leave for London in the morning. For Charlotte, the dawn couldn’t come soon enough.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Riding in the Earl of Crampton’s carriage was far different from Charlotte’s previous travel experiences. The journey was remarkably smoother. The seats much plusher. And her companions were far superior to any of the travelers that had been packed into the mail coaches that she had taken to her various posts.
Harriet and Jane had scrambled into the coach and claimed a place next to different windows so they could look out. She found herself si
tting across from them with Gray. Having been intimate with him made her even more aware of him. The spice of his soap. The heat that radiated from him. His size, which crowded her just a bit—and which she didn’t mind at all.
She’d packed all of her meager belongings, intending to remain in London when Gray took the girls back to the country. Her reticule contained her sizable amount of funds. When she’d received her quarterly salary last month, the amount shocked her. She’d quickly written to Mr. Bonham, the family solicitor in Canterbury, alerting him to the fact she’d been overpaid. His reply informed her that Mr. Grayson had adjusted her salary, thanks to the many tasks she’d taken on at Gray Manor over the last few months. Though she’d been angry at Gray at the time for leaving the children, his kind gesture softened her feelings toward him somewhat. Now that she would be searching for a new post, she had more than adequate funds to see her through in case a suitable position took some time to acquire.
“What’s that?” Harriet cried, pointing up ahead.
“Canterbury,” Gray told her.
“I’ve always wanted to go there,” she said wistfully. “Some of our supplies that can’t be found in Wilton come from there. And Mr. Bonham lives there. He’s nice.”
They reached the walled city and the girls couldn’t contain their excitement as the carriage rolled past.
“It’s so big,” Jane said in wonder.
Gray chuckled. “You think it’s large? Wait until you see London. It’s many times the size of Canterbury.”
They both clapped their hands in glee, bouncing up and down on the bench seat.
“Have you been to London, Miss Nott?” asked Jane.
“I have. The Plummer Employment Agency is located there. They have aided me in finding my positions.”
“Do you like London?” Harriet asked.
Though she’d spent most of her years in the country, Charlotte had gone to London with her father through the years. She had looked forward to living there during her Season. As a young woman with no visible means of support, though, the city had been not to her liking.
“As all places, London has its good and bad qualities.”